Tagline: A quiet evening and a chance meeting, and two lonely people get a second chance for love...
In A Nutshell: After getting divorced from her husband, Cerise works cleaning offices at night to make ends meet. She meets a widower who is working late to catch up. They hit it off.Observations: There wasn't a lot of witty banter or humor in this story. The setting wasn't quirky, nor did I detect any odd coincidences. It was just a sweet, quiet, solid story of two people meeting.
As I've said before, when you have a character with a history to get over, it's best not to dwell too much on it. This character's husband left her for another woman. That had to be really tough. But in Woman's World stories, you want to communicate that backstory as matter-of-factly as you can, like Shaffer did.
Charlie is four and I've been cleaning offices since his dad left us for a woman he met at the office where he worked.
"Office romances are a bad idea,"my mom says.
That one was certainly bad for me. I've gotten over the heartbreak, but I had to take this job when he left, and cut my college classes down to just two per week.
Another thing I noticed about this story was that it covered four nights, four meetings, four chances for them to connect. The first night, they meet. The second night they exchange names and he shares some personal information. Third night, she does the same. Fourth night, he buys her a Kit-Kat and asks her to dinner.
It's easy to see a real relationship starting this way.
19 comments:
Thanks, Kate. What I hoped to convey in this story was the different approach to an office romance--lowly cleaning lady meets executive, rather than the customary secretary falls for boss. What equalized these two characters in my mind was the fact that she was in college and also that his mother had cleaned homes as he was growing up. I originally had the guy away to attend his mother's funeral--too much tragedy for Johnene; she told me she would simply make it a trip to Disney. I was grateful for the change, because it meant the difference between being published and not being published.
Yes, I had noticed that you equalized them but hadn't consciously recognized that it was a twist on the secretary cliche. But of course, it is. :)
The trip to Disney also allowed him to have kids, which gave them something else in common. I could easily see them ending up like the Brady Bunch.
Tamara, congratulations on another published WW story. I liked it and am in complete agreement with Kate's analysis. A very real situation, I'm sure.
You mean Johnene tells you when she is going to make a change? That wasn't my experience at all, but you have already heard my complaints about that.
Kate, I have one more comment. I know the published WW writers appreciate some feedback on their stories. Maybe just to know that someone actually reads them. With all the people who read your blog, why are all but a few so reluctant to put their opinion in the rating box that you provide for each publication? It only takes a few seconds and it is anonymous so far as I know.
Mary Jo - Thanks for the congrats. My eighth romance (one mystery so far). I was surprised by Johnene's note telling me about the change she was planning. Usually, her changes just show up (mostly minor ones but only occasionally to my liking). One other time she surprised me big time by asking whether I'd like to see my story with her changes. I declined and then later was sorry, because that's the one where she had the man of interest addressing the wrong person as they were hooking up at the end.
Kate, in my version the man had been widowed and did have a daughter. I knew I was pushing it with that funeral.:)
Also, Kate, I just want to say how much I appreciate your ingenious idea for this blog. It has given me a welcome place to discuss our stories. Not too many people understand the peculiarities of writing for WW.
I've never had Johnene talk to me about changes she planned. I could see how she'd be reluctant to open herself up to "arguing" about them.
Yes, the rating is completely anonymous. I think that society in general has moved away from judgment, deeming it a bad thing. I disagree. How are we to know if we've succeeded or excelled if no one judges? Can you imagine the Olympic Figure Skating without judging? "Yeah, thanks for the beautiful performance. You're all great skaters, but because we're afraid to hurt your feelings, we're not going to score you. Thanks for coming, though!"
Isn't it funny how sometimes we know we're pushing it but go ahead anyway? Like with Mary Jo's tattoo story, that was really pushing it, but look at how it got published. You just have to take a chance sometimes.
Thanks for your note of appreciation, Tamara. I'm still surprised when I realize how many people visit.
You're welcome, Kate. Pretty clever, this whole enterprise. I agree, the editors have to maintain a certain protective distance from us or they'd never have time to move forward with their work. I'm amazed at the number of writers, but one friend pointed out that, if you divide those numbers by the number of states in the US, it's not that many.
The magic word in the WW contract is "augment" which means that once you put your signature to it, Johnene is authorized to do whatever she chooses to your story. Arguing would get the original author nowhere. There can be minor or major changes. For me, some of the minor ones were the most irritating. I mean, why change the color of an evening gown from "apricot" to "turquoise"? Just a matter of personal taste, not story quality. ARRRGGHH!!
Tamara, maybe she likes you better and wants you to be happy.
Ha ha, Mary Jo, that's pretty funny. Some of her changes made me less than happy, I'll assure you, and I almost agree with you that the small ones are more irritating. Why can't a man be "excruicatingly" handsome instead of "very" handsome? Sometimes she takes the "very" life out of the writing.
Tamara, I see we are on the same page. It would be nice if the editor could take your word for what the man looks like, wouldn't it? Or what his name was. Or what the girl wore. Etc. None of my guys are ever "handsome". Usually, they are "great looking", but you would never know it according to JG. It seems every man in a WW story has to be "handsome" or even "very handsome". Well, how many men are? One of the doctors I worked for was almost ugly as sin, and he had to beat the women off with a stick--or his wife did!
Has anyone out there ever actually met Johnene?
I've never met her. I don't even know what she looks like.
Not much about her on the web either. Patricia Gaddis is really a mystery. I wonder whether they ever read these blogs. We better be nice:)
Patricia has. I don't know about Johnene.
Oh, oh....
Well, don't we all just love them both?
One thing I will say, they both work hard. I have never spoken with Johnene, but when Patricia called me about a late check, she was really very nice. My first editor that I actually knew was Ellen Edwards. She edited my one and only book and went on to be a top of the line editor and is highly respected.
It has to be gruelling, reading story after story, and while I don't love all their changes, they're not that easy to make, especially with a deadline.
Another word about the Rating Box, Kate. It occurs to me that one reason more readers don't cast a vote is because they may have forgotten what that story was about. Those of us with subscriptions to WW probably read the story a couple of weeks before the box appears. I know, sometimes I have to go back and check the story again. Were there more votes when you posted the rating box earlier? Maybe not.
Yes, I'm a bit behind with the stories, I'll admit. Hopefully my analyses will jog people's memories. If not, it is what it is. I don't want to crowd the sidebar too much by having four polls at a time. :)
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