Stream of Consciousness Observations:
Ooh, what an interesting job--apartment sitter in NYC.
LOL. Mr. Hot Bod.
Wait a second. I totally missed the part where the blackout happened and I had to go back and reread. Am I the only one? When I went back to reread, it's clear when it happens, but in the moment, I completely passed it by. It's entirely possible that the fault is mine, but honestly, I think there could have been a little more description there. For instance, here's a sentence in the story.
Ariana blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness.
Just adding the word "sudden" would have helped.
It's bad luck to miss fireworks on New Year's Eve in NYC? You learn something new everyday.
I'm not sure why she's in danger of breaking her neck because a fire escape is literally designed to save people.
Whoa. We're in the guy's pov now? Okay, this is very unusual in a Woman's World story and it's done a little abruptly, IMHO.
I'm also finding it odd that he photographs the models in his apartment. Most photographers have a studio and as a model, I wouldn't feel safe going to his place for the shoot.
All right, I did like the story in the end, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't find a few things that bugged me. LOL
Photo by oopsart via Flickr CC license
3 comments:
I got the black out, but I agree with you on adding the word "sudden."
I didn't have a problem with the black out and the fire escape because it can be really dark on the east coast when the lights go out. I have to go back and look at this story again because I can't remember if it was just her building or the whole area that was dark.
The photographer working from his apartment didn't bother me much. I guess it is a city thing...either you can't afford another NYC rent or you are established enough to add a studio to the building you live in to cut commute time.
I did notice the POV change. I've seen that a few times in WW, but you are right 'it better be well done.'
All-in-all I liked the story.
Arghh. I have to agree! I actually read the opening three times, to be sure I wasn't missing a critical point.
And, the apartment shoot gave me a 'creep' warning.
But, I did like it-the ending left a 'warm, fuzzy' of possibilities.
I caught the blackout when she said there was a second pop. I also agree that a model would feel a bit uncomfortable if she had to go to the photographer's apartment. I also caught the POV change and it did confuse me for a second. But it was a nice story.
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