by Tamara Shaffer from the February 11, 2013 issue
Tagline: Mary hadn't opened her heart to anyone for a long time...and then she met Todd. But what happened next?
In a Nutshell: Mary and Todd work at the same department store. Mary likes Todd. Todd likes Mary. Although neither is particularly brave, they end up giving each other secret valentines.
Observations: I had a couple of glitches that pulled me out of the story. First, is it just me, or does this first sentence read awkwardly?
Mary was helping a customer when Todd walked past the checkout at the store where she worked as a cashier, headed for the greeting cards display.
Yowsa. That last phrase is so kooky, but I think it's saying that the cashier is heading for the greeting card display...
The other hiccup was here:
That's when Mary had an idea. Maybe she could distract him from this other person who occupied his thoughts. I mean, it's not like Todd is actually dating someone else, she reasoned.
Right where it says, "I mean," it felt, not like the characters thoughts, but more like the narrator's intrusion, until I got to "she reasoned," and then I realized it was Mary thinking. I'm not sure why they didn't just use italics, but maybe they wanted to reserve that for the text of the Valentine cards...
Anyway, I was really liking this story. I noted the point of view change, but wasn't bothered too much. I was all geared up for the reveal when she saw the rose and the card and it was really sweet. But...when Todd swooped in and touched his lips to her ear, I went, "Whaaat?" To me, that was too pushy of him. He went on to hug her, too, but by then I was still a little bit in shock. He had been too shy to even approach her, and then bam, suddenly he feels free enough to ambush kiss her on the ear. This didn't ring true for me, unfortunately.
Still, usual disclaimer, Johnene bought it and WW published it. All this is just my opinion. :)
Photo by XPeria2Day