A Treasure in Plain Sight by Amy Michaels

From the January 23, 2017 issue

Tagline: Madeline thought of Mike as her best friend...then she realized just how empty life would be without him!

Woman's World Tropes: "Meddling" family member, helpful hero

Observations: I was nodding my head, liking this story, until I got to this one point.

Did you experience a let down when she confesses her love to Mike? I did. I was like, wait...did I miss something? One moment she's talking and the next moment, Mike's all SHE LOVES ME in his head.

I recently went to a workshop put on by my local chapter of Romance Writers of America. Tessa Dare spoke on firsts in romance novels--first meet, first kiss, first realization that this is love, etc. One piece of advice she gave that really resonated with me was to slow it down. When you come upon an important moment in your story, it's critical that you slow down. When I'm editing stories, I usually tell the writers to MILK IT FOR EMOTION, which is essentially the same thing. Like Hermoine with her Time Turner, you have the power to control time. In this case, I wish Michaels had taken a little more time right here:

"I'm not mad."

"Sure you are. You're mad because your parents love me and you don't."

"That's not true. I love you just as much..." I stopped and closed my eyes tightly. The next thing I knew Mike's arms were around me.

This is anticlimactic for me. It's too fast. Here's the first thing I thought of to boost the drama.

"I'm not mad."

"Sure you are. You're mad because your parents love me and you don't."

"That's not true." I stopped and closed my eyes tightly. "I...I love you just as much."

The next thing I knew Mike's arms were around me.

To me, that pause before the declaration is key. It shows Maddy is scared. You almost think she might not go through with it. But she does, and you sigh with relief. If I had my druthers, I'd have beefed it up even more.

"I'm not mad."

"Sure you are. You're mad because your parents love me and you don't."

"That's not true. I..." I stopped and closed my eyes tightly. I was filled with uncertainty, but I was also filled with feelings I'd been harboring for Mike for a long time, but never realized. Until now. 

"You, what, Maddy?" Mike asked.

I took a deep breath. "I love you too."

The next thing I knew Mike's arms were around me.

See what I mean? Slow. It. Down. Milk it. If you have to cut something somewhere else, do it. Better to skimp in an unimportant place than at a critical one.

There Will Be Mistletoe

by Lisa Weaver from the December 14, 2015 issue

Tagline: A kiss under the mistletoe...Noelle couldn't imagine a more delightful holiday tradition than that!

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story and a lot of circled things I wanted to talk about. I'll just cover them, point by point.

1. I was a little confused at the beginning of the story. At first Noelle seems excited about the costume. It seemed like it was her idea to dress so crazily.

"Are you really going to wear that?" My best friend Kim arches an eyebrow as she nods at the outfit in my hands.

"Why not? 'Tis the season to be jolly," I say, heading for the dressing room.

So, Noelle seems fine with the costume. Then...

When I emerge decked in the green velour vest and matching shorts, Kim can't contain her amusement. "Those red and white striped tights and pointy-toed slippers really complete the ensemble. Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered to take our shop's shift at the mall's gift wrapping booth."

"If I'd known about this costume beforehand, I might not have," I say.

See what I mean? Now it seems as if she was reluctant, after the fact. Also, that is a bit of a clunky expository-heavy statement that sounds distinctly, "as you know, Bob..." For you newer writers, I'm talking about having a character say something that is unnecessary because the character they're talking to already knows this. It would seem much more natural for Kim to have said, "Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered."

2. I think the word "fell" should have had quotes around it. That would have made it clear there was a double meaning.

You could say I fell for him.

3. I found it doubtful that they had a wooden ladder. If it was a grandma's ladder or an old ladder someone found in the basement, then maybe. I think they're all made of metal these days.

4. The first time kissing balls are mentioned, it's in quotation marks. That made sense to me. I've never heard of kissing balls. When I see mistletoe, it's little beribboned sprigs. Is this term/item common enough so that later in the story when Tyler talks about it, he calls it a kissing ball? Has everyone heard of these but me?

5. The fall... Hm. I accepted that he was in the right place at the right time. I accepted that he was strong enough to catch her. What I couldn't accept was that after she fell and was caught, she "was still holding up the kissing ball." This stretched reality a little too far for me.

6. I didn't see Tyler's standing her up coming, so that was a nice little plot twist. It's hard to surprise me.

7. I felt there should have been a tiny bit of inner dialogue here:

And when he invited me to meet him for coffee at the end of my shift, it was like something straight out of a fairytale...until my "prince" didn't show 

Dragging my focus back to Kim's comment, I say, "He stood me up, Kim. Obviously, he had second thoughts."

"There may be a good reason he couldn't make it," she ventured.

I roll my eyes, then I smile. "You're such a romantic."

(The missing period was in the magazine.) I felt we should have gotten maybe one sentence about how Noelle felt about this after that "prince" line, but instead we go right back to the present. Then, I would have expected Noelle to be upset, insulted, irritated...something. Unless she has amazing self-esteem, being stood-up isn't something most of us would take on the chin so cheerfully. I say cheerfully because she smiles at Kim. 

8. Later, when she sees Tyler in line, her heart gives a little leap. Again, I shake my head a little. This is not the reaction I would expect from a woman who was stood up with no explanation or even a phone call. At the very least, I'd expect her to feel mixed up. She can still be attracted to him, but be miffed about being stood up.

9. My brother never gave me jewelry for Christmas. I'm just sayin'...

10. Okay, Tyler had a great excuse, but he could have called the shop. If I ever stood someone up, I'd be obsessed over making sure they knew I didn't do it on purpose. 

11. I thought the black moment (Noelle asks if the gift is for Elle, who signed his cast with a heart, and he nods) was great. (I might have picked a name that wasn't so similar to the heroine's.)

So, yeah. I enjoyed the story and some of this is nit-picky, but this blog is about what I think of the stories. I encourage you to agree or disagree in the comments. :)

Photo credit: Will Folsom via Flickr Creative Commons

A Quarter Short

by Emma Courtice from the November 30, 2015

Tagline: Angela had noticed the good-looking man who lived in her apartment building, but it took a well-timed downpour to bring the two of them together

Observations: Oh, man, I loved this story for so many reasons. Here, I'll list them.

Angela is kind. You see that from how she shares her umbrella with David. She is also perceptive and open to changing her opinion about people.

I don't know why, but I loved the little detail of Angela stepping back to avoid the splash when the bus pulled up and how David copied her. It made the story more realistic to me and it showed David being observant and open to learning new things. He's not the arrogant type who thinks he knows everything.

When Angela pulls out the quarter to pay the rest of David's bus fare, immediately the title of the story came back to me.  Often, that doesn't happen, but with this story, it did. It was a catchy, memorable and different title.

David is considerate. He tries to open her door for her. He makes a point of picking her up after work, remembering where the bus dropped her off. He also shows concern for her hair when she suggests he put the top down.

What I loved was that moment when Angela lets her hair down, literally and figuratively. That paragraph made the story.

Angela held his eyes for a moment. Then she pulled the pins out of her long auburn hair and gave her head a shake, the soft waves cascading down to her shoulders. "I'm willing to take a chance," she said softly.

Let's really look at that. The first sentence sets David (and us) up and shows us this is an important moment. The second sentence gives us a complete image. The line of dialogue is where Angela puts it all on the line. It shows she's a brave and confident woman.

I think most stories have an emotional high point and when I'm editing Woman's World stories for people, this is often a criticism I end up giving. The authors often zip past this moment, not recognizing it for what it is. Or, if they recognize it, they often don't spend the time (or words) on it that it deserves. For instance, the above paragraph might have looked like this:

Angela held his eyes for a moment. "I'm willing to take a chance," she said softly.

That would have worked, but look how much better it is with that one more descriptive sentence! Milk that moment for all it's worth.

Photo credit: Matt Davis, via Creative Commons license

Sleepless in Cincinnati

by Shelley Cooper from the January 26, 2015 issue

Tagline
Thoughts of Dan were keeping Isabelle up at night. Turns out, Dan was struggling with insomnia too!

In a Nutshell
Isabelle and Don are best friends. They kissed once, but chalked it up to having both been recently dumped. Now that he gets a job offer that will take him far away, it looks bad, but Dan kisses her just to make sure and it's wonderful.

Observations
This is a friends to lovers story that pushes the norms a little in that the "meet cute" happens before the story even starts. We join their romance in progress instead of jumping in just prior to the meeting.

Also, there is a pretty hefty black moment in which Isabelle thinks Dan will be lost to her forever because he's going to take this amazing job. We see black moments, but they're not usually as intense as this. And this is tied to the fact that a majority of stories do show the first meet, so there isn't as much on the line.

I wanted to point out a couple of really romantic moments that gave me that warm happy feeling inside, and I think this is a real accomplishment for a Woman's World story, mostly because we only have 800 words to do this.

Moment One: When he hauls her into his arms and kisses her. OMG. I could SO picture this in my head. It was like something out of a movie. Sure, it was a little cliche, but it totally worked for me. Inside, I was like, "You go, Dan. Kiss the hell out of her!"

Moment Two: When he tells her she's his dream. Big Sigh. That sentence preceding it really sets it up, too. His gaze softens. Yowsa. That prepares the reader in such a subtle but important way.

I wish the author had milked that moment a tiny bit more instead of moving on so quickly to him suggesting he pick her up at seven and I thought the ending was a little lacking as well. With all the emotions she evoked in me, I was a little disappointed that all Isabelle seemed to get was a good night's sleep.

Still, fantastic story!

Abracadabra!

by Pamela Hart from the November 3, 2014 issue

Tagline
Rosie had a feeling a little black cat would bring her luck. And she was right!

In a Nutshell
Rosie adopts a black cat. Two little trick-or-treaters, dressed as black cats, come to the door with their handsome (divorced) dad. They all just moved into the neighborhood.

Observations
I was not wowed by this story. There was nothing wrong with it. It just didn't stand out in any way. We've seen these characters before--the single woman, the divorced dad, the happy kids. We've seen this plot before--two people meet because of some activity the kids are doing. There was no outstanding banter or emotion or a creative twist. I read it and shrugged. Maybe you had some other reaction.

Photo credit: By Chris Yarzab (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Puppy Love

by Shannon Fay from the October 13, 2014 issue

Tagline
If Marina could rename the puppy her daughter had found, she might call him Cupid!

In a Nutshell
Marina and her daughter find a lost puppy under the porch of their new house. While putting up "found" posters, they run into a man and his son putting up "lost" posters.

Observations
This week we have a "Brady Bunch" story. A man and his son and a woman and her daughter. Not as many kids, same premise.

I liked Becky and how, even though she was disappointed that her mom said no to adopting the dog, she immediately brightened at the thought of trying to help the people who had lost him.

I LOVED how the two families met putting up their signs. What a great idea! Wish I'd thought of it.

The scene where the kids take off toward Becky's house to get the puppy was so funny and plausible. Any parent would identify with the line, "Ever feel like you're not in charge?" Hilarious.

I also liked the moment when, after she talks about her recent divorce, Matt says, "Believe me, it gets better." That was a real tender moment and an important one. I've mentioned before that it's challenging to get the reader to truly believe that a happily-ever-after could come true when you only have 800 words to set it up. But if you include a moment like this one, where the hero and heroine truly connect and where some real emotion happens, you're that much closer to pulling it off.

I wish the ending where she invites them to stay for pizza was a little less--dare I say it?--cheesy. If it had been my story, I'd have worked that line over until it hit the nail on the head. You could leave the set-up the way it is:

"Would you and Ryan like to stay for dinner?" Marina said. "We were just going to order pizza. Nothing special."

An average ending would be more like, "Pizza's our favorite. How about we bring a two-liter of soda to go with it?" Something along those lines.

Or I might try to tie in something from earlier in the story, like...there's a lost and found theme. Maybe Matt could turn to Ryan and say, "Well, son, we lost our puppy, but it looks like we found some new friends." But then, that's a little corny too. Hmm. Anyway, my point is, it needed some work, in my opinion.

Photo credit: Adrian Flint (Sony Digital Camera) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

One Perfect Rose

by Mary Haupt from the May 13, 2013 issue

Tagline: Angie's life would have turned out very differently if she hadn't stopped that day to smell the rose...

In a Nutshell: Angie stops to smell a rose displayed in the window of a florist's shop. The owner shares the story of how his grandfather used to own a florist's shop and met his wife when she stopped to smell a rose displayed in his window. What a coincidence!

Observations: Well, let me tell you it's been a long time since a Woman's World story made me tear up, but this one did.

I liked the hook at the beginning.

Sometimes, late at night, just before I fall asleep, I try to imagine what my life would be like if I'd taken the bus instead of walking home that day three years ago.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Makes you curious.

When I got to the middle of the story where Nick is telling the story of how his grandfather met his grandmother, I sighed. How sweetly sentimental and so very Woman's World. I could picture Johnene reading that same part in the story and saying to herself, "Yep. This one's a keeper."

But that was only the preamble to the really sweetly sentimental part:

That's why, sometimes, late at night, I think of how my life would be different if I'd taken the bus instead of walking home that day three years ago. I know I wouldn't be hearing the soft breathing of my husband, Nick, asleep beside me. Or the soft cooing of our baby in her crib nearby.

And I know there wouldn't be a freshly cut rose in a slender silver vase on the kitchen table each night when I get home from work. 

But there is.

Wow. Tears. (Even though I think to myself, he doesn't snore??? LOL)

Photo by lmainjohnson7 (cc)

Holiday Bells

by Anna Jo Christopher from the December 17, 2012 issue

Tagline: Ryan thought his first Christmas away from his family would be a lonely one. Then he met Maggie...

In A Nutshell: Ryan has recently moved and not looking forward to a holiday with no family nearby, but he has had his eye on Maggie, a pretty bank teller. One day as they chit-chat, he finds out she volunteers to serve meals at a shelter. He decides to volunteer, too.

Observations: Surprisingly, this story didn't tug at my heartstrings as much as I would have liked for an issue so close to Christmas. It was solid, make no mistake, but I always expect more emotional umph from a Christmas themed story.

Anyway, I did enjoy the ribbing that Ryan's coworkers gave him at the beginning of the story. The mention of direct deposit sets the story firmly in current times. It also shows that Ryan can take a joke, even at his own expense. This is a nice bit of characterization, something that's sometimes difficult to add when working with only 800 words.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, negativity can have a place, but you have to temper it. Ryan is wistful about being alone for the holidays, but Christopher doesn't belabor this. And in the paragraph after the description of his situation, she writes:

The queue advanced quickly, and Ryan shook off his melancholy thoughts. He didn't really have any friends yet, but he would in time. 

There she shows him to be a positive person, a role model for the reader, if you will. :)

I also liked how she handled the simultaneous speaking:

The spoke at the same time: "Would you like to help--?" she began, as he asked, "Will you need help--?"

They both laughed.

It's nice to know how to punctuate that type of situation.

Finally, I wanted to point out another subtle thing that I think helped flesh out his character and give him a sincerity that all Woman's World characters need. A reader might question his motives in volunteering at the shelter, thinking he might just be doing that to connect with Maggie. But cleverly, Christopher already established that Ryan is a giving sort of guy by showing him making the generous donation for the canned food drive. Smart writer! All that talk between Maggie and Ryan was more than filler.

Photo by: Chase Lindberg Photography (cc)

"Easter Surprise"

by Mary L. Briggs from the April 2, 2012 issue

Tagline: Janice had always loved Easter. Now, thanks to her romantic boyfriend, she loved it even more!

In a Nutshell: Janice's sister used to set up Easter egg scavenger hunts for her. After Janice shares this tidbit of info with her boyfriend, he surprises her with a modern-day hunt, but this time the prize isn't a chocolate bunny, it's a diamond ring!

Observations: I thought the premise of this story was wonderful. It's always fun to read about creative engagements. And the hunt that Dan sends her on was fun to experience as a reader. This is one of those cases where I think, "Why didn't I think of that????"

However, there were a couple of things that bothered me.

Of course, we readers are going to predict that Dan is going to set up an egg hunt for her. That's a given. (The twist turns out to be the ring, which did take me by surprise. :) ) However, after finishing the story, I thought back and wondered how far in advance Dan planned...

Here's the timeline: Janice tells Dan about her sister's tradition. In that same conversation, Dan reminds her he won't be around for Easter because of a business conference. Obviously, the idea for his own engagement ring egg hunt can't have come to him until after she tells him that story. That makes me wonder if he decided then and there to pop the question via the egg or already had the ring and was looking for a way to give it to her. Not a big deal, really, but my question never gets answered and I wish it had. (Standard disclaimer: this is all just my opinion, which often and unpredictably differs with those of the magazine editors.)

The other thing that bothered me was the fact that he doesn't actually ask her to marry him at all. It's a given. He just slips the ring on, no questions--or question, singular--asked. I think Briggs missed out on a big opportunity to bring this story from Cuteland to the World of Poignant Sighs. If she'd spent less time on the history of sister Elle's tradition and more on the proposal itself, I would have been a much happier camper. A marriage proposal is, in my opinion, a momentous, life changing event, and even in fiction--or perhaps especially in fiction--the emotions need to be there.

But you know what? It all boils down to author choice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing a cute story that doesn't pull on your heart strings.

Note: If you like the eggs in the picture, here's a link that shows you how to make them.

Something Old, Something New

by Cynthia Howard-Hogg from the July 1, 2011 issue

Tagline: It didn't look like it contained any magic, but the old coin seemed to cast a spell on Anne and Tom.

In A Nutshell: Anne's sister is getting married and needs a coin to complete the saying "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a lucky sixpence in her shoe." Anne goes to an antique store and meets the owner. He invites her to tea.

Observations: I thought this story had a lot of heart. There were two sweet/sad moments in this story that tugged at my heart. The first is when the sisters are talking...

"If I ever get married, the something old will be me!" I laughed.

"Oh, you're not that old, Anne."

My laugh died away. Cassie saw my expression change and gave me a hug. "Annie, you're not old--and someday a wonderful guy will come along and not believe his good luck!"

I sighed. At 41, was it really very likely?

Doesn't your heart just go out to Anne? At the same time, don't you love the sisterly loyalty shown here?

The second instance isn't quite as hard-hitting, but it's sweet just the same. Anne goes to the antique store, remembering the older couple who owned it. She finds, instead, their son...

"My mother grew up in England."

"The sweet woman with the charming British accent--she's your mother?"

"That was my mum," he said softly. "Did you know her?"

"I remember her well. She helped me pick out a tea set for my first apartment and instructed me on the proper brewing method."

There you saw the very subtle hint that his mum had passed away. Anne understands and moves right along, not belaboring it and perhaps stirring up the sadness. This part made me fall a little bit for the hero and think to myself that these two sweet people deserve each other.

There was only one thing that gave me pause in this story. After shopping for a while at the store...

Suddenly an antique clock chimed noon.

"Look at the time!" I exclaimed. "I have to get going."

I was a little puzzled where she had to go in such a hurry and why they'd waited for an hour to even get the tray of coins out.

Still, cute story full of well-written emotion. Woman's World doesn't like for their romantic fiction to get too bogged down with sadness and this story was a good example of how to do it with a light touch.

"The Remedy"

by Colette Shannon from the May 30, 2011 issue

NOTE TO MY FOLLOWERS: From now on, when a story is written by an author whose work I blogged about before, I'm going to include a link to their "author page," so you can see all the Woman's World stories by that author that I've analyzed.

Also, I'm trying to play a little catch-up, since I fell behind, so you'll be seeing more than one analysis a week for a bit. :)

Tagline: Ellen had no intention of opening her heart again. Ever. Then her aunt introduced her to Logan...

In A Nutshell: After her heart is broken, Ellen's Aunt Phoebe lures new neighbor, Logan, to dinner on the same night Ellen just happens to always come. Ellen rebuffs him at first, but after a heart-to-heart with Aunt Phoebe, realizes she should take a chance on love.

Teaching Points: There is often a problem to be solved in Woman's World stories. For instance in the story "What a Guy!" a woman had a raccoon going bananas inside her house and the hero helped her get the critter out. In last week's story, the hero needed a cat sitter. Here in this story, there was a still a problem, but it was an emotional one that the aunt helped her solve, not the hero. But this is typical in a "moving on" story.

Moving on stories show how the hero or heroine is struggling with leaving behind a heartbreak of some kind. Sometimes it's being jilted. Sometimes the spouse passed away. Sometimes it's divorce. Moving on stories focus on one character's emotional journey. The amount of focus on the emotional journey vs. the romance differs depending on the story. "The Remedy" was about 50-50. In "Sometimes the Stars Align," there wasn't that much emotional journey stuff. It was more of an "old flame" story than a moving-on story.
I think that Woman's World likes these types of stories, because who among us haven't suffered through heartbreak? Moving on stories can encourage us to not give up hope and make us feel like, "Well, if she did it, so can I." I know I'm repeating myself when I say that Woman's World likes to promote positive thinking, but it's true. Just pick up one issue and you'll see what I mean. Keep that in mind as you write stories for them.

Observation: One thing that didn't quite work for me in this story was the circularity/motif. If you follow my blog, you'll probably be familiar with the technique of establishing a motif in the beginning of the story (and also sometimes in the title, as with this story) and then wrapping up with it at the end. In "The Remedy," here's that first mention, the first two sentences in the story:

I felt sure my broken heart would never be whole again. But Aunt Phoebe, my mom's older sister, apparently thought she had a magic remedy.

So we get the feeling that Aunt Phoebe has a master plan or at least an old-fashioned solution to getting over a broken heart.

At the end we have:

I stepped inside, he closed the door, and I realized Aunt Phoebe's remedy was already working its magic.

This beginning and ending mention of "the remedy" would have been great if I had been able to identify what that remedy was! LOL I feel a little stupid because the only remedy I could see was that Aunt Phoebe told her the story of her own heartache and how it had turned out wonderfully when all was said and done. But Aunt Phoebe obviously would have preferred not to have the talk at all and seen Ellen paired up right after dinner. The talk only happened because Ellen got cold feet. So that couldn't have been the remedy.

Okay, thinking about it harder, maybe the remedy was just to do it--meet a new man. Phoebe obviously set the dinner up ahead of time. But then that doesn't jive with the last sentence, because the remedy wasn't meeting Logan, it was the heart-to-heart Ellen and Phoebe had.

Either way, I see a problem. However, like I always say, I'm not an editor at Woman's World and I sometimes don't understand their publishing/editing choices. Clearly, they liked the story and the fact that this bothered me but not them, just goes to prove how subjective this business is.

Coming Soon: As I think back about other moving on stories, I'm trying to remember if there are other problems, besides divorce, death or a break up. I'm going to do some research and get back to you on that.

Artwork: Peter Worlsey's "Two Women Talking" 2010.

"The Gift of Love"

by Dana Stephens from the December 13, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: A man skids into a ditch during a snow storm. Molly offers to let him call a tow truck from her house. While they wait, he helps her finish painting the room she was working on. They get to know each other over the next few weeks. Then, for Christmas he gives her an ornament to mark their first Christmas together as a sign that he is serious about her.

Observations: This first meet story had a fantastic concept in that ornament. What a darling idea. Unfortunately, when I got to the point where her eyes filled with tears, I just didn't feel the sentiment myself. That is what makes these stories so difficult to write, especially when you condense their emotional development into a sentence like this:

Molly learned that Ian was an EMT at the local hospital, and over the coming weeks, he came by on his days off until the dining room and living room were finished.

In order to pull off the Happily Ever After you need to show the hero and heroine falling for each other. It's tempting to let it happen off stage, but the fun part about reading romance is living vicariously through the characters. To me, when you "tell" (as in show vs. tell), you summarize events that are too tedious to describe in full detail. The "telling" sentence I quoted above could still work fine in a Woman's World story, BUT in order for it to work, you have to "show" the connection occuring somewhere else in the story, and I didn't see it. :(

Sweet Reunion

Story: Sweet Reunion by Tracie A. Hill from the March 9, 2009 issue

Tagline: When Meg met up with Jeremy again, it was just like old times--only better...

In a Nutshell: Meg goes to her high school reunion and sees her ex-husband. After spending the evening together, they decide to give their relationship another chance.

In My Humble Opinion: Sometimes Woman's World publishes stories that hit me wrong. Although well written, this was one of them. When I finished reading it, I wondered what made Jeremy and Meg think that their marriage would work this time. Twice Jeremy is distracted from her.

People crowded around us now, and I turned away from Jeremy to greet some old friends. When I turned back, he was gone. Just like the old days.

And

Another friend joined the group, and once again, Jeremy's attention drifted away.

Furthermore, neither seems able to gauge the other's emotions at all. Jeremy thought Meg had been unhappy during their marriage, but she wasn't. She thinks he's unhappy at the reunion, but later she asks him, "Are you happy, Jeremy?" "At the moment," is his reply.

Finally, when Jeremy says, "You were a great wife and mother," Meg says, "But that was ALL." Meg was dissatisfied with those roles, and she has every right to be. Many women can identify with Meg. But not me. Right there my connection with that character was severed. Although I work part time, I consider being a good wife and mother the most important job I've ever had or ever will have. I'd wager a good portion of WW's readership feels the same way.

There's a very sweet moment when Jeremy whispers in her ear, "I miss us," but it was too late for me. I'd already disconnected with the characters. :(

But that just goes to show you, you never know what will turn a reader off. I'm only one person. Obviously, Johnene Granger, the fiction editor, liked this story.

Change of Plans

Story: Change of Plans by Randy Taylor-Irwin from the February 23, 2009 issue

Tagline: Barry thought he knew exactly what he was looking for...until he met Paige.

In a Nutshell: Divorced Barry plans to move to California. He yearns for a change. While at the travel agent's to pick up his one way plane ticket, he meets Paige, the travel agent's niece. A few days later, Paige delivers a "going away" pie from her aunt. The two have a great time and decide to go to dinner.

Teaching Points: It's always a challenge to show feelings and/or an attraction developing in such a short story, but it needs to be done. In this story you can see it here, "He was struck by how soft her hand was and by her pretty smile." And here, "As he walked by the window, he turned back for a last look of Paige's pretty smile." Then, the moment of truth is here, ""Paige, this pie is really amazing..." he paused. "And so is your company." Good job, Barry! Way to be a man and make that first move.

"Change of Plans" ended with, "Yes, home really is where the heart is." More often when there's a saying or adage at the end, it's usually tied with the title. Taylor-Irwin might have titled it "Where the Heart Is," or "Finding Home," or something similar. That can really give a story that "coming full circle" feeling.

In My Humble Opinion: "Her smile was sweet as sugar." I thought this was a little cliche, even if we were in Barry's point of view. Maybe Barry thinks in cliches. Who knows? But I thought the author could have chosen to compare her smile to the apple pie they'd just shared, maybe, or something other than sugar.