Secret Valentine

by Tamara Shaffer from the February 11, 2013 issue

Tagline: Mary hadn't opened her heart to anyone for a long time...and then she met Todd. But what happened next?

In a Nutshell: Mary and Todd work at the same department store. Mary likes Todd. Todd likes Mary. Although neither is particularly brave, they end up giving each other secret valentines.

Observations: I had a couple of glitches that pulled me out of the story. First, is it just me, or does this first sentence read awkwardly?

Mary was helping a customer when Todd walked past the checkout at the store where she worked as a cashier, headed for the greeting cards display.

Yowsa. That last phrase is so kooky, but I think it's saying that the cashier is heading for the greeting card display...

The other hiccup was here:

That's when Mary had an idea. Maybe she could distract him from this other person who occupied his thoughts. I mean, it's not like Todd is actually dating someone else, she reasoned.

Right where it says, "I mean," it felt, not like the characters thoughts, but more like the narrator's intrusion, until I got to "she reasoned," and then I realized it was Mary thinking. I'm not sure why they didn't just use italics, but maybe they wanted to reserve that for the text of the Valentine cards...

Anyway, I was really liking this story. I noted the point of view change, but wasn't bothered too much. I was all geared up for the reveal when she saw the rose and the card and it was really sweet. But...when Todd swooped in and touched his lips to her ear, I went, "Whaaat?" To me, that was too pushy of him. He went on to hug her, too, but by then I was still a little bit in shock. He had been too shy to even approach her, and then bam, suddenly he feels free enough to ambush kiss her on the ear. This didn't ring true for me, unfortunately.

Still, usual disclaimer, Johnene bought it and WW published it. All this is just my opinion. :)

Photo by XPeria2Day

A Sweet Surprise

by Susan C. Hall from the June 28, 2010 issue

Tagline: Gretchen had no trouble guessing the identity of her not-so-secret admirer

In a Nutshell: Gretchen owns a flower shop. A male customer ponders how her boyfriend could surprise her, since flowers are obviously out, and remembers a TV show where a guy gave his girl a puppy with a bow around its neck. Later in the day, a box shows up. It's a stuffed dog, complete with a bow. Guess who brought it!

Observations: I thought both the author and the heroine were clever in revealing and finding out the hero's name--via the credit card.

Did you catch the foreshadowing of what the hero is going to do later in the story? If you're a regular of this blog and read the Woman's World stories weekly, you may have. It's not that hard because the stories are only 800 words long. The authors can't exactly slip it in unnoticed amongst the other eighty thousand plus words. Still, it's a necessary tool.

I do have to admit, I wondered if he was going to be ridiculous and give her a real puppy. You can't give someone a live animal without being sure they want and can take care of it. Hall took care of that little worry by making it a stuffed dog. Smart!

There was a bit of a black moment--when the man apparently flees the store--but it happens in the middle of the story and not toward the end as you usually find in fiction.

For those of you who track this sort of thing, this is the second story set in a flower show or with a florist that I've seen in the past few months. So, don't worry if you write a story that's mildly similar to one that has just been published. Apparently it doesn't matter that much.

My Favorite Part: When the hero asks Gretchen out for dinner, Molly, the friend/employee answers for her! I liked Molly.

Love Letters

Story: Love Letters by Lisa Weaver from the March 30, 2009 issue

Tagline: Grace had no idea who her secret admirer was. Or did she?

In a Nutshell: Tom is a mail carrier who has a friendly relationship with a widow on his route. Determined to lighten her outlook in the wake of losing her husband a year and half ago, he secretly writes and delivers letters to her. One day, he's about to ask her out via one of the letters, but she had long ago guessed he was her secret admirer.

Woman's World Stand-bys: The secret admirer is one of those plots that WW likes. After all, what woman wouldn't like to have a (harmless, not stalking-type) secret admirer? The only drawback I find to secret admirer stories is that I always kind of wonder about the manliness of not just coming out and stating his interest in the woman. Then again, alpha heroes don't show up much on the pages of WW. You'll more commonly find the shy, humble, dependable guy.

Also, this story is a good example of the traditional character names they prefer. Grace, Alice, Evelyn, Pete, Tom--these are good, solid, old-fashioned names. Nothing trendy. Editors will read until they find a reason to reject, and why make them hesitate over a heroine named Nevada?

In My Humble Opinion: I found this a little too corny for me.

"What gave me away?"

"Your heart did. You put a piece of it in each of those wonderful letters."