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| Photo Credit: Rusty Clark (Flickr cc license) |
Tagline: Amy wasn't looking for romance, but her improbable meeting with Jim was a nice surprise!
Observations: I think I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness analysis today, which means I type what comes into my head as I'm reading.
First paragraph - I immediately sympathize with Amy and her feelings about the family reunion. Who among us has not ever felt like we weren't going anywhere with our lives and worried that people were judging us for our lack of forward motion? This kind of thing establishes a bond with the reader right away. They think, "I've felt like that too. I want to keep reading so I can see if things turn out all right for her." And the reader, after reading that Amy ends up happy, feels more optimistic about her own life, or at least feels happy for Amy.
After the crash - Hm. That guy seemed very cool and collected for someone who could very likely get chewed out.
The flowers were a nice touch.
"I was mesmerized by the hard hat's blue eyes." - Hats don't have eyes.
Thursday she receives the check - I am admiring Jim Stevens's persistence. LOL
I'm surprised at her suggestion of a picnic and super surprised about the reunion because I totally forgot the story started with that! Awesome.
Okay, I just got to the part where Jim explains to Amy how his family is sparse and widely scattered and that nailed it. This is what you should try to strive for in a Woman's World story. You tell a romance, yes. That's obvious. What's not as obvious is that you should try to show how a character grows just a little and learns a small (or even big) lesson about herself/himself or life in general.
Think about what the story would have been without that part where Amy realizes how lucky she is that she has this caring but sometimes annoying family. It would have been a cute tale about a meet cute and a construction guy who isn't afraid to go after what he wants. But with the realization, it becomes so much richer, plus it strengthens the two characters' relationship and brings them closer.
5 comments:
Cute story. I was surprised, though, that she would take him to a family reunion without telling him. Some guys would have been upset about that. Fortunately for her, he wasn't one of them.
I loved this story. It was so different and new.
I wasn't surprised she would take him the reunion because he seemed to be so interested her that he would go anywhere she wanted.
Kate, I think "hard hat" referred to him because she didn't know his name yet. At least that is how I took it. Maybe it should be "Hardhat"
I found the "hard hat" moniker cute. I took it to mean she was giving him the name, as in "Mr. Hard Hat." In one of my stories (alas, rejected), my protagonist's friend referred to the new love interest as "Mr. Big Foot," because she'd just tripped over his foot on a bus. But, I did think it was far-fetched that she'd take him to a family reunion without knowing him better. Could be a disaster if he turned out to exhibit some embarrassing behaviors or not be as sociable as she imagined.
Tamara, in real life, I'd agree with you but this is WWland.
Astute reminder, Pat. Come to think of it, I'm sure I present some unrealistic scenarios in my stories as well.
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