Tagline: Lily had a big collection of bridal gowns. Now all she needed was one man in a tux...In A Nutshell: When investigating a possible addition to her wedding gown collection, Lily meets a man who collects antique toys. They click.
Observations: The story opens with a conversation between Lily and her friend. This conversation accomplishes two things: 1) it communicates the backstory--how Lily got started collecting wedding gowns and 2) it introduces the friend so that at the end we can wrap it up with another conversation between the friends, giving the story some circularity.
However, if it had been my story, I'd have opened it with Lily on Jim's doorstep. I'd have inserted the backstory into their conversation instead, thereby giving myself a lot more room to develop their attraction. For the ending I might have had her contemplating Jim looking at her someday in the one gown in her collection that she really loves.
The reason why I would have nixed the friend is because the 800 word count is so restrictive that I feel we should take advantage of as much room as possible to have the hero and heroine interact and get that chemistry going. You'd still have the great appeal of the wedding gown collection idea, but combined with a more satisfying interaction between the two main characters.
However, Johnene, the fiction editor, liked it as is, so take my musings with a grain of salt. :)
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