Writing for Woman's World Magazine

We Love Chocolate

2012-02-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

by Linda Hersey from the February 13, 2012 issue

Tagline: The story of how Mandy and Luke fell in love was a really sweet one.

In a Nutshell: Mandy is an event planner and a chocoholic. At a chocolate fest, she runs into a guy whose office party she just planned. They spend the day together and exchange phone numbers in a cute way at the end.

Observations: My feelings ran hot and cold with this story. There were times when I was frowning and shaking my head and times when I grinned and nodded in appreciation.

Let me first insert my usual disclaimer. This is only my opinion, which in the long run doesn't count for anything when you consider the fact that Woman's World published this story.

Here, Hersey tells me info twice. The ending sentence of the paragraph tried to be cute, but fell short for me because I was like, "I already know you're an event planner." Here are the paragraphs I'm talking about.

I'm also an event organizer. Sadly, I didn't organize this event, although I sure wish I'd been asked to.
On opening day, my first stop was the truffles booth. Double-dipped heaven, but the icing on the cake, so to speak, was Luke Munroe, the architect, standing at the nearby eclair display. I'd seen him the other day at the launch of Beddow, Schlare and Thompson's new offices. I'd organized the event. Mandy Anderson: event organizer by profession; chocoholic by inclination.

See what I mean? The first paragraph is, in my opinion, redundant because the subsequent paragraph explains her profession perfectly. If you have a copy of the story, check it out and see if you agree with me. When you're editing your own stories, be wary of repeating info. In a novel, sometimes it's necessary, because if you mention something important in the beginning of the book, by the middle, the reader may have forgotten it, so you give them subtle reminder. But these stories are only 800 words long, so there's no need.

However, this paragraph made me smile.

He looked up and caught me ogling him--or maybe it was the chocolate eclair in his hand that I was ogling.

Cute! But further along, we get:

"Hey--hi!" I managed, giving him a big smile and hoping I didn't have chocolate on my front teeth.

I liked this bit of cute self-doubt, but wondered about chocolate staying solid enough to remain on her teeth, but if she'd just swallowed and then smiled, it was possible. But then later...

Luke laughed, and I noticed a fleck of chocolate on his left incisor. I relaxed. Clearly, I was in the company of a chocolate lover.

Alas, because I my repetition radar was already on, I noticed this chocolate-on-the-teeth idea repeating when I might not have otherwise. Also, I found it very unlikely that after all the talking he does before she notices the fleck, that the fleck would have been there at all. If that bit of chocolate was merely to indicate to Mandy that he was a chocolate lover, she already had evidence. One, he's at the festival. Two, he is holding an eclair, and if he's already taken a bite...there ya go. If it had been my story, I'd have put the chocolate on his upper lip.

After that, I enjoyed everything. I really liked the paragraph summarizing their day.

Brunch was a blast. We talked, we laughed, we ate chocolate. In the course of our conversation, it became clear that Luke was unattached. So naturally, I let slip that I wasn't seeing anyone either.

Cute! I like that Mandy. She's a clever, proactive girl.

Hersey had a terrific black moment...

I was disappointed at the way the day ended, but at least I had my cookie.

And then Hersey ends it with a double surprise ending which I thought was masterful. Luke gives her a cookie before they part...

When I got home, I opened the box, then almost dropped it. There, drizzled on top, in rich Belgian chocolate, was Luke's name and phone number. My heart skipped a beat and a smile spread across my face. Now I didn't feel like I'd made a mistake giving him that fortune cookie with my cellphone number in it!

So, I had some style issues with this story, however I did enjoy it and think that Hersey really did a bang-up job on the second half.

Not Last Place

2012-02-07T11:47:00.000-08:00

Well, in that Writing Blogs contest, I made it into the top 75. However, I was nowhere near making it into the top three. There were blogs that had votes in the 5 digits! (Last time I looked I had just under 200.) The one that won first place, it was easy to see why. She holds "secret" agent contests in which anonymous literary agents critique someone's work. Doh. Of course she has a zillion followers. It's a great idea and I congratulate her.

I wonder of Johnene would consent to doing a critique. Or maybe Patricia...

Anyway, I'm still glad I didn't come in dead last. I have the blog badge to prove it. :) It really WAS an honor to be nominated because there must be a LOT of blogs about writing out there and they contacted me. Very cool. :D

Cold Days, Warm Hearts

2012-02-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

by Shannon Fay from the January 30, 2012 issue

Tagline: Angela met David--and suddenly winter lost it's chill...

In a Nutshell: Angela is dismayed to find that the man she buys her newspaper from every morning has pneumonia. His son, David, works the newsstand in his place. In a kind gesture, she brings him some extra stew and over the next two weeks, they get to know each other better. When the dad finally gets better, Angela and David decide that their daily visits aren't quite enough and agree to go on a real date.

Observations: The thing I noticed about this story was its tight plot. A couple of places, I noticed, did double duty. For example, the section where David talks about the warmer weather in different parts of the country showed his humor and set it up for the last line in the story, Who needed Phoenix to keep warm?

There was also the paragraph where Angela reflected on her own history as a widow and how helpful her friends and neighbors had been. That showed us her backstory and established a believable motivation for her to share the stew.

Also, note the transitional paragraph that summarized the two week "courtship," that gives the story a meatier feel to it. The passage of time, in my opinion, makes the story feel more substantial than 800 words.

Finally, there was a "black moment" when David tells Angela that his dad is coming back to work. She/we feel a bit of worry because David won't be there every morning like he had been, but of course, everything works out because David is now partners with his dad and will still be able to visit with Angela.

Well done story, nice and tight.

Bringing the Class Up To Date

2012-02-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

So it's 2012. Time to look over the original class and make sure everything still applies. I looked at the Bauer Publishing website and updated all my data from there about the audience and circulation. I also got the new editorial schedule, which outlines which issues are devoted to which holidays.

For those of you who are interested in that, go to the Bauer Publishing website, find the info about Woman's World, and look at the Media Kit. It's in there.

I also received some issues out of order, so my analyses will be out of order, too. Sorry about that! I don't know whether to blame the post office or the publishers. Either way, my apologies.

Beginner's Luck

2012-01-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

by Jan Drexler from the February 6, 2012 issue

Tagline: Neither Mary nor Bryan could ski...but the both ended up being very glad they'd hit the slopes!

Well, my WW didn't come AGAIN, so while I was at the store I bought a copy, which makes me angry because I have a subscription. At least you all will get a new analysis out of it.

In A Nutshell: Mary's friend talked her into going on a ski trip. She meets a guy in a similar situation. Because they both suck at skiing, they decide to take lessons together. After the vacation is over, they make a date because they (of course) both live in the same city.

Observations: This is a fine example of a first meet story. The hero and heroine meet in a cute way. (He skies out of control into a rack of skis. Trying to help him up, she falls down too.)

Drexler establishes a connection between them. (They decide to take a break from falling and crashing. Over cocoa in the lodge, they discover they live and work in the same city. Their friends, both expert skiers, talked them into the ski trip.)

There is a transition where Drexler summarizes in one paragraph their week together, and then on the last night of the trip, Bryan asks Mary out.

What makes this a bit unusual is there's a kiss at the end! It's very matter-of-fact, but it's there just the same. Viva la romance!

It's an Honor to be Nominated...

2012-01-24T17:37:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to announce that this blog has been nominated as a Top Writing Blog! If you think this is a valuable writing blog, please go vote. You can vote as many times as you like.

Click on the button below or on the sidebar. They're alphabetical, so scroll down to the bottom of the list.

Online Colleges

Voting ends February 3, 2012.

Thank you!!

Also, my magazine is late again. I'll post the analysis as soon as I get my issue!

Kiss the Cook

2012-01-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

by June Kolligian and Twyla Smith from the January 23, 2012 issue

Tagline: Cindy knocked at the door of a cozy cabin--and found what she hadn't even realized she was looking for...

In a Nutshell: Cindy is on her way to meet friends at their mountain cabin. The GPS tells her she's there, but it's not the right cabin. The resident turns out to be a guy Cindy's friends have wanted to set her up with. They hit it off and find out that those sneaky friends planned the whole thing by giving Cindy the wrong address on purpose.

Observations: I'm going to change things up and do a "stream of consciousness" critique today and jot down my thoughts as I read the story.

Using a GPS makes the story seem current.

I sympathize with Cindy because I am not comfortable driving in snow and now I'm worried about her getting into an accident.

The fact that Cindy's friend has been trying to set her up with Alex takes away the danger of trusting some strange man you've never met. Nicely done.

Ah, it's also a man to the rescue story. Love those.

When she hesitates to go inside Alex's house, I think about Christopher Vogler's book The Writer's Journey when he talks about the hero Resisting the Call to Adventure. It's always interesting to see "rules" that apply to longer fiction also apply to super short stuff.

Hmm. Cooking is my hobby too. I immediately wondered why he wasn't making something more adventurous than stew, roast chicken or wild rice.

Oh ho! A matchmaker story as well. And here I was thinking her GPS was messed up.

The ending was clever, tying in the apron saying and story title.

FYI

2012-01-15T09:25:00.001-08:00

I can't see which votes belong to whom, by the way. It's completely anonymous. I can't even go back and see how I voted. LOL

It's Raining Men!

2012-01-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

by Jan Romes from the January 2, 2012 issue

Tagline: When Sarah met Jake, the forecast was suddenly sunny and bright--despite the clouds!

In A Nutshell: Sarah is on her way to an interview to be the local weather girl, but an inconsiderate driver splashes muddy water all over her. A stranger who happens to work at the TV station convinces her to go through with the interview anyway. She gets the job and finds that stranger who ends up asking her to lunch.

Observations: I really liked this story, which was a bit different than normal in that it focused mostly on the protagonist, Sarah, and how she finds the courage to interview for that job even though she looks horrible. The romance was kind of like a subplot here. But it worked, mainly, I think, because of this one moment. Sarah has just gotten splashed...

"Hey," she heard a male voice call out.
Sarah tucked her damp hair behind her ears and replied with a disheartened, "Hey."
A blonde (sic) man with concerned blue eyes approached. "I saw what happened," he said. "It was like he did it..." His voice trailed off when they linked gazes. "...on purpose."
Sarah felt a flutter in her stomach.

There. See what I mean? Couldn't you just picture that pivotal moment when they make that connection? That's romance! Little moment = big impact.

On a side note, that first sentence in the excerpt has a mistake in it. Anyone else notice it?

Missing Issue

2012-01-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

So, it's happened again. I didn't receive an issue of WW. If there is someone out there who'd like to email me a copy of the romance story so I can analyze it, I'd be very appreciative. Otherwise, you'll have to wait until I get the next issue.

Edited to add:

It came! It was just very late.

In the words of Emily Litella, "Never mind."

The True Spirit of Christmas

2011-12-31T13:45:00.000-08:00

by Sandra Noble from the December 26, 2011 issue

Tagline: Megan thought she was facing a lonely Christmas until a handsome stranger with a generous heart proved her wrong...

In a Nutshell: Megan's daughter goes to spend Christmas with her dad and Megan is feeling lonely. She goes to get her favorite coffee to cheer herself up and the friendly store owner doesn't seem upset to be working Christmas Eve. That's when Megan gets the idea to spread some Christmas cheer to people she knows who are also working. She delivers meals to them, complete with fruitcake, and when revisiting that store owner, garners an invitation to go view the Christmas lights with him.

Observations: What I want you to notice with this story is the theme of good cheer throughout. Megan has good reason to feel down, being all alone on Christmas Eve, and yet...

No, Megan thought. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself.

Megan takes action against the sadness, something Woman's World likes. As I've said before, the entire magazine is devoted to improving women's lives--their health, their outlooks, their pocketbooks, everything, so featuring a heroine who embodies that is a no brainer. (The hero is a positive and caring guy, too.)

I also noticed that this story was light on the romance, heavy on the Christmas spirit, but I suppose that makes sense, considering it's a holiday themed story.

A Gift From Santa

2011-12-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

by Marie Anderson from the December 19, 2011 issue

Tagline: Even Santa was surprised by Ed's grandson's unusual--and unusually sweet--Christmas wish...

In a Nutshell: Ed promised his daughter that he'd find out what his grandson, Willy, wants for Christmas. When the kid won't tell, he asks Santa what the boy wished for when he sat on his lap. Santa arranges a meeting after work and it turns out he's a she. Willy wants his widowed grandfather to find a new grandma, so guess who goes out for coffee?

Observations: I was with this story until almost the very end. I was ready for a matchmaker story in which the grandson or the daughter planned something crafty. But then I found out Santa was a woman. I've talked before about telling "one big lie" in a Woman's World story, after which you have to be as realistic as possible, perhaps to keep things balanced. And often in a WW story, the lie is a coincidence. However, in this tale, we are expected to believe that a woman is posing as Santa.

Hmm. Nope. Not buying it. Kids are sharp. I think they'd notice Santa's femininity, even under the costume and beard. Santa may be fat, but I doubt he has man boobs that big.

However, I'll give my usual disclaimer. Obviously, the editors thought the story was just fine--fine enough to publish.

I will add that I really liked the ending where she's named Merry (Meredith). Perhaps it's because of the season, but I didn't find that corny at all.

The Perfect Christmas Tree

2011-12-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

by Wendy Hobday Haugh from the December 12, 2011 issue

Tagline: After meeting Zach, Molly had a feeling her Christmas was going to be as perfect as her Christmas tree...

In a Nutshell: Molly, divorced a year, is shopping for a Christmas tree. The tree farm manager, Zach, tries to help her, but the tree she really wants is not on farm property. He volunteers to talk to the person who owns the land and see if they can make a deal. Later, Zach shows up with the tree. Turns out he is the land owner.

Observations: Although I saw the twist a mile away, I still enjoyed this story. I wanted to point out the story starts out in Zach's point of view, which allows us to see how he's attracted to her. (There was one small blip into Molly's POV when she is "Grateful for his help," but it didn't pull me out of the story. I only noticed it afterward when I was studying it.) At the midpoint, we switch to Molly's POV and we then see that she's just as attracted.

I also liked how Haugh deftly handled Zach's honesty. He does tell that little white lie when he says he'll talk to the guy who owns the field (unless he actually went home and talked to himself. LOL) But later...

Her eyes narrowed as she studied Zach's ruggedly handsome face, soft brown eyes and oddly sheepish expression.
"Are you telling the truth, Zach?" she asked.
"Absolutely," he replied, unflinching. "The tree is a gift."

You can see he feels a little guilty about the white lie, but when he delivers that unflinching reply, I thought to myself--that guy's hero material.

Recipe for Love

2011-12-07T18:53:00.001-08:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the December 5, 2011 issue

Tagline: Lizzy met Cole in her cooking class and it wasn't long before things started heating up--at least for Lizzy...

In A Nutshell: While taking a cooking class, Lizzy falls "in like" with her partner, Cole. After one of their many coffee dates after class, she daringly kisses him. She worries that she went too far, but at the last class she finds out Cole didn't think so at all.

Observations: This story had an unusual structure, but it really worked. Joyce started out with a black moment--the impulsive kiss. There is a rather longish conversation between Lizzy and her friend that takes up the first third of the story, then we backtrack to find out what all lead up to the kiss. By the time Joyce brings you back to the present, you're anxious to find out what Cole thought of the surprise lip lock. (Isn't it funny how, of course, we know that he was fine with it, yet we feel the tension just the same. I guess it just goes to show you how easily we can fool ourselves.) Then, at the end we get another black moment when we fear that Cole isn't showing up for class because he didn't like Lizzy's cooties. Two black moments! Sometimes Woman's World stories don't even have one, but in this story we get a twofer. Awesome.

My Favorite Line: "I wish I were more like you sometimes." Then he gently wiped some chocolate from Lizzy's cheek. "You also wear your fondue well." LOL

A Romantic Appraisal

2011-11-30T09:07:00.001-08:00

by Georgie Lee from the November 28, 2011 issue

Tagline: Christina recognized a real treasure when she found one. Evidently, so did James...

In A Nutshell: The owner of a Victorian store needs an appraisal for a painting. The appraiser is handsome and promises to call her if he finds anything out. Instead, he shows up at the shop and they decide to go to the Friday Night Flea Market together.

Observations: The only thing that stood out in the story for me was that there was a great deal of interaction between the hero and the heroine. Their conversations take up a good two thirds of the story. I notice that at the end when they decide to go to the flea market together, there is a bit of charming awkwardness which I think helps readers feel like this type of thing can really happen. It's fiction, but it's possible!

"Are you going to the Friday Flea Market?"
"I never miss it," I said. "Do you ever go?"
"Not lately, but I've been thinking that I really miss it."
I gave James an appraising look. Was he blushing?
"Right,"I said. "Time to get going before all the good stuff's gone."
"Do you want some company?"

She hints around and he correctly interprets it which came across to me as realistic.

The only off thing was the whole painting mystery. If they both knew who the painter was, it seemed strange to me that he couldn't find out anything more about it.

A Suitable Suitor

2011-11-23T16:58:00.001-08:00

by M.L. Hickerson from the November 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: It took a romantically minded grandmother with a little Internet know-how to match up Gemma with Tom...

In a Nutshell: Jeanne joins an online dating site and arranges a date with a suitable man...for her granddaughter. She meets the guy and explains how she was doing reconnaissance without her granddaughter Gemma's knowledge. Luckily, the guy is a good sport and when Gemma arrives and is let in on the situation, they hit it off.

Observations: Hickerson has done it again. Her stories are always so fresh and new. She put a matchmaker and a blind date story into a can, shook 'em up real hard, and this is what came out. All these characters feel real to me and I loved grandma's tech savvy. I had no complaints about this story. Zero.

Love in the Mail

2011-11-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

by Cora Allen from the November 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: Later, Ben would say that fate had brought them together, but Maggie knew better.

In a Nutshell: Maggie jokes with the mailman about wanting a love letter instead of the plant bulbs she'd ordered. Three days later, she meets the handsome new neighbor who happens to work at the same hospital. He has a letter of hers that the mailman delivered to him by accident. He invites her to dinner on his deck that night.

Observations: There are a lot of story elements that occur over and over in Woman's World romantic fiction. I thought I'd go through this story and highlight the ones I noticed.

1. Clever addition of a character's backstory. Allen slips the fact that he just moved into the neighborhood into the dialogue very naturally.

Ben handed her the letter. "I'm not sure when this was delivered. I've been so busy moving in, I haven't checked my mail the last few days."

2. There are several instances where we see the heroine is attracted to and likes the hero.

--Ben smiled, which made Maggie's heart flutter just the tiniest bit.

--So he's single? And he cares enough about his parents to move closer to them? Maggie returned his smile.

--An image of Ben, tall and fit-looking, and working in the garden, flashed through her mind.

3. The hero and heroine have a lot in common. They are neighbors. They work at the same hospital. They both love gardening.

4. Both characters discover that neither of them is attached.

"I went back to school after my wife died in a car accident."

And later

"Are you and, um, your husband busy tonight, Maggie?"

She smiled. "I haven't got a husband--and no, I'm not busy tonight."

Finally, best of all, there was a total surprise ending. At least, it was a surprise for me because I completely forgot about the mailman and never NEVER expected him to be a matchmaker. Man, that was great!!! That surprise boosted this story from good to great, in my opinion.

Date Night

2011-11-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

by Shoshana Brown from the November 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Kelly's carefullly planned evening out with her husband fell through, she learned that real romance is an everyday kind of thing...

In a Nutshell: Kelly had a romantic date planned, but the babysitter gets sick. Her husband orders in and they have a romantic dinner at home. When the baby wakes up, crying, he goes to comfort her, and Kelly realizes a night out pales in comparison with her thoughtful spouse.

Observations: This story was heartwarming, especially if you're a mother and have experienced that golden moment when your husband gets up to take care of the child to let you sleep. It's hard to write these "problem within the marriage" stories because you don't want to paint the characters as too selfish or whiny. Brown did a good job of describing Kelly's disappointment but keeping her likable. These types of stories are few and far between because they're harder to write than first meet stories, but I wish we could see more of them.

On Hold Again

2011-11-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, the story I submitted and hoped would get into the Valentine's Day issue was returned because Patricia got to it too late. She said to submit it next summer. So, into the vault with it. Damn. I really thought it had a great chance of getting published.

At least Patricia loved it. :)

The Boy Next Door

2011-11-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

by Dawn L. Cadwell from the October 31, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kara's mom had never mentioned her new neighbor--and he was definitely something to talk about

In a Nutshell: Kara is looking after her mom's orchids while Mom is on vacation. Tempted by the basketballs her mom pointed out before she left, she attempts a shot in the court her dad built when she was a kid, but the ball ends up in the neighbor's yard. A policeman catches her trespassing. She later finds out that the policeman also is the tenant. He likes to play basketball.

Observations: This story reminds me of one of the reasons why I love Woman's World romance stories. They often feature heroines "of a certain age." This week's story had a heroine who was forty! How awesome is that? I think that just goes to show you the possible demographics of the readership, or perhaps they're just more accepting of enjoying a story that isn't about a perfect young woman like we see so much in the media.

But don't worry. I won't get on my soapbox, even if it is my blog.

I also liked the down-to-earth-edness (<--new word invented by me) of the heroine, Kara. Here's one of the reasons:

Not only had I been trespassing, but what I'd been wearing qualified as a fashion felony.

LOL.

Also, note the ubiquitous Coincidence. Troy, the tenant policeman, happens to like basketball.

The only thing that didn't sit right with me was her taking his arm at the end of the story. I thought that was a little too touchy-feely for having only met him when she was trespassing and then at the end when she finds out he's her neighbor. Also, they're just going to play some hoops in her mom's backyard, not entering a fancy restaurant.

The Blind Date

2011-10-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

by Anonymous from the October 24, 2011 issue

Tagline: Abbie was on the lookout for a man with a red carnation in his lapel. When she spotted him, she realized he was no stranger...

In A Nutshell: Abbie has been divorced for a year. Her co-worker has been sending her on blind dates. At a cocktail party, the man in the red carnation she's supposed to meet is none other than her ex-husband. They realize they may have made a mistake in divorcing.

Observations: Reading fiction is a very subjective activity. Each person filters the stories, using their personal history, viewpoints, opinions, etc. But, to coin one of the fiction editor Johnene's favorite phrases, "This story didn't quite work for me." Call me cynical, but I have a hard time believing in divorced pairs reuniting happily. I always doubt that they'll overcome the obstacles that caused their divorce in the first place. Perhaps I might believe if a substantial amount of time passes between the divorce and the reunion. That way, they might be completely different people. But in this story, only a year passes.

I do want to point out a few things I did like. The fact that the blind date is her ex-husband is a fantastic turning point. I always love when I think I know exactly where the story is headed and then the author laughs maniacally as the story careens off in an entirely different direction.

I liked the humor here:

"Why don't I get us a couple glasses of wine?"

"I'm already wearing mine."

Abbie had accidentally spilled hers when she literally bumped into her ex-husband.

And the ending was poignant and uplifting and had that perfect Woman's World tone.

However, luckily for this anonymous author, I'm not the fiction editor at the magazine, because they liked it enough to publish.

Oof. Again.

2011-10-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

Got another rejection from Johnene yesterday. It was for a story that was set at New Year's. Darn. Well, there are still two stories out there she can buy!

Meeting Cute

2011-10-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

by Nell Musolf from the October 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jenny thinks the idea of trying ot meet someone in a cute way is just ridiculous. It really is, isn't it?

In a Nutshell: Lost in thought, Jenny almost steps into a square of wet cement. She overbalances and falls into some flowers instead. The man who poured the cement and owns the flowers takes her out for coffee.

Observations: This story starts out with a sourpuss, who, over the course of the story, turns her attitude around and finds a man. (If only it were that easy!) This is a great example of focusing a story around character growth.

I also wanted to point out Musolf foreshadowed something and followed through with another mention two times.

Foreshadow: Last weekend, while waiting for my tires to be rotated, I picked up a magazine with George Clooney on the cover.

Follow Through: Not too tall and going a little gray, this man would never be mistaken by anyone for George Clooney.

Foreshadow: Karen is a newlywed who thinks everyone should hop on the romance merry-go-round for a nice, long ride.

Follow Through: Enough time for the romance merry-go-round to slow down and let us hop on board.

This type of thing can tighten the weave of your story in a way that most readers won't pick up on. They'll feel the story is better in some way, but they would never be able to figure out that something subtle like this does the trick.

Happy Endings

2011-10-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

by Ellen DePastino from the October 10, 2011 issue

Tagline: A dog named Prince and his very charming owner turned Kate's walk in the park into something special...

In a Nutshell: When widow Kate and her daughter Jenny visit the park, they meet a man and his dog, who performs several tricks for them. Jenny has such a good time they all agree to meet again next week.

Observations: I laughed in a couple of places with this story. First, Jenny is mad about Prince Charming and in the book she and her mom just read, the dark haired prince with the chiseled profile is wearing a red tunic. When they get to the park...

Jenny suddenly stopped. "Mom, look," she said pointing. "It's Prince Charming."

The man was ahead of us on the path, his dog sitting at attention. The man stood, chiseled profile, sunlight gleaming on dark hair, red tunic. Actually, it was a windbreaker. But still.

LMAO.

The other spot I laughed at was here.

"I'm Kate, and I apologize for all the Prince Charming stuff. Jenny is crazy for fairy tales."

"I don't mind being mistaken for Prince Charming. Rumplestiltskin--that would be a problem," he smiled. (sic)

Besides the humor, I noticed a couple of other things. One, as often happens in a Woman's World story, we have a Big Coincidence--something we readers are expected to accept, even though it's highly unlikely. Here, we're supposed to believe that the dog's name just happens to be Prince. I want to go along with it, but I remain skeptical. My ability to suspend disbelief was stretched a little too far.

The other thing I noticed was that the backstory--what Mark and Kate do for a living, his relationship history--is inserted about two thirds in, not at the beginning as is often the case. This backstory also serves as a time transition. After this paragraph, we find ourselves squarely in the third act of the story. With only 800 words, you need to be smart like this so you can pack as much story in as possible.

Lastly, I noticed a missing period at the end of the sixth paragraph. I don't often find typos in the stories, but there's a first time for everything!

Well, dang.

2011-10-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

A story I submitted a few months ago came back. :( They'd gotten too many blind date stories.

Back to the drawing board.

Hear ye, hear ye!

2011-10-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm really really excited to announce that I've developed a new class. It's called "Selling to Woman's World Magazine - Beyond the Basics." Ever since I started writing the first lecture, I've been at it non-stop. Just today I finished the first draft, and I think it's awesome. (But I'm biased.)

As soon as I find a venue for it, I'll let everyone know when it will be offered. :)

Must Love Shopping

2011-10-04T17:54:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the October 3, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Tom took his teenage daughter shopping, he expected doom and disaster. Instead, he found love...

In a Nutshell: Tom is a widower and his daughter needs a dress for her first school dance. The shopgirl notices he's at a loss, shoos him over to the TV where he can watch baseball, and helps the daughter pick out a dress. Afterward, Tom muses that his daughter got a dress, and he got a date.

Observations: This is one of those "slice of life" stories. The main character is going about his/her life, and Cupid strikes from out of the blue.

Sometimes your own life is one of the best places to pull stories from. (I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Joyce has a teenager at her house.) One of my most recent Woman's World stories built off a pineapple tasting I attended while on vacation. I transferred that "talk" from a pineapple plantation to a health food store, gave the story a hero who had to start eating healthy or else, and voila!

Anyway, this story was also told from the dad's first person point of view, an unusual choice, but perfect for this story. It helps us feel closer to the poor guy, trapped in a dress shop, unable to escape until his daughter has something to wear to the dance. I got the feeling that he was a real person--not one of those bigger than life characters that we enjoy reading about in novels. And that's what sets Woman's World romance characters apart. They have doubts and often self-esteem worries, but not to the extent that fictional characters usually have. They're more like you and me. So, keep that in mind. :)

Stranger at the Door

2011-09-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

by Mary Haupt from the September 19, 2011 issue

Tagline: The thing was, Chelly realized, her dream man had walked through the door and claimed her heart a long time ago...

In A Nutshell: Chelly dreams of a stranger who will walk into the general store she works at and sweep her off her feet. A stranger does come in, but he's rude. Eventually, she realizes that the boy she's known since first grade, who joined the National Guard and recently returned, is her true love.

Observations: I loved this story. Sure, it was your classic "shared past/old flame" plot, but the scope of it felt larger than 800 words. Let's analyze how the author was able to accomplish this.

You may have heard the phrase "show, don't tell." I believe this is because active scenes feel more immediate and as readers, we feel more fully immersed in what is happening. However, Woman's World stories don't leave us the room to show too much. So, telling becomes necessary. Haupt has done a masterful job of telling here, as you'll see.

She starts out describing Chelly's dream of a stranger coming to the store and announcing he was going to "take her away from all this." This is in narrative. We don't actually "see" this happening, like on a stage. We are told this by the narrator. (And this story does seem to be told from an omniscient point of view.)

Tommy, her co-worker, makes a pragmatic comment about that dream, a comment that made me laugh. I liked Tommy right away. This comment does more than make you laugh, though. It transitions the reader to the past where you find out that Tommy and Chelly have known each other since first grade and he's always had a thing for her, but has also always known that Chelly "was looking for something different, something more exciting."

Next, we transition back to the present and get the info about Tommy's choice to move on.

What follows is a middle of the story in which it appears as if Chelly's dream has finally come true. As I mentioned before, up until now the story was all narrative. It's only now that we are shown a scene, described as it happens. A handsome stranger comes into the store, but he's unfriendly and rude. She is disappointed. end of scene.

We switch back to narrative in which we cover a good amount of time, "told, not shown." Tommy and Chelly exchange some letters, but Tommy eventually stops wriitng.

After that brief "telling," we get to another in-the-moment scene, deftly described by Haupt in a way that I found super romantic.

Then one rainy afternoon, while Chelly was restocking the shelves, someone came through the front door. The man wiped his boots on the mat and turned down the collar of his raincoat.

Tommy.

See what I mean? If this had been a movie, the women in the audience would have been heaving a collective sigh.

They greet each other. Chelly asks why he stopped writing, and Tommy shows how noble he is:

"I figured that if a handsome stranger ever showed up to take you away from all this, I shouldn't stand in your way."

Yup. That's when I decide if Chelly doesn't wake up and smell the coffee, she doesn't deserve him. But, of course, she does. Haupt even neatly recycles the pragmatic comment about the dream here at the end, but it's so subtle, you almost don't notice it.

This, my friends, is how it's done.

(Thanks to Mary Ann, Lorraine, and Deb for helping (or offering) to get me a copy of this story after I'd lost it.)

It's Getting to be a Habit...

2011-09-28T07:48:00.001-07:00

Once again, I have a missing issue. This time I actually had the story. I had marked it up with notes and it has disappeared. I am going to look at work this afternoon and see if I left it there. Stay tuned...

Leave It To Lucy

2011-09-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the September 12, 2011 issue

Tagline: After her crushing breakup, Erin swore she was through with love. Fortunately, her best friend knew better...

In A Nutshell: Erin is coming off a bad breakup. Her friend gives her a job at her vintage clothing store and sets her up with an artist who needs her help. They hit it off.

Observations: Woman's World loves stories that have a sort of updated Normal Rockwellian tone, and I feel that this story delivered that, especially with a vintage clothing store as the setting.

It is your classic matchmaker story but with a little bit more. Even though Joyce didn't spend a lot of time focusing on the heartache Erin must have endured, this felt like a "moving on" story as well because of the ending:

"So, how do you feel about having dinner with me this weekend?" Blake asks, warming up his smile.

"I feel happy," I say. And for the first time in a while, I really am.

And I haven't mentioned black moments in a while, but I noticed that this story doesn't have one. If you are familiar with basic story structure, usually there is a climactic moment, but Woman's World stories often fly in the face of this tradition. Personally, I always try to include a moment where the reader is worried, but the editors don't seem to mind if things sail along without any bumps in the road, to mix metaphors. So, keep that in mind when you're writing your own stories. :)

Price Change

2011-09-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm going to be raising the price of my workshop to $25 on November 1, so if you were thinking about taking it, you might want to do it before the price goes up. :)

All On Our Own

2011-09-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

by M.L. Hickerson from the September 5, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Julia met Matt, everything fell into place--it just took them both a little while to recognize it.

In A Nutshell: Julia is marking items off her "Twenties List," things she wants to accomplish before she turns thirty. Matt encourages and calms her before she bungee jumps and even promises to help her learn to tango and drive a stick shift. She, in return, teaches him how to make ravioli by hand.

Observations: I thought this idea was fresh and I kick myself that I didn't think of it. I mean, I saw "The Bucket List" movie! Doh! Although I did wonder why someone would want to bungee jump if they were that terrified of it...

What I found more problematic was the fact that because Matt had chaperoned high school dances, of course, he could tango. I'm not sure where in the United States high schoolers tango or even play tango music at their dances, but I found that implausible. However, I managed to forgive that and still enjoy the story.

I liked how Hickerson dropped that mysterious hint about the last goal on Julia's list. When I read "...she realized she'd already mentally crossed off the last goal on her list," I thought, "Hmm, I wonder what it is..." The story moved along right after that to her 30th birthday party, so I didn't "have time" to ponder it. As a result, the ending was great because I hadn't already figured out her last goal was to fall in love.

On a side note, I found it interesting that you don't learn the hero's name until a third of the way through the story. And I didn't quite understand the title of the story. Maybe one of you can explain it's significance to me. :)

Sounds Like Love

2011-09-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

by Lisa Weaver from the August 22, 2011 issue

Tagline: Callie never believed the old family legend about the love bells--until they chimed for her...

NOTE: So here's the August 22 issue. Don't know how the August 29 issue could have arrived before this one, but the ways of the post office are a mystery to me.

In A Nutshell: When picking up blueprints for her grandparents' greenhouse, Callie meets a nice man on the elevator. At a family dinner later, it turns out he's the architect of the greenhouse and was invited to dessert.

Observations: In my online class, I give my students a list of common plotlines that I've seen in Woman's World magazine. One of the categories is "Proving a Saying or a Loved One's Advice," and this story loosely qualifies, except it's not a saying, like "Opposites attract..." or advice, like "The way to land a man is to do little things for him." This time it's something that happens to the heroine. In this case, it's hearing bells.

What I thought was cute was the fact that Weaver kept tricking you into thinking Callie has heard the bells. First, it's the man's cellphone. Ah, you think, that's him. But then he and Callie part when the elevator takes him to his floor. Darn.

But you are a savvy reader. You know that it's boy meets girl, boy loses girl, so you keep hoping.

At her grandparents' house, she hears the doorbell when he arrives and you think to yourself, Yes! Also, he brings a set of wind chimes with him, and you think--okay, pow, it's gonna be a double whammy. But then, the chimes don't ring. Finally, they're on a date a few days later and Callie does hear bells--bells that no one hears but her and you get that warm happy feeling that they're going to be walking down the aisle very soon.

No Hot Water

2011-08-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

by Lynn Cahoon from the August 29, 2011 issue

Tagline: Sheila was happy--in more ways than one as it turned out--that this particular plumber was available...

In a Nutshell: Sheila's water heater was supposed to have been fixed, but it breaks in the middle of her shower. She calls the plumber to complain. The owner of the company himself comes out to remedy the situation and it turns out he had once dated her in high school. They have coffee together.

Observations: This is a good example of taking an "everyday" situation/problem and building a romance out of it. In my workshop on how to write for Woman's World, I share a lot of ways to get ideas for stories, and this is one of them. Think of a problem and have another character solve it.

But this story had a great twist...it turned out to be a shared past/old flame story halfway through. I loved that little surprise. I also liked how they handled that..."Does he/she remember me?" awkwardness. Very smooth and cute.

Breaking the Spell

2011-08-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

by Janice Sadler from the August 15, 2011 issue

Tagline: Luke was absolutely certain that he would never get past his heartbreak--until suddenly, he was ready to love again...

In a Nutshell: Luke declines an invitation to go to out with his co-worker Kay because he was dumped, but afterward starts to see what a great gal she is. A couple days later, the woman who dumped him stops by with tickets to an event. He realizes he's over her and that he'd much rather go out with Kay.

Observations: Wow. I loved this story. These characters were very real to me. I don't mind the big coincidences that often occur in Woman's World stories, but I found it refreshing not to see one (even if the setting was an animal hospital, cousin to the ubiquitous animal shelter setting.) Instead, the situation seemed extremely plausible. We also actually witnessed him falling for Kay. It felt like a long time had passed, but it really only took one paragraph:

Later, when we admit an injured puppy, I notice once again how very compassionate Kay is. While I'm examining little Bruno, I see Kay standing with her arm around the shoulders of his owner, reassuring the elderly lady that her little terrier will be fine.

Boom. There it is. The ex shows up, he rejects her and moves on. I liked how Sadler didn't demonize Emily the Ex and...

Holding my gaze, Kay says, "I thought you weren't free."

...she gave Kay a tiny bit of backbone at the end, which made me respect the character, because up until then I was thinking Kay was a little too nicey-nice. Lastly, everyone loves romantic gestures and Luke taking her hand in front of the people in the waiting room was a nice Hallmark moment.

Something Old, Something New

2011-08-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

by Cynthia Howard-Hogg from the July 1, 2011 issue

Tagline: It didn't look like it contained any magic, but the old coin seemed to cast a spell on Anne and Tom.

In A Nutshell: Anne's sister is getting married and needs a coin to complete the saying "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a lucky sixpence in her shoe." Anne goes to an antique store and meets the owner. He invites her to tea.

Observations: I thought this story had a lot of heart. There were two sweet/sad moments in this story that tugged at my heart. The first is when the sisters are talking...

"If I ever get married, the something old will be me!" I laughed.

"Oh, you're not that old, Anne."

My laugh died away. Cassie saw my expression change and gave me a hug. "Annie, you're not old--and someday a wonderful guy will come along and not believe his good luck!"

I sighed. At 41, was it really very likely?

Doesn't your heart just go out to Anne? At the same time, don't you love the sisterly loyalty shown here?

The second instance isn't quite as hard-hitting, but it's sweet just the same. Anne goes to the antique store, remembering the older couple who owned it. She finds, instead, their son...

"My mother grew up in England."

"The sweet woman with the charming British accent--she's your mother?"

"That was my mum," he said softly. "Did you know her?"

"I remember her well. She helped me pick out a tea set for my first apartment and instructed me on the proper brewing method."

There you saw the very subtle hint that his mum had passed away. Anne understands and moves right along, not belaboring it and perhaps stirring up the sadness. This part made me fall a little bit for the hero and think to myself that these two sweet people deserve each other.

There was only one thing that gave me pause in this story. After shopping for a while at the store...

Suddenly an antique clock chimed noon.

"Look at the time!" I exclaimed. "I have to get going."

I was a little puzzled where she had to go in such a hurry and why they'd waited for an hour to even get the tray of coins out.

Still, cute story full of well-written emotion. Woman's World doesn't like for their romantic fiction to get too bogged down with sadness and this story was a good example of how to do it with a light touch.

Missing Issue

2011-08-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's been brought to my attention that I skipped the August 1, 2011 issue. I hadn't realized. I think it's because I'm missing that issue. I just looked all over my house and can't find it. It wouldn't be the first time the postal service misplaced my issue.

Maybe I can still find it at the grocery store. I'll keep you posted.

It Happened One Night

2011-08-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

by Martha Tidwell from the August 8, 2011 issue

Tagline: Sally and Mitch were friends and neighbors--until that warm summer night changed everything...

In A Nutshell: At their annual block party, during a sports metaphor-laden conversation, they discover that Mitch and Sally both want to be more than friends.

Observations: This story featured two characters who already had a history, which can make things easier in a Woman's World story, because you don't have to go through all the First Meet Story motions: exchanging names, a handshake, noticing the other person is single, etc. You can just jump right into the situation.

The banter in this story was important. First, it was amusing. Who doesn't like taking a joke and running with it with someone else? Second, it showed how long they'd known each other and how easily they got along. Third, it showed them testing out the romantic waters. Fourth, it allowed for that right and tight ending:

This year we'll celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. It looks like we just might go the distance.

Highway to Love

2011-07-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

by Carol E. Ayer from the July 25, 2011 issue

Tagline: Normally, a traffic jam is bad news. For Laura and James, this particular backup was no problem at all...

In A Nutshell: Laura and James get acquainted while stuck in a two hour traffic jam. When the semi truck is finally cleared off the road, they decide to have dinner together.

Observations: I'm often surprised by the creativity of Woman's World authors and how many different ways they can think of for people to meet. I've read every issue of WW for about six years and I can't ever remember seeing a traffic jam romance, but this really worked for me.

When we think of romance, we think of tropes like candles, walks on the beach and, like in this story, gazing at the stars. But I've noticed that often romance can be found in situations in which the couple encounter a minor setback or problem, like, also in this story, being caught in a traffic jam at dinner time. So, stretch your brain a bit and try to think of a situation that might be everyday--like a traffic jam--but when paired with a first-meet, could be an acceptance-worthy idea!

In A Spin

2011-07-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

by Barbara J. Smith from the July 18, 2011 issue

Tagline: Caroline's birthday may have gotten off to an unpromising start, but it turned into the best one ever!

In a Nutshell: Caroline's roommate had to bail on their plans to celebrate Caroline's birthday at the county fair. She goes anyway and meets a great guy on the Ferris wheel.

Observations: This story has a wonderful example of how Woman's World prefers that you keep the tone upbeat and positive. Smith might have been tempted to play up Caroline's disappointment after her friend cancelled, but she didn't at all. There is but one sentence devoted to that...

I was disappointed but I certainly understood.

The next paragraph then shows her arrival at the fairgrounds and how excited she is to be there, even though she's alone. You can't help but admire her attitude. This is why women love Woman's World magazine--we read the stories and feel uplifted.

Can You Spell L-O-V-E?

2011-07-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

by Barbara Catlin Craven from the July 11, 2011 issue

Tagline: The two little cupids recognized a match when they saw it--they just had to figure out how to make it happen!

In A Nutshell: Matt's young daughter is at a sleep-over and she forgot her pajamas. When the divorced dad delivers them, he's roped into playing a game with the (also divorced) mom and daughter. It's obvious from the romantically inclined words the girls are making that it was all a set-up. But Matt and the mom end up not caring.

Observations: I thought this story was clever. It was fun seeing two school-aged matchmakers at work. Note Matt's small character arc in that he makes the decision to move on with his life, two years after getting divorced. So, this is a story with dual themes -- the matchmaker and moving on. A two-fer! LOL

A couple things bothered me. One, my parents divorced when I was twelve and I can tell you that the daughter probably would not be so pro-active in finding a new woman for her dad. She'd most likely really rather her parents got back together. But, hey, this is fiction, not nasty old real life.

Also, if "Alphabet Jumble" was Scrabble in disguise due to copyright reasons, then it would be awfully convenient that the girls happened to get the letters that would enable them to spell boy, girl, date, kiss, dad, mom. But I was willing to let that go because the rest of the story was so charming.

What's Your Number?

2011-07-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

by Anna Jo Christopher from the July 4, 2011 issue

Tagline: When two strangers in a hurry shared a cab, their lives took a romantic turn...

In A Nutshell: After suffering through half of a truly horrible blind date, Valerie walks out. When she and a handsome stranger accidentally hail the same cab, they decide to share. They also discover they share the belief that they have lucky numbers.
Observations: I liked this story but was surprised to see such a vivid description of the bad date. Woman's World usually shies away from negativity and this loser that Valerie went out with was such a jerk! And yet the story wouldn't have worked without that description.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but note the motif of the lucky number in this story. It occurs first in the title. Then, right off the top we're shown that Valerie's lucky number is twelve. In the last third of the story, it's brought back as we discover that the hero, Kent, also has a lucky number. (Thankfully, it's not the same lucky number. I would have grimaced had Christopher chosen to go that far.)

One last observation--throughout the story they use the word "twelve," until the very end, when they use the roman numerals. It made me wonder why, bringing me out of the story. If I were submitting this story, I'd make sure I was consistent.

Okay, I lied. One more observation...this was the Fourth of July issue, and yet this story had no ties to the holiday at all. What's with that? Did no one submit a good Independence Day story???

A Week Without You

2011-07-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

by Shelli Armstrong from the June 13, 2011 issue

NOTE: I'm catching up again! Somehow this issue got stuffed in my magazine rack and I didn't notice it until now.

Tagline: It took a lonely week to convince Darla and Gary that they belonged together...

In A Nutshell: When Gary moves on to another job, Darla is bereft, but during the first week without him, they manage to keep in touch. On Friday, he shows up and asks her out.

Observations: This story was cute. Gary was an adorable character even if he wasn't actually there, interacting with the heroine. Their notes and emails were endearing and funny. When it got to the part where Gary put his heart on the line with his email...

...Things are good here, but, okay, I'll say it: I miss you. Terribly...

I just melted. And then when he called her on the phone, he stepped up to the plate again when Darla said she'd received that email...

There was silence for a moment, [sic] "What'd you think of it?" Gary asked.

I melted again. That Gary might have been chicken for the two years previous that he'd worked with Darla, but he came through at the end. :) Again, it's really interesting to me that the character that grew the most during the course of the story wasn't even "on stage" half the time.

Catch a Falling Star

2011-06-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

by Dana Stephens from the June 27, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jenny didn't realize it at first, but her wish had come true before she even spotted a falling star.

In a Nutshell: Jenny goes to the lake with her sister and brother-in-law. After an encounter with several yellow jackets, she takes an unexpected spill into the lake. Jack "rescues" her. To thank him, she invites him to dinner, and when she wishes on a falling star, one year later her wish comes true at her wedding to Jack.

Observations: Jenny leaned over the front seat of the Jeep. "Annie," she said to her sister, "are you feeling okay?"

"You and Jack," Annie said, elbowing her husband sitting in the driver's seat, "are like two worrywarts. The baby isn't due for another month--I'm fine, really."
I got off to a rocky start with this story. It might just be me, but I had trouble figuring out if Jack was Annie or Jenny's husband. I read it just now and could see that he was Annie's, but I can easily switch mindsets and get confused again, thinking he could be Jenny's. The pronoun "her" is a tad bit ambiguous, and the names are similar--two syllables with n's and a long e at the end... :)

Also, I wondered in the back of my mind about how smart it was to go somewhere remote if Annie's only a month away from delivery. However, I'm very detail oriented and most readers probably wouldn't think like I do.

However, I did like the yellow-jacket idea and the man to the rescue plot, and Dylan's joke really made me laugh. They're talking about fishing in the lake...

"Are they biting? We brought a couple of rods." That's Jenny talking.

"The only thing I've pulled out of the water so far is you," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

LOL

Interesting twist in this story in that the circularity/motif thingy I'm always talking about was "out of order" in that the first mention of the wishing on a star was in the second to last paragraph instead of near the beginning of the story. Also, we see that they get married, which is always nice, but hard to do in these short stories.

Lastly, I noticed Jenny being proactive in that she searches for a falling star to wish on. Smart girl! Give Fate a nudge when necessary. :)

Life's Bare Necessities

2011-06-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

by Sherri Mostaghni from the June 20, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kristin and Darren shared a passion for coffee, chocolate, cute babies--and who knew what else?

In a Nutshell: Kristin likes Darren, the guy working at the coffee shop. One day after she'd already ordered, she gets a phone call. Her sister is having her baby! A week later, she goes to the cafe and Darren asks her out.

Teaching Moment: Check out the structure of this story: girl has crush on boy, something not too serious happens to drive them apart, girl talks to boy, boy asks her out. :) This is a good structure to follow. Choose the setting where the girl has the crush. Think of the thing that happens. Then put them back together and let the scene flesh itself out. If you can work in a motif, like the "life's bare necessities" that Mostaghni came up with, all the better.

My Favorite Part: "I noticed the name on your credit card the first time you came into the shop." He paused. "Does that sound too stalkerish?"

He's cute, isn't he? I also noticed that he took note of her name the first time he met her, which meant he liked her right away.

Something Just Clicked

2011-06-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

by Maureen McDonald from the June 6, 2011 issue

Tagline: Brent didn't look like the man of Deb's dreams, but appearances can be deceiving...

In A Nutshell: After being "bribed" with a fancy coffee drink, Deb agrees to go on a blind date. The guy turns out to be charming.

Observations: I found the characterization in this story to be outstanding. It starts with the matchmaking friend, Helen. I loved how insidiously clever it was to remove the lid from the coffee to let the aroma do its dirty work. I loved the banter between the friends. You could see how comfortable they were with each other.

Brent seemed real and down to earth. He seems like a great father and a fun guy.

Then, Deb, the heroine, had several admirable qualities. She was understanding of Brent's phone problem until the third time. We didn't see her irritation, but I sure felt it. I've been in that situation with my own husband and found it annoying! She was accepting that Brent wasn't the handsomest guy on the planet, but instead was more impressed by his sense of humor and intelligence. At the end of the story, you also see she takes the opportunity to thank her friend and gratitude is always a plus to me, in real life and in fiction.

I especially liked the circularity motif of the coffee drink. Since I work at Starbucks, I enjoyed McDonald's creative drink names..."vanilla mocha latte something-or-other--with lots of cinnamon" and "cinnamon-cappa-frappa-whatever." LMAO!

Teaching Point: Notice the slick transition between the first scene between Deb and Helen and the date:

Halfway through the entree, Deb had to agree with Helen's assessment of Brent.

Boom. We segue very smartly to the next scene and move the plot forward at the same time. Two birds with one stone, something to strive for when you have such a short word count. We never see the two main characters actually meet, shake hands, etc. We just zip forward in time to the part of the date that matters.

"The Remedy"

2011-06-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

by Colette Shannon from the May 30, 2011 issue

NOTE TO MY FOLLOWERS: From now on, when a story is written by an author whose work I blogged about before, I'm going to include a link to their "author page," so you can see all the Woman's World stories by that author that I've analyzed.

Also, I'm trying to play a little catch-up, since I fell behind, so you'll be seeing more than one analysis a week for a bit. :)

Tagline: Ellen had no intention of opening her heart again. Ever. Then her aunt introduced her to Logan...

In A Nutshell: After her heart is broken, Ellen's Aunt Phoebe lures new neighbor, Logan, to dinner on the same night Ellen just happens to always come. Ellen rebuffs him at first, but after a heart-to-heart with Aunt Phoebe, realizes she should take a chance on love.

Teaching Points: There is often a problem to be solved in Woman's World stories. For instance in the story "What a Guy!" a woman had a raccoon going bananas inside her house and the hero helped her get the critter out. In last week's story, the hero needed a cat sitter. Here in this story, there was a still a problem, but it was an emotional one that the aunt helped her solve, not the hero. But this is typical in a "moving on" story.

Moving on stories show how the hero or heroine is struggling with leaving behind a heartbreak of some kind. Sometimes it's being jilted. Sometimes the spouse passed away. Sometimes it's divorce. Moving on stories focus on one character's emotional journey. The amount of focus on the emotional journey vs. the romance differs depending on the story. "The Remedy" was about 50-50. In "Sometimes the Stars Align," there wasn't that much emotional journey stuff. It was more of an "old flame" story than a moving-on story.
I think that Woman's World likes these types of stories, because who among us haven't suffered through heartbreak? Moving on stories can encourage us to not give up hope and make us feel like, "Well, if she did it, so can I." I know I'm repeating myself when I say that Woman's World likes to promote positive thinking, but it's true. Just pick up one issue and you'll see what I mean. Keep that in mind as you write stories for them.

Observation: One thing that didn't quite work for me in this story was the circularity/motif. If you follow my blog, you'll probably be familiar with the technique of establishing a motif in the beginning of the story (and also sometimes in the title, as with this story) and then wrapping up with it at the end. In "The Remedy," here's that first mention, the first two sentences in the story:

I felt sure my broken heart would never be whole again. But Aunt Phoebe, my mom's older sister, apparently thought she had a magic remedy.

So we get the feeling that Aunt Phoebe has a master plan or at least an old-fashioned solution to getting over a broken heart.

At the end we have:

I stepped inside, he closed the door, and I realized Aunt Phoebe's remedy was already working its magic.

This beginning and ending mention of "the remedy" would have been great if I had been able to identify what that remedy was! LOL I feel a little stupid because the only remedy I could see was that Aunt Phoebe told her the story of her own heartache and how it had turned out wonderfully when all was said and done. But Aunt Phoebe obviously would have preferred not to have the talk at all and seen Ellen paired up right after dinner. The talk only happened because Ellen got cold feet. So that couldn't have been the remedy.

Okay, thinking about it harder, maybe the remedy was just to do it--meet a new man. Phoebe obviously set the dinner up ahead of time. But then that doesn't jive with the last sentence, because the remedy wasn't meeting Logan, it was the heart-to-heart Ellen and Phoebe had.

Either way, I see a problem. However, like I always say, I'm not an editor at Woman's World and I sometimes don't understand their publishing/editing choices. Clearly, they liked the story and the fact that this bothered me but not them, just goes to prove how subjective this business is.

Coming Soon: As I think back about other moving on stories, I'm trying to remember if there are other problems, besides divorce, death or a break up. I'm going to do some research and get back to you on that.

Artwork: Peter Worlsey's "Two Women Talking" 2010.

Must Love Cats

2011-06-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

by Jan Romes from the May 23, 2011 issue

Tagline: Vanessa had just about given up on ever finding her one true love--until the day she met Luke

In a Nutshell: Vanessa waits tables and finds out the handsome guy in the booth needs a cat-sitter a couple of times a week while he's out of town on business. Over the course of a few weeks, they get to know each other and eventually he asks her out for dinner.

Observations: This was a tightly written story, one in which you could really believe they had a future together. One reason is that the story occurred over a month, and after Romes really showed you that they hit it off, she continued to build on that initial connection until at the end they were ready to get even more serious. She also had that circularity thing going with the pot-lid theme, which was cute.

Also, notice the casual tone and you got the feeling you were really in Vanessa's head. The first paragraph is a good example:

Vanessa Oliver smiled as she remembered the conversation with her friend. "Vanessa," Ginnie had said, "remember: for every pot there's a lid." Doubtful. Every lid she'd met lately didn't fit. Self-absorbed lids. Lids that wanted to get to first base on the first date. But mostly, nothing-in-common lids. She was a square pot. They were round lids.

The short, incomplete sentences give the impression that these are her thoughts. (They also help emphasize each undesirable quality and convey her annoyance/resignation at the same time.) Also, as a bonus, if you do it well, it cuts down on your word count! LOL

There was no black moment, but I didn't miss it. Well, actually I guess I did miss it because I noticed it's absence, but it didn't bother me. LOL

Great story from an author I don't recall reading before.

"Make A Wish!"

2011-06-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

by April Knight from the May 16, 2011 issue

Tagline: Marley never imagined her birthday wish would actually come true--but then she met Bob, er, Josh...

In A Nutshell: Celebrating her birthday with her friend, Marley wishes for a man. Obligingly, her friend has already arranged a blind date with Bob. Unfortunately, the sketchy description of Bob leads her to approach the wrong guy, twice! The second guy, Josh, offers to help her identify the real Bob. Fortunately, Bob never arrives and Josh asks Marley out for dinner instead.

Teaching Points: When writing these stories, you actually have to make the reader AND the heroine fall in love with the hero, so make sure your story has a place, or places, where you show the hero demonstrating heroic behavior in some way. He can be thoughtful, kind, helpful, romantic, funny, brave, or any combination thereof. This can be shown in action or in dialogue.

In "Make A Wish!" here's where I fell in love with Josh:

"I'm a high school science teacher and a lonely bachelor--except sometimes I pretend I'm a knight in shining armor who rescues beautiful damsels in distress."

Here's Marley's equally funny reply:

"I work in a bookstore...my hobby is wandering around coffee shops looking for men wearing blue shirts."

Which brings me to another point. Humor is always welcome in a Woman's World story. The goal of their magazine is to improve women's lives and if you ask me, laughter is one of the easiest ways to accomplish that. Another really funny part was in the beginning of the story:

"I wish I would meet a wonderful man, fall in love and be married by my next birthday!"

"That's a lot to ask from one candle."

So, those are the lessons to be learned from this week's story: make your hero heroic and make the reader laugh.

My Apologies

2011-05-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

I'm late posting and I completely forgot to put up the poll for the "Stars Aligning" story. Unfortunately, I don't have time to post an analysis this week. I'm on a very tight deadline for a book. Forgive me and come back the first week of June.

Thanks for understanding!

"Sometimes the Stars Align"

2011-05-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

by Kate Karyus Quinn from the May 9, 2011 issue

Tagline: After all these years, for Julie and Greg, the time was finally right.

In A Nutshell: Julie has been a widow with three children for five years. One day she's particularly tired and the manager of the grocery store helps out with her kids. Turns out they almost became a couple back in high school. Now, they continue to "see each other" at the grocery store until he asks her out on a picnic with her kids. Nervous, she says no, then a week later decides she made a mistake.

Observations: I thought this story was fantastic. First off, Quinn starts with a hook:

Julie was primping for a trip to the grocery store.

And just like that, you're sucked in to find out why.

Also, I immediately sympathized with Julie's situation, having to raise her kids by herself. Quinn did a great job of describing the sad situation without getting overly maudlin, something Woman's World shies away from.

The history Julie and Greg had together was completely realistic and romantic at the same time. I'm always a sucker for "the one that got away" stories. It's here also that Quinn cleverly inserts that "stars aligning" phrase that is the title and also the ending.

What follows is a pretty long "telling" summarization of the courting. Oddly, we don't see a lot of interaction between the two characters. I always maintain that it's important to see the hero and heroine face to face in a story so we get to know them and they get to know each other, but I was surprised to see that Greg only actually speaks twice in the entire story! In my own defense, I have to point out that those two lines are killer and the romance holds up despite the lack of dialogue and the preponderance of narrative. There's a brief "black moment" when Julie doesn't go on the picnic with him, but Quinn follows that with a paragraph that shows Greg to be hero material.

Greg wasn't a high school boy anymore, though, and he didn't give up as easily this time. "Julie," he said, "maybe it's still not the right time. If you're not ready, I'll wait."

I just fell in love with him right there.

You hear all the time that women of a certain age--especially with three kids!--have little chance of finding someone special, but this type of story gives us hope and a warm feeling in our hearts. This is the type of story we all want to write. It's no wonder the editors pounced on it.

"One Sweet Guy"

2011-05-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

by Susan Holloway from the May 2, 2011 issue.

Tagline: Josie had a weakness for chocolate--and, it turned out, cute guys in running shorts!

In a Nutshell: Josie slips while jogging backwards to ogle a cute guy, also jogging. Hearing her cry of pain, he returns, assesses the situation and calls the paramedics. The next day he shows up with a pizza and brownies because they both love chocolate. She has a broken ankle, but they make plans to have dinner again.

Observations: Man to the rescue stories are popular with Woman's World. Just a couple of weeks ago we saw "There's Always a Bright Side," also about a jogger. (Apparently jogging is a very dangerous pastime! LOL) These plots aren't too complicated to construct. You create a problem for the heroine, being careful not to have it too dire. Then have the hero comes along to help her out. Make sure the two main characters are attracted to each other and set up a date. That's all there is to it.

Regarding this particular story, there were a couple of places that confused me. I wasn't sure what the man was referring to when he said, "That was quick." Her hurting herself was quick? Another moment of confusion for me:

At the hospital, Josie was x-rayed and sent to the OR. One moment of guilty pleasure, and she ended up in surgery.

I'll admit to being dense enough to have stumbled when I read this. Obviously her guilty pleasure was gawking at the hero, but the way it's written, one could believe she has a kinky fetish for being x-rayed. LOL

Lastly, he comes to visit her in the hospital the next day which, of course, is terrific, but I found myself wondering if the doctors would actually have kept her there or sent her home with her cast on. These days it seems like hospitals don't keep you over night unless it's absolutely necessary. Then again, I could be wrong, but I'll admit thinking about that took me out of the story.

Even so, it was a cute story even if the magazine put a photo of chocolate pie instead of a brownie. :) I really loved when she realized she hadn't shaved her legs. LOL. That cracked me up.

The Mystery of the Missing Issues

2011-04-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

It seems that I can't find the next issue of Woman's World. Grrr. I apologize. I'll post a new critique when I find them or receive the next one in the mail.

"There's Always a Bright Side"

2011-04-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

by Colette Shannon from the April 18, 2011 issue

Tagline: Lisa's day had gotten off to a bad start, but after meeting Alan in the park, things were definitely looking up...

In a Nutshell: Lisa gets a cramp while jogging. A man offers to help her. Turns out he works at the same hospital she does. After he escorts her back to her car, they see it has a flat tire. He changes it for her and asks her out for breakfast.

Observations: This story reminded me of something I angsted about a lot when I first started writing for Woman's World--how a single woman can meet men who are essentially stranges and still manage to be smart about her personal safety. Often the "stranger" the heroine meets turns out to have a connection of some kind. He's the nephew of her grandmother's friend. He's the guy her friend has been trying to set her up with and here, she's meeting him by accident. Or, like in this story, they work at the same place. Often one of the characters is new at the company.

You want your characters to be smart women whom you respect and who are smart enough to make wise choices when it comes to going out with strangers.

"Happy Anniversary"

2011-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

by Shoshana Brown from the April 11, 2011 issue

Tagline: Graham had forgotten their anniversary, but Lily realized that a good memory isn't the important part of a happy marriage.

In a Nutshell: Lily goes to a lot of trouble to make her and Graham's wedding anniversary special, but he forgets. Her inclination is to be hurt and upset, but instead chooses to focus on the everyday thoughtfulness he demonstrates the other three hundred and sixty four days a year.

Observations: If you're a fan of the magazine, you recognize this is an off-shoot of the marriage in trouble plot. While Lily and Graham's marriage isn't exactly in trouble, Graham is. LOL. But the story still shows one of the characters recognizing with new eyes the qualities of the person they married. That's the important part.

I think that if Woman's World has a mission statement, it probably includes something about helping women increase their happiness, and this type of story can do that. Marriage isn't easy and sometimes knowing that others have weathered the storms--even if they're fictional characters--it can help us find the wherewithal to do the same.

"Love is in the Air"

2011-04-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

by Carol E. Ayer from the April 4, 2011 issue

Tagline: In the play, things didn't turn out well for Romeo and Juliet. In real life, Megan suspected they were all headed for a happy ending!

In a Nutshell: Megan's grandma plays the role of Juliet in a senior's acting troupe and falls for her leading man, Thomas. Megan thinks Thomas' grandson is nice, too. Weeks later, Megan meets her grandma for dinner only to find Thomas and the grandson there too. The elderly couple announce their engagement and the younger couple acknowledge there might be something between them as well.

Observations: This story delighted me. The first place a smile broke across my face was here, after the grandson Greg and Megan watch the older couple walk away hand in hand. Greg remarks:

"Nothing like young love."

Hilarious.

Next, I was as surprised by the engagement announcement as the fictional grandchildren were. I love being surprised. I was really expecting a set-up--that grandma would skedaddle after Megan arrived, forcing Greg and Megan to have dinner together alone. I'm realizing now that that's a terrific strategy. We Woman's World readers are used to the tropes of the publication, so take those tropes and spin them around like Ayer did.

I loved Greg calling his grandpa an old dog and I liked the younger couple mimicking the older couple's banter when Greg asks Megan to dance. It was charming.

The Matchmaker

2011-04-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

by Diane Crawford from the March 28 2011 issue

Tagline: Clare and Andy would have a funny story to tell anyone who asked, "So how did you two meet?"

In a Nutshell: While shopping at the pet store, Clare hears a voice asking her out for a date. Turns out it's not the man shopping for dog supplies; it's a parrot. Attracted to him (the man, not the parrot,) she's later happy to meet him by accident in the park where she runs. After they run together, with his puppy, he mimics the parrot as he asks her out.

Observations: I pride myself on being observant and quick, but I only thought this story was cute when I read it. Then, when I started working on this analyses and re-read the title, I laughed, delighted. I'm sure that's why the editor wrote that tagline so that you'd be on the lookout for that funny thing, which was obviously the parrot helping them meet, but when you think of the parrot in the role of matchmaker...that boosts the idea into fabulous, at least for me.

As we've seen before, Woman's World stories often contain the element of coincidence, as you see in this story. Often you see the couple meet, then part, and one assumes they'll never see each other again. Then fate steps in and they meet again by coincidence. When you write this type of story you have to invent the reason and/or place where they meet again. In this case, Clare is a runner who was waiting for the weather to get better so she could resume her running. Andy's reason for being in the park is his new puppy.

"Out with the Old"

2011-03-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

by Krista Weidner from the March 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: Erin's classified ad helped her get rid of something she'd held on to for too long--and find something she hadn't known she was looking for!

In a Nutshell: Erin wants to give away the piano her ex left behind. The man who eventually wants to take it off her hands is cute, but he's getting it for his wife. But wait! The brother who came along to help him move it is his just as cute twin!

Observations: I always love a good plot twist that sends the story in a new direction, changing everything. In this case, just when you think that Erin won't find romance, in walks the unmarried twin.

I really enjoyed the easy banter between the brothers. My two teenaged sons bicker all the time, so a story like this one, even though it's fiction, gives me hope!

I also liked the upbeat tone the story ended on. Sometimes the stories end on a positive note, but it's understated and placid. This one had a bit more umph to it.

It's just amazing what you can find in the classifieds these days!

"What a Guy!"

2011-03-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

by Vanessa Carroll from the March 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jamie didn't realize she was looking for an hero--until one showed up just in time!

In a Nutshell: Jamie rushes out of her house, scared out of her wits by the raccoon that got in. A new neighbor, Mitch, braves the house and captures the critter. The next day, she brings cookies to thank him and they go out to dinner.

Observations: I haven't seen a man to the rescue story in a while. If this is what I get when I wait, it's worth it. This story was very cute and original and slightly madcap in tone.

There was something in this story that I don't often see either-- that ending paragraph.

And that's the story of how an uninvited raccoon introduced me to true love. I have to admit I've had a soft spot for the critters ever since.

This addition makes you feel as if Jamie is a friend sharing her story with you, especially considering it was in first person. It gives the piece a casual feel.
In My Opinion: This story could have used a more clever title.

Shall We Dance?

2011-03-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the March 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: Tess met Ray in dance class--and by the end of the lesson, they both wondered if they might pair up for a lifetime!

In a Nutshell: Tess shows up for her dance class and sees to her dismay that it's all couples. The one other single, Ray, suggests they pair up. She agrees. All the couples seem to be preparing for their weddings, so Ray makes up a history for them off the cuff. Tess goes along with the farce, pretending that they're engaged. When the class ends, Ray suggests they go for coffee and Tess says yes.

Observations: I loved this story, loved its humor and originality. Watching Tess and Ray learn - or at least try to learn - to dance was fun and it is easy to imagine them actually getting engaged sometime in the future.

I haven't talked about hooks much on this blog. Because the stories are so short, I've never really seen the need to emphasize them, but I noticed one in this story.

This was a big mistake, Tess thought as she scanned the room.

The reader automatically wonders what the mistake was and she reads ahead to find out.

I'm going to look at some of the other stories and see if there are other hooks that I never noticed. It's funny how, even though I know about hooks for novels, I didn't think to apply the device to these short stories.

"Can I Help You?"

2011-03-09T11:08:00.000-08:00

by Tamara Shaffer from the February 28, 2011 issue

Tagline: Todd and Nancy had never met before that day in the shop, but it turned out they had a lot in common...

In A Nutshell: Todd's girlfriend wants to break up with him. He's shopping for a "parting gift" and hits it off with the shopkeeper.

Observations: This was a moving-on/first meet story that doesn't follow the usual three act structure. In this one, there are only two acts. They meet at the store, talk about his situation and her similar sort of break-up, then there's a quick transition and we move right to the "third" act. There is no black moment either, unless you count this:

I walk away with a strangely lighter heart, but I'm confused. And suddenly, I'm not sure if I want things to go well.

So, I guess it just goes to show you that you can write stories that are out of the norm and contrary to my advice and still get published.

"The Game of Love"

2011-03-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

by M.L. Hickerson from the February 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: It might have started with a coincidence, but Justin and Gail's romance was meant to be...

In A Nutshell: Gail is on standby at the airport. She meets a guy waiting for the same flight because he's playing the same word game on his phone as she is on hers. They decide whoever finds the longest word will get the ticket. He wins, but declines to take the flight because he wants to spend more time with her.

Observations: This reminds me a lot of the story in which the two people vied for the same vintage lunch box, but this story had more of a tech feel because of the important props--his iPhone and her Blackberry.

This is one of those stories where as a reader, you're the fly on the wall. Personally, I like this type of story because it's easier to believe in the connection between the characters. I see it happen, vs. the author telling me.

There's also the story element of circularity, which I'm also fond of. That's when you drop something in at the beginning of the story and bring it back in at the end, too. In this case it's the idea of coincidence. When Justin shows her the screen on his iPhone so she can see he's playing the same game...

"That's a coincidence!" to which he replies, "'Coincidence', eleven letters."

Then at the end you get not one, but two, references. When Justin suggests they grab dinner, they both happen to have the same favorite restaurant on the concourse. Then, the last sentence claims:

As they smiled lovingly at one another, they knew their chance meeting had nothing to do with coincidence.

Finally, there's another story element in this tale that I like a lot--the black moment, when you think all is lost. Justin's name is called to board the flight, and Gail is left alone, but then she hears her name over the loudspeaker. Justin, that chivalric guy, has given up his seat for her. But then, bam, backatcha, Justin. Gail doesn't take the seat. She'd rather have dinner with you. Viva romance!!!

A Box of Chocolates

2011-02-23T11:50:00.000-08:00

by Lorraine Henderson from the February 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: This year, Lauren got something she hadn't been expecting for Valentine's Day: a lesson in true love!

In A Nutshell: Lauren tells her husband she thinks they're in a Valentine's Day rut. Although she hurt his feelings, he comes through and sends her roses instead of the familiar box of chocolates. By the end of the day, though, she realizes that there's romance in long held traditions and gives him a box of chocolates herself.

Observations: It's always refreshing to see a rekindled marriage/relationship story, but they're hard to write. You can't paint marriage trouble with too heavy a hand or the editor may balk. And yet, you may want to try your hand at one because the fact that there are so many first meet stories might make the editors hungry for a change of pace.

This story hits the nail on the head on several levels. Henderson identifies the problem: the same boring box of candy. She shows the wife being honest with her husband and it's a tricky scene. Husband has to be hurt, but not too much.

Lauren saw a look cross Charlie's face, and she regretted her words. "Pretend you didn't hear me, honey--please?" She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Now go dig out your car."

"I'm going," he said. "but I heard what you said. I'm going to surprise you."

See? You've got to admire Charlie's ability to bounce back.

Next, the author brings us back in time and shows Lauren remembering past Valentine's Days she's shared with Charlie. The romance is described in detail and we readers go "awww." After that we're introduced to the kids. Many Woman's World readers are married with children, so they're familiar with the difficulty of balancing romance with the 24/7 responsibility of being parents. This down-to-earth reality is a big part of the tone Woman's World likes.

Finally, this story has a fantastic black moment.

After dinner, at the time when Charlie would have presented Lauren with her gift, it got noticeably quieter around the table.

After that Lauren gets the candy she got for Charlie and everyone is happy. We get the feeling that a minor marital speed bump has been successfully gotten past. And lo, the objective of a marriage/relationship rekindled story is accomplished.

"When Sarah Met Andrew"

2011-02-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

by Elizabeth Graham from the February 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: "You'll know when you meet him," Mama had said--and she was so right!

In a Nutshell: Sarah is pet-sitting, but can't find the key in the snow when she arrives at Mrs. Holton's house. A male neighbor helps her look for it.

Observations: This story clearly showed the heroine falling for the hero. Often, because of the tight word count, authors skimp on showing the attraction. Not here. First, he's handsome:

The voice belonged to a tall, good-looking man standing on the driveway next to the door. Even through the swirling snow, I saw that he had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.

...those blue eyes stole my breath.

His smile made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

And his character and status...?

He was a good neighbor, too.

"...I'm from Michigan, but I moved here six months ago--the town was too small for both me and my ex."

Okay, so far, so good, but what about the magic?

An odd sensation swept through me, as if something had shifted inside.

The warm feeling grew warmer...

A shock of electricity zipped through me as our hands clasped.

All righty then. Looks like a potential boyfriend! The reader will feel confident that even though she was recently jilted by her fiance, Sarah should go for it with Mr. Blue Eyes. Woman's World likes to encourage positive, hopeful feelings and stories like this one do that.

"Open House, Open Heart"

2011-02-09T10:43:00.000-08:00

by Elizabeth Palmer from the January 31, 2011 issue

Tagline: Victoria had happy memories of the old house—and of the blue-eyed boy who once lived there…

In a Nutshell: Victoria is at the open house of a Painted Lady mansion. She lived nearby when she was a child. Now she works at the local museum, an expert on period architecture. A man, also attending the open house, comments that the family who lived there had a skating rink in the winter, which Victoria remembers well. Turns out the man was the young boy who invited her to skate on that pond many years ago.

Observations: You know that famous poster “All I Need To Know About Life, I Learned in Kindergarten”? Well, here’s one of the things I’ve learned from reading Woman’s World stories.

If there’s a special someone of the opposite sex in your past, you’re bound to run into them. And that someone will be single, even if it appears at first that they are not. LOL

To write one of these old flame/second chance stories, try this:

First, create the past for the man and woman. What happened between them? Did they go to high school together? Did they work a summer job together? Attend summer camp? Babysit for the other’s sibling? In this story, they were neighbors. The boy invited her to skate with them on their pond, but then she moved away.

Next, create a situation where they are reunited. Often the man or woman returns to their home town for one reason or another—an aging relative that needs their help or, as in this story, the woman has a new job. (She attends that open house and the man/boy she skated with just happens to be there too.) Sometimes, no one moved away; they just meet serendipitously at a street fair or grocery store.

Finally, during the meeting, show the spark of attraction. Show the two characters re-connecting and transferring that feeling they once had into hope for a future. End with a sense of happy expectation.

"Flea Market Find"

2011-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the January 24, 2011 issue

Tagline: Elliott was right, Molly decided. You never knew what you would find at a flea market!

In A Nutshell: Molly almost snags a vintage lunch box at the flea market, but Elliott picks it up first. When they can't agree on who should get dibs, they agree to walk around the flea market together and flip a coin for it if they don't find something else. At the end of a fun day, Elliott insists she take take the lunch box because he put his phone number inside.

Observations: This is a good example of taking a tried and true setting and putting a twist on it. The twist in this case was the collectible lunch boxes. Usually with flea market/tag sale stories, the item in question is something with sentimental value...grandma's recipe book, a pocket watch, a china teacup. In this story, the lunchbox had a quirky quality that I liked as a change of pace.

I also liked the following conversation which showed more quirkiness and humor:

     "So what's the weirdest thing you've bought at a flea market?"
     Molly thought for a minute. "Once I bought a portrait of Elvis made out of jelly beans."

That made me smile.

This story also had the perfect upbeat parting of company in which the couple face a future of romantic possibility:

     "...and besides, I left my number in the thermos." He turned and waved.
     Molly got into her car and, smiling, snapped open the lunchbox.

"Winter Fun"

2011-01-26T09:19:00.000-08:00

by Colette Shannon from the January 10, 2011 issue

Tagline: Holly quickly discovered that she was no skier. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all...

In a Nutshell: Holly is so new to skiing that she hits a tree and gets a separated shoulder. Later, back at the lodge, the ski patrol guy buys her a hot chocolate. They live in the same town, an hour away where his full time job is at the high school teaching math. (He does ski patrol in on weekend mornings in exchange for free skiing in the afternoon.) They have dinner together and then he invites her on a moonlight sleigh ride.

Observations: The story starts in medias res. We don't get the backstory on Holly until after she's returned from the hospital with her shoulder sling. The hero shows up and they talk a little then there's another summarizing paragraph before he asks her out. More summarizing as we hurry on toward the end of dinner. There's a brief "black moment" when he says he's in a hurry and she assumes he wants to take advantage of the full moon and ski, but he actually wants to take her on that moonlight sleigh ride.

One thing I noticed was the story was packed with narrative--much more narrative than dialogue. I didn't notice this until I started analyzing it. (The two friends that Holly rooms with don't even speak a word!) Perhaps that's why, as I read it, it felt as though the story covered a lot more ground. I felt like I'd really spent the day with Holly.

The other thing that I noticed was that, although I wasn't bowled over by the title "Winter Fun," the author did use it to good advantage. In the "woe is me" paragraph, Holly thinks to herself...

So much for winter fun.

Then, at the end, in the "this really turned out to be a great weekend" paragraph, she thinks...

Even with a separated shoulder--I couldn't imagine having more winter fun than this.

As I've mentioned before, this is a simple way to give your story a little circularity and cohesiveness.

"Wish Upon a Star"

2011-01-19T11:38:00.000-08:00

by Susan Flett Swiderski from the January 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kelly put her whole heart into it, so she wasn't surprised when her biggest wish came true...

In a Nutshell: After wishing on a star, young Kelly sets up a meeting between her father and her teacher. The two adults realize they've been duped, but hit it off anyway. They keep their burgeoning relatonship a secret from the little girl, but when the school year ends, they tell her they want to get married.

Observations: Matchmaker stories are common within the pages of Woman's World magazine. This time, the matchmaker is only six years old! I've tried subterfuge stories before, but never with much success. (In fact, one story I sent that was rejected, involved a daughter setting up her father and her teacher.) However, once in a while you do see a story in which someone tricks a character into something. I had thought that Woman's World frowned on children doing so, but here's proof that they don't.

Notice that this story changes points of view. We start out in Kelly's pov. Then when the adults meet, we switch to the dad's. Later when the secret is about to be revealed, we go back to Kelly's. This is unusual, but well done. Each of these changes had to happen, because Kelly had no way of knowing what went on in the classroom during that after school meeting. And later, the author wanted to bring us full circle to the wishing on a star idea, which meant returning to Kelly. This was a tricky thing to do and Swiderski nailed it.

On a side note, I loved the idea that little Kelly didn't blindly trust to the whims of the wish, but knew that she needed to take action herself in order to get the ball rolling. What a wise little girl!

"A Lover's Moon" and Catching Up

2011-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to catch up a little by posting two story analyses this week. :)

by April Knight from the January 2, 2011 issue

Tagline: Rebecca was certain that her dreams of moonlit romance would never come true...

In A Nutshell: Rebecca has done everything she could to make herself attractive and available, but has had no luck finding a man. One bad day, she gets a black eye from a wayward cupboard door and has a root canal that has her cheek looking like she just lost a prize fight. But at the grocery store, a thoughtful man strikes up a conversation and even buys her soup to cheer her up.

Observations: This story, like so many Woman's World romance tales, give the reader hope that something like this could actually happen to them. A woman meets a man in a grocery store. And he's a thoughtful man at that! This is the type of "fantasy" that Woman's World readers and editors like. I'm sure many of them like to imagine being swept off their feet by a millionaire ex-SEAL with a tender side, too, but the type of guys in Woman's World stories are not bigger than life. They are life, at least, more believably real life.

"A Christmas Miracle"

2011-01-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

by Mary L. Briggs from the December 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: It had to be more than coincidence that brought the two strangers together again on Christmas Eve...

In a Nutshell: Rebecca gets a Christmas card in the mail that belongs to someone else, but she's late for work so can't deal with it. When her car won't start, a handsome stranger helps her out, but she fails to get his name. Later, she hand delivers the card in an attempt to pay it forward, it turns out the card recipient is also her handsome stranger.

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story, and this is only my opinion. I should post a disclaimer that says that--that no matter what my thoughts are on a Woman's World story, clearly the editors liked the story enough to publish it, so anything I say here should be taken with a grain of salt.

Anyway, my first reaction was to the fact that her car doesn't start. This is becoming a bit of a cliche in Woman's World stories, but I was willing to let it go. Car trouble is a common enough occurence.

My next reaction was amusement at the stranger's remarks regarding her recalcitrant car:

"I'm not giving up yet. Let's see if we can coax a little holiday spirit out of it."

I liked the hero. He was witty and kind.

After that, the author brought back the mis-delivered Christmas card that I'd actually forgotten about. That was a nice surprise. I like not being able to predict what's going to happen too easily. But when the big coincidence was revealed--that the card just happened to be intended for the same man that helped her with her car--I'm afraid I shook my head in disbelief. Perhaps, as the tagline suggests, there was supposed to be more than coincidence at work, but I had a hard time swallowing it. For the record, I think coincidence is a good tool for Woman's World romance writers, but I'd be careful when trying to stretch the readers' willingness to believe too far.

Missing Issue

2011-01-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

I seem to have misplaced my December 20 issue, so I can't analyze the story here. If I find it amidst the post-holiday mid-re-organizing frenzy that is my house right now, I'll post it. :) Sorry!

"A Match Made in Winter"

2011-01-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

by Tina Radcliffe from the December 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lacey's neighbor had good intentions, but her matchmaking instincts were way off--most of the time...

In a Nutshell: Lacey regularly shovels snow from her elderly neighbor's walkway. The neighbor, Mrs. B. wants to set Lacey up with her nephew (?), but her last attempt was a fail. The next day, Lacey finds her own walkway has already been cleared. The culprit, said nephew, reports his aunt ordered him to do it and to ask her to dinner that night, but when Lacey shows up she finds that Mrs. B. stood them up. They end up liking each other.

Observations: This is a cute story with a nice winter feel to it, perfect for an issue that comes out between Christmas and New Year's. So, keep that in mind for future submissions. Woman's World gets inundated with holiday stories, so it might be prudent to aim for pre- or post-holiday issues.

I talked about showing and telling last week, and I noticed this story also has a very short telling paragraph:

They laughed and talked as they ate, then cleared the table and washed the dishes together.

That one sentence summarizes the events during a time period and even hints that they made a connection, however, this time the connection is only enough to lead to hot chocolate, not a long term relationship, a more believable scenario, in my opinion.

"The Gift of Love"

2010-12-29T11:26:00.000-08:00

by Dana Stephens from the December 13, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: A man skids into a ditch during a snow storm. Molly offers to let him call a tow truck from her house. While they wait, he helps her finish painting the room she was working on. They get to know each other over the next few weeks. Then, for Christmas he gives her an ornament to mark their first Christmas together as a sign that he is serious about her.

Observations: This first meet story had a fantastic concept in that ornament. What a darling idea. Unfortunately, when I got to the point where her eyes filled with tears, I just didn't feel the sentiment myself. That is what makes these stories so difficult to write, especially when you condense their emotional development into a sentence like this:

Molly learned that Ian was an EMT at the local hospital, and over the coming weeks, he came by on his days off until the dining room and living room were finished.

In order to pull off the Happily Ever After you need to show the hero and heroine falling for each other. It's tempting to let it happen off stage, but the fun part about reading romance is living vicariously through the characters. To me, when you "tell" (as in show vs. tell), you summarize events that are too tedious to describe in full detail. The "telling" sentence I quoted above could still work fine in a Woman's World story, BUT in order for it to work, you have to "show" the connection occuring somewhere else in the story, and I didn't see it. :(

"Breakfast with Santa"

2010-12-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

by Elizabeth Palmer from the December 6, 2010 issue

Tagline: Connie hadn't expected Santa to ask what she wanted for Christmas!

In a Nutshell: Connie takes her niece Hannah to her company "Breakfast with Santa." The niece tells Santa that Connie needs a husband. Santa, who is really Rob from accounting, is happy to hear that and might be willing to fill the position.

Observations: This story delighted me. It started when I saw that Rob was from accounting. It seems that the accounting department is so ubiquitous in Woman's World stories. Perhaps because if you try to think of any other types of departments, there aren't that many to choose from!

I liked the reply that Connie gave to her sister when asked if Rob resembles Santa...

"His eyes sort of twinkle."

That set the reader up for the line later that I LOVED. Rob finds out that Connie is not Hannah's mother, but her aunt...

Rob turned up the twinkle.

I also laughed out loud when Connie is flustered when Rob/Santa talks to her instead of Hannah...

Hannah gaped at me. "Santa is talking to you!" she hissed.

I can just picture the little girl's shock and subdued outrage that Connie might be ignoring Santa.

Lastly, I thought I'd point out that this is actually a matchmaker story with a twist. Santa is acting as matchmaker on his own behalf. That just goes to show you that you can always find a new way to present a cliche plot.

"Must Love Dogs"

2010-12-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

by Sally Treadwell from the November 29, 2010 issue

Sally requested that I not post the analysis of her story. Sorry, everyone.

"The Food of Love"

2010-12-08T11:40:00.000-08:00

by K.C. Laine from the November 22, 2010 issue

Tagline: Bonnie didn't realize that she had, long ago, found the way into Richard's heart!

In a Nutshell: Bonnie sells baked goods at the weekly farmer's market. When her brochures get swept away by the wind, Richard gathers them up. He also is impressed with her pot pies and buys several. He comes back the next week with a wooden box he made for her to keep her brochures in. They make a date to cook together.

Observations: Well, I thought I was going insane. I started reading this story and thought, "I've analyzed this before." So, I checked the list of my previous posts for the title, "The Food of Love." No luck. I checked the list of authors. No K.C. Laine listed. I check the date of the magazine, thinking I dug it out of the magazine rack and didn't realize it was from 2009. Nope. Current date. Then, I realize!

I had critiqued this story for the author before she submitted it. DOH. She had told me it had sold. I even saw people on the WWWriters loop praising it. Did I make the connection? No. LOL. (I try not to read those comments because I don't want them to color my opinion of the story before I review it on the blog.)

Sorry, Karen! Didn't they choose a yummy picture of a pot pie?

Anyway, back to the analysis.

I like the quirkiness of the heroine, with her pink wig and vintage glasses. Her costume boosts her sales and shows her to be a savvy business woman, which I admire.

Last week the author foreshadowed a box of truffles as being the heroine's favorite. This week, it's not an object, but a skill that's foreshadowed. Richard says, "Who always gave this woodshop nerd the time of day," which establishes his facility with wood. That paves the way for the special box he makes for her, again showing he's thoughtful and observant, traits all women want in their mates.

Come to think of it, Laine actually sets up a joke in the middle of the story, too. Bonnie recalls Richard burning the meatloaf in home ec class. Later when Bonnie suggests they cook dinner together for old time's sake, he says, "Just as long as it's not meatloaf."

This type of thing pulls your story together. It's how you can "weave" a plot in 800 words and make it seem tight.

"Sweet on You"

2010-12-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

by Charlotte More from the November 15, 2010 issue

Tagline: Molly's chocolate shop kept her busy, but not so busy that she'd stopped hoping for Mr. Right...

In A Nutshell: Chocolate shop owner Molly falls for her regular customer, a man who faithfully buys candy for his grandma every Friday afternoon. One day he buys a special box of expensive truffles and has them gift wrapped. Molly assumes he's got a new girlfriend. Turns out he surprises her outside the shop after she closes, gives her the truffles, and asks her out for dinner.

Teaching Points: This is a (pun intended) sweet story and pretty formulaic, which is not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as how the editors liked it enough to publish it.

Girl meets Boy. Girl assumes he has a girlfriend. Girl is proved wrong--she's the girl he wants.

The trick with writing these stories is figuring out

1) ...what the Boy does to make the Girl think he's attached. Often it's him getting or picking out a gift. Sometimes the Girl sees him from a distance with another girl.

2a) ...who the gift is really for. Usually it's a female relative. Could be a co-worker who is sick or something. OR

2b) ...why he was with that woman. Often it's work related, but it doesn't have to be. Any innocent, plausible reason will do.

3) ...how the Boy reveals that he is really interested in the Girl.

Also, you'll notice that More foreshadows The Gift in the beginning of the story... Molly comments that the special truffles are her favorite. That way, at the end when Seth gives her the box of special truffles, he is shown to be thoughtful and observant, and Molly is touched.

"The Fortune Teller"

2010-11-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

by Janice Curran from the November 8, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: To help his best friend in his marriage proposal, Alex is subbing for the fortuneteller who cancelled. When the bride to be's friend enters the tent to "test his powers," they hit it off.

I've seen fortune teller stories before. I've even seen substitute fortune teller stories before! This was the cutest I've seen yet, mainly because of the banter between the main characters.

My Favorite Part: Alex is telling Marcia's future and predicting romance for her. He says her man will take her to a movie and Marcia says, "A chick flick."

Alex's quick reply is, "The crystal ball tells me the first movie you'll see together will be a chick flick. The second will be an action film." LMAO!!!

"Halloween Magic"

2010-11-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

by Lisa Weaver from the November 1, 2010 issue

Tagline: Officer Phillips was expecting some ghoulish encounters on Halloween, but the pretty witch took him by surprise!

In A Nutshell: Officer Phillips helps Emily get the neighbor's cat out of the tree. Afterward, he's called back again to Emily's, but not because of any real mischief. The neighbor is playing matchmaker. Emily and the policeman make a date for dinner.

Observations: This story is first person, present tense, which I always have to get used to.

A lot happens in this story, so much that I wondered how the author fit it all in. The hero and heroine interact quite a bit, which is terrific, but I found it a little choppy in the middle.

"Can you both stay for some hot cider?"

I radio headquarters to let them know I'm taking a break, then head inside, where the talk turns to superstitions.

"My grandmother believed that if you gazed into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you'd see the reflection of your future spouse," Mrs. Jenkins says, peering over her mug of cider at Emily and me.

I'm due back on patrol, so I extend my thanks and leave.

This scene is so short that it can't be anything other than foreshadowing. It's so obvious that they're going to see each other's reflection later because there isn't much of an attempt to disguise this smoking gun with a little more conversation or internal thought. In my opinion, this could have been done a little more smoothly.

Also, because it is midnight when they look at each other in the mirror, I wonder how long did they sit and chat over cider? What time was it when he rescued the cat, because midnight is pretty darn late for both trick or treaters and/or matchmaking/false alarm attempts by elderly neighbors.

"Meant To Be"

2010-11-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

by Susan C. Hall from the October 25, 2010 issue

Tagline: Was it coincidence that brought Morgan and Tim together? Or was it something called destiny?

In A Nutshell: After exchanging glances with a man in the doctor's office, Morgan keeps seeing him around town. On the fourth instance, she finally introduces herself.

Observations: This was the coincidence plot pushed to its ultimate. The heroine accidentally runs into the hero four times. On top of that, they both end up being teachers. To me, this seemed heavy handed. I would never have submitted a story with this many coincidences in it, even if I acknowledged this with the title and the characters' conversations. However, clearly the editors liked it.

This just goes to prove that this business is very subjective. :)

"The Art of Love"

2010-10-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the October 18, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: Ben's 12 year old son, Cooper, loves his new art teacher, Miss Penney. At the art show, Ben, who has been a widow for four years, hits it off with the art teacher.

Observations: I usually tell people to avoid too much sadness in their stories. Woman's World shies away from negativity. Their mission is to lift the spirits. So when I read the following paragraph in this story, I blinked in surprise.

When his wife died four years earlier, Ben had been devastated. If it hadn't been for Cooper, he'd probably never have left the house once he got home from work. But being a single parent forced him out--and he was glad for that. Cooper grew, time passed. They managed.

I thought, whoa. That's verging on no-no territory. However, if you really look at it, it's just a very factual telling of his history, very succinct and well done.

When I then got to the part where Cooper shows his dad the book he made illustrating a story his late mom had written, I got a little teary. I hadn't seen that coming.

Joyce doesn't let you wallow too long in that moment, though. She snaps you right back into the action as Cooper excitedly calls to Miss Penney, and when Ben invites her to Taco Night at their house, she accepts. So, although the story briefly visited a sad place, most of it was very upbeat and active. Like they say on TV, though, don't attempt this at home. I mean, it's a tricky thing to do and don't be surprised if you try it and get rejected. If I'd written this story, I'd have been completely prepared for rejection.

"A Fresh Coat of Paint"

2010-10-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

by Karen Nikula from the October 11, 2010 issue

Tagline: The sweet little old lady next door knew that Sara needed more than home improvements to make a fresh start.

In a Nutshell: After just moving into a new house, Sara gets advice from a neighbor about where to find a good painter. She investigates and hits it off with the painter, who, coincidentally enough, is the neighbor's nephew.

Observations: People tell me all the time about how Woman's World stories often tell more than show, which is the opposite of what longer fiction requires, and they worry that they're compromising their literary integrity by doing that. The truth is, a professional writer, a writer who wants to sell, will write what the publisher and that publication demand. It's difficult to provide a reader with a satisfying, positive romantic experience in 800 words, and no matter how much you might want to channel your inner Hemingway or Steinbeck, the brevity of Woman's World stories won't allow you to. As a result, telling, not showing, will be something you have to give yourself permission to do.

Here's a breakdown of showing vs. telling in this week's story.
This story - The first paragraph summarizes Sara's backstory and a description of her current situation.
A novel would probably have shown Sara moving in, or examining the walls of her new house with distaste, making the decision to repaint.

This story - You get a little "flashback" where Sara remembers meeting Ellie and Ellie giving her Barry's name as a painter.
A novel probably would have shown Sara meeting Ellie.

This story - After Barry and Sara have a very brief conversation about what she does for fun, you get a summary of the rest of their encounter.If you're writing a first meet story, a conversation like this one is about all you can do to show the relationship developing.
A novel would have shown you the entire conversation so you could get a better grip on Sara and Barry's personalities and how they connect.
In summary, in a Woman's World story, be prepared to tell as much as you show.

"A Change in the Weather"

2010-10-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

by Sheila Llanas from the October 4, 2010 issue

Tagline: The thunderstorm took Sandy and Tom by surprise--and so did the romance that followed...

In a Nutshell: Sandy and Tom go out on a first date. Tom is shy and nervous through dinner. The rest of the date is not ideal, and yet they end up getting married one year later.

Observations: The majority of Woman's World stories tell what happens leading up to that first date. This one took up after that first meet and described the date itself instead. What a refreshing change.

Another difference is that the "black moment," when you worry that things aren't going to work out, occurs in the first third of the story, instead of near the end.

She wondered if this would be a typical first date: Tom would drop her off, tell her he'd call. She'd crawl into bed with a good book and never hear from him again.

I thought the bib wedding favor idea was cute, and I always love a wedding epilogue.

However, this story didn't really grab me. I think it's because Tom didn't appeal to me. I think his bumbling was supposed to be endearing, but he came across as a little too unassuming and awkward. Sandy is a better woman than I am, clearly!

Online Class - Register Now!

2010-09-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

My online class is starting next week on October 4! I'm excited because I've revamped the schedule in response to feedback from the last time I taught the class. The first four lectures are so info heavy that it made more sense to go more quickly through them and leave more time at the end for the actual writing.

As usual, every student who finishes a story by the end of class is automatically entered to win a free critique of that story, a $40 value. (Wow, I sound like an infomercial.)

For more info, check out the sidebar. To register, click here. See you in class!

"Twenty-four Wedding Gowns"

2010-09-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

by April Knight from the September 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lily had a big collection of bridal gowns. Now all she needed was one man in a tux...

In A Nutshell: When investigating a possible addition to her wedding gown collection, Lily meets a man who collects antique toys. They click.

Observations: The story opens with a conversation between Lily and her friend. This conversation accomplishes two things: 1) it communicates the backstory--how Lily got started collecting wedding gowns and 2) it introduces the friend so that at the end we can wrap it up with another conversation between the friends, giving the story some circularity.

However, if it had been my story, I'd have opened it with Lily on Jim's doorstep. I'd have inserted the backstory into their conversation instead, thereby giving myself a lot more room to develop their attraction. For the ending I might have had her contemplating Jim looking at her someday in the one gown in her collection that she really loves.

The reason why I would have nixed the friend is because the 800 word count is so restrictive that I feel we should take advantage of as much room as possible to have the hero and heroine interact and get that chemistry going. You'd still have the great appeal of the wedding gown collection idea, but combined with a more satisfying interaction between the two main characters.

However, Johnene, the fiction editor, liked it as is, so take my musings with a grain of salt. :)

"Strangers on a Train"

2010-09-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

by Terri Osburn from the September 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: Trisha didn't know she'd swapped phones with Joe--but when she found out, she didn't mind one bit...

In a Nutshell: Trisha discovers she has a stranger's phone when she gets a call from the person who has her phone. While arranging a place to trade phones, they find out they're on the same commuter train.

Observations: This is a cute first meet story. In the first act of the story, we discover along with Trisha that she has the wrong phone.

The second act begins when the phone rings. The two main characters exchange some cute banter about what it's been like with a phone belonging to someone of the opposite sex and arrange to exchange the phones. As often happens in a Woman's World story, the reader is asked to believe in a coincidence--that they happen to be on the same train. When you're writing your own story, don't push this coincidence thing too far. There's only so much a reader is willing to believe.

Act three is when they meet face to face. She feels an immediate attraction to him. There is a brief (as always) and minor climactic moment when he doesn't immediately give her her phone. He wants her to have lunch with him before he'll relinquish it. Of course, she agrees and we end the story on a hopeful note.

My Favorite Part: "Hi, is this Trisha Delisha?"

"A Delicious Coincidence"

2010-09-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

by L. Joy Douglas from the September 6, 2010 issue

Tagline: Dana had a feeling she and Travis would be laughing over the way they met for a long time...

In A Nutshell: Dana's on vacation with some girlfriends. A cute guy accidentally spills a drink on her. Later, he sends a surprise to her via room service along with an invitation to dinner. She accepts. Ends up they both live in Cincinnati.

Observations: I thought I'd analyze this story one paragraph at a time, just for the heck of it. Also, by the way, if you remove the paragraph notations and anything I wrote in parentheses, it almost reads like a synopsis. LOL

Paragraph 1, 2: We establish the backstory situation. Dana is on vacation with her single girlfriends. She's also just broken up with her boyfriend.

Paragraph 3, 4, 5: The drink is spilled. The man helps her clean up. They banter a little. (Here I thought the writing was a little jumbled. The man apologizes before she reacts to the frozen drink hitting her. But this is a minor thing.)

Paragraph 6, 7: Introductions are made amongst more banter in which she mentions her favorite drink is the pina colada.

Paragraph 8, 9: Travis apologizes again and the scene ends.

Paragraph 10, 11: We transition to her hotel room an hour later. A waiter delivers a pina colada and an envelope. Dana thought it was her friends, having forgotten their keys again. (This made me admire Dana's wisdom in not opening a hotel door to a "waiter" when you didn't order room service.)

Paragraph 12: He invites her to dinner.

Paragraph 13: Dana wonders if she's ready to date so soon after her break-up, then decides she is.

Paragraph 14, 15, 16: They meet at the restaurant. Travis is gentlemanly. He found out her room number by asking her friends. (The friends we readers were introduced to in the first paragraph.)

Paragraph 17, 18, 19: They find out they both live in Cincinnati. (That's the BC [Big Coincidence] that we Woman's World writers often ask the readers to accept.)

Paragraph 20, 21: We wrap up with the two of them remarking on how fate might have had a hand in their meeting each other.

All in all, I liked the banter and the idea was cute. It made me long for a tropical drink. :)

The Gift

2010-09-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

by Jennie Pitkus from the August 30, 2010 issue

Tagline: Aunt Chloe's good fortune was the best thing that ever happened to Kelsey

In a Nutshell: Kelsey's aunt gives her $500, but her purse gets snatched. The security guard at the mall catches the perp and recovers her purse with the money still there. She returns the next day to thank him and they have lunch together, and then dinner and, well, you know the rest.

Observations: The appeal of this story for me doesn't come until two thirds of the way into the story. It was where Tom, the security guard, asks her out on a date. It's so cute. See, Kelsey's aunt gave her the $500 to do something fun with, and Kelsey had decided to go on a trip somewhere.

"So where are you planning to go?" Tom asked.

"I haven't decided yet. Where would you go?"

"Hmmm. Good question. Let me think about it for a few days," he said. "I should have some ideas by Friday night. How about we discuss them over dinner?"

Tom, you sly dog.

Otherwise, I didn't find it to be anything extraordinary. It was just your typical first meet story featuring a man to the rescue.

Oh, and you're welcome for the eye candy. ;)

The Park Bench

2010-09-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

by Janel Rodriguez from the September 13, 2010 issue

Tagline: The first day of Tracy's September vacation was sunny, warm--and unexpectedly romantic!

In A Nutshell: It's the first day of Tracy's vacation. She grabs a book, heads for the botanical gardens, and plants herself on a park bench. A man sits on other end of her bench and works on his computer. They exchange glances and smiles throughout the day sitting there, at the visitor's cafe where they dined separately, and again at "their" bench. That afternoon, he treats her to an Italian ice and they make plans to meet at the bench the next day.

Observations: Woman's World magazine likes stories that make the reader feel like this could really happen to you. Here you'll find ordinary people in ordinary settings. Tracy is just like you and me. We experience her attraction to the man here:

He caught my eye and we exchanged smiles. He's kind of cute, I thought.

And here:

Around three o'clock, my bench buddy got up to go, and I was surprised to feel my heart sink a little.

Luckily, the man comes through and offers to buy her an Italian ice. Yay!

This story is the perfect example of a sweet first meet story where the ending leaves you hopeful that their next encounter will set them more firmly on the path to love. The only think I would worry about is that they didn't really talk. Once he bought her the ice, I would like to have seen them converse. Also, the man must have a really expensive laptop that it went all day without needing to recharge the battery!

A Magic Moment

2010-09-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

by Karen M. Leet from the August 23, 2010 issue

Tagline: Jen had never seen the romance of airports--until the day she ran into Liam...

In a Nutshell: Jen and Liam literally bump into each other at the airport. Their flights are delayed, so they have coffee. Liam is going toLondon on an overseas work assignment, so they are forced to get to know each other over the phone. Six months later, they agree to meet when he comes back. He returns with a ring and a proposal.

Observations: This was a cute three-act story. First act: They meet and connect. Second act: They maintain a long distance relationship for six months. Third act: The emotional reunion at the airport when Liam proposes. There is a nice "black moment" when Jen has a little anxiety attack and thinks about bolting, and I think every story benefits from a climactic moment where you worry if things are going to work out or not. In Woman's World stories, they can be very minor, like in this story.

Getting the Message

2010-09-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

by Elizabeth Palmer from the August 2, 2010 issue

Tagline: When Carla finally met at the Laundromat, she realized that some things are simply meant to be...

In a Nutshell: Carla's friend wants to play matchmaker and set her up with Luke. Carla is reluctant because of a guy at the laundromat she likes but hasn't approached yet. A patient wants to set her up with her nephew, who works in the hospital, like Carla does, but in radiology. His name is also Luke. Then, strangely, the librarian gives her a book that was recommended by another library patron with the same taste in books. His name? Luke, of course. It ends up that Luke is also the guy from the laundromat.

Observations: I thought this story was the perfect mix of Woman's World optimism and verging-on-implausible coincidence. The magazine has a knack for finding stories that test your ability to suspend disbelief by encouraging your hope for romance to blossom. Here, we are expected to swallow the fact that this Luke guy "appears" in Carla's life in four different ways.

What makes it work is Carla's skepticism. She embodies what we readers are experiencing as we read. This connects us with her character. Yet, at the end, we all hope that it will work out happily, and it does, which is our reward for putting or skepticism aside for just a few minutes.

A New Attitude

2010-08-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

by Kate Willoughby from the August 16, 2010 issue

Tagline: Doctor's orders or not, Dan knew he was too set in his ways to change. And then he met Ginger...

Okay, since this is my story, I can't really review it. I did want to say, I love the tagline, but I wasn't so happy about the title change. I had originally named the story "Old Dogs Can." "A New Attitude" sounds generic to me. I thought my title made more sense, considering the story, but the editors do as they see fit. They know their audience. I'm happy that they published it at all.

It's funny because the whole story came about because I was emailing someone and commented that I had learned something and that apparently you could teach old dogs new tricks. I immediately thought that "Old Dogs Can" would be a great story title. The rest is history. LOL

Jessie's Cowboy

2010-08-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the August 9, 2010 issue

Tagline: Jessie's broken heart needed time to heal--and a trip to a dude ranch appeared to be just what the doctor ordered...

In a Nutshell: Jessie broke up with her fiance and goes to the dude ranch to forget about her troubled love life. She meets a cowboy there, Sam. They connect, but she's reluctant to share much about herself because she's only there for a week. At the airport she is feeling blue, but lo and behold, there's Sam. He'd told Jessie he volunteered at his cousin's dude ranch before, but what he hadn't told her was that he lived in Philly, same as her.

Observations: I loved this story, even better than the one I wrote! Sam is funny...referring to the horse Jessie just mounted...

"His name is Simon," said a cowboy in a plaid shirt as he rode up alongside her. "But I like to call him by his nickname--" he leaned toward Jessie and spoke low, "Demon." Seeing her mouth drop open, he grinned. "Just kidding."

I also liked when he called her "City Girl."

You might notice that often in Woman's World magazine stories, the author will explain the backstory of the main character right at the beginning, but not in this story. Instead, we see Jessie at the dude ranch, meeting the hero right off the bat. It's not until about the midpoint of the story that we find out about her fiance troubles.

Also, I've mentioned before that you can tell one big lie in fiction, but then the rest has to be "the truth," meaning realistic and plausible. In this story, the big lie the author asks us to swallow is that they both happened to live in the same city. The rest of the story was so cute and honest that I was willing to believe it. Just be careful not to push the reader's ability to suspend their disbelief. For instance, it would be difficult to accept it if, when she returned home to Philadelphia, that Sam not only lived there, but was starting employment at the same company where she worked, or perhaps just bought the house next door to her.

My Favorite Part: When Jessie helps her off the horse. I'm a sucker for romantic gestures like this.

When they returned to the ranch, Sam dismounted first, then put his strong hands on either side of Jessie's waist and helped her to the ground.

Artwork: "Cow Boss" by Lorna Dillon

The Best Birthday Gift

2010-08-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

by Beverly Breton Carroll from the July 26, 2010 issue

Tagline: Jennifer usually regretted her tendency to procrastinate--but not today!

In a Nutshell: Jennifer is trying to mail her twin sister's birthday card but is lacking a stamp. A handsome stranger gives her one. Later, that same stranger is in need of some change while in line to buy a bagel, and Jennifer is there!

Observations: I thought this was a darling story. The characters ring true. His reason for not calling her is valid, and he was very smart to notice her address on the envelope. However, the jump from their first "date" and the epilogue paragraph was abrupt for me:

"...I looked up your number but thought it would make you nervous to hear from me--like I was some kind of stalker."

"You? Stalking me?" If only he knew. "But how did you--"

"Your sister's card. I saw the return address. So tell me, how was your birthday?"

I just celebrated my second post-Jake birthday. We're at the coffee shop, and while I sip my latte, he's stamping the last of our square blue wedding invitations.

I think the story could have benefitted from a phrase like, "Two years later" to transition the reader. Perhaps the fact that the story is in present tense contributed to this.

Otherwise, it was well-written. I especially liked the circularity of the stamps and envelopes beginning and ending the story.

Sarah's Smile

2010-08-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

by Diane Burch from the July 12, 2010 issue

Tagline: Trace was shopping for white clover honey, but when he got to the market, he found something even sweeter...

In a Nutshell: Trace Harmon is determined to ask out the girl at the farmer's market. He strikes out time after time, getting interrupted. When he finally gives up after finding out that the girl was only summer help, she shows up on his doorstep to deliver honey. Turns out her grandfather runs the market.

Observations: This was a little unusual in that it begins with the hero already having met the heroine. But I was slightly confused as to the timeline. I coudl not figure out just how many times Trace went to the market.

First paragraph, he's introducing himself with a handshake. :

"Trace Harmon." Thirty and gun-shy after a bad break-up six months prior, he offered his hand to the pretty young woman at the counter in the busy open-air market.

Then, in his thoughts he's recalling the week BEFORE when he gone shopping for clover honey. There's a short scene where he gets the honey. I believe this scene is the FIRST meet. They get interrupted by a pushy customer.

Then, at the bottom of the first column, it says,

All week, the girl with the red hair occupied his mind--only now she had a name. So, the next Saturday he headed for the farm market again.

I think that refers to the SECOND meet, which brings us right back to where we started in that very first paragraph where he introduces himself with the handshake. Right? Wrong. Because here's what happens:

Trace walked over to where she was stacking heads of lettuce. "Hi," he said.

Sarah smiled. "Hi, Trace."

She remembered his name. That was a good sign.

So, when did he give her his name? That very first paragraph, right? Was that first paragraph the first meeting or the second meeting? I hope one of you can explain it to me.

Even with my confusion as to all of Trace's comings and goings, it was a cute story. I did think he was a little lame for not just hanging around until there was a lull, but I gave him points for persistence. It was cute how he got tongue-tied around her, and the ending was sweet.

Moonlight Magic

2010-08-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

by Mary L. Briggs from the July 19, 2010 issue

Tagline: Janie had escaped to the pretty seaside inn for rest, relaxation and as it turned out, romance

In a Nutshell: Janie's on vacation. At dinner with the other two guests at the inn she finds out there's a legend that during a full moon a mermaid comes to sit on a rock and sing, and Janie ventures out to see if it's true. So does Joel.

Observations: I thought the premise of this story was oh so romantic. Who doesn't love a ghostly legend of love? As some of you might know, I keep a list of common plots that appear in Woman's World magazine. This story is so unique, it didn't fit into any of those categories.

Unlike the Fourth of July story, we see more personality from these characters, probably because there's a "long" scene where they talk with each other. Then later, when he surprises her at Mermaid's Rock, we see a little more of them. Even though the stories are only 800 words, don't skimp on characterization. It can really make readers feel more while they're reading. If you're going to skimp, pare down your descriptions. Cut out unnecessary actions, like getting into the car and driving somewhere. Just cut to the destination. Your words are better spent on the characters.

I was surprised to see nekkidness in the little inset photo! I guess Real Mermaids go topless. LOL

Artwork: Peter Spataro's Drift Inn Beach

Women on Writing Interview

2010-07-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

Recently WOW-Women on Writing.com, interviewed me for their syndicated blog, The Muffin. They were intrigued by my blog here. I was flattered and excited, and here's where you can read the interview if you like.

No Thanksgiving

2010-07-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

The Thanksgiving story I submitted got rejected by Woman's World. Alas. Still waiting to hear from the Trues, though.

A Recipe for Love

2010-07-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

by B.J. Heinlein from the June 7, 2010 issue (The first of three "long lost posts" that I'm dredging up from the queue. For some reason, I wrote these but never posted them.)

Tagline: Was it possible that Jenny's grandmother and Kirk's grandmother had dreamed of this meeting long ago?

In a Nutshell: Caterer Jenny Cross finds a copy of a cookbook her grandmother loved at a garage sale. Coincidentally, the man holding the sale has fond memories of his own granny involving that book. Inside the book she finds a recipe card for "Honeymoon Cake" and impulsively she bakes one that afternoon and brings it to share with the garage sale guy.

Observations: If you believe what you read in WW, garage sales are a great place to meet people. All you have to do is find something that has sentimental value for you and it will inevitably be special to the person holding the sale, or their relative. (In my own garage sales, I only sell the stuff I have NO sentimental attachment to. Go figure!)

Just make sure you don't inject any negativity in your garage sale story. Don't make it post-nasty-divorce. Don't make anyone cry over the item, unless it's happy tears.

Worth Waiting For

2010-07-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

by Mary Ann Joyce from the May 31, 2010 issue (The second of three late posts.)

Tagline: There were things that Maggie wanted to forget about Sean McDougal...but lots more that she couldn't help remembering

In a Nutshell: Maggie runs into Sean in the grocery store. They were once great friends in high school until he married a cheerleader and moved away. A mutual friend sets them up and they rekindle their feelings for each other.

Observations: This story is a clear example of the three act structure. First act: Maggie tells a girlfriend (the matchmaker, it turns out) about the chance encounter. In that conversation, we get some info about the heroine: she owns a small shop, she's not a good cook, she works out. We get some info about the hero: he's recently divorced, is a high school teacher.

Act two: We see the heroine's thoughts, getting the history of their relationship in high school--Drama Club, after which the guy meets the cheerleader whom he marries and eventually divorces.

Act three: A few days later he calls her. He never forgot her and wants to take her to a party the matchmaker is throwing.

This kind of story can touch a chord in readers. Doesn't everyone have a person they longed for in their youth who spurned them? Wouldn't it be terrific if that person came back and admitted that they were stupid for letting you slip through their fingers? Yeah. Me too!

The only thing this story was missing was a black moment, but Woman's World doesn't seem to care about that.