Sample Edits

Marcie McEachern (click here to visit her website), a sweet heat contemporary romance author, was kind enough to let me use her story to illustrate what the editors might do to your story, once it's accepted. The words in blue are the new changes. I hope you find this enlightening.

A First Snowfall’s Gift The Gift of a First Snow

By Marcie McEachern

Leanne had just finished her mug of hot cocoa when the doorbell chimed. She stood from her cozy spot on the sofa. Who’d be out in this cold? She opened the front door, and her heart leapt at the sight of her handsome visitor. He’d been the first person to welcome her at the community center’s “Senior Singles” group when she moved up north a few months ago, and he’d quickly become a close friend… and her secret crush. “William! To what do I owe this surprise?”

William flung his arms out wide. “Happy first snowfall!”

Leanne leaned out over the threshold. “Well, would you look at that!” In the soft glow of the street lamps, millions of snowflakes swirled, floating to the ground floated down in a mesmerizing dance.

Merriment twinkled in William’s hazel eyes. “Care to take a walk with me?”

“Let me just grab my hat and coat.”

A few mMoments later, when Leanne stepped out onto the front porch, as William handed her a shiny silver gift bag. “Happy first snowfallSomething to commemorate the occasion.”,” he said softly.

“First snowfall gifts? I certainly didn’t receive any of these living in Phoenix. Just think of how many presents I’ve missed out on in my lifetime!”

William chuckled. “It’s a tradition I started in my family years ago. Go ahead and open it.”

Leanne reached into the bag and pulled out a sapphire colored emerald-hued scarf. Fingering the plush knit, she wrapped it around her neck. “This is so lovely, William.”

“I’m glad you like it.,” he beamed. “The color perfectly matches those beautiful, bright blue green eyes of yours.”

Butterflies swarmed in Leanne’s stomach. “How thoughtful. Thank you.”

William offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

Oh, yes, we shall! Smiling, Leanne slipped her hand into the crook of his arm, and together they stepped out into the gently falling snow. The quiet of the late evening was broken only by the crunching of snow under their boots as they strolled along the deserted street.

“MightyIt’s peaceful, isn’t it?” William asked.

“It’s magical. I feel like I’ve stepped into a fairytale or a scene from The NutcrackerThe Nutcracker.”

“The Nutcracker The Nutcracker, hmm?” William abruptly stopped walking. “A waltz with the snowflakes then!” He bowed slightly and held out his hand in invitation.

Laughter bubbled up from Leanne’s chest as she. Oh, William! Your fun-loving nature certainly makes me feel young again. She placed her hand in his, and with a myriad of snowflakes drifting serenely down around them, they began to dance. Leanne relished the closeness. William hummed a tune as their feet shuffled through the accumulating powder, and after a couple minutes, he gave her a little dip as a finale.

Leanne giggled like a schoolgirl. He grinned, and they continued their arm-in-arm promenade up the tree-lined lane toward the park.

“It really is a winter wonderland out here.” Leanne breathed in the scent of wood smoke and gazed at the trees’ branches, thickly coated in white.

[sic] “To think that I didn’t even know it was snowing! I would have missed all this magic if not for you.”

“Thank you you for joining me. Even the The best things in life are better with someone special by your side,…don’t you think?”

Leanne’s stomach somersaulted. Could William possibly have feelings for me, too? Could William possibly have feelings for her too?

Soon they reached the park’s gazebo and stepped under the shelter, which glowed with strings of twinkling white lights.

William removed his flat cap and tucked it under his arm. Taking both of Leanne’s hands in his own, he gazed into her eyes. “I must confess, Leanne, the snow isn’t the only thing that’s falling here. My heart has I’ve fallen in love with you a little bit more each day since we met. I’m hoping that tonight is just the first of many first snowfalls that we celebrate together.”

Despite the chilly temperature outside, Leanne felt her heart melt. She smiled widely. “I think I’d like that very much, William.”

“It’s probably a bit late in our lives for me to give you my class ring or letter jacket.”, huh?” he said with a dimpled grin.

Leanne laughed. “I don’t know about that. I might like to wear your jacket it, especially if it matched my new scarf.”

William chuckled. “If I ever find it in the attic, it’s all yours.” He reached up to gently cup her cheek in his hand and, with a wink, said, “As for a ring, maybe there will be one of those in the future. But for now, Leanne, …will you be my girl?”

She couldn’t keep the blissful smile from her face. “I’d like nothing better.”

William pulled her into his warm embrace, and with her cheek against his chest, Leanne sighed in contentment. Another chance for love in this season of life? I’d barely dared to hope for such a gift! Another chance for love in this season of life? It felt as fresh as the fallen snow!

“Happy first snowfall, William.”

“Happy first snowfall, my dear. And now… how about a first kiss?”