Tagline: Melanie was enjoying a peaceful day on the river when things took a surprising turn--for the better...
Observations: I felt this story was very plausible. The characters seem real. Melanie has problems, like all of us--probably top on her list, an annoying mother. LOL (Although I noticed that her mom wasn't a complete wiener. Before their phone conversation was over, she'd redeemed herself in my eyes.) Plausibility is an important quality that your story needs to have. The readers like to feel as if this could really happen (to them.)
There's a small black moment when Jesse apologizes for his forwardness and you think Melanie might not accept (even though you know she will, because no Woman's World story ever ends with the heroine declining an invitation from the hero.)
The only thing that I wondered about was cell service out in the wilderness. After a moment, I decided that you probably could get service if the river was close enough to civilization, but that wondering did take me out of the story a moment. It's a pet peeve of mine when characters use their phones in places that they shouldn't be able to.
Other than that, I liked it, especially that last line...
Being up a creek that day without a paddle changed my life forever.
7 comments:
Did anyone else think of 127 days or am I the only person whose morbid mind went there?
I didn't have issues with the cell phone service, I guess because I live in NJ and we have cell phone service everywhere. I can hike, canoe, go to the beach, mountains, and still have service. However, I have a friend who lives in New York State on top a mountain and has no cell service, so your comment made a lot of sense to me even if I didn't think it.
I realized I had two polls up for voting on "Up a Creek." I took down the duplicate. LOL
Also, I won't be putting up a poll for my story. I don't want people to feel obligated to vote they loved it.
I don't know anything about rivers or kayaking. I do know that people shouldn't even go swimming alone, so this story gave me an uneasy feeling from the beginning. When she lost her paddle, I had visions of rocks and rapids and that's all she wrote. I just think this is a cute meet taken to the extreme. Maybe the writer's attempt to stir up a little excitement in the WW's usually bland "voice"?
Hi Mary Jo,
I agree about the buddy system. Smarrt people wear lifejackets when kayaking or canoeing so I assumed she did. I've lost a paddle on the Delware-Raritan Canel (not real fast moving water at the time) and had to swim for it so I didn't picture rapids.
This is another instance where WW and I don't see eye-to-eye on safety issues. lol
Nancy Drury's name sounds familiar. I wonder what part of the country she is from.
I wish WW would stick that puzzle solution somewhere else and give us room for 100 to 120 words more print space. That would bring us closer to our allotted 800 words.
Good idea, Mary Jo.
I think the "up a creek" idea is clever, and I like the way Nancy Drury brought it back around at the end.
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