Summer Loving

by Marla Zarrow from the June 12, 2023 issue

Tagline: Ellen knows never to get involved with the summer folks who come to stay in her town...until Timothy comes along.

Observations: I made an assumption reading this story that turned out to be wrong, but it provided a Teaching Moment about names for the blog, so I'll take it! 

Since Ellen had tears in her eyes when she gazed at "Jake Ellery's seaside cabin" at the beginning of the story, I thought Jake Ellery was an ex for whom she still had feelings. 

When you give a character (Jake Ellery) a first and last name, you mark them as a person of importance in the story.

For instance...

The waitress took their order.

The reader will not think this waitress is important. They are the story equivalent of a movie extra--you know, like in the credits when someone is billed as Girl with Dog.

Now, I'm going to give the waitress a full name.

The waitress, Theresa Rodgers, took their order.

The reader will naturally expect this person to have a greater role in the story because the writer gave her a full name. 

You can give a character just a first name and not be assigning too much importance to him/her, if only because it can get awkward to keep using the phrase "the waitress" over and over. But give a character a full name and that character will be expected to have a greater role than movie extra.

This also applies to the amount of physical description you give to a character. The more description there is, the more important the person.

Photo by Ruth Hartnup via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Love at First Catch

by Melanie Dusseau from the June 5, 2023 issue

Tagline: Heading to her family cabin for a long weekend, Liz sets out to fish on the lake...and reels in more than she bargained for when Bob comes along.

Observations: This story was a big bold splash of summer.  It was as if Dusseau brainstormed summer and put everything she wrote down into this story. There's the fishing and the cabin on the lake. She also repeated a sun motif throughout.

Suddenly, the fish surfaced, thrashing in a spill of sunlight by the dock.

She squinted into the sun at the sigh of an approaching boat.

The man stepped sure-footedly onto the dock, the sun lighting a glimmer in his blue eyes.

They stood on the edge of the dock grinning--like the children they once were--there in the rainbow made by sun and oil glinting off the water's reflection.

If you didn't finish this story yearning for all the joys of the summer season, you need to read the story again!

Photo by Michael Seeley via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Love to the Rescue

by Marti Attoun from the May 22, 2023 issue

Tagline: After a disastrous morning, Eleanor is about to have a muffin catastrophe at the grocery store, when a gallant stranger steps in to save the day.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: This is where I record my thoughts as I have them as I'm reading the story. If you follow this blog, you'll have noted the long gap between analyses. I'm happy to say this is because it seems as if I've burst through my two-year-long writer's block and am 25K words into a new novel. So, sorry, not sorry!

Could her morning get any crazier? Perhaps she could get hit by a meteor? -- Funny.

Oh my gosh, I have had this happen to me too, but it wasn't blueberries. It was a head of garlic that rolled under a car. I'm short with arms to match and I couldn't reach it. Luckily, I had something in my car that allowed me to bat at the garlic to get it within reach. This is what you have to do when you don't have a handsome stranger offering to help.

I love whirligigs.

LOL. She used a purple chip bag clip in her hair. That's hilarious, but I'd tell her not to worry. Men don't usually notice stuff like this.

She looked like a demented peacock! -- Also funny. This reminds me...in my Deep Dive Class, I talk about including humor in your stories along with the different types of humor that I've observed in the magazine. This is self-deprecating humor and Attoun used it masterfully here.

If she snatched the bag clip and her graying tumbleweeds... -- LOL

...one lost breath mint -- I love this tiny detail. It adds realism. We've all discovered stuff in our purses we forgot about.

Hm. I'm not sure I agree with Eleanor's assessment that his good deed deserved a cash payment. He just picked up her fruit.

"Too much to mention," he blurted. -- I don't understand this bit of dialogue. I've reread it several times and it's not clicking.

He has wavy dark hair but hers is graying. You go, cougar girl!

Again, this part of the story confused me. All of a sudden he's mentioning a flea market where he thinks he's seen her. 

Here we have a flashback to convey some backstory. Nice.

Bart's lightheartedness was contagious... -- LOL. I read this as lightheadedness.

Hm, she's baking blueberry...cupcakes? Is this a regional thing? To me, blueberries in cupcake form are muffins. 

Ah, cute ending.

Photo by Yukiko Matsuoka via Flickr Creative Commons License

Like Mother, Like Daughter

by Mary Ann Joyce and Rakel Joyce from the May 15, 2023 issue

Tagline: Jane is scared that setting up her mom with her husband's uncle was a bad idea...until she sees the sparks start to fly in the best way

Stream of Consciousness Observations: This is where I record my thoughts as I have them as I'm reading the story. In all honesty, this is usually because I'm criminally behind in my analyses.

Oh, my son's name is Brian. Great name. LOL

Ah, I have a brother in law who is uber-competitive. I wonder what board game they're playing. I love board games!

Oh, backgammon. I love backgammon! 

They're serving lemonade. This is the beverage of choice in Woman's World stories. Well, that and hot cocoa. LOL Not throwing shade here. Just an observation about how even the smallest details can set the tone of a story. 

What child doesn't want their single parent to find someone to share their life with? I am connecting with the couple here.

There's quite a bit of backstory here, which is fine. It's filling in the characters of Jane and Rose so they're more rounded. It's a bit difficult to achieve proper characterization in 800 words, but it can--and should, if possible--be done.

Oh, we're also getting a little bit about Brian and what made him husband material in Rose's eyes. This bit also gives you the motivation behind Jane's matchmaking attempt.

They have news to share? Ha! I bet we all know what the news is, which is fine. Sometimes a plot twist comes as a complete surprise, which can be so much fun. But sometimes the reader predicts, which is fine, because they usually will read on to find out if they were right or not.

A note about names that you may not have thought about...it can be a good idea, when choosing names, to vary the number of syllables and the beginning letter because otherwise you may be risking the reader getting confused. For instance, I wouldn't name two male characters Jim and John or two female characters named Lisa and Linda. I'd avoid names that rhyme or sound alike as well, like Carrie and Mary.

Aha! I was right. There's a baby on the way!

Photo credit: Mark Bonica via the Flickr Creative Commons License