"Out with the Old"

by Krista Weidner from the March 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: Erin's classified ad helped her get rid of something she'd held on to for too long--and find something she hadn't known she was looking for!


In a Nutshell: Erin wants to give away the piano her ex left behind. The man who eventually wants to take it off her hands is cute, but he's getting it for his wife. But wait! The brother who came along to help him move it is his just as cute twin!

Observations: I always love a good plot twist that sends the story in a new direction, changing everything. In this case, just when you think that Erin won't find romance, in walks the unmarried twin.

I really enjoyed the easy banter between the brothers. My two teenaged sons bicker all the time, so a story like this one, even though it's fiction, gives me hope!

I also liked the upbeat tone the story ended on. Sometimes the stories end on a positive note, but it's understated and placid. This one had a bit more umph to it.

It's just amazing what you can find in the classifieds these days!

"What a Guy!"

by Vanessa Carroll from the March 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jamie didn't realize she was looking for an hero--until one showed up just in time!


In a Nutshell: Jamie rushes out of her house, scared out of her wits by the raccoon that got in. A new neighbor, Mitch, braves the house and captures the critter. The next day, she brings cookies to thank him and they go out to dinner.

Observations: I haven't seen a man to the rescue story in a while. If this is what I get when I wait, it's worth it. This story was very cute and original and slightly madcap in tone.

There was something in this story that I don't often see either-- that ending paragraph.

And that's the story of how an uninvited raccoon introduced me to true love. I have to admit I've had a soft spot for the critters ever since.

This addition makes you feel as if Jamie is a friend sharing her story with you, especially considering it was in first person. It gives the piece a casual feel.
In My Opinion: This story could have used a more clever title.

Shall We Dance?

by Mary Ann Joyce from the March 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: Tess met Ray in dance class--and by the end of the lesson, they both wondered if they might pair up for a lifetime!

In a Nutshell: Tess shows up for her dance class and sees to her dismay that it's all couples. The one other single, Ray, suggests they pair up. She agrees. All the couples seem to be preparing for their weddings, so Ray makes up a history for them off the cuff. Tess goes along with the farce, pretending that they're engaged. When the class ends, Ray suggests they go for coffee and Tess says yes.

Observations: I loved this story, loved its humor and originality. Watching Tess and Ray learn - or at least try to learn - to dance was fun and it is easy to imagine them actually getting engaged sometime in the future.

I haven't talked about hooks much on this blog. Because the stories are so short, I've never really seen the need to emphasize them, but I noticed one in this story.

This was a big mistake, Tess thought as she scanned the room.

The reader automatically wonders what the mistake was and she reads ahead to find out.

I'm going to look at some of the other stories and see if there are other hooks that I never noticed. It's funny how, even though I know about hooks for novels, I didn't think to apply the device to these short stories.

"Can I Help You?"

by Tamara Shaffer from the February 28, 2011 issue

Tagline: Todd and Nancy had never met before that day in the shop, but it turned out they had a lot in common...

In A Nutshell: Todd's girlfriend wants to break up with him. He's shopping for a "parting gift" and hits it off with the shopkeeper.

Observations: This was a moving-on/first meet story that doesn't follow the usual three act structure. In this one, there are only two acts. They meet at the store, talk about his situation and her similar sort of break-up, then there's a quick transition and we move right to the "third" act. There is no black moment either, unless you count this:

I walk away with a strangely lighter heart, but I'm confused. And suddenly, I'm not sure if I want things to go well.

So, I guess it just goes to show you that you can write stories that are out of the norm and contrary to my advice and still get published.

"The Game of Love"

by M.L. Hickerson from the February 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: It might have started with a coincidence, but Justin and Gail's romance was meant to be...

In A Nutshell: Gail is on standby at the airport. She meets a guy waiting for the same flight because he's playing the same word game on his phone as she is on hers. They decide whoever finds the longest word will get the ticket. He wins, but declines to take the flight because he wants to spend more time with her.

Observations: This reminds me a lot of the story in which the two people vied for the same vintage lunch box, but this story had more of a tech feel because of the important props--his iPhone and her Blackberry.

This is one of those stories where as a reader, you're the fly on the wall. Personally, I like this type of story because it's easier to believe in the connection between the characters. I see it happen, vs. the author telling me.

There's also the story element of circularity, which I'm also fond of. That's when you drop something in at the beginning of the story and bring it back in at the end, too. In this case it's the idea of coincidence. When Justin shows her the screen on his iPhone so she can see he's playing the same game...

"That's a coincidence!" to which he replies, "'Coincidence', eleven letters."

Then at the end you get not one, but two, references. When Justin suggests they grab dinner, they both happen to have the same favorite restaurant on the concourse. Then, the last sentence claims:


As they smiled lovingly at one another, they knew their chance meeting had nothing to do with coincidence.

Finally, there's another story element in this tale that I like a lot--the black moment, when you think all is lost. Justin's name is called to board the flight, and Gail is left alone, but then she hears her name over the loudspeaker. Justin, that chivalric guy, has given up his seat for her. But then, bam, backatcha, Justin. Gail doesn't take the seat. She'd rather have dinner with you. Viva romance!!!

A Box of Chocolates

by Lorraine Henderson from the February 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: This year, Lauren got something she hadn't been expecting for Valentine's Day: a lesson in true love!

In A Nutshell: Lauren tells her husband she thinks they're in a Valentine's Day rut. Although she hurt his feelings, he comes through and sends her roses instead of the familiar box of chocolates. By the end of the day, though, she realizes that there's romance in long held traditions and gives him a box of chocolates herself.

Observations: It's always refreshing to see a rekindled marriage/relationship story, but they're hard to write. You can't paint marriage trouble with too heavy a hand or the editor may balk. And yet, you may want to try your hand at one because the fact that there are so many first meet stories might make the editors hungry for a change of pace.

This story hits the nail on the head on several levels. Henderson identifies the problem: the same boring box of candy. She shows the wife being honest with her husband and it's a tricky scene. Husband has to be hurt, but not too much.

Lauren saw a look cross Charlie's face, and she regretted her words. "Pretend you didn't hear me, honey--please?" She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Now go dig out your car."

"I'm going," he said. "but I heard what you said. I'm going to surprise you."

See? You've got to admire Charlie's ability to bounce back.

Next, the author brings us back in time and shows Lauren remembering past Valentine's Days she's shared with Charlie. The romance is described in detail and we readers go "awww." After that we're introduced to the kids. Many Woman's World readers are married with children, so they're familiar with the difficulty of balancing romance with the 24/7 responsibility of being parents. This down-to-earth reality is a big part of the tone Woman's World likes.

Finally, this story has a fantastic black moment.

After dinner, at the time when Charlie would have presented Lauren with her gift, it got noticeably quieter around the table.

After that Lauren gets the candy she got for Charlie and everyone is happy. We get the feeling that a minor marital speed bump has been successfully gotten past. And lo, the objective of a marriage/relationship rekindled story is accomplished.

"When Sarah Met Andrew"

by Elizabeth Graham from the February 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: "You'll know when you meet him," Mama had said--and she was so right!

In a Nutshell: Sarah is pet-sitting, but can't find the key in the snow when she arrives at Mrs. Holton's house. A male neighbor helps her look for it.

Observations: This story clearly showed the heroine falling for the hero. Often, because of the tight word count, authors skimp on showing the attraction. Not here. First, he's handsome:

The voice belonged to a tall, good-looking man standing on the driveway next to the door. Even through the swirling snow, I saw that he had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.


...those blue eyes stole my breath.

His smile made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

And his character and status...?

He was a good neighbor, too.

"...I'm from Michigan, but I moved here six months ago--the town was too small for both me and my ex."

Okay, so far, so good, but what about the magic?

An odd sensation swept through me, as if something had shifted inside.


The warm feeling grew warmer...


A shock of electricity zipped through me as our hands clasped.

All righty then. Looks like a potential boyfriend! The reader will feel confident that even though she was recently jilted by her fiance, Sarah should go for it with Mr. Blue Eyes. Woman's World likes to encourage positive, hopeful feelings and stories like this one do that.

"Open House, Open Heart"

by Elizabeth Palmer from the January 31, 2011 issue

Tagline: Victoria had happy memories of the old house—and of the blue-eyed boy who once lived there…

In a Nutshell: Victoria is at the open house of a Painted Lady mansion. She lived nearby when she was a child. Now she works at the local museum, an expert on period architecture. A man, also attending the open house, comments that the family who lived there had a skating rink in the winter, which Victoria remembers well. Turns out the man was the young boy who invited her to skate on that pond many years ago.

Observations: You know that famous poster “All I Need To Know About Life, I Learned in Kindergarten”? Well, here’s one of the things I’ve learned from reading Woman’s World stories.

If there’s a special someone of the opposite sex in your past, you’re bound to run into them. And that someone will be single, even if it appears at first that they are not. LOL

To write one of these old flame/second chance stories, try this:

First, create the past for the man and woman. What happened between them? Did they go to high school together? Did they work a summer job together? Attend summer camp? Babysit for the other’s sibling? In this story, they were neighbors. The boy invited her to skate with them on their pond, but then she moved away.

Next, create a situation where they are reunited. Often the man or woman returns to their home town for one reason or another—an aging relative that needs their help or, as in this story, the woman has a new job. (She attends that open house and the man/boy she skated with just happens to be there too.) Sometimes, no one moved away; they just meet serendipitously at a street fair or grocery store.

Finally, during the meeting, show the spark of attraction. Show the two characters re-connecting and transferring that feeling they once had into hope for a future. End with a sense of happy expectation.

"Flea Market Find"

by Mary Ann Joyce from the January 24, 2011 issue

Tagline: Elliott was right, Molly decided. You never knew what you would find at a flea market!

In A Nutshell: Molly almost snags a vintage lunch box at the flea market, but Elliott picks it up first. When they can't agree on who should get dibs, they agree to walk around the flea market together and flip a coin for it if they don't find something else. At the end of a fun day, Elliott insists she take take the lunch box because he put his phone number inside.

Observations: This is a good example of taking a tried and true setting and putting a twist on it. The twist in this case was the collectible lunch boxes. Usually with flea market/tag sale stories, the item in question is something with sentimental value...grandma's recipe book, a pocket watch, a china teacup. In this story, the lunchbox had a quirky quality that I liked as a change of pace.

I also liked the following conversation which showed more quirkiness and humor:

     "So what's the weirdest thing you've bought at a flea market?"
     Molly thought for a minute. "Once I bought a portrait of Elvis made out of jelly beans."

That made me smile.

This story also had the perfect upbeat parting of company in which the couple face a future of romantic possibility:

     "...and besides, I left my number in the thermos." He turned and waved.
     Molly got into her car and, smiling, snapped open the lunchbox.

"Winter Fun"

by Colette Shannon from the January 10, 2011 issue

Tagline: Holly quickly discovered that she was no skier. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all...

In a Nutshell: Holly is so new to skiing that she hits a tree and gets a separated shoulder. Later, back at the lodge, the ski patrol guy buys her a hot chocolate. They live in the same town, an hour away where his full time job is at the high school teaching math. (He does ski patrol in on weekend mornings in exchange for free skiing in the afternoon.) They have dinner together and then he invites her on a moonlight sleigh ride.

Observations: The story starts in medias res. We don't get the backstory on Holly until after she's returned from the hospital with her shoulder sling. The hero shows up and they talk a little then there's another summarizing paragraph before he asks her out. More summarizing as we hurry on toward the end of dinner. There's a brief "black moment" when he says he's in a hurry and she assumes he wants to take advantage of the full moon and ski, but he actually wants to take her on that moonlight sleigh ride.

One thing I noticed was the story was packed with narrative--much more narrative than dialogue. I didn't notice this until I started analyzing it. (The two friends that Holly rooms with don't even speak a word!) Perhaps that's why, as I read it, it felt as though the story covered a lot more ground. I felt like I'd really spent the day with Holly.

The other thing that I noticed was that, although I wasn't bowled over by the title "Winter Fun," the author did use it to good advantage. In the "woe is me" paragraph, Holly thinks to herself...

So much for winter fun.

Then, at the end, in the "this really turned out to be a great weekend" paragraph, she thinks...

Even with a separated shoulder--I couldn't imagine having more winter fun than this.

As I've mentioned before, this is a simple way to give your story a little circularity and cohesiveness.

"Wish Upon a Star"

by Susan Flett Swiderski from the January 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kelly put her whole heart into it, so she wasn't surprised when her biggest wish came true...

In a Nutshell: After wishing on a star, young Kelly sets up a meeting between her father and her teacher. The two adults realize they've been duped, but hit it off anyway. They keep their burgeoning relatonship a secret from the little girl, but when the school year ends, they tell her they want to get married.

Observations: Matchmaker stories are common within the pages of Woman's World magazine. This time, the matchmaker is only six years old! I've tried subterfuge stories before, but never with much success. (In fact, one story I sent that was rejected, involved a daughter setting up her father and her teacher.) However, once in a while you do see a story in which someone tricks a character into something. I had thought that Woman's World frowned on children doing so, but here's proof that they don't.

Notice that this story changes points of view. We start out in Kelly's pov. Then when the adults meet, we switch to the dad's. Later when the secret is about to be revealed, we go back to Kelly's. This is unusual, but well done. Each of these changes had to happen, because Kelly had no way of knowing what went on in the classroom during that after school meeting. And later, the author wanted to bring us full circle to the wishing on a star idea, which meant returning to Kelly. This was a tricky thing to do and Swiderski nailed it.

On a side note, I loved the idea that little Kelly didn't blindly trust to the whims of the wish, but knew that she needed to take action herself in order to get the ball rolling. What a wise little girl!

"A Lover's Moon" and Catching Up

I'm trying to catch up a little by posting two story analyses this week. :)

by April Knight from the January 2, 2011 issue

Tagline: Rebecca was certain that her dreams of moonlit romance would never come true...

In A Nutshell: Rebecca has done everything she could to make herself attractive and available, but has had no luck finding a man. One bad day, she gets a black eye from a wayward cupboard door and has a root canal that has her cheek looking like she just lost a prize fight. But at the grocery store, a thoughtful man strikes up a conversation and even buys her soup to cheer her up.

Observations: This story, like so many Woman's World romance tales, give the reader hope that something like this could actually happen to them. A woman meets a man in a grocery store. And he's a thoughtful man at that! This is the type of "fantasy" that Woman's World readers and editors like. I'm sure many of them like to imagine being swept off their feet by a millionaire ex-SEAL with a tender side, too, but the type of guys in Woman's World stories are not bigger than life. They are life, at least, more believably real life.

"A Christmas Miracle"

by Mary L. Briggs from the December 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: It had to be more than coincidence that brought the two strangers together again on Christmas Eve...

In a Nutshell: Rebecca gets a Christmas card in the mail that belongs to someone else, but she's late for work so can't deal with it. When her car won't start, a handsome stranger helps her out, but she fails to get his name. Later, she hand delivers the card in an attempt to pay it forward, it turns out the card recipient is also her handsome stranger.

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story, and this is only my opinion. I should post a disclaimer that says that--that no matter what my thoughts are on a Woman's World story, clearly the editors liked the story enough to publish it, so anything I say here should be taken with a grain of salt.

Anyway, my first reaction was to the fact that her car doesn't start. This is becoming a bit of a cliche in Woman's World stories, but I was willing to let it go. Car trouble is a common enough occurence.

My next reaction was amusement at the stranger's remarks regarding her recalcitrant car:

"I'm not giving up yet. Let's see if we can coax a little holiday spirit out of it."

I liked the hero. He was witty and kind.

After that, the author brought back the mis-delivered Christmas card that I'd actually forgotten about. That was a nice surprise. I like not being able to predict what's going to happen too easily. But when the big coincidence was revealed--that the card just happened to be intended for the same man that helped her with her car--I'm afraid I shook my head in disbelief. Perhaps, as the tagline suggests, there was supposed to be more than coincidence at work, but I had a hard time swallowing it. For the record, I think coincidence is a good tool for Woman's World romance writers, but I'd be careful when trying to stretch the readers' willingness to believe too far.

Missing Issue

I seem to have misplaced my December 20 issue, so I can't analyze the story here. If I find it amidst the post-holiday mid-re-organizing frenzy that is my house right now, I'll post it. :) Sorry!

"A Match Made in Winter"

by Tina Radcliffe from the December 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lacey's neighbor had good intentions, but her matchmaking instincts were way off--most of the time...

In a Nutshell: Lacey regularly shovels snow from her elderly neighbor's walkway. The neighbor, Mrs. B. wants to set Lacey up with her nephew (?), but her last attempt was a fail. The next day, Lacey finds her own walkway has already been cleared. The culprit, said nephew, reports his aunt ordered him to do it and to ask her to dinner that night, but when Lacey shows up she finds that Mrs. B. stood them up. They end up liking each other.

Observations: This is a cute story with a nice winter feel to it, perfect for an issue that comes out between Christmas and New Year's. So, keep that in mind for future submissions. Woman's World gets inundated with holiday stories, so it might be prudent to aim for pre- or post-holiday issues.

I talked about showing and telling last week, and I noticed this story also has a very short telling paragraph:

They laughed and talked as they ate, then cleared the table and washed the dishes together.

That one sentence summarizes the events during a time period and even hints that they made a connection, however, this time the connection is only enough to lead to hot chocolate, not a long term relationship, a more believable scenario, in my opinion.

"The Gift of Love"

by Dana Stephens from the December 13, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: A man skids into a ditch during a snow storm. Molly offers to let him call a tow truck from her house. While they wait, he helps her finish painting the room she was working on. They get to know each other over the next few weeks. Then, for Christmas he gives her an ornament to mark their first Christmas together as a sign that he is serious about her.

Observations: This first meet story had a fantastic concept in that ornament. What a darling idea. Unfortunately, when I got to the point where her eyes filled with tears, I just didn't feel the sentiment myself. That is what makes these stories so difficult to write, especially when you condense their emotional development into a sentence like this:

Molly learned that Ian was an EMT at the local hospital, and over the coming weeks, he came by on his days off until the dining room and living room were finished.

In order to pull off the Happily Ever After you need to show the hero and heroine falling for each other. It's tempting to let it happen off stage, but the fun part about reading romance is living vicariously through the characters. To me, when you "tell" (as in show vs. tell), you summarize events that are too tedious to describe in full detail. The "telling" sentence I quoted above could still work fine in a Woman's World story, BUT in order for it to work, you have to "show" the connection occuring somewhere else in the story, and I didn't see it. :(

"Breakfast with Santa"

by Elizabeth Palmer from the December 6, 2010 issue

Tagline: Connie hadn't expected Santa to ask what she wanted for Christmas!

In a Nutshell: Connie takes her niece Hannah to her company "Breakfast with Santa." The niece tells Santa that Connie needs a husband. Santa, who is really Rob from accounting, is happy to hear that and might be willing to fill the position.

Observations: This story delighted me. It started when I saw that Rob was from accounting. It seems that the accounting department is so ubiquitous in Woman's World stories. Perhaps because if you try to think of any other types of departments, there aren't that many to choose from!

I liked the reply that Connie gave to her sister when asked if Rob resembles Santa...

"His eyes sort of twinkle."

That set the reader up for the line later that I LOVED. Rob finds out that Connie is not Hannah's mother, but her aunt...

Rob turned up the twinkle.

I also laughed out loud when Connie is flustered when Rob/Santa talks to her instead of Hannah...

Hannah gaped at me. "Santa is talking to you!" she hissed.

I can just picture the little girl's shock and subdued outrage that Connie might be ignoring Santa.

Lastly, I thought I'd point out that this is actually a matchmaker story with a twist. Santa is acting as matchmaker on his own behalf. That just goes to show you that you can always find a new way to present a cliche plot.

"Must Love Dogs"

by Sally Treadwell from the November 29, 2010 issue

Sally requested that I not post the analysis of her story. Sorry, everyone.

"The Food of Love"

by K.C. Laine from the November 22, 2010 issue

Tagline: Bonnie didn't realize that she had, long ago, found the way into Richard's heart!

In a Nutshell: Bonnie sells baked goods at the weekly farmer's market. When her brochures get swept away by the wind, Richard gathers them up. He also is impressed with her pot pies and buys several. He comes back the next week with a wooden box he made for her to keep her brochures in. They make a date to cook together.

Observations: Well, I thought I was going insane. I started reading this story and thought, "I've analyzed this before." So, I checked the list of my previous posts for the title, "The Food of Love." No luck. I checked the list of authors. No K.C. Laine listed. I check the date of the magazine, thinking I dug it out of the magazine rack and didn't realize it was from 2009. Nope. Current date. Then, I realize!

I had critiqued this story for the author before she submitted it. DOH. She had told me it had sold. I even saw people on the WWWriters loop praising it. Did I make the connection? No. LOL. (I try not to read those comments because I don't want them to color my opinion of the story before I review it on the blog.)

Sorry, Karen! Didn't they choose a yummy picture of a pot pie?

Anyway, back to the analysis.

I like the quirkiness of the heroine, with her pink wig and vintage glasses. Her costume boosts her sales and shows her to be a savvy business woman, which I admire.

Last week the author foreshadowed a box of truffles as being the heroine's favorite. This week, it's not an object, but a skill that's foreshadowed. Richard says, "Who always gave this woodshop nerd the time of day," which establishes his facility with wood. That paves the way for the special box he makes for her, again showing he's thoughtful and observant, traits all women want in their mates.

Come to think of it, Laine actually sets up a joke in the middle of the story, too. Bonnie recalls Richard burning the meatloaf in home ec class. Later when Bonnie suggests they cook dinner together for old time's sake, he says, "Just as long as it's not meatloaf."

This type of thing pulls your story together. It's how you can "weave" a plot in 800 words and make it seem tight.

"Sweet on You"

by Charlotte More from the November 15, 2010 issue

Tagline: Molly's chocolate shop kept her busy, but not so busy that she'd stopped hoping for Mr. Right...

In A Nutshell: Chocolate shop owner Molly falls for her regular customer, a man who faithfully buys candy for his grandma every Friday afternoon. One day he buys a special box of expensive truffles and has them gift wrapped. Molly assumes he's got a new girlfriend. Turns out he surprises her outside the shop after she closes, gives her the truffles, and asks her out for dinner.

Teaching Points: This is a (pun intended) sweet story and pretty formulaic, which is not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as how the editors liked it enough to publish it.

Girl meets Boy. Girl assumes he has a girlfriend. Girl is proved wrong--she's the girl he wants.

The trick with writing these stories is figuring out

1) ...what the Boy does to make the Girl think he's attached. Often it's him getting or picking out a gift. Sometimes the Girl sees him from a distance with another girl.

2a) ...who the gift is really for. Usually it's a female relative. Could be a co-worker who is sick or something. OR

2b) ...why he was with that woman. Often it's work related, but it doesn't have to be. Any innocent, plausible reason will do.

3) ...how the Boy reveals that he is really interested in the Girl.

Also, you'll notice that More foreshadows The Gift in the beginning of the story... Molly comments that the special truffles are her favorite. That way, at the end when Seth gives her the box of special truffles, he is shown to be thoughtful and observant, and Molly is touched.