from the October 16, 2017 issueTagline: Justine thought she had lost herself...until her amazing journey with Dale!
Observations: I haven't done a stream-of-consciousness analysis in awhile, so here goes.
Right off the bat, I love how Hayes gave the heroine a problem that many of us could identify with--empty nest syndrome. Granted, usually we think about this happening when the kids have grown up and flown, but this heroine has joint custody, so it's something she feels on a regular basis.
We get a backstory paragraph early on, which is normal. As I've said before, with only 800 words, we often don't have the time to layer in the backstory.
I wonder who are Katie and Joe? His grown kids?
Ah. I see a possible plot twist. I think Justine is the person Dale wanted to ask but was too nervous because Justine jumps to a conclusion. We'll see if I'm right.
Ah, Katie and Joe are neighbors. I wonder if they're matchmaking... Maybe they know Justine and Dale would be good together.
We get a paragraph of telling, not showing. Contrary to common belief, this is okay in a Woman's World story. You must keep the pacing quick and in 800 words, sometimes you have to summarize events in a transitional paragraph to move the timeline forward. Here, we see Justine and Dale connecting. We see her noticing how handsome he is.
Justine and Dale both agree that "slow and steady wins the race." This shows them connecting. So, my advice is to have a balance of showing and telling.
Another tell/transition paragraph and then a very short scene where they connect more deeply, which is fantastic. She shares something personal and he empathizes. This signals to the reader that they might be really good for each other.
Aha! I was right. Justine was the woman he had his eye on from the very beginning.
Oh, that ending. That is just awesome.
From behind us, I heard Joe and Katie approaching fast. Dale and I ran out of the maze, laughing. As his hand enveloped mine, I knew I wasn't lost anymore.
Photo credit: Joel Kramer (Flicker cc license)
6 comments:
This is such a good story, and Rosemary is in the current issue as well. Well done.
Rosemary is becoming one of my favorite WW writers. Her work is even more amazing when you consider she lives in Australia and does not have access to the magazine for a reference.
As an aside, this is at least the fifth WW Romance with the MEANT TO BE title. One of them was mine. I am really curious to know who is changing the original titles. And why. I doubt it is coming from the editor's desk.
Ah, could it be the Russians?????
I loved this great fall stories. Rosemary did a great job in such a short word count.
Rosemary really hits the spot with her WW romances. She lives in Australia but still manges to get the right feel. Great job.
You are right - great ending. I did guess that she was the one he wanted to invitee, but then it took so long for him to admit, I thought maybe I was wrong :-) Fun story and setting.
I love Rosemary's stories too. And this one was really fun. I've never heard of a corn maze but it sounds like a good time. Thank you Rosemary.
p.s. Mary Jo, you crack me up.
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