March 28, 2016 issue
Tagline: After years of loneliness, Jessie had given up on love--then she met Christopher...
This was my story and I've always enjoyed showing you the before and after so you can see an example of what editors actually do. Words in blue were added by the editor.
You'll see there was quite a bit of work done. I can see that the bit about divorced women was removed, which doesn't surprise me. Why go the "negative" route when it's not necessary? In fact, many of the tweaks were in that vein. It's funny how I preach that in my class, but failed to follow my own suggestion. LOL
You'll also see the story was firmly planted in the April, so that it would connect with the time of year the story was hitting the stands.
At the risk of insulting the editor, I will say the ending didn't sing for me. I prefer it where it's is eagerness and joy that we're left with, instead of her soft reply. I think it's the word "soft" that bothers me. I think if she'd smiled or cocked her head or something, it wouldn't have felt so shy to me. However, in hindsight, I really should have written something in the first place that tied in with the theme of flowers and spring and blooming. Again, this is a tip I give in my class--to really,
really work on the endings so that they are superb. I seem to have gotten a little lazy here. LOL
“You can’t believe
everything you read have to keep trying,” Allison commented to her co-worker, Jessie, as they made
Jessie
frowned. She and Allison were crafting corsages and boutonnieres for an April wedding. It was prom
season and Jessie’s flower shop had been flooded with orders.
“I
know,” Jessie replied. While she didn’t take that article about divorced women
as gospel, it certainly had discouraged her.
According to the magazine, divorcees over a certain age had a slim
chance of remarrying.
“All
you have to do is try,” Allison said.
“What
do you mean? I’ve been trying. Didn’t
I tell you Jessie frowned. The flower arrangements trimmed in delicate ribbons only served to remind her that she was still single.
"Oh, come on, Allison, do you really think I haven't tried? Have you forgotten about that blind date I had last month?”
Allison finished tying a ribbon on the bouquet she was making, then stood up to stretch her legs. made a face. “Month being the operative word…” She trailed off, her attention
suddenly drawn to a car pulling up to the store. “I think "Maybe you should go on the
offense. Make a pass at the Harry Potter guy. someone, or at least show him you’re interested. Like
the Man Wizard. He’s adorable. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, you know, and he's adorable! Ask him out!. Would
you go out with him if he asked you?”
"I'm so not listening to you," Jessie said, rolling rolled her eyes. Her matchmaking co-worker Allison loved to give nicknames to customers, and one of their most
faithful patrons was Christopher customers had the last name of Potter, who often bought flowers for his mother. Allison had observed that w With
his dark good looks and bookish eyeglasses, he really resembled Christopher Potter was like a hunky and grown up, hunky Harry Potter.
Allison continued. “He
likes the beach. You both like the beach. He likes to travel and so do you. You both
love Thai food... and Monday night football. Need I say more? go on?”
"That's true," Jessie said. "We do have a lot in common, or so it seems, but All
that was true. She and Christopher had chatted often. They did have a lot in
common.
“I don’t know.
Maybe.” Jessie tucked some hair behind her ear as an older woman got out of her
car and approached the shop. “But don’t get any ideas. Christopher is a good
customer and I wouldn’t want to lose his business him.”
“Good
customers, you we have. It's a boyfriend you want." a lot of. Boyfriends? Not so much.”
The April showers had stopped, and the sun was coming out as an elegant-looking woman got out of her car and approached the shop. Just then, the The
phone rang and Jessie went to answer it while Allison greeted the customer.
“Welcome to Flowers by Jessie," Allison said, ". How can I help you?”
The
woman smiled. “I’d like to send something to my son for his birthday. But do
you have something a little more masculine than a bouquet?”
Allison
showed her some of the miniature bonsai trees and the woman loved them.
“I believe this is something my son would like, and I want I’d like this to
be delivered to him around six p.m. by Jessie. I’ll even pay extra for that if necessary if I need
to, but it needs to be her.” At Allison’s quizzical look, the woman added: conspiratorially, “My son has given buys me flowers every single month, ever since his father my
husband passed away, and he’s always talking about his florist, Jessie, and how pretty
she is and I thought it would make his day for her to deliver them in person." , as a mother, it was my duty to…”
A
sudden suspicion bloomed in Allison’s mind as she got ready to record the necessary information into the computer. brain. “If I could have your name
please?”
“Deborah
Potter. My son is Christopher Potter, and he lives at 105 Oak Lane.”
“Mrs.
Potter!” Allison beamed. “You jJust leave everything to me," she said. "I'm sure you won't be disappointed.”
A
few days later, Jessie pulled up at to Christopher Potter’s house with the bonsai tree on the seat next to her. Allison usually did the afternoon deliveries, but she practically pushed Jessie out the door, saying it was her big chance with Harry Potter. She was more nervous
than she had a right to be. Christopher Potter was a sweet guy who obviously
loved his mother a lot. He was funny and handsome and single. Whether he was
attracted to her remained a question. She told herself to remain professional as
she rang the doorbell. This was just an everyday delivery.
When Christopher opened the door, her heart accelerated.
"Jessie!" He grinned. "What a nice surprise!" Christopher’s
eyes widened in surprise. “Jessie?”
“Yep.
I have a delivery for you.” She held out the bonsai tree his mother had chosen.
“Happy birthday," she smiled. "It's from your mom.”
“You’re
kidding. Wow, and it's really great to see you again!" thanks.”
Another car drove up and a teenaged boy jumped out as he read the card. A kid got out
holding a couple of bags. As he got closer, Jessie got a whiff of something
yummy.
“I have an order for Jessie and Christopher," he said. Order for
Jessie?”
She and
Christopher looked at each other, surprised.
“I’m Jessie," she said.”
"I'm Christopher," he echoed, reaching for his wallet.
The kid handed her
the bags "It's from the Thai Kitchen," the boy said, handing her the bags. "Already paid for." one of Jessie’s favorite restaurants. “Here ya
go. It’s already paid for,” the kid answered as Jessie glanced at the delivery
van where she’d left her purse. “The lady tipped me too.”
The kid turned to
go, but Jessie called out, “Do you know who placed the order, by the way?” she asked.
“Allison from the flower shop," the boy called out while rushing back to his car.”
Jessie gasped. She
was going to kill Allison.
“Allison from your
store?”
“It seems like
it.”
Christopher
chuckled. “It smells great. I love the Thai Kitchen.”
Jessie shook her head. “You realize
what’s going on right?”
His eyes twinkled.
“Sure. My Hmmm...my mom and your friend think we need to spend the evening together
eating eat Thai food together while and chatting about miniature potted trees.”
She couldn’t help
laughing. “I’m really sorry about this," she said. .”
Jessie's heart fluttered as Christopher He gazed down at
her with his and she suddenly felt quite small and feminine. He had the most gorgeous
brown eyes. and a smile like a warm hug. "I'm not!"
“Don’t be sorry,”
he said. “I’m sure not.”"Then neither am I," she replied softly.
Tagline: Sam thought it was just another routine work assignment...then he met Dara!
