Under the Heart Tree by Rosemary Hayes

From the February 6, 2017 issue

Tagline: Susan couldn't accept losing the heart tree where she received her first kiss...

Woman's World Tropes: a small town, old flame

Observations: I loved the idea of this story--saving the tree. It's not something I recall seeing before in Woman's World. Neither do I remember seeing a lot of stories in which the hero and heroine unite to fight for a common cause. This might be a plot line worthy of further exploration. If any of you remember other examples, please let me know.

Hayes is an old hand at these stories. I don't think this was her strongest story, despite what I said about the innovative plot. I just didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling at the end and I've been trying to figure out why. I think part of the problem might be that they both held torches for each other, so I couldn't help but wonder why they broke up in the first place.

Also the epilogue paragraph just didn't give me a zing of happy.

Some things in life I definitely can accept...like Justin's eventual marriage proposal. The reception was held at the new Heart Tree Hotel conference room. And of course, there was only one place to hold our ceremony--under the iconic Heart Tree.

Could it be that the reception was in a conference room? That sounds so stuffy. Maybe it would have been better if Hayes had just not included those words. That's not to say that a wedding reception in a conference room is bad or can't be romantic. It just didn't sound romantic.

Maybe it might have been better to mention again that the Heart Tree was the site of their kiss rather than that it was an icon. Or maybe we could have witnessed Justin proposing under the tree... I don't know. Anyway, your mileage may vary. Obviously the editors deemed it worthy of publication. :)

Photo credit: Krista Grinberga via Flickr Creative Commons License

Shall We Dance? by Elizabeth Palmer

from the December 12, 2016 issue

Tagline: Allison and David wanted adventure for the holidays..and then they realized true love was more important!

Observations: OMG. I. Loved. This. Story. I have tears in my eyes and that hasn't happened in a long time. Let me try to put into words what made this story so outstanding to me.

First, we have an established couple. If you've ever tried to write a story that is not a first meet story, you know how difficult it is. What I have found to work is to find a tiny problem that a couple might have. In the second story I published with Woman's World, it was that a new mother was feeling fat and frumpy. In another, it was the mother of the bride feeling her
empty nest something awful, like Allison in this story. Then the husband steps in and saves the day, like he did in this story, by suggesting they dance.

Allie has a small character arc in which at first, she doesn't want to wear the Santa hat, nor does she want to dance, but she overcomes that reluctance. How does she do it? With that magical flashback memory that I saw just like it was a movie.

The "out-danced" line was funny.

There is sentimentality in droves. It's Christmas. It's their 25th anniversary. And let's not forget the newlywed couple. I was already misty after reading that Madonna flashback paragraph, but when it became clear the honeymoon couple were going to get their honeymoon after all...I was a goner. And then Palmer really nailed it when she had David and Allie go home. Did anyone else get the shivers when they read that final word, "home?" That word has power, especially because they spoke it together. It was the perfect ending.

Photo credit: David Fulmer

Loving George by Mary Jo Young

from the October 10, 2016 issue

Tagline: Ruth thought love would never find her...until she met George!

Woman's World Tropes: a wedding, a last-minute substitution, a widower

Observations: This story reminded me of a trope I haven't seen for a while, but which is a tried and true one--the last minute substitution. Here, we have Bax, the delivery boy, going to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. So his father steps in to do his job for him. We've often seen this the other way around, where the father has the job and the younger son steps in. Either way, it works.

I didn't love this story, mostly because of some tiny details that took me out of the story experience. (However, remember I'm always in analyzing mode when reading a Woman's World story, so I don't read just for pleasure. I'm actively looking for things I can talk about.) I didn't understand what this meant...

The two owned Dream Weddings and for the last two years had been doing reception venues.

What does that last part mean, "doing reception venues?" When you're wedding planners, don't you automatically take care of decorating the venue? Admittedly, my wedding was in 1991, but if I were to hire a wedding planner, I'd expect them to make sure the venue looked good. Maybe some planners aren't hands-on. Okay, I could buy that, but I wish I'd had a tiny bit more of an explanation here so I wasn't pulled out of the story, confused.

I also wondered about their very tight timeline. If it had been a morning wedding, fine. I could totally believe they had plenty of time to get the tables and flowers set up if they arrived at seven. But if it was an evening wedding so I don't know. You can't have the ceremony too late, or there isn't enough time for partying. Getting the flowers to the venue by seven doesn't leave much set-up time, regardless of the appendectomy delay.

As you can see, I did a lot of wondering, outside of the story.

Still, I thought the George Clooney stuff was very cute. And I loved the visual of the sparkling water in the vases.

Photo credit: andervinny via Flickr Creative Commons License

Meant to Be by Mary Jo Young

From the August 29, 2016 issue

Tagline: Kate thought she was too busy to find romance...until she met Darcy!

Observations: I'm so excited because this story was full of teaching moments.

I liked this story. It was cute. I especially admired the part where Kate was lost in her own thoughts and then came back to the conversation...

Robin's chirpy voice continued as Kate's thoughts turned elsewhere. After work, she'd promised to take her niece to ballet class, then pick up groceries for her sick neighbor. Somewhere along the way, she would grab a sandwich and eat on the run. It would be a full evening.

"So would you be his date?" Robin's voice broke into her reverie.

"What?" Kate surfaced with a start. "Sorry, what did you say?"

See what I mean? I felt as if I had joined Kate on her reverie.

I also wanted to point out this one sentence, because this is a lesson I need to take to heart.

Kate's heart did a little rhumba.

Young could have used a cliche phrase, like "Kate's heart skipped a beat." I, myself, am guilty of using that one! Or "her pulse quickened" or something like it. But doing a rhumba? Very original. This is the type of thing that, if you don't think of it while you're writing, you can fix in the revision stage. Make it a point to read your story and to look for trite phrases like hearts skipping beats. The stories are so short, that you can designate one reading just for this purpose. It might seem like a little thing--this is only six words, after all--but I believe the little things add up, especially in an 800 word story.

Lastly, this story is a great example of a mash-up of Woman's World tropes. Tropes are great because they're ideas that have a proven track record. Yes, they can become cliche, but only if you write them as such. One way to avoid the cliche and embrace the familiarity of the trope that readers respond to is to take two or more tropes and combine them, like take a woman to the rescue and add a garage sale, or make the setting a high school reunion and throw in a lost pet.  This week's story took three--a wedding, a matchmaker, and a blind date. You can also take one trope and really do something crazy with it, like maybe two lost pets. Maybe the heroine, while out looking for her missing dog, finds the hero's missing dog. Wait a second...I think I'll write that story! But see what I mean? It can get your brain thinking.

Photo Credit: John Lodder via the Flickr Creative Commons License

The Wedding Wager by Shelley Cooper

June 20, 2016 issue

Tagline: Erin thought the spark she'd carried for Erik was dead...until she saw him again!

Observations: I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness critique this week. I haven't done one of those in a while. This is where I just tell you my thoughts as I read the story. I hope the thoughts I have end up being good ones. LOL

Aww, they're childhood friends who went to summer camp together. I hated summer camp and only went once. I think it might have been a weekend and it was the most miserable weekend of my life. However, I'm well able to imagine that other people had a fantastic time, like in The Parent Trap (new version. <--one evah.="" favorite="" movies="" my="" nbsp="" of="" p="" very="">
Having your wedding at your old summer camp is a very quaint setting. I hope there's more meaning to this location.

OMG I love that she got the root beer float to share with her new friend. That's so sweet. Love that.

Planning futures with boy crushes...man, can I identify with that. I used to write love letters in my diary to Rudy Baldoni who lived across the street from my dad's house. He was so out of my league it wasn't even funny.

Okay, LMAO. "It's been ten years, Mel. That spark is deader than the campfires we used to sing around."  Hilarious.

Oh! This is great. "Bet you a dollar, if you stir those ashes, you'll find an ember still burning." This is beautiful. It not only brings back their original bet to climb the rope, it connects with her spark metaphor. Awesome. This is the stuff that makes a story nice and tight.

Erik still hasn't shown. This is a Woman's World black moment. The point in the story where you are worried there's not going to be a happy ending. Usually in Woman's World, the worry is not very urgent or dire. Sometimes it's barely even noticable.

Erik arrives, finally! I love this moment, but I wish she'd elaborated more on what he looked like now and what that sight does to her insides.

Hm. The invitation to go for a walk seemed abrupt. I would have smoothed this out a little had it been my story.

They've just gone on their walk and he takes her hand and says he wants to get reacquainted and I'm feeling a little lukewarm. The story was going great and then it sort of lost steam for me. I am not feeling the attraction. Erik seems monochromatic to me. There's no life to him, no personality.

I'm finished with the story. I LOVED the friendship between Melody and Erin. I wish I had felt the same connection with Erik. He just felt flat for me. However, the whole bet motif was fabulous.

Photo credit: David Morse via Flickr Creative Commons License

Meeting Dara

May 9, 2016 issue

Tagline: Sam thought it was just another routine work assignment...then he met Dara!

Observations: I decided against showing the edits on this one, mainly because it takes a ton of time and there are several other mark-ups you can look at on other stories of mine.

I read the story again and I loved the ending. However, I have to confess, I didn't write it! Ms. Gaddis had Wyatt blurt that line out about them getting married and the rest of the story after that. So if the ending needs work, Ms. G will work some magic on it. HOWEVER, that doesn't absolve you of trying to write the BEST ENDING you can. Don't write a story with a mediocre ending and just think to yourself, well, the editor will just fix it. Just don't.

Photo credit: Jason Lawrence via Flickr Creative Commons

Love In Bloom

March 28, 2016 issue

Tagline: After years of loneliness, Jessie had given up on love--then she met Christopher...

This was my story and I've always enjoyed showing you the before and after so you can see an example of what editors actually do. Words in blue were added by the editor.

You'll see there was quite a bit of work done. I can see that the bit about divorced women was removed, which doesn't surprise me. Why go the "negative" route when it's not necessary? In fact, many of the tweaks were in that vein. It's funny how I preach that in my class, but failed to follow my own suggestion. LOL

You'll also see the story was firmly planted in the April, so that it would connect with the time of year the story was hitting the stands.

At the risk of insulting the editor, I will say the ending didn't sing for me. I prefer it where it's is eagerness and joy that we're left with, instead of her soft reply. I think it's the word "soft" that bothers me. I think if she'd smiled or cocked her head or something, it wouldn't have felt so shy to me. However, in hindsight, I really should have written something in the first place that tied in with the theme of flowers and spring and blooming. Again, this is a tip I give in my class--to really, really work on the endings so that they are superb. I seem to have gotten a little lazy here. LOL

“You can’t believe everything you read have to keep trying,” Allison commented to her co-worker, Jessie, as they made

            Jessie frowned. She and Allison were crafting corsages and boutonnieres for an April wedding. It was prom season and Jessie’s flower shop had been flooded with orders.

            “I know,” Jessie replied. While she didn’t take that article about divorced women as gospel, it certainly had discouraged her.  According to the magazine, divorcees over a certain age had a slim chance of remarrying.

            “All you have to do is try,” Allison said.

            “What do you mean? I’ve been trying. Didn’t I tell you Jessie frowned. The flower arrangements trimmed in delicate ribbons only served to remind her that she was still single.

           "Oh, come on, Allison, do you really think I haven't tried? Have you forgotten about that blind date I had last month?”

            Allison finished tying a ribbon on  the bouquet she was making, then stood up to stretch her legs. made a face. “Month being the operative word…” She trailed off, her attention suddenly drawn to a car pulling up to the store. “I think  "Maybe you should go on the offense. Make a pass at the Harry Potter guy. someone, or at least show him you’re interested. Like the Man Wizard. He’s adorable. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, you know, and he's adorable! Ask him out!. Would you go out with him if he asked you?”

            "I'm so not listening to you," Jessie said, rolling rolled her eyes. Her matchmaking co-worker Allison loved to give nicknames to customers, and one of their most faithful patrons was Christopher customers had the last name of Potter, who often bought flowers for his mother. Allison had observed that w With his dark good looks and bookish eyeglasses, he really resembled Christopher Potter was like a hunky and grown up, hunky Harry Potter.

            Allison continued. “He likes the beach. You both like the beach. He likes to travel and so do you. You both love Thai food... and Monday night football. Need I say more? go on?”

           "That's true," Jessie said. "We do have a lot in common, or so it seems, but  All that was true. She and Christopher had chatted often. They did have a lot in common.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Jessie tucked some hair behind her ear as an older woman got out of her car and approached the shop. “But don’t get any ideas. Christopher is a good customer and I wouldn’t want to lose his business him.”

            “Good customers, you we have. It's a boyfriend you want." a lot of. Boyfriends? Not so much.”

            The April showers had stopped, and the sun was coming out as an elegant-looking woman got out of her car and approached the shop. Just then, the The phone rang and Jessie went to answer it while Allison greeted the customer. 
            “Welcome to Flowers by Jessie," Allison said, ". How can I help you?”

            The woman smiled. “I’d like to send something to my son for his birthday. But do you have something a little more masculine than a bouquet?”

            Allison showed her some of the miniature bonsai trees and the woman loved them.

“I believe this is something my son would like, and I want I’d like this to be delivered to him around six p.m. by Jessie. I’ll even pay extra for that if necessary if I need to, but it needs to be her.” At Allison’s quizzical look, the woman added: conspiratorially, “My son has given buys me flowers every single month, ever since his father my husband passed away, and he’s always talking about his florist, Jessie, and how pretty she is and I thought it would make his day for her to deliver them in person." , as a mother, it was my duty to…”

            A sudden suspicion bloomed in Allison’s mind as she got ready to record the necessary information into the computer. brain. “If I could have your name please?”

            “Deborah Potter. My son is Christopher Potter, and he lives at 105 Oak Lane.”

            “Mrs. Potter!” Allison beamed. “You jJust leave everything to me," she said. "I'm sure you won't be disappointed.”

            A few days later, Jessie pulled up at to Christopher Potter’s house with the bonsai tree on the seat next to her. Allison usually did the afternoon deliveries, but she practically pushed Jessie out the door, saying it was her big chance with Harry Potter. She was more nervous than she had a right to be. Christopher Potter was a sweet guy who obviously loved his mother a lot. He was funny and handsome and single. Whether he was attracted to her remained a question. She told herself to remain professional as she rang the doorbell. This was just an everyday delivery.

            When Christopher opened the door, her heart accelerated.
            "Jessie!" He grinned. "What a nice surprise!" Christopher’s eyes widened in surprise. “Jessie?”

            “Yep. I have a delivery for you.” She held out the bonsai tree his mother had chosen. “Happy birthday," she smiled. "It's from your mom.”

            “You’re kidding. Wow, and it's really great to see you again!" thanks.” 
            Another car drove up and a teenaged boy jumped out as he read the card. A kid got out holding a couple of bags. As he got closer, Jessie got a whiff of something yummy.

“I have an order for Jessie and Christopher," he said. Order for Jessie?”

She and Christopher looked at each other, surprised.

“I’m Jessie," she said.”
"I'm Christopher," he echoed, reaching for his wallet.

The kid handed her the bags "It's from the Thai Kitchen," the boy said, handing her the bags. "Already paid for." one of Jessie’s favorite restaurants. “Here ya go. It’s already paid for,” the kid answered as Jessie glanced at the delivery van where she’d left her purse. “The lady tipped me too.”

The kid turned to go, but Jessie called out, “Do you know who placed the order, by the way?” she asked.

“Allison from the flower shop," the boy called out while rushing back to his car.”

Jessie gasped. She was going to kill Allison.

“Allison from your store?”

“It seems like it.”

Christopher chuckled. “It smells great. I love the Thai Kitchen.”

Jessie shook her head. “You realize what’s going on right?”

His eyes twinkled. “Sure. My Hmmm...my mom and your friend think we need to spend the evening together eating eat Thai food together while and chatting about miniature potted trees.”

She couldn’t help laughing. “I’m really sorry about this," she said. .”

Jessie's heart fluttered as Christopher He gazed down at her with his and she suddenly felt quite small and feminine. He had the most gorgeous brown eyes. and a smile like a warm hug. "I'm not!"

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I’m sure not.”"Then neither am I," she replied softly.

Photo credit: Andreas D. via Creative Commons License

Good Dog!

by Wendy Hobday Haugh from the September 29, 2015 issue

Tagline: Cassie loved her dog and Matt loved his dog. It wouldn't be long before the two dog-lovers fell in love with each other!

Observations: I saw something in this story that I hadn't seen before. At first, it's a regular
Woman's World story. A new guy moves in next door. His dog digs into her yard and her dog digs a hole to his yard and they meet and hit it off. Nothing really new or noteworthy. What was different was this:

And that's how our story began. The rest, in a nutshell, went like this:

What follows that line is a summarization ("telling", if you will) of the rest of their courtship and wedding.

I've seen weddings at the end of stories before. They're not common, but they do occur, but this is the first time I've seen the author just flat out state they were going to summarize. It was a little narrator-ish and pulled us back from the deeper POV we'd been in, but that was fine. Think of that distancing like when at the end of a movie, they pull back for that driving off into the sunset shot.

When Tracy Met Rick

by Rosemary Hayes from the August 10, 2015 issue

Tagline: Tracy's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day turned into something quite the opposite when she met Rick...

Observations: I laughed when I read the beginning of this story because the same thing almost happened to me. This was back in the day when you actually had to insert your key into the door to unlock it. I put my key in and it didn't unlock. I was confused until I saw that a person was sitting in the driver's seat! I was so embarrassed, even though it was an honest mistake. Same make, model and color, as in the story.

I thought that Rick's opening line was funny. I always appreciate a hero with a sense of humor.

There was a little gray moment when Tracy declines his invitation to go for coffee, which is usually something I like. Even though they're only 800 words, these stories benefit from a wee bit of tension, however, I kind of thought saying she didn't go out with strangers, just so she could introduce herself, seemed a little lame.

A wedding at the end is always a surprise and an admirable feat. It's not easy to go from strangers to spouses in 800 words. :)

Photo credit: Kevin Krejci via Flickr, Creative Commons license

Laughing All the Way

by Shelley Cooper from the March 23, 2015 issue

Tagline
Once just neighbors and friends, Naomi and Jacob now saw each other through the eyes of love...

In a Nutshell
When the mother of the bride cries at the wedding and reception, the father of the groom tries to get her to laugh. As they reminisce about how their son and daughter fell in love, awareness of him flickers in the mom.

Observations
OMG. I totally teared up reading this one and I haven't done that in a long time. It was this line that did it:

"And what did that wonderful girl of yours..." He stopped, took a long breath, then cleared his throat. "What did Janey do when Julian came home from Afghanistan, broken in body and spirit?"

That pause as the dad has to rein in his emotions? And the fact that Julian was a soldier? I was a goner. I'd love to see in the comments below how many of you got misty as well.

While there was a slight info dump via dialogue when the mom answers that question (As you know, Bob...), I just glossed over it, anxious to find out what happened outside of that hospital room.

Then, there's the moment when Naomi realizes. Another big sigh. Cooper captured that moment perfectly. This is something that I sometimes notice is not done enough in Woman's World stories, especially ones that I edit. I know the word count is extremely tight, but if you're going to skimp, the emotional payoff moment is not the place to do it.

Also, notice that there is no black moment. None was needed, which is really interesting to me and worth noting.

Photo credit: Brian Reid via Flickr Creative Commons

Forever and For Always

by Shoshana Brown from the February 23, 2015 issue

Tagline

Eric was the love of Sherry's life--and the only one who could calm her pre-wedding fears!

In a Nutshell

Sherry is having second thoughts because she gave Eric an ultimatum. He reassures her he truly does want to marry her.

Observations
This is the first time I've seen a story about pre-wedding jitters. At the risk of repeating myself, I thought it was a novel idea for a story. I liked Eric a lot. He seemed like a great guy. Danni, the maid of honor, was terrific too.

Reading this story reminds me that one way to "attack" a story about an already-established couple is to identify a crisis moment or a problem like this and then get them past it, together. These types of stories are usually about the woman being afraid of something that has to do with their relationship. During the course of the story she is reassured. Sometimes it's a friend who helps her along. Sometimes she figures it out on her own. Sometimes, as in this story, the man reassures her. It's a nice option to consider if you're tired of writing first meet stories.

Photo credit: Suzie2q via Flickr Creative Commons

Wrong Number, Right Man!

by Anna Jo Christopher from the November 10, 2014 issue

Tagline
Becky's silly mistake resulted in a very romantic outcome!

In a Nutshell
Becky is helping her grandmother out, changing the batteries on her wall phone. When she accidentally direct-dials the police department, an old flame comes to investigate the emergency.

Observations
This story was everything we'd expect in a Woman's World story and done well. I wrote many positive comments in the margins. First, I loved the foreshadowing in the very first paragraph:

Sometimes I think nobody in the world makes the kinds of silly mistakes I do. But then I think, if I hadn't made that one silly mistake, I wouldn't have become the happiest woman on earth.

Not only do I identify immediately with the heroine (because I make a lot of silly mistakes), but I find out that I am in for a full-on happy ending. Woman's World stories rarely end with marriage, but judging from this paragraph, I am hopeful.

Next, the whole problem with getting the phone back on the wall...that is also totally me. I have been there, done that. So I sympathized with the heroine. I have not, however, accidentally called the police. (Although I sort of wish I had.) I loved this surprise, which I didn't see coming. I did notice some odd attention spent on describing the memorized emergency numbers, but didn't think anything of it.

I was surprised a second time by the fact that the cop and the heroine knew each other. Old flame stories are not exactly uncommon, but I wasn't expecting this twist. Perhaps because usually there's only one surprise to be found.

I liked the humor too:

"Those were fun times," he said. "Cops and robbers. We terrorized the neighborhood."

I raised an eyebrow. "Glad to see you chose the more ethical road." 

And finally, there was the hinted-at happy ending. The marriage, the tying in of the snickerdoodles mentioned at the beginning of the story, and a reminder about the silly mistake wrapped everything up beautifully.

When comparing this week's story with last weeks, I think these are both familiar plots, but story two had a couple of surprises and some humor, which made all the difference.

Photo credit: Nightflyer via Wikimedia Commons

The Escape Artist

by Shelley Cooper from the March 10, 2014 issue

Tagline: Laura couldn't keep her dog from running away. Fortunately, he never ran far...just to Matt's house!

In a Nutshell: A dog plays matchmaker when he keeps running away to the house that a cute single guy is restoring.

Observations: Since this is the second story I'm analyzing today and I have limited time, I'm going to do a Stream-of-Consciousness Review ™. LOL.

The first couple of paragraphs are good. I, too, rescued a dog, so I'm immediately drawn in and feel a connection with the narrator. I also feel sympathy for her having just been dumped by her fiancé. Poor thing.

Oh. Teeny is a Great Dane. Holy moly. I have a Chihuahua. Polar opposites! 

Hm. I wonder what kind of neighborhood she lives in if there are Victorian houses sitting around abandoned. But I go with it.

OMG. LMAO. "I'm not sure, but after that kiss, I think Teeny and I are going steady."

I like seeing the progression of their relationship, via Teeny's messing up the porch and shirt.

I really liked the invitation, but I kind of wonder if he could have restored the house in two weeks. Glory is a strong word.

LMAO again at Matt's outfit for the BBQ.

Hm. I am disappointed with the ending. It felt very abrupt. I think it might have helped if right after he said, "And I do want to get to know you better, Laura," she had said something and they'd shared a moment. Instead there was "telling," of the "show don't tell" fame. "That was the day I fell in love with Matt. Thanks for telling us, but I'd rather see it happen real time. 

Oh, a wedding. That' makes sense, but it falls flat for me because I don't feel the couple has a strong enough connection built.

The last sentence was terrific, but I'm afraid it didn't make up for the lack of of happy sigh at the critical place in the story.

True Colors

by Shelley Cooper from the December 9, 2013 issue

Tagline: Who knew that a head of Kool-Aid-green hair would lead one desperate man and one amused hairstylist to love?

In a Nutshell: Simon let his nieces dye his hair with Kool-Aid and it won't wash out in time for him to be best man at his brother's wedding. Kate dyes his hair so it looks normal.

Observations: This was a cute story with a pretty original plot. I enjoyed seeing the hero and heroine spend so much time together. It was easy to like both of them. They were both easy-going and funny. Simon is shown to be a family man--devoted to his nieces.

I also enjoyed all of Kate's internal dialogue. She was so cute, wry and humorous. I liked her a lot. And not just because of her name. LOL

The two sentence epilogue is a rarity. We seldom see a couple get married, but in this story, we did. Why? My guess is that a wedding was a big part of the story. Also, Cooper was able to cleverly sneak in a repeat of the green theme, bringing the story full circle and showing the couple has a sentimental streak.

It seemed an odd choice for a December issue, though.

Photo by wiredforlego (cc)

Catch a Falling Star

by Dana Stephens from the June 27, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jenny didn't realize it at first, but her wish had come true before she even spotted a falling star.

In a Nutshell: Jenny goes to the lake with her sister and brother-in-law. After an encounter with several yellow jackets, she takes an unexpected spill into the lake. Jack "rescues" her. To thank him, she invites him to dinner, and when she wishes on a falling star, one year later her wish comes true at her wedding to Jack.

Observations: Jenny leaned over the front seat of the Jeep. "Annie," she said to her sister, "are you feeling okay?"

"You and Jack," Annie said, elbowing her husband sitting in the driver's seat, "are like two worrywarts. The baby isn't due for another month--I'm fine, really."
I got off to a rocky start with this story. It might just be me, but I had trouble figuring out if Jack was Annie or Jenny's husband. I read it just now and could see that he was Annie's, but I can easily switch mindsets and get confused again, thinking he could be Jenny's. The pronoun "her" is a tad bit ambiguous, and the names are similar--two syllables with n's and a long e at the end... :)

Also, I wondered in the back of my mind about how smart it was to go somewhere remote if Annie's only a month away from delivery. However, I'm very detail oriented and most readers probably wouldn't think like I do.

However, I did like the yellow-jacket idea and the man to the rescue plot, and Dylan's joke really made me laugh. They're talking about fishing in the lake...

"Are they biting? We brought a couple of rods." That's Jenny talking.

"The only thing I've pulled out of the water so far is you," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

LOL

Interesting twist in this story in that the circularity/motif thingy I'm always talking about was "out of order" in that the first mention of the wishing on a star was in the second to last paragraph instead of near the beginning of the story. Also, we see that they get married, which is always nice, but hard to do in these short stories.

Lastly, I noticed Jenny being proactive in that she searches for a falling star to wish on. Smart girl! Give Fate a nudge when necessary. :)

Shall We Dance?

by Mary Ann Joyce from the March 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: Tess met Ray in dance class--and by the end of the lesson, they both wondered if they might pair up for a lifetime!

In a Nutshell: Tess shows up for her dance class and sees to her dismay that it's all couples. The one other single, Ray, suggests they pair up. She agrees. All the couples seem to be preparing for their weddings, so Ray makes up a history for them off the cuff. Tess goes along with the farce, pretending that they're engaged. When the class ends, Ray suggests they go for coffee and Tess says yes.

Observations: I loved this story, loved its humor and originality. Watching Tess and Ray learn - or at least try to learn - to dance was fun and it is easy to imagine them actually getting engaged sometime in the future.

I haven't talked about hooks much on this blog. Because the stories are so short, I've never really seen the need to emphasize them, but I noticed one in this story.

This was a big mistake, Tess thought as she scanned the room.

The reader automatically wonders what the mistake was and she reads ahead to find out.

I'm going to look at some of the other stories and see if there are other hooks that I never noticed. It's funny how, even though I know about hooks for novels, I didn't think to apply the device to these short stories.

"The Game of Love"

by M.L. Hickerson from the February 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: It might have started with a coincidence, but Justin and Gail's romance was meant to be...

In A Nutshell: Gail is on standby at the airport. She meets a guy waiting for the same flight because he's playing the same word game on his phone as she is on hers. They decide whoever finds the longest word will get the ticket. He wins, but declines to take the flight because he wants to spend more time with her.

Observations: This reminds me a lot of the story in which the two people vied for the same vintage lunch box, but this story had more of a tech feel because of the important props--his iPhone and her Blackberry.

This is one of those stories where as a reader, you're the fly on the wall. Personally, I like this type of story because it's easier to believe in the connection between the characters. I see it happen, vs. the author telling me.

There's also the story element of circularity, which I'm also fond of. That's when you drop something in at the beginning of the story and bring it back in at the end, too. In this case it's the idea of coincidence. When Justin shows her the screen on his iPhone so she can see he's playing the same game...

"That's a coincidence!" to which he replies, "'Coincidence', eleven letters."

Then at the end you get not one, but two, references. When Justin suggests they grab dinner, they both happen to have the same favorite restaurant on the concourse. Then, the last sentence claims:


As they smiled lovingly at one another, they knew their chance meeting had nothing to do with coincidence.

Finally, there's another story element in this tale that I like a lot--the black moment, when you think all is lost. Justin's name is called to board the flight, and Gail is left alone, but then she hears her name over the loudspeaker. Justin, that chivalric guy, has given up his seat for her. But then, bam, backatcha, Justin. Gail doesn't take the seat. She'd rather have dinner with you. Viva romance!!!

"A Change in the Weather"

by Sheila Llanas from the October 4, 2010 issue

Tagline: The thunderstorm took Sandy and Tom by surprise--and so did the romance that followed...

In a Nutshell: Sandy and Tom go out on a first date. Tom is shy and nervous through dinner. The rest of the date is not ideal, and yet they end up getting married one year later.

Observations: The majority of Woman's World stories tell what happens leading up to that first date. This one took up after that first meet and described the date itself instead. What a refreshing change.

Another difference is that the "black moment," when you worry that things aren't going to work out, occurs in the first third of the story, instead of near the end.

She wondered if this would be a typical first date: Tom would drop her off, tell her he'd call. She'd crawl into bed with a good book and never hear from him again.

I thought the bib wedding favor idea was cute, and I always love a wedding epilogue.

However, this story didn't really grab me. I think it's because Tom didn't appeal to me. I think his bumbling was supposed to be endearing, but he came across as a little too unassuming and awkward. Sandy is a better woman than I am, clearly!

Driven by Love

by Christine Pedersen from the January 11, 2010 issue

Tagline: If Amy's car could talk, it would have quite a love story to tell!

In a Nutshell: A car notices its owner, Amy, is interested in a young man who works in the same building. When Amy is transfered to another building, the car refuses to start at an opportune moment. The man "comes to the rescue," and the rest is history.

Observations: This is the strangest story to come out of Woman's World in a very long time because it's written in the car's point of view. However, I thought it was fun. Take the first line, for instance:

Men love me.

Cute, huh!

Still, even though it's the car telling the story, the story has the classic three act structure, and even a very unusual "epilogue" paragraph.

1. Set-up or backstory: You find out about the relationship of the car and its owner, Amy. You also find out the car's goal: find Amy a man.

2. Introduce the hero, the attraction between them: Matt works in her building. They chat. Amy calls a friend to tell her about him. They lunch.

3. Introduce the conflict,: Amy gets transferred. Car refuses to start. Matt "fixes" the car. They go to dinner. They kiss.

4. HEA: Literally this time, they live happily ever after, because the car boasts about having to wear the "Just Married" sign.

My Favorite Part: One day, she pulled into a parking spot next to a nice sedan, sparkling clean and with properly inflated tires. LMAO My only complaint is that I would have made it read like this:

One day, she pulled into a parking spot next to a nice sedan, sparkling clean.

And with properly inflated tires.

That little pause, I think, makes it a teensy bit funnier. Otherwise, I really liked this story.

Save the Date

by Gina Vasquez from the June 15, 2009 issue

Tagline: Krissy couldn't care less about her ex-husband's upcoming wedding. In fact, she was looking forward to the day...now.

Stream of Consciousness Analysis:

As you can tell by the tagline, the ex-husband invites her to his wedding--his and Krissy's former best friend's! Wow. The gall of some people!

Krissy's sister phones to commiserate about the invitation and the tacky fridge magnet that was enclosed. Krissy, admirably, chastises her sister when she tries to bad-mouth the ex-and-soon-to-be-again hubby.

After hanging up, Krissy goes to the hardware store to look for a solution to her dilapidated fence. The author manages to get a physical description in there for Krissy.

It was cute how the boys "literally bounced off a tall man coming out of a side aisle and landed on their bottoms."

Wow! was Krissy's first thought. I wonder if he's single? This establishes the heroine's interest.

Oh, we find out the guy's a fire fighter because her sons boldly ask. YUM. Why can't my sons find me a hunky fire fighter? Maybe because I'm married. LOL

Of course the man is divorced. He invites her to attend the Firefighters Chili Cook-off, which happens to be on the day of the wedding, and smart girl that she is, Krissy opts to taste chili with the hunk rather than suffer at the wedding.

This was a well-written story. Tight, real, sweet. It follows a basic formula: set up the backstory, move into the humorous meeting, establish the fact that he's single, set up a future date.