Tagline: Enjoying a peaceful winter morning, Marni accepts an invitation from her handsome neighbor, Jann, to try Swedish meatballs
Off the Cuff Observations: I hate to start out with a criticism, but not sure I'd use the word "tender" to describe eyes. However, I still like the opening paragraph. It really sets the scene.
Ooh, I really like the snow globe paragraph! I also like the little summary of Marni's life right how. It paints her as a woman who is grateful for where she is and continues to work hard to meet her personal goals.
Oh, Jann sounds like the kind of neighbor every young single woman wants. Dare I say he's a NILK (Neighbor I Want to Kiss)?
She watched him as he walked to the counter for more coffee, taking in each step of his sort of lumber-swagger. That's how her breaths were coming. -- I'm a tad confused. Exactly how were her breaths coming? Lumber-swaggering?
Ice fishing. LOL
Oh, he cooks! Another point in his favor.
She knew her answer to his question, of course she wanted to come over, but a part of her hesitated. -- Why did she hesitate? And then why was she so confident with her answer, once she finally gave it?
Marni can't recall the last time she felt this content. -- Oops, we slipped into present tense.
Nice story! Loved the snow globe imagery and the yummy Swedish hero!
Photo by Sharon Chen via Flickr CC License
2 comments:
I thought this was a cute story. Loved all the wonderful description that made you feel like you were there with the characters.
Thanks for commenting, as always, Pat!
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