A Fresh Beginning

by Jenn Walker from the August 5, 2013 issue

Tagline: If it hadn't been for her sleepy little niece, Aimee might not have met the handsome stranger!

In a Nutshell: The new guy in the apartment building insists Aimee use the dryer in the complex's laundromat first. She has a cranky niece in her arms and he's happy to read a book on his tablet computer. They connect while waiting for the clothes to dry.

Observations: I've been meaning to say this for a while but kept forgetting. I'm noticing more and more non-traditional names cropping up in the stories, so I may have to go back and delete the tip about using traditional names from my class lectures.

Besides the somewhat trendier names, there was also some nifty technology that showed up in this story, mentioned by brand name, even--an iPad. This surprised me, but in a good way. It makes sense that young people, such as Aimee and Carter, would be comfortable using gadgets like the iPad.

I absolutely loved Carter. If you're looking to create a likeable hero that readers and the heroine can fall in love with, this guy is a good example. He was just the right amount of everything. He was:

• kind
• confident
• a reader!
• good with kids
• cute sense of humor

If Aimee is smart, she'll reel this one in right away.

My two favorite parts were when he took the initiative to ask her to stay after her laundry was done and when he faked surprise that his clothes were dry.

Photo by LOLren (cc)

New in Town

by Jenn Walker from the May 27, 2013 issue

Tagline: Thunder, lightning, that strange dog on her front lawn...Shelley knew it was going to be a bad night. She couldn't have been more wrong..

In a Nutshell: Shelley is unloading groceries during a storm. A strange and scary looking dog darts into her house when she isn't watching. Jacob, the man who owns her, appears on the scene and apologizes, explaining that his dog is afraid of thunderstorms and hides under his bed. Sure enough, the dog is under Shelley's bed. Shelley and Jacob get acquainted while the storm passes through.

Observations: Well, darn. I was struck again by Woman's World story blindness. MY dog hides under the bed on windy days. Why didn't I think about writing a story about that? I know Woman's World likes pet stories. LOL  Oh well. The early bird catches the worm.

I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness analysis this week. This is where I jot down my thoughts as I read the story.

Oh, the dog on the lawn reminds me of the movie Cujo even though I've never watched it. Scary!

She walks past the dog trying to appear confident. Smart girl. Dogs read your emotions. I learned that from the Dog Whisperer.

I notice some somewhat complicated set-up going on...the dog edging closer, her leaving the door open, the truck pulling up, her not asking for help... I buy that this could have happened, so it doesn't feel contrived in that "give me a break" way, but it all feels a little clunky.

When the dog darts into her house, LOL! "Oh, you're kidding me." Funny.

Ooh. Very sexy. A man came around the truck, a rain-drenched tee-shirt plastered to his muscular chest.

Rottweiler? Those are big dogs. I wondered just how high those beds were. Then again, maybe that's why it was impossible to get the dog out from under.

Aww. Cute awkward moment.
     "Thanks, Shelley. I couldn't have asked for a nicer welcoming committee."
     "And I couldn't have asked for a nicer man." Shelley's eyes widened in embarrassment. "I mean, a nicer man with a dog who--" her voice trailed off and she raised her hands in a helpless gesture.

The last few paragraphs are a run-of-the-mill ending. Nothing that made me sigh in happiness.

Photo by Brilhasti1 (cc)