Trail to Happiness

by Marti Attoun from the July 10, 2023 issue

Tagline: When Ramona stops to smell the roses, she meets a handsome newcomer who opens the door to friendship...and a blooming future.

Observations: I wanted to highlight a few things in Attoun's story. I really liked how she described the hero:

Up close, Ramona could see handsome laugh lines radiating from his green eyes and gray streaking his wavy hair. 

This not only gives us a clear picture of Andy, just look at those active verbs--radiating and streaking. Lovely.

She also used the bookending technique, which is mentioning something at both the beginning and end of the story to bring the tale full circle and give the feeling of closure. You'll see in these first and last sentences of the story, she tied the story together using "moseying."

Ramona set off at her usual moseying pace on the trail circling Brookfield Lake: slow enough to admire the roses cascading over the fence at her favorite lake front cottage.

"No need to hurry. I think we can make it, even if we mosey."

I also loved how she conveyed Ramona's physical reaction. Notice how there was no electricity nor did her heart perform any tricks. 

Andy laughed heartily, bringing with it [sic] a dizzying delight that made Ramona feel like her insides were cart-wheeling.

I'm not saying don't use electricity or make your characters' hearts soar or what have you, because Woman's World loves that. However, in my opinion, a little extra effort in the originality department can make a big difference. Small choices, made consistently in a story, can move a story from the ordinary category to the extraordinary category.

In fact, I challenge you right now to brainstorm some ways to convey a positive physical reaction that does not include the heart or any electrical impulses. I know you can do it!

Photo by Larry Jacobsen via Flickr Creative Commons License

Star-Spangled Love Story

 by Veda Boyd Jones from the July 3, 2023 issue

Tagline: Mike is entranced but intimidated by his beautiful new neighbor, Emily, until a chance opportunity finally brings them face-to-face for the first time.

Observations: Cute story. I liked how the guys had Mike's back and made themselves scarce when Emily offered them all lemonade.

Photo by WTF Colorado via Flickr Creative Commons License

Father's Day Match-Up

by Kay Layton Sisk from the June 19, 2023 issue

Tagline: Jess' daughter is worried her dad will be lonely after she gets married...until a beautiful stranger appears and changes everything.

Observations: I liked this story. In it I could see many familiar Woman's World story elements. There is the matchmaking daughter. There's also the classic misunderstanding when Jess sees Claire with "another man," who turns out to be her brother. 

Sisk revealed that it was her brother cleverly by having Claire mention it out of the blue instead of having Jess having to approach the subject in a roundabout way.

However, on my second read, I wondered at this:

"C'mon, Dad. It's Father's Day, and I would love your gift to be a date with a woman you like."

How exactly would she go about doing this? If Jess had said yes to either of the ladies Laura suggested, would she then go to the lady in question and say, "Hey, you're my Father's Day gift to my dad?" 

Even though that pulled me out of the story slightly, I still enjoyed it. 

Photo by waferboard via Flickr Creative Commons License

The Most Fun in the Sun

by P.S. Murray from the June 26, 2023 issue

Tagline: A little R&R on the beach is just what the doctor ordered for busy Sally...but she gets far more than she bargained for when handsome Hank arrives.

Observations: This was a darling story. I loved the four-year-old. I loved the premise, perhaps because I lost my little one at a corn maze once and it was terrifying, so I could relate to Hank's situation.

I did wonder, however, at the the fact that they're both on vacation and there's little chance their relationship can continue. I would like to have seen that resolved...perhaps during the dinner conversation they could have discovered they live in the same city... ? Your mileage may differ.

Photo by Ronnie via Flickr Creative Commons License