Tagline: When Abby finds herself struggling during a hike, her handsome coworker Tanner shows up to help--and before long, sparks fly.
Off the Cuff Observations: Well, a hearty congratulations to Ms. Sandy Smith, my most loyal blog subscriber, bar none. Sandy comments on every blog post and I appreciate it so much. Blogging often feels like shouting into the void. It feels like no one is reading what you're writing and you think, "What's the point?" But Sandy is always there with a comment, bless her heart.
And now she's published! I'm so excited to read her story, so let's dive in.
Ooh, we're starting with a woman in distress!
Wiping her face with a towel, she glared at the path leading to the mountain ahead. Okay, maybe it was only a hill, but it was a very steep one. -- LOL I like Abby.
Okay, she's not on a "regular" hike with people. It's a team-building thing. This is subtle, but it's definitely a pro-move that Sandy chose to slip this info into the story here rather than put it in paragraph two as exposition. This way you jump right into the action and get the reader hooked rather than "bore" them right away with backstory. In storytelling, this is known as in media res.
Abby took a deep breath. Mara was right. Time to stop being a wet blanket. She couldn't let the team down. -- As I've said before on the blog, it's important to make your main characters Good People and here we see Abby moving past her personal dislike of the situation and thinking of someone other than herself. Personally, I feel five miles is kind of excessive for office people to bond over, especially including steep hills, and especially for a woman with asthma, but Abby seems to be a bigger person than me. LOL
...a blue T-shirt stretched taut over muscled arms. -- Tanner is certainly a breath of fresh air!
Aha! Tanner, who apparently is in charge, didn't know she was asthmatic. He's forgiven.
I think I am the search party. -- LOL
Where would you be if your job hadn't made you climb a hill? -- Again, LOL! As I point out in my Deep Dive class, humor is optional for Woman's World stories, but always welcome, especially in the form of witty banter.
Okay, they're talking as they're hiking, and as a fellow out-of-shape person, I can tell you Abby would probably have had some trouble, especially with her condition, but I can easily suspend my disbelief briefly here.
A cool mist sprayed across Abby's face as the rush of the waterfall met her ears. -- Nice description! It's only one sentence but it definitely sets the scene well for us. Note the sound detail. Don't forget to include more senses than just sight when you're describing a setting.
All right, I can see why the editors chose this story. It's a good one! I hope it's the first of many we'll see published by Sandy. She is the personification of persistence paying off.
Photo by Narcah via Flickr CC License
No comments:
Post a Comment