Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Laughing All the Way

by Shelley Cooper from the March 23, 2015 issue

Once just neighbors and friends, Naomi and Jacob now saw each other through the eyes of love...

In a Nutshell
When the mother of the bride cries at the wedding and reception, the father of the groom tries to get her to laugh. As they reminisce about how their son and daughter fell in love, awareness of him flickers in the mom.

OMG. I totally teared up reading this one and I haven't done that in a long time. It was this line that did it:

"And what did that wonderful girl of yours..." He stopped, took a long breath, then cleared his throat. "What did Janey do when Julian came home from Afghanistan, broken in body and spirit?"

That pause as the dad has to rein in his emotions? And the fact that Julian was a soldier? I was a goner. I'd love to see in the comments below how many of you got misty as well.

While there was a slight info dump via dialogue when the mom answers that question (As you know, Bob...), I just glossed over it, anxious to find out what happened outside of that hospital room.

Then, there's the moment when Naomi realizes. Another big sigh. Cooper captured that moment perfectly. This is something that I sometimes notice is not done enough in Woman's World stories, especially ones that I edit. I know the word count is extremely tight, but if you're going to skimp, the emotional payoff moment is not the place to do it.

Also, notice that there is no black moment. None was needed, which is really interesting to me and worth noting.

Photo credit: Brian Reid via Flickr Creative Commons


Chris said...

In total agreement, Kate, this was a real winner for me. You're right, the conversation between the two leads who already knew the info was a slight snag but so deftly handled that I forgave the author completely. Totally luvverly story.

Sandy Smith said...

I loved this story, too. I didn't really notice the info dump too much, I guess. And I agree a black moment wasn't needed. I think the black moment had occurred when the son came home from Afghanistan, and now the dad is recognizing how that was overcome. It was a beautiful story.

Pat said...

This was a truly awesome story. I also didn't mind the info dump because the story was so emotional and just wonderful. Congrats to Shelley.