Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"Hearts on Fire"

by Mary Jo Young from the March 19, 2012 issue

Tagline: Kristen's heart fluttered as she spoke to the handsome fireman, but she knew he'd never call...

In a Nutshell: Kristen is checking the groceries of three firemen. The two in the front try to set her up with the third one. They get called away on an emergency and the third guy asks if he can call her. When she gets off work, she finds him waiting for her. They go out to dinner.

Observations: How could you not like this story. It has, not one fire fighter, but three! Yum.

I really loved how the three men joked with one another. The banter showed the hero's personality--humble, tolerant of his friends, and a good cook to boot.

Note the clever way Young introduced the characters' names--via dialogue and her name tag. No one had to introduce themselves.

There was a nice black moment when she gets off work, but it doesn't last long of course. And also notice how Kristen walked out with a couple of coworkers. Demonstrating personal safety is a plus.

I have nothing negative to point out. This one's a keeper.


Mary Jo said...

Kate, where did you get the great photo of the Firemen grocery shopping? I have been looking forward to your analysis of my first story, but I never expected such a lovely review. Thank you so much. The editor used a fairly light hand in this one, but wait until the Elaine story. I wish I could sit down face to face with Johnene and see where all of that comes from.

To all those writers who are still trying to sell to WW, let me say that I was turned down at least fourteen times before my first sale. I know some of those stories were really cute and I would love to have seen them in Woman's World. Johnene said, "this didn't work for me" or at best, "nicely written, though." Well, I am as tenacious as gum on your shoe. Don't give up.

Kate Willoughby said...

I just googled "Firefighter grocery store" or something like that. :)

See? Don't quit, people!!!

Pat said...

Congrats, Mary Jo, on two wonderful stories. I so enjoyed them and I'm glad you stuck to the writing without giving up. Here's to more sales.

Mary Jo said...

Pat, thank you so much for the kind words. I like writing the WW stories at the current 800 word length. I have three stories in the Woman's World shop right now. They are a little different than the usual offerings, though, and may not be welcome on the menu. We will see.

Jamie Anne Richardson said...

I liked this piece a lot too. It was simple, funny, and light. The dialog was great. I found myself thinking, "why didn't I think of that?" :-)

Kate Willoughby said...

OMG, Jamie, that happens to me all the time.