Tagline: When Cerise Campbell hosts her daughter's birthday, handsome single dad Jordan steps in to help...and love is on the menu.
Stream of Consciousness Observations: "They turned onto Iris Lane, which was shaded by trees with leaves in brilliant fall colors." -- I'm interested to see if there's a reason the street is specifically named.
"Oh no!" Macie wailed. "Who will deliver our pizzas?" -- This sounds a tiny bit stilted, especially coming from the mouth of a teen.
Oooh, stovetop popcorn is the BEST.
As he picked up one of the big bowls of popcorn [sic] his strong, muscular arm brushed against Cherise's arm and she felt an unexpected, pleasant tingle in her arm. -- This is an example of why reading your story aloud is a good idea. The word arm is used three times, which is, if you ask me, one too many.
Nice story! I especially liked the laid-back plans for the birthday party. These days with Instagram and Pinterest, I feel like so many people feel pressure to dial up their events. Birthdays should be celebrated, but not all of them require photo-inspired fanfare.
Photo by Andrew Rivett via Flickr CC License
4 comments:
Cute story. But I couldn't figure out why the delivery driver shortage was such a dilemma, especially if the pizza place was just around the corner. The mom could have gone to pick them up.
I agree, Sandy, but I wondered if she felt uncomfortable leaving the girls alone. Either way, it didn't bother me all that much.
How did that "arm" repetition get by the editors?
I have no idea, Anonymous!
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