No Place Like Home by Nell Musolf

From the September 25, 2017 issue

Tagline: Melanie was tired of cutting grass and ready to move into an apartment...then she met Jeff!

Observations: Woman's World changed fonts on the story! I like it! I wonder, though, if it was because this story was longer or something.

Anyway, I noticed a plot device that appears in many stories, but that I haven't talked about in a while. It's when a main character believes x, y, z and that belief shifts by the end of the story. This also appears as a main character expressing some sort of dissatisfaction and by the end of the story, they end up satisfied one way or another.

If you're an experienced Woman's World romance story reader, then you might have read the passage quoted below and realized, "Aha! She's going to change her mind."

...I thought about how much easier life would be if I rented an apartment instead of a house. Someone else mows the lawn or shovels the snow when you have an apartment.

And sure enough, the story ends with...

Maybe moving into an apartment wasn't the best solution for me. Especially now that my house was beginning to feel more like home!

In my basic Writing for Woman's World class, I talk about ways to get ideas for stories, and one way is to take a character, figure out what they believe and change their minds. Or come up with something a character might be dissatisfied with and, again, change their minds. They could realize that dissatisfaction is actually trivial. They could realize that they should be grateful for what they have. (That would be a great idea for a Thanksgiving story.) These can be great jumping-off points when your mind is blank and you're trying to get started.

Also, I liked the repeated motif of sparks and wondered if Musolf intentionally planned for the "spark" of the lawn mower engine starting to echo that. If so, wow! Very impressive.

Shall We Dance? by Rosemary Hayes

From the July 25, 2016 issue

Tagline: Beth was overwhelmed by the idea of waltzing at her sister's wedding...until the best man came to her rescue!

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story. There were some things I liked and some I didn't. Let's start with the postive.

We immediately feel empathy for Beth when we read about how she fell of the stage in high school. I also know that I'd probably feel nervous too, if I were called to dance in front of everyone at a wedding. (I didn't particularly like dancing at my own wedding, knowing everyone's eyes were on me.)

I also liked how Hayes developed the relationship between Beth and Jacob. It was a slow and steady build, even if I didn't quite believe they were in love by the time the wedding rolled around.

I didn't care for the repetition of the "It's as easy as ____" line. I was fine with the first time...

"Dancing is as easy as baking a cake."

I laughed. "I haven't baked an edible cake yet--just ask Emily."

That was cute, a witty reply and we get some information about her as a character.

But when it happens again...

"Just remember," he said. "This is as easy as riding a bike."

"It took me months to learn to ride a bike--I even chipped a tooth."

I was a bit annoyed with her. To me, it felt like she was being contrary. I thought to myself, "the guy is only trying to reassure you." I even wondered if they got married, if this pattern would continue, with Jacob saying something encouraging and Beth responding with something contradictory.

The third time...

"You'll be fine. This is as easy as washing a dog."

I almost cracked up. "I have a Great Dane."

It was slightly humorous, so this didn't irk me like the time before, and by now I had caught on to the pattern. By the time we encounter the fourth and final time he tells her it's as easy as something, I had forgiven the author the repetition because there was a purpose behind it, but unfortunately, my opinion of Beth had suffered. I started out feeling sorry for her and identifying with her fear, but by the end I was ready for her to put her big girl panties on. I would like to have seen her grow as a character during the dance classes and evolve to a point where she felt confident going out onto the dance floor with Jacob.

Your mileage may vary. I can totally see how someone would read this and not feel irritated with her, which only goes to prove that this is all so very subjective.  And yet, when I think about Woman's World and how positive they are and how they publish those "Moments for You," they want women to feel empowered and I think the character Beth could have used a little of that.

Photo Credit: Danca via Flickr Creative Commons License

A Treasure to Remember by Kathy Hendrickson

From the July 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Amy didn't think she'd ever find Mr. Right--until she met a gorgeous guy at the antiques mall!

Observations: Ah, the antiques mall. What a fun place to bop around and it's the perfect Woman's World type place to find romance. There's that Americana, Normal Rockwell atmosphere that really resonates with the readers of WW.

I found a few things to comment on, which is always a relief. LOL Sometimes I read a WW story and have nothing to say about it.

There was a bit of a repetition in the beginning...

Amy had all but given up on finding true love. She didn't even want to talk about it to anyone...

Then a couple paragraphs down...

"I know you don't want to talk about it, dear, but I know there's someone out there just for you!"

There was also some repeating at the end.

"How about we go to lunch and then to my grandfather's lock shop?"

and

"Great," he said. "Let's go have lunch, and then we'll stop by my grandfather's store to find a key for that box."

This may have been on purpose for emphasis, but it read repetitive to me. If it was an error, it gives me the opportunity to suggest you find at least one person who can critique and proofread your stories for you. Sometimes we miss things like this because we're too close to the story.

Hendrickson fooled me in this story. When the granny spouted a saying, I thought for sure the saying would show up again the the last sentence of the story, but it didn't. LOL

I loved it when Nicholas said "Don't leave. I'll be right back." There's a hero with just the right amount of assertiveness. He's also a great grandson, obviously. I also LOVED when the grannies exchanged that secret smile. ADORABLE.

All in all, a solid story that I enjoyed.

Photo credit: Paul Sableman via Flickr Creative Commons License

A Treasure to Remember by Kathy Hendrickson

From the July 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Amy didn't think she'd ever find Mr. Right--until she met a gorgeous guy at the antiques mall!

Observations: Ah, the antiques mall. What a fun place to bop around and it's the perfect Woman's World type place to find romance. There's that Americana, Normal Rockwell atmosphere that really resonates with the readers of WW.

I found a few things to comment on, which is always a relief. LOL Sometimes I read a WW story and have nothing to say about it.

There was a bit of a repetition in the beginning...

Amy had all but given up on finding true love. She didn't even want to talk about it to anyone...

Then a couple paragraphs down...

"I know you don't want to talk about it, dear, but I know there's someone out there just for you!"

There was also some repeating at the end.

"How about we go to lunch and then to my grandfather's lock shop?"

and

"Great," he said. "Let's go have lunch, and then we'll stop by my grandfather's store to find a key for that box."

This may have been on purpose for emphasis, but it read repetitive to me. If it was an error, it gives me the opportunity to suggest you find at least one person who can critique and proofread your stories for you. Sometimes we miss things like this because we're too close to the story.

Hendrickson fooled me in this story. When the granny spouted a saying, I thought for sure the saying would show up again the the last sentence of the story, but it didn't. LOL

I loved it when Nicholas said "Don't leave. I'll be right back." There's a hero with just the right amount of assertiveness. He's also a great grandson, obviously. I also LOVED when the grannies exchanged that secret smile. ADORABLE.

All in all, a solid story that I enjoyed.

Photo credit: Paul Sableman via Flickr Creative Commons License

We Love Chocolate

by Linda Hersey from the February 13, 2012 issue

Tagline: The story of how Mandy and Luke fell in love was a really sweet one.

In a Nutshell: Mandy is an event planner and a chocoholic. At a chocolate fest, she runs into a guy whose office party she just planned. They spend the day together and exchange phone numbers in a cute way at the end.

Observations: My feelings ran hot and cold with this story. There were times when I was frowning and shaking my head and times when I grinned and nodded in appreciation.

Let me first insert my usual disclaimer. This is only my opinion, which in the long run doesn't count for anything when you consider the fact that Woman's World published this story.

Here, Hersey tells me info twice. The ending sentence of the paragraph tried to be cute, but fell short for me because I was like, "I already know you're an event planner." Here are the paragraphs I'm talking about.


    I'm also an event organizer. Sadly, I didn't organize this event, although I sure wish I'd been asked to.
    On opening day, my first stop was the truffles booth. Double-dipped heaven, but the icing on the cake, so to speak, was Luke Munroe, the architect, standing at the nearby eclair display. I'd seen him the other day at the launch of Beddow, Schlare and Thompson's new offices. I'd organized the event. Mandy Anderson: event organizer by profession; chocoholic by inclination.

See what I mean? The first paragraph is, in my opinion, redundant because the subsequent paragraph explains her profession perfectly. If you have a copy of the story, check it out and see if you agree with me. When you're editing your own stories, be wary of repeating info. In a novel, sometimes it's necessary, because if you mention something important in the beginning of the book, by the middle, the reader may have forgotten it, so you give them subtle reminder. But these stories are only 800 words long, so there's no need.

However, this paragraph made me smile.

He looked up and caught me ogling him--or maybe it was the chocolate eclair in his hand that I was ogling.

Cute! But further along, we get:

"Hey--hi!" I managed, giving him a big smile and hoping I didn't have chocolate on my front teeth.

I liked this bit of cute self-doubt, but wondered about chocolate staying solid enough to remain on her teeth, but if she'd just swallowed and then smiled, it was possible. But then later...

Luke laughed, and I noticed a fleck of chocolate on his left incisor. I relaxed. Clearly, I was in the company of a chocolate lover.

Alas, because I my repetition radar was already on, I noticed this chocolate-on-the-teeth idea repeating when I might not have otherwise. Also, I found it very unlikely that after all the talking he does before she notices the fleck, that the fleck would have been there at all. If that bit of chocolate was merely to indicate to Mandy that he was a chocolate lover, she already had evidence. One, he's at the festival. Two, he is holding an eclair, and if he's already taken a bite...there ya go. If it had been my story, I'd have put the chocolate on his upper lip.

After that, I enjoyed everything. I really liked the paragraph summarizing their day.

Brunch was a blast. We talked, we laughed, we ate chocolate. In the course of our conversation, it became clear that Luke was unattached. So naturally, I let slip that I wasn't seeing anyone either.

Cute! I like that Mandy. She's a clever, proactive girl.

Hersey had a terrific black moment...

I was disappointed at the way the day ended, but at least I had my cookie.

And then Hersey ends it with a double surprise ending which I thought was masterful. Luke gives her a cookie before they part...

When I got home, I opened the box, then almost dropped it. There, drizzled on top, in rich Belgian chocolate, was Luke's name and phone number. My heart skipped a beat and a smile spread across my face. Now I didn't feel like I'd made a mistake giving him that fortune cookie with my cellphone number in it!

So, I had some style issues with this story, however I did enjoy it and think that Hersey really did a bang-up job on the second half.