Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Best Birthday Gift
Tagline: Jennifer usually regretted her tendency to procrastinate--but not today!
In a Nutshell: Jennifer is trying to mail her twin sister's birthday card but is lacking a stamp. A handsome stranger gives her one. Later, that same stranger is in need of some change while in line to buy a bagel, and Jennifer is there!
Observations: I thought this was a darling story. The characters ring true. His reason for not calling her is valid, and he was very smart to notice her address on the envelope. However, the jump from their first "date" and the epilogue paragraph was abrupt for me:
"...I looked up your number but thought it would make you nervous to hear from me--like I was some kind of stalker."
"You? Stalking me?" If only he knew. "But how did you--"
"Your sister's card. I saw the return address. So tell me, how was your birthday?"
I just celebrated my second post-Jake birthday. We're at the coffee shop, and while I sip my latte, he's stamping the last of our square blue wedding invitations.
I think the story could have benefitted from a phrase like, "Two years later" to transition the reader. Perhaps the fact that the story is in present tense contributed to this.
Otherwise, it was well-written. I especially liked the circularity of the stamps and envelopes beginning and ending the story.