A Halloween to Remember

by Melissa Senate from the November 4, 2019 issue

Tagline: After Kerry's longtime boyfriend admits he's not ready to settle down, she realizes it may be time to move on...but true love has other plans.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Aloha! I'm on vacation on Hawaii island, people! I apologize for not posting for a while. I was at a writer's conference in Houston, home for three days and then off to Hawaii. Not that I'm complaining! The conference was amazing. I'm on fire to get writing, which is a fantastic feeling. And now I'm drinking in the warm and inviting island frame of mind. Hopefully, I'll come back home focused and ready for the holidays!

So, on with the stream of consciousness analysis!

I immediately identify with Kerry. Her experience as a bridesmaid is familiar to me. I was actually only a bridesmaid once, but even attending weddings with a long time boyfriend can bring on that "left behind" feeling.

OMG. The black moment within the first third of the story? And such a dramatic one? This is not usual.

Okay, now we get more of the backstory, which is fine. You can sprinkle in backstory (anything relevant that has happened prior to the present moment) anytime you want.

As a die hard romance reader, I know that Hunter just needed to see the light, so I'm not too worried.

He just showed up with the giant pumpkin, which is appropriate for the time of year in the story, but puzzling to me as the reader. This isn't a particularly romantic object, but I will keep reading.

I have read the rest of the story and I'll preface my final comments by saying I'm a critical reader, as you probably already know. This ending didn't resonate with me. If it had been my story, I'd have made Hunter prepare and execute the Proposal That Should Have Been, something a little grand or special or personal. I mean, he did realize she was the one after a little bit of stewing time, but the way the story was written, he was still not all systems go. He got the pumpkin and wasted time talking about helping her carve it. I get that the author wanted to wring out the emotion and have Kerry twisting in the wind longer, but I think she suffered enough. I think when Kerry opened the door, he should have put the plan into motion and floored her (and us readers) with his speech and groveling.

However, the editors published this story as is, and this is only my opinion. Your mileage may vary and even with the most wonderful story in the world, there will always be people who don't like it. This blog is only me sharing what I think and trying to find teaching points to help writers who want to write for Woman's World.

Photo by ellenm1 via Flickr CC license.

A Sweet All Hallow's Eve

by Maria Gorman from the October 28, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Jessica Kane opens the door to her home to hand out Halloween candy, she never imagines that love will be waiting for her on the other side.

Observations: The premise of this story is adorable. A single dad and his daughter are trick or treating, and the little girl has to go potty, now!

I am a little confused because he is dressed as Aladdin and "looked every bit the part of a prince," but later he holds out a blue painted hand and offers her a magic wish, which is definitely the genie.

Maybe something was missed in edits? Lord knows I've made mistakes like this before. Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that might pull your readers out of the story as they try to figure out if they were reading too fast and misunderstood or what. I want to emphasize how important it is to revise and proofread your stories. If at all possible, have someone else read your stories too. We writers often don't catch obvious mistakes that people with fresh eyes will notice right away.

On the other hand, maybe this wasn't a mistake and the author was just going with a general Aladdin theme, instead of making him the Aladdin, because I'm reading the last line:

Tonight she met her own prince of thieves--and he'd definitely stolen her heart.

Adorable ending, by the way.

Photo by Faylyne via Flickr CC license.

Season of Love

by Marti Attoun from the October 21, 2019 issue

Tagline: As Carolyn Danner finally finished raking up the vibrant fall leaves blanketing her sprawling lawn, she gets a surprise visit from an energetic pup--and his breathtakingly handsome dog sitter--that turns the seasonal chore into a heap of unexpected happiness.

Observations: The first thing I wanted to point out is something I haven't mentioned in a while. When writing a Woman's World romance story, you need to establish that the main characters are single. Obviously, you don't want to just say, "Mary was single." There are many more clever ways you can do this. In this particular story, the author wove it into the narrative.

She had considered hiring someone to rake her big yard now that her husband was gone...

I really loved the part where Attoun described Chester messing up the leaf piles. It was well done and I had no trouble visualizing this. Descriptions like this one aren't easy, which is why writing is an art. It's worth mentioning that you shouldn't dash off a story and send it off. My bet is that Attoun revised and revised until everything was just right. I mean, those verbs--bounding, pouncing, whooshing--those don't just spring to mind. But they are perfect.

I also haven't mentioned the "show don't tell" thing in a while. "Show don't tell" is a phrase that is often bandied about as an ironclad rule and I'm here to tell you it's not. Especially in a Woman's World story. You only have 800 words to use. Sometimes you have to summarize the action, as in this excerpt:

Surprisingly, they fell into conversation as easily as long-lost friends. Carolyn learned that Stan was recently retired and also single. They shared many interests from junking to blue-grass music.

See, you could show this happening, like I did here...

"So, Sam, what do you do for a living?" Carolyn asked.

"I retired recently after forty five years as a high school teacher." Stan sighed. "I always thought my wife and I would travel after I retired, but she passed away."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

And so on. But as you can see how many more words it took to show what the one sentence of telling did. So sometimes, you just tell stuff.

Unaltered photo by Selena Smith via https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/.

A New Plan

by JoAnn Bennett from the October 14, 2019 issue

Tagline: Prepping for her students' presentation at a local assembly, Miss Barnes has everything mapped out, down to the last word. But when an unforeseen change of plans leaves her in the lurch, fellow teacher Greg Oliver steps in to save the day--and captures her heart.

Observations: I really appreciated the celebration of Founder's Day in this story. Having been born in Los Angeles, this kind of small town thing doesn't happen, so as a city girl, it was nice to get a little peek into small town life. (The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse was one of my favorite stories as a kid.)

Often in stories, the protagonist solves a problem himself/herself, but in this story, the hero and heroine teamed up. Always be looking for opportunities like this to veer from the norm in small ways. The longer you study these stories, the more you'll notice how largely similar they are, but with small differences. Each story has its own twist.

Note the heroine stepping up to the plate and asking the hero out on the date. In stories in which someone is asked out, it's the woman about fifty percent of the time, but I have no hard data on that. But feel free to be ambigenderous--like that made-up word? LOL--when deciding who does the asking.

Unaltered photo by Alex Murphy via Flickr cc license

Sweet Start

by Laura Bradford from the October 7, 2019 issue

Tagline: Emma Fisher knows her younger brother, Jakob, is too shy to approach his crush, Liddy. But during a visit to the bake shop in their Amish community, a chance meeting ignites a spark--and the hope of love requited.

Observations: This was a first for me--an Amish romance in Woman's World. While I enjoyed the different setting and culture--once I got used to "dat" for "dad" and "yah" for "yes"--I thought the plot itself was a bit generic.

But maybe that's good news. Perhaps this is another avenue to publication for us. Find an unusual setting and/or culture to turn the spotlight on, then apply a familiar plot to it. The oddity of the setting/culture might be enough to put a different enough spin on it.

Photo by Ann Barker via Flickr cc license.

Back to Love

from the September 30, 2019 issue by Krista Weidner

Tagline: When Nora arrives at her daughter's back-to-school night, the only thing on her mind is how much she misses her husband, who had passed away the year before. But when a handsome dad named Tom ends up seated at the desk next to hers, it sparks hope for a great school year...and new love.

Observations: This story grew on me. The humor really boosted what started out as a bit of a bummer story, what with her husband having passed away. When Tom arrives on the scene, it just gets better and better.

When he passes her the note, I smiled. When I read what it said, I laughed.

Closing out "act 2" of the story when Nora shares her history with Tom, there's a real heartfelt moment of connection between the two. We see that Tom's not just all fun and games. He is compassionate.

So, I truly think that if a story is compassionate or humorous, it can get published, but when you pack a story with both, like Ms. Weidner did, you've really got a winner.

Photo by Christopher Sessums via Flickr CC license

A Picture-Perfect Start

by Shelley Cooper from the September 23, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Deena runs into her old flame at her photography exhibition, she's sure their second chance is past, until an old snap brings new hope.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Ah, the days of SLR cameras. No one but professionals or hobbyists use actual cameras anymore. That's one more invention that dates me. LOL I remember well the excitement of getting my first Kodak camera. It wasn't fancy at all, but it gave me the power to record my life

I love second-chance Woman's World stories and the idea that the one that got away can come back to you. Maybe it's because there's an element of patience paying off, of never truly giving up on a dream that makes it poignant for me.

I adore the novel idea of a photographer and her exhibit and her including the very first photograph she ever took. It's pretty obvious he's going to show up at the exhibit, but that doesn't matter. Happy anticipation is part of the fun of these stories.

I really like their conversation about the trout. If you're writing a second chance story, reminiscing is always part of it.

Oh, the photo sold? Heh heh. We know exactly who bought it. But again, the reader finding out if their prediction is true or not is part of the fun, too.

OMG. He pulls out a photo of the two of them that his mom took. Talk about picture perfect. That came out of left field for me and wow, this moment...love it.

Okay, for me, the ending didn't follow through and pack as much of a warm-fuzzy punch as the rest of the story. Your mileage may vary.

Unaltered photo by Scott Feldstein via Flickr CC License

A Labor of Love

by Lisa Weaver from the September 16, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Molly, a small-town bookstore owner, strikes up a romance with a handsome author visiting for the summer, her heart breaks knowing he'll soon be leaving. But he has a beautiful surprise up his sleeve that has Molly believing in happy endings.

Observations: This was a very unusual story in that the couple are together from word one. Sure, it's supposed to only be a summer fling, but it's much different from the usual first-meet stories we see. I loved that she owned a bookstore. I loved the warm, sort of shadowy tone of the story.

Maybe this is a new type of story template to consider: a couple starting at one point and moving to the next level of the relationship. Something to think about.

Photo by Iain Farrell via Flickr CC license

Sunset Dreams

by Tracy Crump from the September 9, 2019 issue

Tagline: After her father's passing, Hillary Dunn heads down to the water to clear her mind and her heart. But as she sits watching the tranquil scene, local fisherman Brad Jenkins floats into view, bringing with him the promise of a new love and hope for the future that paints Hillary's future a new hue.

Observations: This story was particularly poignant for me as my dad passed a couple of years ago. He didn't have cancer but had suffered a major stroke that left him without the power of speech or the use of the right side of his body.

I liked the humor in this story regarding cooking the log.

I didn't find any teaching moments here, except to suggest that you read your stories aloud before submitting them. It's a weird phenomenon, but your ears can catch things your eyes don't. For instance, in this story the author used the word prickled and then in the next paragraph used prickling. Oddly enough, you can sometimes find minute things like this if you read the story aloud.

Photo by Heath Alseike via Flickr CC license

A Labor Day Reunion

by Jill Weatherholt from the September 2, 2019 issue

Tagline: While wandering through her town festival, Phyllis Leslie comes across her old flame, Skip, setting off fireworks of hope in her heart.

Observations: This was such a sweet story. And romantic too! Who hasn't imagined their significant other winning a toy for them at a carnival game? I liked the ending and how it tied in wonderfully with that question Phyllis posed to herself at the beginning. And the black moment--when we wonder if Skip will make that third basket--was so unique.

This is a classic and well-written old flame story. In my "advanced" classes, I actually shine some light on the tropes that show up repeatedly in Woman's World stories, and for the old flame trope, I even have a flow chart for the plot points you need to cover. Here's a link for more information about those classes.

https://womansworldstyle.blogspot.com/p/workshop-info.html

Photo by Bradley Gordon via Flickr CC license

Changing Her Heart

by Rosemary Hayes from the August 26, 2019 issue

Tagline: While investigating her daughter's crush at the local grocery store, Kelly Mathis encounters an old flame...and a second chance at love.

Observations: I freakin loved this story! First of all, I was surprised that the boy at the grocery store, Aaron, was the son of Kelly's girlhood crush, Tim. I'm not sure why I hadn't seen that coming, but I hadn't. Then, I was surprised again that Tim was there. No time was going to pass before we threw these two together again, Kelly wasn't going to go home and dither about contacting him herself, as she had advised her daughter to, nor was she going to just wait for Aaron to pass on the message (or not.) (All three of those options are viable for the story, by the way.)

I didn't really see a black moment, unless it was super subtle when Kelly states that he went to prom with Allison Wise. But the story was still amazing without a moment of worry.

Also Kelly had an observable character arc. She actually learned the lesson that her daughter taught her, which was to just respond to a compliment by saying thank you, instead of deflecting. (How many of us deflect compliments? I, myself, have tried to incorporate this lesson.) It's always a bonus to show your character learning something or growing as a person, and that goes for novels as well as short stories. Showing your character change over time is one of the things that makes them three-dimensional rather than flat.

Photo by Alan Light via Flickr CC license

A Lucky Day

by Carla Ward from the August 19, 2019 issue

Tagline: As Cathy Briggs waits to interview for a new job, she feels confident that she'll land the position...but she never expected to find love in the process.

Observations: I loved this story. I really enjoyed seeing how the black moment of both of them vying for the same job was resolved. That fusion pizza sounds delish! Unfortunately, I don't have any other real observations. Maybe next week's story will provide a teaching moment for me.

Photo by Trending Topics 2019 (Flickr CC license)

A Break in the Weather

by Christine Hauray-Gilbert from the August 12, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Sabrina falls and ends up in urgent care one rainy morning, she never imagines that the bad start to her day could end in sunny romance.

Observations: With only 800 words, it's often difficult to slip in a physical description of one or both main characters and I wanted to point out how this author did it in three places.

Sabrina hadn't noticed him before, but as she looked up to meet his soulful gaze, a shiver ran down her spine.

Sabrina couldn't help but stare at his perfect smile...

He was scruffy in his gray sweats and sneakers, but his sincere brown eyes and dimples more than made up for it.

Incidentally, I, too, injured myself trying to play soccer many years ago. It was a shock to realize I was no longer as spry or fast on my feet as I had been.

I did find myself wondering if her boss would be understanding about Sabrina going out to breakfast after getting her wrist looked at.

I really liked the ending and how it tied in the weather theme nicely:

No sign of a black cloud, Sabrina thought gleefully. But there's a 90% chance of romance!

Photo credit: Tony Webster (Flickr creative commons license)

A Fresh Start to True Love

by Marti Attoun from the July 29, 2019 issue

Tagline: Romance is the last thing Bonnie expects to find while selling produce at the local farmers market...but when she meets Jim, love begins to bloom.

Observations: Reading this story was like visiting a real farmers market. Couldn't you just smell all the fresh produce? (Incidentally, I do not think tomatoes smell like compost.) I thought Attoun did a great job setting the scene.

Cute little matchmaking story!

Photo by Paul Wilkinson via Flickr CC license

Pure Poetry

by Susan Jaffer from the August 5, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Pete stops to deliver chairs to a poetry reading, he hopes that no one recognizes how out of place--and unpoetic--he is. But when Marci appears, it seems Pete has finally met the muse he's been longing for.

Observations: I'm excited to see a character of color in this Woman's World story. I think this is a welcome change. However, there is some debate on whether or not comparing skin color food/drink is mildly offensive to people of color.

On Writing with Color, a website dedicated to "writing and resources centered on racial and ethnic diversity," there is a well-written article on describing skin tone. Part 1 of the article centers on why it might not be a good idea to compare skin to chocolate or coffee and the like. Whether you agree or disagree with the reasons, you should look at Part 2, which gives you a really excellent resource on how you can richly describe a character's skin tone.

As open minded as we all think we are, it's always possible to learn something new.

Photo by Michael Chen via Flickr Creative Commons License

The Promise of New Love

by Jessica Roach Ferguson from the July 22, 2019 issue

Tagline: When a beach trip stirs memories of a past love, Katherine is certain she'll never feel it again...until someone from her past rekindles the hope in her heart.

Observations: Here's how I feel after reading this poignant but somehow uplifting story... I'm sighing with a quiet happiness. I can practically feel the chilly ocean spray on my cheeks.

This story conveyed just the right amount melancholy and longing without being maudlin. Ferguson does a beautiful job of showing the hero and heroine dancing around each other while trying to find out if the other person shared their feelings. The emotions all felt appropriate, not overblown or overwritten.

I only wish I'd known how old she/they were before the middle of the story when we find out he's forty. Otherwise, this was a fantastic story.

Photo by Alon via Flickr CC license

Home Is Where the Heart Is

by Mary Ann Joyce from the July 8, 2019 issue

Tagline: Melody struggled with the idea of becoming empty nesters and moving to a smaller home...until her husband surprised her with a beautiful gift.

Observations: Dang! I was going to write an empty nester story, but now I guess I've got to put that on hold for a while. LOL

Okay, THAT WAS AN AMAZING STORY. Way better, in fact, that the story I was working on.

What stands out most to me is how thoroughly Joyce showed us how much these two people love each other and how solid and long-lasting their relationship is. Check it out:

• Hank apologizes for being late. 
• Melody doesn't put up a fuss because she understands the reason.
• Melody "knew what her husband wanted to hear" about the grey hair, so she says it to him. 
• They tease each other playfully.
• He notices her expression and ditches the humorous tone and tries to comfort her.
• He brings pizza home in an attempt to recreate a memorable picnic in the house that they're planning to sell.
• He gives her a meaningful gift to show he understands how much she will miss their house. Not only that, but he had it made ahead of time, so this guy really thought about the perfect anniversary gift for her.
• He offers her the chance to stay in their big house.

By the time you get to the end of the story, it's very clear that these two would be happy anywhere. I just reread the last paragraph and the hairs on the back of my neck went up (in a good way.) This is a perfect example of why Mary Ann Joyce has so many stories published in Woman's World. 

Photo by Zulio via Flickr CC license

The Right Time for Love

by Alyssa Symon from the July 15, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Justine bumps her head outside a carpentry shop, the handsome owner comes to her aid...and soon has her seeing stars

Observations: I really loved how the hero was so shy and at the end, blurts out that he thinks Justine is beautiful. So cute!

Fireworks of the Heart

by Elizabeth Palmer from the July 1, 2019 issue

Tagline: Feeling homesick, Olivia agrees to attend her new neighborhood's Fourth of July picnic, but it's a handsome sergeant that sends her spirits soaring.

Stream of consciousness Observations:
That first paragraph...LOL. I have sometimes been asked if I work at the grocery store by strangers and I wonder what about my clothing identifies me as an employee? Usually grocery store employees wear some kind of uniform or name tag. So I'm liking Olivia right off the bat.

Okay, joke's on me! The guy asking the question was teasing her.

Aha, so we've skillfully established that Olivia knows this guy and has a wee crush on him. (I say "wee" because I've been binge-watching Outlander. LOL)

Oh, his name's Noah. Happy sigh!

I really love this part:

His dimpled smile warmed her heart almost as much as the promise.

Notice that the mid-point of the story happens to align with the gutter in the magazine.

Oh, I love a man in uniform.

He has a kid? Uh-oh, that can only mean...yep. There's a mommy. As you'll no doubt realize, this is the black moment of the story, when poor Olivia thinks he's married.

Oh, I absolutely adore this description phrase too...

But when it came time to make her contribution to the picnic, she discovered he was manning the grill (pun intended??? LOL), his dark-lashed cobalt blue eyes rendering her speechless.

The addition of the white hot sausages is genius. It's imperative in Woman's World stories that you include connections between the hero and heroine. The fact that they grew up in adjacent suburbs of New York gives them so many things in common, which consciously or unconsciously gives the reader hope that this couple will find happiness together.

Ha! Palmer totally surprised me. I thought Noah was divorced. Turns out the boy wasn't his.

Oh, that ending was perfection. Fantastic story.

Photo by Steven Depolo via Flickr CC license

Daring to Start Anew

by Tracy Savage Wilson from the June 24, 2019 issue

Tagline: When a lost dog shows up at Lisa's coffee stand, she goes on a mission to return the pup to his handsome owner...and finds love along the way.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Right off the bat we get a backstory paragraph, which I've said before is just fine in a Woman's World story. You have such a limited number of words that you must convey information as efficiently as possible. Immediately, we learn she's divorced, going back to school, taking night classes and working.

As a thirteen year barista, I know about regular customers, so this part rings very true. I, too, have people switching it up occasionally.

Oh, she's interested in this particular regular. Heh heh. Once in a while we get some eye candy and the cougar in me growls. LOL

I like how the author used the morning rush as a way to stop the main characters from connecting longer. Putting obstacles in the way of your protagonists is a good way to keep reader interest.

Okay, she just found the dog hanging around the coffee stand after her shift and I'm finding it a little hard to believe. I hope the author convinces me this is plausible later in the story.

"We were at the park when he escaped..." Hm. Yeah, I'm still not buying it. In my experience, dogs who are bonded with their owners don't escape, especially at a park where I'm assuming he was leashed. If the author had said the dog chased a cat and had yanked the leash out of Dave's hand...that would have been a little different.

Ah, coming back to the coffee stand for a biscuit makes a little more sense.

"Of course. It's my favorite part of the day, seeing your beautiful smile every morning," Dave said huskily, taking her hand in his softly.

I am so accustomed to the tone of Woman's World stories that the word "huskily" actually made me rear back and think "ew." I think his statement would appear normal, coming from a regular customer, but if he said it huskily, that goes into creeper territory for me. Then, add the taking of the hand... Yeah, I think he's moving a tad fast.

Photo by Alper Cugun via Flickr cc license