Meant To Be! by Rosemary Hayes

from the October 16, 2017 issue

Tagline: Justine thought she had lost herself...until her amazing journey with Dale!

Observations: I haven't done a stream-of-consciousness analysis in awhile, so here goes.

Right off the bat, I love how Hayes gave the heroine a problem that many of us could identify with--empty nest syndrome. Granted, usually we think about this happening when the kids have grown up and flown, but this heroine has joint custody, so it's something she feels on a regular basis.

We get a backstory paragraph early on, which is normal. As I've said before, with only 800 words, we often don't have the time to layer in the backstory.

I wonder who are Katie and Joe? His grown kids?

Ah. I see a possible plot twist. I think Justine is the person Dale wanted to ask but was too nervous because Justine jumps to a conclusion. We'll see if I'm right.

Ah, Katie and Joe are neighbors. I wonder if they're matchmaking... Maybe they know Justine and Dale would be good together.

We get a paragraph of telling, not showing. Contrary to common belief, this is okay in a Woman's World story. You must keep the pacing quick and in 800 words, sometimes you have to summarize events in a transitional paragraph to move the timeline forward. Here, we see Justine and Dale connecting. We see her noticing how handsome he is.

Justine and Dale both agree that "slow and steady wins the race." This shows them connecting. So, my advice is to have a balance of showing and telling.

Another tell/transition paragraph and then a very short scene where they connect more deeply, which is fantastic. She shares something personal and he empathizes. This signals to the reader that they might be really good for each other.

Aha! I was right. Justine was the woman he had his eye on from the very beginning.

Oh, that ending. That is just awesome.

From behind us, I heard Joe and Katie approaching fast. Dale and I ran out of the maze, laughing. As his hand enveloped mine, I knew I wasn't lost anymore.

Photo credit: Joel Kramer (Flicker cc license)

Erin's Lucky Charm! by Elizabeth Palmer

from the March 13, 2017 issue

Tagline: Josh didn't think he would ever love again...but his daughter's lucky charm changed all that!

Observations: Elizabeth Palmer is one of Woman's World's most prolific and skilled authors. I was amazed at how many clever bits of foreshadowing she packed in here. Just for fun, if you have the story in front of you, reread it and see if you can find the same three that I found. I'll put the picture here so my list isn't so easily seen. You're looking for details that seem unimportant when you read them, but come into play later.

All right. Let's see if our lists match up. The first two are subtle. The third, I'm sure you all caught.

1. He showed her Erin's kindergarten picture on his phone.

I thought this little detail was brilliant. Parents are always willing to show us pictures of their children. Josh is no different. So when he does this, we think nothing of it, but later, it becomes critical that Serena recognize little lost Erin when she sees her at the parade.

2. "I'll be there with friends."

Again, this seems like a normal thing to say and that's good. You don't want your foreshadowing to be super obvious. However, it's this offhand statement that creates the second black moment in the story. The first black moment was obviously the scary few minutes when Erin was missing. (This did fly against the normal "no intense drama" quasi rule that Woman's World usually adheres to, but that just goes to show you that if you write it well, you can get away with stuff.) The second black moment that I'm talking about is when Erin puts her matchmaker hat on and suggests they all go for green pancakes together. Josh knows--because of the offhand comment--that Serena is there with friends, so we are disappointed that things didn't work out after all, but Serena fixes that little problem while at the same time showing Josh that she's interested in taking this further.

And did you catch Josh's signal that he was interested too? It was back when he introduced her as his...friend, not his last-minute substitute hair stylist. So Palmer deftly showed us that both parties were open to taking that next step.

3. Josh smiled as he fastened the shamrock pendant, making a mental note to replace the flimsy chain before she wore it again.

This was the most obvious bit of foreshadowing, but I think it was only obvious because the stories are so short. Unlike in a novel, there's no time/space to insert a lot of happenings between the foreshadowing and the event the foreshadowing foreshadows. Such is the reality of writing super short stories. (Which is why I so admire the mini-mystery writers so much. Those stories are even shorter, yet the clues are all there.)

I'd be interested to find out if Palmer planned those or if she went back and added them during the revision stage, because the weak chain? That was probably planned. But maybe she's happily writing and gets to that part where Erin slips away and she thinks, "How can I get Serena to find her? Ah! If Josh showed her Erin's picture way back at the beginning..."

LOL I have such an imagination.

An Unexpected Win! by Kay Layton Sisk

from the March 6, 2017 issue

Tagline: Lisa didn't realize the bowling match would be full of striking possibilities...until she met John.

Observations: I wanted to point out how tightly Sisk communicates some pertinent information about the setting and situation. As we all know, Woman's World stories can only be 800 words long, so succinctness is paramount.

Lisa Appleton pulled the old bowling bag from the car and caught up with 10-year-old Katie as she entered Star Strike Bowling Alley. The sound of rolling balls and crashing pins brought back good memories. A banner greeted them: Welcome Grover Elementary Third Annual Bowl-A-Thon.

It might be the PTA's third fundraiser, but it was Lisa and Katie's first. What better way to get to know parents, teachers and students when your job change meant a midterm move?

Lots of info there in a a mere two paragraphs. Personally, I think it's best to use the bulk of the story to establish a connection between the hero and heroine, show their attraction, show ways that indicate they would make a good couple.

I loved the puns at the end. Lately the endings of the stories haven't been as strong as I like, but this one was amusing and felt fresh.

Photo credit: Will via the Flickr Creative Commons License.

Superman Saves the Day! by K.C. Laine

from the February 27, 2017 issue

Tagline: Kelly believed there was someone out there for her...but she never dreamed of finding her own Superman!

Observations: If I were to make a general checklist of things you might want to include in your Woman's World story, this story had several of the items.

1. We had a plucky heroine who grew as a character during the course of the story. She started out with faltering confidence, and ended up with a boost to her self-esteem for having stepped out of her comfort zone and applying what she'd learned.

2. It had a solid three-act structure--act one in the present, act two as a summary, then act three the hero and heroine are reunited.

3. We saw how Kelly was attracted to David in a few discrete places.

4. There was a nice guy hero who was funny, helpful, supportive and thoughtful. He, too, made a journey from shy to assertive. Double whammy there on character development.

5. We have a saying that was proven true--"Fake it 'til you make it." Obviously, you don't want to have a saying in every story. Then readers would probably start rolling their eyes, but every once in a while, it's a great jumping off point.

All in all, a solid and cute story.

Kooky thing that probably only I would notice...David kept "sneaking up on her." LOL I was like, what? He's there behind her again?

Photo credit: JD Hancock via Flickr Creative Commons License

A Yard Sale to Remember by Rochelle Banks

From the August 15, 2016 issue

Tagline: Olivia believed there was someone out there for her...but she never dreamed of meeting him at a yard sale!

Observations: I scribbled "a dance of conversation" in the margins, because what I really loved about this story was what was happening beneath the conversation. I think Banks did a terrific job of showing all the little things that had happened between these two, even though they'd never officially met until the day of her yard sale.

Her: She'd seen him riding his bike by her house and found him attractive.
Him: He'd noticed her (sans makeup) just after she'd moved in. (This part made me laugh. I loved the use of the word scampered.)
Him: He knew exactly how long it had been since she'd moved in.
Her: She'd been timing her breakfasts on the weekends so she could observe him going by, and she knew he was fibbing when he said he varied his route sometimes.

Banks gave us all this history while she was moving the story forward. (Did you also notice how she dropped in the bit about Olivia having broken up with her boyfriend as she talked about the bike?) Woman's World stories are so short that you really have to keep things moving.

Photo credit: r. nial bradshaw via Flickr Creative Commons License

A Yard Sale to Remember by Rochelle Banks

From the August 15, 2016 issue

Tagline: Olivia believed there was someone out there for her...but she never dreamed of meeting him at a yard sale!

Observations: I scribbled "a dance of conversation" in the margins, because what I really loved about this story was what was happening beneath the conversation. I think Banks did a terrific job of showing all the little things that had happened between these two, even though they'd never officially met until the day of her yard sale.

Her: She'd seen him riding his bike by her house and found him attractive.
Him: He'd noticed her (sans makeup) just after she'd moved in. (This part made me laugh. I loved the use of the word scampered.)
Him: He knew exactly how long it had been since she'd moved in.
Her: She'd been timing her breakfasts on the weekends so she could observe him going by, and she knew he was fibbing when he said he varied his route sometimes.

Banks gave us all this history while she was moving the story forward. (Did you also notice how she dropped in the bit about Olivia having broken up with her boyfriend as she talked about the bike?) Woman's World stories are so short that you really have to keep things moving.

Photo credit: r. nial bradshaw via Flickr Creative Commons License

The Wedding Wager by Shelley Cooper

June 20, 2016 issue

Tagline: Erin thought the spark she'd carried for Erik was dead...until she saw him again!

Observations: I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness critique this week. I haven't done one of those in a while. This is where I just tell you my thoughts as I read the story. I hope the thoughts I have end up being good ones. LOL

Aww, they're childhood friends who went to summer camp together. I hated summer camp and only went once. I think it might have been a weekend and it was the most miserable weekend of my life. However, I'm well able to imagine that other people had a fantastic time, like in The Parent Trap (new version. <--one evah.="" favorite="" movies="" my="" nbsp="" of="" p="" very="">
Having your wedding at your old summer camp is a very quaint setting. I hope there's more meaning to this location.

OMG I love that she got the root beer float to share with her new friend. That's so sweet. Love that.

Planning futures with boy crushes...man, can I identify with that. I used to write love letters in my diary to Rudy Baldoni who lived across the street from my dad's house. He was so out of my league it wasn't even funny.

Okay, LMAO. "It's been ten years, Mel. That spark is deader than the campfires we used to sing around."  Hilarious.

Oh! This is great. "Bet you a dollar, if you stir those ashes, you'll find an ember still burning." This is beautiful. It not only brings back their original bet to climb the rope, it connects with her spark metaphor. Awesome. This is the stuff that makes a story nice and tight.

Erik still hasn't shown. This is a Woman's World black moment. The point in the story where you are worried there's not going to be a happy ending. Usually in Woman's World, the worry is not very urgent or dire. Sometimes it's barely even noticable.

Erik arrives, finally! I love this moment, but I wish she'd elaborated more on what he looked like now and what that sight does to her insides.

Hm. The invitation to go for a walk seemed abrupt. I would have smoothed this out a little had it been my story.

They've just gone on their walk and he takes her hand and says he wants to get reacquainted and I'm feeling a little lukewarm. The story was going great and then it sort of lost steam for me. I am not feeling the attraction. Erik seems monochromatic to me. There's no life to him, no personality.

I'm finished with the story. I LOVED the friendship between Melody and Erin. I wish I had felt the same connection with Erik. He just felt flat for me. However, the whole bet motif was fabulous.

Photo credit: David Morse via Flickr Creative Commons License

Running for Love! by Amy Michaels

June 13, 2016 issue

Tagline: Jenna isn't a natural at jogging...but the cute runner and his dog keep her going!

Observations: I loved this story for many reasons.

I really identified with Jenna. I hate running and this paragraph was funny...

The fact that I'm running at all is a miracle. I'm a nurse whose exercise routine has mostly consisted of carrying fast food up two flights of stairs to my apartment after a 12-hour shift.

So, the premise of the story is that Jenna is a proactive woman. She sets goals and she meets them. It's fun to see her try to meet the cute runner, and fail. We've all been there. We've all told ourselves we're going to do something and then chicken out. So we feel for her.

Here was another bit that had me laughing.

The next day I'm back at it, determined to speak to him when we pass. I've practiced running in place and talking at the same time until I can say a few words without supplemental oxygen.

LMAO.

Shortly after that, we have a mid-story turning point, which is a great thing. It's that point in the story where everything is turned on its ear. You think the story is going this one way and then BAM, it switches gears. Brent sprains his ankle and we suddenly have a woman-to-the-rescue story.

It's icing on the cake that he has to put his arm around her to hobble back to his car, right? LOL And then he confesses...

"To tell you the truth, I tripped because I was checking my watch to see when you'd appear."

Score! This shows he's attracted to her as well. Showing the attraction is something I think you should always do in a Woman's World story.

At the end of the story, Jenna overcomes her fear and asks him out. Okay, he already made it clear he'd be amenable, but still, she does it. I think that's a big part of why I enjoyed this story so much--I feel proud of Jenna at the end as well as happy that she's going to go on a date with Brent.

Photo credit: Candida.Performa via Flickr Creative Commons License

There Will Be Mistletoe

by Lisa Weaver from the December 14, 2015 issue

Tagline: A kiss under the mistletoe...Noelle couldn't imagine a more delightful holiday tradition than that!

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story and a lot of circled things I wanted to talk about. I'll just cover them, point by point.

1. I was a little confused at the beginning of the story. At first Noelle seems excited about the costume. It seemed like it was her idea to dress so crazily.

"Are you really going to wear that?" My best friend Kim arches an eyebrow as she nods at the outfit in my hands.

"Why not? 'Tis the season to be jolly," I say, heading for the dressing room.

So, Noelle seems fine with the costume. Then...

When I emerge decked in the green velour vest and matching shorts, Kim can't contain her amusement. "Those red and white striped tights and pointy-toed slippers really complete the ensemble. Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered to take our shop's shift at the mall's gift wrapping booth."

"If I'd known about this costume beforehand, I might not have," I say.

See what I mean? Now it seems as if she was reluctant, after the fact. Also, that is a bit of a clunky expository-heavy statement that sounds distinctly, "as you know, Bob..." For you newer writers, I'm talking about having a character say something that is unnecessary because the character they're talking to already knows this. It would seem much more natural for Kim to have said, "Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered."

2. I think the word "fell" should have had quotes around it. That would have made it clear there was a double meaning.

You could say I fell for him.

3. I found it doubtful that they had a wooden ladder. If it was a grandma's ladder or an old ladder someone found in the basement, then maybe. I think they're all made of metal these days.

4. The first time kissing balls are mentioned, it's in quotation marks. That made sense to me. I've never heard of kissing balls. When I see mistletoe, it's little beribboned sprigs. Is this term/item common enough so that later in the story when Tyler talks about it, he calls it a kissing ball? Has everyone heard of these but me?

5. The fall... Hm. I accepted that he was in the right place at the right time. I accepted that he was strong enough to catch her. What I couldn't accept was that after she fell and was caught, she "was still holding up the kissing ball." This stretched reality a little too far for me.

6. I didn't see Tyler's standing her up coming, so that was a nice little plot twist. It's hard to surprise me.

7. I felt there should have been a tiny bit of inner dialogue here:

And when he invited me to meet him for coffee at the end of my shift, it was like something straight out of a fairytale...until my "prince" didn't show 

Dragging my focus back to Kim's comment, I say, "He stood me up, Kim. Obviously, he had second thoughts."

"There may be a good reason he couldn't make it," she ventured.

I roll my eyes, then I smile. "You're such a romantic."

(The missing period was in the magazine.) I felt we should have gotten maybe one sentence about how Noelle felt about this after that "prince" line, but instead we go right back to the present. Then, I would have expected Noelle to be upset, insulted, irritated...something. Unless she has amazing self-esteem, being stood-up isn't something most of us would take on the chin so cheerfully. I say cheerfully because she smiles at Kim. 

8. Later, when she sees Tyler in line, her heart gives a little leap. Again, I shake my head a little. This is not the reaction I would expect from a woman who was stood up with no explanation or even a phone call. At the very least, I'd expect her to feel mixed up. She can still be attracted to him, but be miffed about being stood up.

9. My brother never gave me jewelry for Christmas. I'm just sayin'...

10. Okay, Tyler had a great excuse, but he could have called the shop. If I ever stood someone up, I'd be obsessed over making sure they knew I didn't do it on purpose. 

11. I thought the black moment (Noelle asks if the gift is for Elle, who signed his cast with a heart, and he nods) was great. (I might have picked a name that wasn't so similar to the heroine's.)

So, yeah. I enjoyed the story and some of this is nit-picky, but this blog is about what I think of the stories. I encourage you to agree or disagree in the comments. :)

Photo credit: Will Folsom via Flickr Creative Commons

The Dog Walker

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the November 23, 2015 issue

Tagline: When Marilyn broke her ankle, Paul stepped in to sweep her off her feet. (I have to admit that when I read this tagline, I thought there was going to be a broom involved. LOL)

Observations: Tracie Rae Griffith is a regular contributor and this story makes it easy to see why. Way back when I began my quest to be published by Woman's World magazine, dog stories abounded. It's my suspicion that Johnene loves dogs. Or perhaps she just realizes that many of the Woman's World readers love pets of any kind.

Anyway, I've often said it's a great idea to choose two or more Woman's World story tropes and put them together and here we have "man to the rescue" and "a pet." Obviously, doing so doesn't guarantee you a sale, but it gives you a jumping off point. You still have to write a good story. (If you've bought my class, you know that I include a pretty long list of storylines which would be an easy place to spark your own ideas.)

I liked this part:

When he reaches out to shake my hand, I feel a tiny tingle.

I feel the same tingle the next day when our hands touch as I hand over Buddy's leash.

First of all, alliteration! LOL Second, adding that physical attraction is one of those small things that will help the reader believe that these two people are clicking. Don't go too far though. Woman's World doesn't like too much sexy.

There was also a place where I literally laughed out loud. It was where Paul suggests that the solution to their problem (Marilyn's cast is coming off and his services as a dog walker won't be needed anymore) is to break his own ankle. LMAO. Too funny.

Photo Credit: Maelick via Creative Commons license

Work Buddies

by Melody Murray from the July 7, 2014 issue

Tagline

Grace knew that things don't always work out as you hope they will. But, she discovered, sometimes they do!

In a Nutshell

Grace flips houses. She hires the handsome Randy to help her with the heavy tasks. She thinks he's not interested in her until the job is finished and she finds out that he was only waiting until she wasn't his boss anymore.

Observations

Description: In general, because of the very small word count allowed by Woman's World, I usually counsel writers to minimize descriptions of characters. However, this story had a quite hefty description of Randy.

The friend was right. Randy was worth any two helpers she had hired before. He was strong and precise in his work. He was also very handsome.

The "I would love for him to be attracted to me" kind of handsome. The "why do I have to always be such a mess when he's around" kind of handsome.

His dark hair fell across his forehead[,] calling attention to his blue eyes. As if that weren't enough, the T-shirts he wore stretched most attractively across his broad shoulders.

Three whole paragraphs! This is quite unusual, however, please notice that the author did not just describe Randy, she also established the fact that Grace is attracted to him.

Characterization and Gender Roles: Woman's World loves traditional values, however, has slowly but surely included "new-fashioned" ideas like gender-norm reversing. Here, you see Grace restoring a house. If there ever was a male-dominated job, construction worker is it, right? So when writing your stories, or looking for ideas, take those gender norms and turn them on their ears.

Photo credit: BaytownBert via Wikimedia Commons

It's A Small World

by Diane Crawford from the May 14, 2012 issue

Tagline: Laura was so sure she wouldn't like Graydon, she considered not meeting him at all. That would've been a mistake...

In A Nutshell: Laura's mom wants Laura to show the son of a friend around town since he's relocating there. She agrees and sets up a meeting, intending to duck out ASAP. But he's handsome and nice. Luckily, he likes her too.

Observations: Diane Crawford is a regular contributor to Woman's World. Her stories are always sweet and realistic. The coincidence you're asked to swallow is not that huge, because we all know what a small world it is! Laura's parents retired in Florida, and her mom makes friends with a woman whose son is relocating to Laura's town. After that one small coincidence, the rest of the story plays out believably.

The story is in Laura's first person POV, and it's easy to identify with her. She has all the thoughts we ourselves might have. She's reluctant to meet the guy. Then she makes it clear that she "has plans" after the movie so she can duck out as soon as possible. And when Grady seems like a nice guy she'd like to see again, she regrets her earlier claim that she had plans after the movie. This helps make her character more sympathetic to readers. We're like, "Yeah, I'd probably do that, too."

There was a nice black moment at the end when Grady doesn't call for a week. But then, of course, he does call. :)

Crawford also takes the time to show the connection between the hero and heroine being made.

First, Laura finds him handsome. (See "My Favorite Part" below.)

Second, in the movie...

I'd chosen a good movie, and before long we were both engrossed. But not so absorbed that I didn't feel a little tingle the few times he leaned close to whisper comments in my ear.

Finally, there's this...

He walked me to my car, a gentlemanly gesture that made me like him even more.

It didn't take a lot of words, but Crawford clearly showed Laura's attraction. That's important in Woman's World stories. We want the readers to believe that the couple has a chance at long lasting happiness.

My Favorite Part: After Laura's hemming and hawing and dread, the big day arrives:

On Sunday, I got to the plaza early and stood waiting for Graydon Wentworth.


Finally[,] I spotted him.


Tall, dark and handsome pretty much covered it. 

LOL.

Love in the Mail

by Cora Allen from the November 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: Later, Ben would say that fate had brought them together, but Maggie knew better.

In a Nutshell: Maggie jokes with the mailman about wanting a love letter instead of the plant bulbs she'd ordered. Three days later, she meets the handsome new neighbor who happens to work at the same hospital. He has a letter of hers that the mailman delivered to him by accident. He invites her to dinner on his deck that night.

Observations: There are a lot of story elements that occur over and over in Woman's World romantic fiction. I thought I'd go through this story and highlight the ones I noticed.

1. Clever addition of a character's backstory. Allen slips the fact that he just moved into the neighborhood into the dialogue very naturally.

Ben handed her the letter. "I'm not sure when this was delivered. I've been so busy moving in, I haven't checked my mail the last few days."

2. There are several instances where we see the heroine is attracted to and likes the hero.

--Ben smiled, which made Maggie's heart flutter just the tiniest bit. 

--So he's single? And he cares enough about his parents to move closer to them? Maggie returned his smile.

--An image of Ben, tall and fit-looking, and working in the garden, flashed through her mind.

3. The hero and heroine have a lot in common. They are neighbors. They work at the same hospital. They both love gardening.

4. Both characters discover that neither of them is attached.

"I went back to school after my wife died in a car accident."

And later

"Are you and, um, your husband busy tonight, Maggie?"

She smiled. "I haven't got a husband--and no, I'm not busy tonight."

Finally, best of all, there was a total surprise ending. At least, it was a surprise for me because I completely forgot about the mailman and never NEVER expected him to be a matchmaker. Man, that was great!!! That surprise boosted this story from good to great, in my opinion.

"When Sarah Met Andrew"

by Elizabeth Graham from the February 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: "You'll know when you meet him," Mama had said--and she was so right!

In a Nutshell: Sarah is pet-sitting, but can't find the key in the snow when she arrives at Mrs. Holton's house. A male neighbor helps her look for it.

Observations: This story clearly showed the heroine falling for the hero. Often, because of the tight word count, authors skimp on showing the attraction. Not here. First, he's handsome:

The voice belonged to a tall, good-looking man standing on the driveway next to the door. Even through the swirling snow, I saw that he had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.


...those blue eyes stole my breath.

His smile made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

And his character and status...?

He was a good neighbor, too.

"...I'm from Michigan, but I moved here six months ago--the town was too small for both me and my ex."

Okay, so far, so good, but what about the magic?

An odd sensation swept through me, as if something had shifted inside.


The warm feeling grew warmer...


A shock of electricity zipped through me as our hands clasped.

All righty then. Looks like a potential boyfriend! The reader will feel confident that even though she was recently jilted by her fiance, Sarah should go for it with Mr. Blue Eyes. Woman's World likes to encourage positive, hopeful feelings and stories like this one do that.

"Twenty-four Wedding Gowns"

by April Knight from the September 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lily had a big collection of bridal gowns. Now all she needed was one man in a tux...

In A Nutshell: When investigating a possible addition to her wedding gown collection, Lily meets a man who collects antique toys. They click.

Observations: The story opens with a conversation between Lily and her friend. This conversation accomplishes two things: 1) it communicates the backstory--how Lily got started collecting wedding gowns and 2) it introduces the friend so that at the end we can wrap it up with another conversation between the friends, giving the story some circularity.

However, if it had been my story, I'd have opened it with Lily on Jim's doorstep. I'd have inserted the backstory into their conversation instead, thereby giving myself a lot more room to develop their attraction. For the ending I might have had her contemplating Jim looking at her someday in the one gown in her collection that she really loves.

The reason why I would have nixed the friend is because the 800 word count is so restrictive that I feel we should take advantage of as much room as possible to have the hero and heroine interact and get that chemistry going. You'd still have the great appeal of the wedding gown collection idea, but combined with a more satisfying interaction between the two main characters.

However, Johnene, the fiction editor, liked it as is, so take my musings with a grain of salt. :)

"Strangers on a Train"

by Terri Osburn from the September 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: Trisha didn't know she'd swapped phones with Joe--but when she found out, she didn't mind one bit...

In a Nutshell: Trisha discovers she has a stranger's phone when she gets a call from the person who has her phone. While arranging a place to trade phones, they find out they're on the same commuter train.

Observations: This is a cute first meet story. In the first act of the story, we discover along with Trisha that she has the wrong phone.

The second act begins when the phone rings. The two main characters exchange some cute banter about what it's been like with a phone belonging to someone of the opposite sex and arrange to exchange the phones. As often happens in a Woman's World story, the reader is asked to believe in a coincidence--that they happen to be on the same train. When you're writing your own story, don't push this coincidence thing too far. There's only so much a reader is willing to believe.

Act three is when they meet face to face. She feels an immediate attraction to him. There is a brief (as always) and minor climactic moment when he doesn't immediately give her her phone. He wants her to have lunch with him before he'll relinquish it. Of course, she agrees and we end the story on a hopeful note.

My Favorite Part: "Hi, is this Trisha Delisha?"

The Park Bench

by Janel Rodriguez from the September 13, 2010 issue

Tagline: The first day of Tracy's September vacation was sunny, warm--and unexpectedly romantic!

In A Nutshell: It's the first day of Tracy's vacation. She grabs a book, heads for the botanical gardens, and plants herself on a park bench. A man sits on other end of her bench and works on his computer. They exchange glances and smiles throughout the day sitting there, at the visitor's cafe where they dined separately, and again at "their"  bench. That afternoon, he treats her to an Italian ice and they  make plans to meet at the bench the next day.

Observations: Woman's World magazine likes stories that make the reader feel like this could really happen to you. Here you'll find ordinary people in ordinary settings. Tracy is just like you and me. We experience her attraction to the man here:

He caught my eye and we exchanged smiles. He's kind of cute, I thought.

And here:


Around three o'clock, my bench buddy got up to go, and I was surprised to feel my heart sink a little.

Luckily, the man comes through and offers to buy her an Italian ice. Yay!

This story is the perfect example of a sweet first meet story where the ending leaves you hopeful that their next encounter will set them more firmly on the path to love. The only think I would worry about is that they didn't really talk. Once he bought her the ice, I would like to have seen them converse. Also, the man must have a really expensive laptop that it went all day without needing to recharge the battery!

The House Hunter

by Elaine Togneri from the April 26, 2010 issue

Tagline: Evelyn couldn't say what she loved more about the house--its vintage charm or the great neighbor...

In a Nutshell: Evelyn falls for her real estate agent.

Observations: I really enjoyed this story, but I really wish the tagline hadn't given away the ending. I think if it hadn't, I would have been guessing about how it was going to work out between Randy and Evelyn until the end.

Togneri does a great job of showing their attraction for each other.

--She'd rather have gazed at Randy's mahogany eyes...
--Randy says, "...you're wonderful." Then he goes pink and stammers something about her being a wonderful client. Right. We see through you, Randy, and so does Evelyn!
--Her heart beat faster even though she knew it was just business.
--Later, Evelyn was torn between wanting to finally find her dream home and spending her weekends with Randy.
--She felt Randy's eyes on her and turned away to hide her blush.

We were able to almost see the entire courtship, perhaps because they already had a relationship established. It felt like a longer story than it was. I mean that in a good way. :)