Thursday, August 8, 2013
Tagline: When Mary entered the park, she'd felt preoccupied and troubled. Then she met Alex...and, just like that, she saw nothing but clear skies ahead!
In A Nutshell: Mary is caught unprepared for rain, so she buys an umbrella. She goes to the park to think about whether to go back to her ex or not. She meets a man by the duck pond who convinces her she shouldn't.
Observations: There was a lot I liked about this story. There were some things I didn't. I loved how Hayes tweaked my curiosity and kept me reading at the end of the very first paragraph.
Walking helped clear her thoughts, and she needed to think clearly today. She had an important decision to make.
I immediately wonder what decision does she have to make?
Her old boyfriend had broken her heart when he left--and now, suddenly, he wanted to come back. Should she give him another chance?
Even though I'm one hundred percent certain she decides against it, I am pulled forward to find out if I'm right.
For some reason, I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that he just moved into her apartment building.
I loved the hero's sense of humor.
However, I felt there was some clunky dialogue. Your mileage may differ.
"It's good to look ahead."
"I, for example, just had to buy an umbrella because I wasn't prepared and never considered what today might bring."
Also, I would have eliminated the last paragraph, even though it looped back to her comment about looking ahead, and just ended it with him saying, "Sunshine."
But other than that, solid story.
Photo by Hunter-Desportes (cc)