Tagline: Jennifer really didn't expect to enjoy the fencing class she'd signed up for. But that was before she met Jack Anders...
I thought there was enough detail and realism to make me suspect that Shaffer has taken fencing lessons or knows someone who has. (My sister took fencing in college. I am sure she still has her epee. She was a theatre major. 'Nuff said.) It was clever to have them matched up because they were both lefties and handy way to have them connect over this commonality.
As you can see, there was a misunderstanding on Jennifer's part when she sees him get in the car with the woman and toddler. This little tool is one we see often in Woman's World stories. Don't be afraid to use it. The trick is making sure the reveal (that it's actually the sister/cousin/neighbor/co-worker) flows. For instance, Shaffer could have written something like this:
"You're a formidable opponent, as well as a pretty one. It's a good thing my sister was able to drive me to class last week, since my car had broken down, otherwise I wouldn't have met you."
A bit clunky, right? A little, "As you know, Bob..."
So, make sure that when you drop that info about who that decoy really is, you do it naturally. The conversation has to sound normal, not stilted. A good way to make sure it's not stilted is to read it aloud. Or have someone else read it aloud to you.
Photo credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons /
7 comments:
Good for Tamara, getting something different in the WW Romance. I think anyone who takes up an epee has to have a broad streak of courage.
I took fencing many years ago and went for only one class. I remembered the pain in my thighs as we had to hold position, and I also remembered that I was the only lefty and the instructor said lefties should not be allowed to live (I thought that was a bit too strong a joke for WW). Anything I couldn't remember I looked up online. Oh, and my title for the story was "En Garde!" and I hated her title, but she didn't change much else.
I personally feel the "husband and father" mistaken impression has been waaaaay overused and would love to see it retired permanently...
I agree it's overused, but it's a convenient way to create tension in 800 words.
Refreshing to have a new scenario, something I had never seen before. Well done,Tamara.
Thank you, Chris.
In this story, it was very logical for her to think he was married since there was a woman and child in the car. In other stories, though, I don't know why the woman would immediately assume he was married because he had a child. He could be divorced. This was a cute story.
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