A "Bunny" Kind of Love

by Denice Stradling from the April 10, 2023 issue

Tagline: When a real-life Easter Bunny shows up in her yard, Emma never expects to fall for its handsome owner...or get a second shot at love.

Observations: This was adorable. The little girl was cute as can be. I loved that the matchmaker came out and confessed! I don't remember seeing that in a matchmaker story before. I mean, who doesn't love a crafty, endearing grandpa?

I also really liked this paragraph:

Just then Nick and Shelley came back, her arms full of chocolate eggs. I was still dazed by Pete's confession. And although it took more in common than a divorce, Nick had touched something in me. I had shunned even thinking about dating for the past year. But wasn't Easter a good a time as any for new beginnings?

This showed a turning point for Emma, which shows her character arc--the point where she changes from one type of person (unwilling to date because of divorce) to a new type of person (willing to take a chance on love.) And as I was just telling one of my editing clients, character development is a Good Thing, even in stories as short as these.

Photo by essie via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Grateful Hearts

by Denice Stradling from the November 14, 2022 issue

Tagline: Having separated from her husband before Thanksgiving, Justine heads to her friend's house to celebrate...and gets a big surprise.

Observations: A reminder...this blog is my own opinion and is meant to be educational. My goal is to shine a light on things I find in the stories in order to help you read more critically and hopefully improve your own stories. Sometimes the things I find are shining examples, but sometimes I make suggestions about what I think might have made the story better. I am truly sorry if anyone's feelings get hurt, but to be honest, professional authors accept criticism and realize that not everyone will love everything they write. 

In the end, I liked this story, but it took me a while because of a couple of stumbling blocks, probably because my parents got divorced with I was 13 which was devastating. My entire world turned upside down. My family broke apart and my mother moved us all away from my friends. So my reading experience is heavily influenced by my personal history.

When Justine walked in and saw an old flame, I mentally reared back. She's only been separated for a few months. What is she doing? I thought. One thing I teach in my class (see the right menu for info) is to make your characters likable. In that moment, I did not like Justine. Was she going to respond flirtatiously to this old flame in front of her daughter? I hoped not.

Eventually, it became clear that Ed was Teddy and I was reeled back in...but not completely. If this story had come to me for an edit, I would have suggested the reveal occur the moment Justine walked in the door. That way, we readers would have felt hope at that moment, not confusion about Justine's rebounding so quickly. Their entire conversation would have been that much richer because we read it knowing Teddy/Ed was offering an olive branch.

I would have asked the author why Amanda, the daughter, didn't freak out with excitement at the sight of her daddy. If I had been the little girl, my hopes for a reunion would have shot sky high, and if Teddy/Ed was a responsible father, he wouldn't have blindsided Justine in front of her. What if Justine had rejected him? Amanda would have been dealt another harsh emotional blow. 

I would also have asked why the hostess cut their conversation short, because she would have been in on the surprise and I'm sure she was hoping there would be a reconciliation. Give the couple some privacy by perhaps asking Mandy to help them with the wishbone in the kitchen, killing two birds with one stone.

Despite all this criticism, I did enjoy the story. I like the idea of an estranged couple getting back together. I'm extremely happy their relationship looked better at the end of the story, for the sake of the little daughter. 

P.S. The words "mommy" and "daddy" should only be capitalized when used in place of or as a name. When you add a pronoun, like "my," you do not capitalize.

For instance: 

Mommy took me to school. 

I love Daddy.

My mommy took me to school. 

I love my daddy.

Photo by Marco Verch via Flickr Creative Commons License

Playing Cupid on Halloween

by Denice Stradling from the November 1, 2021 issue

Tagline: After agreeing to chaperone her daughter's party at school, Jenna is thrilled to find that Halloween has a treat in store for her: a sweet shot at love!

Observations: This story is a good example of a Woman's World math equation I just made up.

Things in common + prime interaction + attraction = a chance at love.

Things in common

Stradling listed these in this paragraph:

On our walk to the school, we found out that we were both divorced and loved books and movies. But spending time with our girls was at the top of our lists.

They also discover they have daughters who like to play Cupid.

Prime interaction

You see them flirt with each other regarding the costumes at the beginning of the story. After the party, they compromise on the trick-or-treating, suggested by the girls. 

Attraction

There's boatloads of it. Here are the five instances I found.

I turned to see a handsome pirate smiling at me, complete with red bandana, tricorn hat and leather boots. His eyes were the same blue as the night sky, and his smile made the concept of being taken captive seem altogether not too bad.

I laughed, thinking there was more than one way to lose one's head!

We laughed, and as I took his arm, a thrill shot up mine.

[His pirate shirt] was unbuttoned almost halfway down his tanned chest, and the contrast with the white shirt was a beautiful sight to behold.

He moved a little closer to me, and my heart definitely started a minuet.

Speaking of which, I am offering Stradling an official *Kate Willoughby Handshake for featuring a character's heart doing something original. 

*The Kate Willoughby Handshake is similar to the Paul Hollywood Handshake from the Great British Baking Show. It means the author dazzled and/or surprised me.

Photo by Bruce Matsunaga via Flickr Creative Commons License