Enchanted! by Elizabeth Palmer

From the October 23, 2017 issue

Tagline: Eric's dating skills were as creaky as the door to a crypt. Would Ella want to go out with him?

Observations: This was a cute story. I thought it was interesting how we are sailing along with the hero and heroine and then we got a flashback. I don't see many flashbacks in Woman's World stories, so it surprised me. But it worked well, giving us a nice little peek into Eric's relationship with his daughter and some backstory (that daughter urged him to start dating.)

I was a little confused why she would of course be dressing as Cinderella and had to go back and reread the entire story to find out why. (Answer: Her name is Ella.) That is probably my mistake, not the author's.

I also liked that it was from Eric's POV. I always like getting into the heads of the men.

Photo credit: Liz West (via Flickr CC license)

Key to Her Heart by Shelley Cooper

Tagline: Brian didn't quite get the school's art project until a beautiful woman revealed its true meaning...

Observations: This story made me a little teary at the end, so obviously I liked it.

I enjoyed the freshness of the male POV, even if the story from the Feb 16 issue is also a male POV. It's rare enough so it's still a nice change.

I loved Brian's reaction when he sees her face.

She whirls to face me. "Oh, you startled me!" My heart's racing too, but for an entirely different reason. Man, oh, man, is she beautiful. And, I'm pretty sure she's not one of my students' parents.

I loved the backstory about her grandparents and her nephew. So creative. And the quick wrap-up is perfect too.

The only minor thing that bothered me was that, like Brian, I didn't see the purpose in the key art project. I wish that had been touched upon. Perhaps the children were reading a story about keys, or the art teacher had talked about some other art project that was contributed to by the public... I don't know. I just know that it sort of bugged me that there didn't appear to be any meaning attached to the keys on the fence, and maybe that's because I used to teach elementary school. I look forward to hearing your opinions in the comments.

February 8, 2016 issue
Photo credit: Taki Steve

The Right Match by Shannon Fay

From the February 15, 2016 issue

**Whoops. I seem to have skipped the Feb. 8 issue. I'll get on it next week.**

Tagline: Jeff thought he was on the right path, but Cupid had another plan!

Observations: Bravo, Ms. Fay for a really different story, and not just because it was from the man's POV. As has happened before, I'm smacking myself in the head for not thinking of a plot involving a date gone wrong which turns into a matchmaker story.

I seriously had no idea how Fay was going to make this story end up happily. The date was so stupendously awkward, but that's what makes it so wonderful when she drops that plot twist on us.

I have nothing else to say about this story. It was fabulous.

Other stories by Shannon Fay

Photo credit: British Mum via Flickr Creative Commons

Smooth Sledding

by Kady Winter from the January 25, 2016 issue

Tagline: After years of loneliness, Eddie was certain he'd never love again. Then he met Olivia!

Observations: I am SO EXCITED to critique this story, because Kady came to me wanting an edit on her second Woman's World story and so I'm really proud that it sold. To tell the truth, it was already a good story, but with some tweaks it became a story I would have bet a thousand dollars would sell. And it did!

I just read this revised version and Kady did an excellent job with the revamp. I can tell because I got teary at the end of the story. It really tugged at my heartstrings. I really was rooting for Eddie to be happy.

There are many things I loved about this story. There is an Americana feel to it, like we're reading a Norman Rockwell painting, come to life. This giant toboggan sled is something a Southern California born and bred girl like me has no experience with, so I found that terrific. There was that little "old-fashioned" touch of Eddie helping her out of the sled. Loved that.

But mainly, this story is another study in character development. If Kady comes here and sees this, maybe she can help me out here, because I seem to remember suggesting that she make the story be from Eddie's point of view and this really, deservedly, made him the star of the story. I can't find the original story she sent me. My computer ate it, apparently.

I'll give you a run down on how we come to care about Eddie. When we first meet him, he's working hard as a volunteer. Admirable. We immediately find out he's alone now and as we wonder why, we feel for him. Poor guy, right? Then in Act 2, we see he's not all doom and gloom. He is interested in the woman at the post office, but we also witness him struggle to work up the courage to talk to her. We find out why he's alone right now. We see him conquer his fear and his loneliness and make a decision to act and we think, "You go, Eddie!!" And then that "mean" author, makes him fail. Did you feel as disappointed as I did?

So, we move into Act 3. Eddie gets another chance. We're all rooting for him again. "You can do it, Eddie," we're all thinking. We meet Olivia and she's so nice and Eddie is trying so hard. The author creates a little tension as we hope Olivia conquers her own fear and says yes to the sled. We spend a nice amount of time here as they make an emotional connection.

After that, we are in the denouement of the story. It's funny how our experience as readers mirrors that of the characters who are also "coming down" from the thrill of the ride. The last paragraph really tugs the heartstrings. Eddie has come full circle. At the beginning of the story, he's not sure he has the heart to move on with his life, even after three years of mourning. At the end of the story, we see he has a lot of love left inside him.

Photo credit: Erik Hansen via Flickr Creative Commons License

Mom's Online Dating Adventure

by Susan Jaffer from the January 11, 2016 issue

Tagline: Okay, Lori had suggested online dating...but she never imagined her mother would take her advice!

I thought this was a cute story. Considering how popular online dating is, I'm surprised we don't see more stories featuring it.

Positives: I liked seeing the relationship between mother and daughter. I think many of us have experienced a reversal of roles regarding our parents. I'm old enough now so that my mother is looking to me for advice and help and my sister and I have my dad's power of attorney. I saw that reversal to a lesser degree here in this story.

"Seriously, which dating site was it?"

"I'm not going to tell you, Lori, because you'll look up my profile and make fun of it."

This rang so true and real.

I also liked all the reject candidates. That was cute.

Negatives: I was a little confused about Uncle Dan. When his name was first introduced, I got the feeling that he wasn't Lori's blood uncle, but his relationship was still murky until near the end of the story when we find out what the deal is:

"As you pointed out yourself, Lori, he's not actually your uncle," Mom said. "He's an old family friend, like Aunt Bev and Aunt Lindsay. I've known Dan since high school."

This is definitely an "as you know, Bob" paragraph. The mom even says, "As you pointed out yourself." There are defter ways of getting this type of information across. For instance, here is where Uncle Dan is first mentioned:

"Not exactly. Dan--you know, Uncle Dan--overheard our conversation, and he said he could help get me started."

There it is again. It even says "you know." Yes. Lori knows. Which is why it's awkward to put forth the information to the reader like this.

The author could have said something like this instead:

Lori nodded. It amused her that even though Lori was an adult, her mom still felt compelled to call him "Uncle Dan" when he wasn't a relative at all.

We're in Lori's POV. Take advantage of that.

Photo credit: John Ward via Flickr Creative Commons license

The Office Matchmaker

by Shannon Fay from the November 9, 2015 issue

Tagline: Barb was a bit of a busybody, but you'd never catch Georgina or David complaining!

Observations: This was a terrific story. The characterization was wonderful. That very first paragraph tells us exactly who Barb is. I actually think we all know a "Barb."

I know some people at work think of me as a busybody, but that's simply unfair. The fact is, if I didn't pick up the slack around here, nothing would get done. Without me, there'd be no get well cards and flowers when someone is sick, no baby showers or retirement parties. Somebody has to organize these things.

I haven't seen a matchmaker's story from the matchmaker's pov in a long while, but it's a construct you might want to keep in mind. Most of the time, we see the matchmaking going on, but are not privvy to the actual plans and such, not like we are in this story with Barb.

I also admired Barb's cleverness, where she told Georgina and David an earlier time than everyone else. Genius!

Also, as is happening more and more, we're getting an epilogue paragraph that tells of an engagement.

All in all, great story, fantastic character. Shannon, if you're reading this, it'd be cool if Barb became a recurring character in more matchmaking stories, like in the mini-mysteries.
If you do this and it works, I want credit! LOL

Photo credit: Chip Griffin via Creative Commons License

The Sweet Tooth

by Terry O'Brien from the January 19, 2015 issue

Tagline
Natalie's life became a lot sweeter once Henry came back to town...

In a Nutshell
Natalie owns a chocolate and ice cream shop. An old flame walks in looking for a birthday gift for his sister. He confesses he had feelings for her back in high school.

Observations
This story is a textbook Old Flame story, like I describe in one of my "advanced" writing for Woman's World classes. I think the allure of these stories is that we all have memories of someone whom we admired from afar and it's fun to imagine that they had feelings for us too, but were too shy to say anything. It's sort of Cinderella retroactive in that of all the girls in high school, he noticed her. She stood out from the crowd. It also appeals because usually the guy thinks she was out of his league, and who among us wouldn't like to be considered out of someone's league?

I found myself hoping Henry was getting something for his sister besides truffles.

I enjoyed the marriage proposal "epilogue" at the end, but notice how our point of view drifts in and out. At the beginning, we are firmly in the narrator's pov, looking down upon Natalie's life. Then, we get much closer until we're inside Natalie's head, finding his dimples familiar and getting embarrassed about her babbling on. Near the end, we zoom out again for the last paragraph. It makes it feel a little like we've been sitting listening to a story, doesn't it?

Photo credit: By FASTILY (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Picture This

by Cynthia Acee from the May 5, 2014 issue

Tagline: Matt's sister tried to convince him that visualization would bring the perfect woman into his life. Matt didn't believe a word of it--or did he?

In a Nutshell: Matt finds a dog and takes it in for the night. The next morning the owner comes knocking at his door.

Observations: So much to like about this story. I liked the first person male POV. It's refreshing. We got to see Matt's open mind at work. The author showed him taking his sister's advice. We got to see what he thought of himself and that he had a nice healthy level of self-esteem. In my opinion, a lot of what was great about this story was the characterization.

I also enjoyed the humor.

"...you do want to meet someone, don't you?"

"Of course," I admitted.

"Then visualize, brother dear," she coaxed. "Visualize."

"But visualize what? The dog or the woman?"

Acee plotted well with the grocer being the middleman who put the owner and finder in touch with each other. And the ending? Superb. She came full circle to bring the visualization back in very neatly.

Photo credit: Janine via Wikimedia Commons

Once and For All

by Suzanne DuBois from the February 17, 2014 issue

Tagline: Tim had a feeling Amy was "the one," but he just couldn't tell her what was in his heart...

In a Nutshell:  Tim is your typical young man, playing the field, not really looking for love, so when he meets Amy, he's a bit blindsided. Suddenly shy, he bumbles his approach a couple of times before she finally takes matters into her own hands.

Observations: The appeal of this story for me was the intimate telling of it from the hero's point of view. It was cute to see his paradigm shift from the type of woman he'd always been attracted to, to someone more like you and me, since I've never been a head-turner, tall or athletic! LOL

There was a bit of a black moment as his sister--sort of a quasi villain in this story--says maybe the universe is trying to tell him something. But our hero ignores her.

We also get an epilogue paragraph in which we find out how it all turned out: wedding, starter home and a baby on the way.

Not your typical Woman's World story, but well within the tone and style of the magazine. Well done.

Photo credit: Larsinio via Wikimedia Commons

Summer on Mulberry Lane

by Melanie Dusseau from the July 15, 2013 issue

Tagline: After rushing to Lily's side when she fell from her ladder, shy Ben realized he'd fallen hard, too--for his pretty new neighbor...

In a Nutshell: Lily falls off the ladder while trying to clean her rain gutters. Hearing her scream, Ben rushes to help her, then agrees to help her realign the down spout and show her how to mow her lawn like a pro. She offers dinner as "payment."

Observations: Two things jumped out at me about this story, things that set it apart from the norm.

1. There was a surprising amount of description in the beginning of the story. Usually writers don't have enough room in the word count to include much description of characters or the setting. The fact that is here is a refreshing change.

2. There seemed to be an abrupt change of point of view right where the little quote from the story appeared as a graphic. I wondered if Johnene put it there to help the reader make the transition. If so, it didn't really help me. I still found it jarring to be reading about Lily and then go right to Ben hearing her scream. If it had been my story, I'd have remained in Ben's POV the whole time and if I felt I needed to describe what Lily looked like, I could do it from his eyes.

I recently took Angela James' workshop, "Before You Hit Send," on self-editing, and it was fantastic. In it, she said that overuse of exclamation points is a mark of an amateur. I'd like to add that I find it annoying as well. It makes heroines seem empty-headed and way too perky. Anyway, I think Lily had five.

I found Ben to be a little too beta for me. There's shy and then there's nerd. I know nerds are hot right now, but you will pretty much never see a hero of mine "blush." His cheeks might redden or turn red. He might flush, but he won't blush. Blushing, to me, is girly.

I did like the part about the pink tools. I've seen those in the store and always sort of wanted some.

Photo by Lee Jordan (cc)

It's A Small World

by Diane Crawford from the May 14, 2012 issue

Tagline: Laura was so sure she wouldn't like Graydon, she considered not meeting him at all. That would've been a mistake...

In A Nutshell: Laura's mom wants Laura to show the son of a friend around town since he's relocating there. She agrees and sets up a meeting, intending to duck out ASAP. But he's handsome and nice. Luckily, he likes her too.

Observations: Diane Crawford is a regular contributor to Woman's World. Her stories are always sweet and realistic. The coincidence you're asked to swallow is not that huge, because we all know what a small world it is! Laura's parents retired in Florida, and her mom makes friends with a woman whose son is relocating to Laura's town. After that one small coincidence, the rest of the story plays out believably.

The story is in Laura's first person POV, and it's easy to identify with her. She has all the thoughts we ourselves might have. She's reluctant to meet the guy. Then she makes it clear that she "has plans" after the movie so she can duck out as soon as possible. And when Grady seems like a nice guy she'd like to see again, she regrets her earlier claim that she had plans after the movie. This helps make her character more sympathetic to readers. We're like, "Yeah, I'd probably do that, too."

There was a nice black moment at the end when Grady doesn't call for a week. But then, of course, he does call. :)

Crawford also takes the time to show the connection between the hero and heroine being made.

First, Laura finds him handsome. (See "My Favorite Part" below.)

Second, in the movie...

I'd chosen a good movie, and before long we were both engrossed. But not so absorbed that I didn't feel a little tingle the few times he leaned close to whisper comments in my ear.

Finally, there's this...

He walked me to my car, a gentlemanly gesture that made me like him even more.

It didn't take a lot of words, but Crawford clearly showed Laura's attraction. That's important in Woman's World stories. We want the readers to believe that the couple has a chance at long lasting happiness.

My Favorite Part: After Laura's hemming and hawing and dread, the big day arrives:

On Sunday, I got to the plaza early and stood waiting for Graydon Wentworth.


Finally[,] I spotted him.


Tall, dark and handsome pretty much covered it. 

LOL.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

by Le An Dowd from the May 7, 2012 issue

Tagline: Who'd have imagined that meteor showers and a trip to the emergency room would lead to romance? Not Michael. Nor Lucy, for that matter...



In a Nutshell: Michael is an astronomy geek who has never been too smooth with the ladies. When trying to view meteor showers on the roof, he falls off the ladder. At the emergency room, the intake nurse is as geeky about the human body as he is about astronomy.

Observations: I can see why Johnene published this story. It follows the Woman's World recipe: boy meets girl, boy and girl click, boy and girl have something in common. But what made this version so charming was the flashback to Michael's childhood.

Another thing I liked was that Michael didn't really change who he was for the sake of love. His apology was about his rambling, not about his interest in astronomy. That's a great message for women, I think. Stay true to who you are.

Also, it's in the man's point of view, first person. A few weeks ago we were talking about the frequency of the man's POV, and here it is. :)


My two favorite parts:

"A meteor's only classified as a meteorite if it crash-lands on the Earth's surface," I explained to Danielle and her friends.


Silence. "You know," I continued, "instead of burning up in the atmosphere."

LMAO. Here, Michael has just arrived at the E.R.


Once there, my brother helped me into a wheelchair, then wheeled me to the intake receptionist. My foot was killing me, but there was nothing wrong with my eyes. She was beautiful!

"Name?"

"Lucy," I answered, completely distracted.

She laughed and pointed to her name tag. "What a coincidence!"

And speaking of coincidences, of course, her name had to be Lucy because of the title and the comet diamonds, but it worked for me. I plan on writing a story very soon called "When Gary Met Sally," but I have no idea what the plot will be.

The Perfect Christmas Tree

by Wendy Hobday Haugh from the December 12, 2011 issue

Tagline: After meeting Zach, Molly had a feeling her Christmas was going to be as perfect as her Christmas tree...

In a Nutshell: Molly, divorced a year, is shopping for a Christmas tree. The tree farm manager, Zach, tries to help her, but the tree she really wants is not on farm property. He volunteers to talk to the person who owns the land and see if they can make a deal. Later, Zach shows up with the tree. Turns out he is the land owner.

Observations: Although I saw the twist a mile away, I still enjoyed this story. I wanted to point out the story starts out in Zach's point of view, which allows us to see how he's attracted to her. (There was one small blip into Molly's POV when she is "Grateful for his help," but it didn't pull me out of the story. I only noticed it afterward when I was studying it.) At the midpoint, we switch to Molly's POV and we then see that she's just as attracted.

I also liked how Haugh deftly handled Zach's honesty. He does tell that little white lie when he says he'll talk to the guy who owns the field (unless he actually went home and talked to himself. LOL) But later...

    Her eyes narrowed as she studied Zach's ruggedly handsome face, soft brown eyes and oddly sheepish expression. 
    "Are you telling the truth, Zach?" she asked.
    "Absolutely," he replied, unflinching. "The tree is a gift."

You can see he feels a little guilty about the white lie, but when he delivers that unflinching reply, I thought to myself--that guy's hero material.

"Wish Upon a Star"

by Susan Flett Swiderski from the January 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kelly put her whole heart into it, so she wasn't surprised when her biggest wish came true...

In a Nutshell: After wishing on a star, young Kelly sets up a meeting between her father and her teacher. The two adults realize they've been duped, but hit it off anyway. They keep their burgeoning relatonship a secret from the little girl, but when the school year ends, they tell her they want to get married.

Observations: Matchmaker stories are common within the pages of Woman's World magazine. This time, the matchmaker is only six years old! I've tried subterfuge stories before, but never with much success. (In fact, one story I sent that was rejected, involved a daughter setting up her father and her teacher.) However, once in a while you do see a story in which someone tricks a character into something. I had thought that Woman's World frowned on children doing so, but here's proof that they don't.

Notice that this story changes points of view. We start out in Kelly's pov. Then when the adults meet, we switch to the dad's. Later when the secret is about to be revealed, we go back to Kelly's. This is unusual, but well done. Each of these changes had to happen, because Kelly had no way of knowing what went on in the classroom during that after school meeting. And later, the author wanted to bring us full circle to the wishing on a star idea, which meant returning to Kelly. This was a tricky thing to do and Swiderski nailed it.

On a side note, I loved the idea that little Kelly didn't blindly trust to the whims of the wish, but knew that she needed to take action herself in order to get the ball rolling. What a wise little girl!

The Matchmaker

by Tamara Shaffer from the February 22, 2010 issue

Tagline: Aunt Grace knew that all Laura and Grady needed was a little nudge in the right direction...

In A Nutshell: Grace has always wanted her niece Laura to find someone after Laura's husband died. When Laura needs someone to paint the exterior of her house, Grace suggests Grady, a friend of her husband's. They hit it off.

Observations: The matchmaker plot is nothing new to Woman's World, however, this story felt fresh. Why? I think it's because it came from the point of view of the matchmaker herself. Usually matchmaker stories are told from the point of view of one of the matchees.

Another thing that made this story a little different is that it really focused a lot on Grace's character. Sure, the hero and heroine are moving forward in their romance, but it's Grace's personality that really comes through.

She is so unapologetic about her endeavor.

Even my loving but skeptical husband, Charlie, is impressed with how neatly I managed this one.

You see more of Grace's feistiness here:

"He's available," Charlie said, giving me one of his looks, "for painting. I hope you're not trying to play Cupid again."

I went right to Laura.

Lastly:

"Grady invited me to a movie," [Laura] said, with more enthusiasm than I'd heard from her in a long time. "I can't thank Uncle Charlie enough for referring him to me."

And I couldn't wait to tell Charlie.

The Book of Love

by Elizabeth Palmer from the February 15, 2010 issue

Tagline: Holly had noticed the handsome grad student who spent so many hours in the library. Had he really noticed her?

Observations: First person present tense is not my preference, however, I think it worked for this story. It can keep the reader in the moment, making the action feel more immediate.

This story had your typical threesome: the hero and heroine, and a friend. The friend is handy character for getting backstory across.

Secrets in stories can go two ways. One, you keep the secret from everyone and reveal it as a plot twist. Or two, you reveal it to the reader, but not to the characters in the story. "The Book of Love" took the latter route. We know Byron likes the Sylvia. Sylvia's the only dunderhead who doesn't realize, but it can be fun for a reader to feel she's in on a secret. It's like being invited to a surprise party.

My Favorite Part: When Byron "peers up, as though the answer is on the ceiling." LOL

Driven by Love

by Christine Pedersen from the January 11, 2010 issue

Tagline: If Amy's car could talk, it would have quite a love story to tell!

In a Nutshell: A car notices its owner, Amy, is interested in a young man who works in the same building. When Amy is transfered to another building, the car refuses to start at an opportune moment. The man "comes to the rescue," and the rest is history.

Observations: This is the strangest story to come out of Woman's World in a very long time because it's written in the car's point of view. However, I thought it was fun. Take the first line, for instance:

Men love me.

Cute, huh!

Still, even though it's the car telling the story, the story has the classic three act structure, and even a very unusual "epilogue" paragraph.

1. Set-up or backstory: You find out about the relationship of the car and its owner, Amy. You also find out the car's goal: find Amy a man.

2. Introduce the hero, the attraction between them: Matt works in her building. They chat. Amy calls a friend to tell her about him. They lunch.

3. Introduce the conflict,: Amy gets transferred. Car refuses to start. Matt "fixes" the car. They go to dinner. They kiss.

4. HEA: Literally this time, they live happily ever after, because the car boasts about having to wear the "Just Married" sign.

My Favorite Part: One day, she pulled into a parking spot next to a nice sedan, sparkling clean and with properly inflated tires. LMAO My only complaint is that I would have made it read like this:

One day, she pulled into a parking spot next to a nice sedan, sparkling clean.

And with properly inflated tires.

That little pause, I think, makes it a teensy bit funnier. Otherwise, I really liked this story.

The Little Chocolate Cake

by D.M. Dickey from the April 13, 2009 issue

Tagline: The bride had no doubt her big sister, Jennifer, would make the right choice...

In a Nutshell: Beth is getting married and is so busy that she asks her sister Jennifer to choose her wedding cake for her. At the bakery, Jennifer realizes she knows the baker, Mike, from high school. They'd had home ec together. On the day of the wedding, Beth reveals that she planned for Jennifer to "re-meet" Mike, thinking they'd hit it off. She was right.

Observations: While Woman's World is a somewhat traditional publication, it was interesting to see this story go against tradition in a couple of ways. First, the heroine was older than the hero by a couple of years. Also, the hero was the baker and she was the semi-professional.

There was one part I thought was strange:

Mike arrived early at the reception hall. Jennifer greeted him, then went to help her sister.

"Beth," Jennifer said, as she buttoned up the wedding dress. "It's about the cake."

Beth turned. "No, Jennifer, it was never about the cake." She smiled into her sister's eyes. "It was about the baker."

When Jennifer brings up the cake as a topic, it seems odd, like something was edited out. Other than that, I thought the story was cute.

Woman's World Standbys: Matchmaker Relative, Shared History/Old Flame

Question: Notice anything interesting about how the author handled point of view in this story?