Wednesday, July 6, 2016

A Treasure to Remember by Kathy Hendrickson

From the July 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Amy didn't think she'd ever find Mr. Right--until she met a gorgeous guy at the antiques mall!

Observations: Ah, the antiques mall. What a fun place to bop around and it's the perfect Woman's World type place to find romance. There's that Americana, Normal Rockwell atmosphere that really resonates with the readers of WW.

I found a few things to comment on, which is always a relief. LOL Sometimes I read a WW story and have nothing to say about it.

There was a bit of a repetition in the beginning...

Amy had all but given up on finding true love. She didn't even want to talk about it to anyone...

Then a couple paragraphs down...

"I know you don't want to talk about it, dear, but I know there's someone out there just for you!"

There was also some repeating at the end.

"How about we go to lunch and then to my grandfather's lock shop?"

and

"Great," he said. "Let's go have lunch, and then we'll stop by my grandfather's store to find a key for that box."

This may have been on purpose for emphasis, but it read repetitive to me. If it was an error, it gives me the opportunity to suggest you find at least one person who can critique and proofread your stories for you. Sometimes we miss things like this because we're too close to the story.

Hendrickson fooled me in this story. When the granny spouted a saying, I thought for sure the saying would show up again the the last sentence of the story, but it didn't. LOL

I loved it when Nicholas said "Don't leave. I'll be right back." There's a hero with just the right amount of assertiveness. He's also a great grandson, obviously. I also LOVED when the grannies exchanged that secret smile. ADORABLE.

All in all, a solid story that I enjoyed.

Photo credit: Paul Sableman via Flickr Creative Commons License

7 comments:

Sandy Smith said...

It was a cute story with some of the usual tropes of the grandmother matchmaking and the shopping, in this case the antique mall. Sometimes it is a farmer's market or garage sale, but same type of idea. I think I had noticed the repetition as well. I guess it didn't keep the story from selling or get edited out. For myself, I know that with such a short word limit, I can't afford to say the same thing more than once.

Pat said...

I took the repetition as using the 'rule of three.' LOL'

Different takes on the same thing. All in all, I thought this was a cute story.

Oriole said...

Speaking of repetitive, does anyone here read Danielle Steel? She was my inspiration for writing romance fiction back in the early 1980s (that's not when I first started writing; that's when I first read her and decided those were the sort of stories I'd like to concoct). Anyway, I still pick up a couple of her paperback on the cheap when I find them used, and it seems like her style has deteriorated in the past 15 years or so. Maybe she's using ghost writers, but my goodness, the repetition!! Much like in this story, we're reminded not only three times but ad nauseum about the beauty of the heroine, or her previous losses in life, etc. I feel like shouting "Yeah, I got it the first time!"

Bonny Dahlsrud said...

Cute story. I agree with the repetitive part, however. You guys nailed it!

Shyra said...

Okay, not the point I know but... I'm dying to know if there was anything in the box! LOL

Mary Jo said...

There was: Instructions on how to open the box if you didn't have a key.

Shyra said...

LOL. That's funny