tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post5973902081487200591..comments2024-03-28T07:57:20.138-07:00Comments on Writing for Woman's World Magazine: Mr. RomanceKate Willoughbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08923324775303769386noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-1443695343589218252014-12-04T20:30:00.213-08:002014-12-04T20:30:00.213-08:00Oh, come on! Dannie decided to make the French toa...Oh, come on! Dannie decided to make the French toast "after all" as a thank you to her father in law for fixing her up with Mr. Romance. Mary Jonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-43425856547342495892014-12-04T18:21:33.737-08:002014-12-04T18:21:33.737-08:00Regarding the French toast, I guess I thought she ...Regarding the French toast, I guess I thought she decided that the couple they were bringing together would like it. I would have to look at it again though.Sandy Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11920692341258066387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-56189949823506959562014-12-04T16:45:28.250-08:002014-12-04T16:45:28.250-08:00No one knows why she changed her mind about the Fr...No one knows why she changed her mind about the French toast?Kate Willoughbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08923324775303769386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-25916954187531164172014-12-02T20:00:30.849-08:002014-12-02T20:00:30.849-08:00I didn't notice those words when I read it I g...I didn't notice those words when I read it I guess. I enjoyed the story. I liked the twist at the end when they realized they had been fixed up themselves.Sandy Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11920692341258066387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-75865647349801947232014-12-02T17:59:22.276-08:002014-12-02T17:59:22.276-08:00It has been a while since I read this story, but I...It has been a while since I read this story, but I remember that I thought the clever part was the reversal of the usual set up. I know young people sometimes try to get the older ones together, but I do not recall seeing it in a WW story before.<br /><br />As for the speech patterns, you have to wonder, where was the editor? She was ultimately responsible. A story this short has to roll right along and slipping in unnecessary words creates a stumbling block for the reader. Mary Jonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-67385359035436850572014-12-02T07:28:06.641-08:002014-12-02T07:28:06.641-08:00Looks like all those verbs could have been changed...Looks like all those verbs could have been changed to "said" by the editor. I know text is sometimes taken out, but seems like some of it could be revised, as well.<br /><br />It was a cute story. Kate, I love the pic you chose to go with it. Joyce Ackleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16628063943686030106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-40977815927152255672014-12-01T13:32:53.457-08:002014-12-01T13:32:53.457-08:00I loved this story. The premise was priceless wit...I loved this story. The premise was priceless with the newlyweds not agreeing and the double fix-up.<br /><br />Glad you pointed this out, Kate. I see it now and agree, but didn't notice it when I read the story.Patnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-11370195413559051112014-12-01T07:23:04.807-08:002014-12-01T07:23:04.807-08:00I forgot to add that I really liked this story! ;-...I forgot to add that I really liked this story! ;-)Betsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03861482447169647656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-406318704822590967.post-68633236095843945532014-12-01T07:22:09.355-08:002014-12-01T07:22:09.355-08:00Kate, I couldn't agree more. Whenever I critiq...Kate, I couldn't agree more. Whenever I critique a story, I'm all over this issue. Especially if the author has someone "laugh" or "grin" their dialog. I always tell them to SHOW how the speaker is feeling. Put a period at the end of the dialog. Next sentence: Danni banged the pots together. Or Danni did a happy dance. It shows who was speaking AND how they're feeling. I know words are precious in WW stories, but I don't think attributions should be forced to do double duty.<br /><br />I wouldn't even use the word "chided," mostly because this story is written in the man's POV. I can't imagine MY husband--or any man I know--saying someone had "fretted" or "chided."<br /><br />Obviously WW will still buy your story if you do this, but I think making this one change--sticking with "said" or forgoing it altogether--will improve the story's flow and make it sound more professional.Betsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03861482447169647656noreply@blogger.com