The Rejected Story

Open House, Open Heart

by Kate Willoughby

Isn’t it funny how things work out sometimes? It all started when my husband and I decided to sell the house and find something smaller—less yard to take care of, less house to keep clean, etc. My daughter, Emily, came at my request to go through her old stuff and decide what she wanted to keep. I was thumbing through some sheet music when I heard Emily heave a sigh.

“What’s up, Em?” I asked.

She smiled and held up an old playbill from a production of Hamlet. “This little pamphlet embodies all the unspoken yearning of a young teenage girl.”

“Aren’t all teenagers young?” I asked.

Emily laughed. “You know what I mean.”

“What were you longing for? A life on the stage?” I felt a twinge of motherly guilt. Had Emily harbored a secret yearning to perform that I had failed to nurture and encourage? I had always thought she was happy being a caterer, especially now that she was starting her own business.

“Me?” she asked grinning. “Heck no. I couldn’t act my way out of a paper bag. No, it was a boy I wanted. John Davis. My English Lit teacher took the class on a field trip to see Shakespeare. John was sitting in front of me and I didn’t see that play at all. All I saw was him.” She chuckled. “Well, the back of his head, at least.”

“You’re never going to believe this,” I said, “but he’s our real estate agent.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Yes. And he’s single,” I added. “Want me to—”

“No!” she blurted, her cheeks turning red. “Don’t you dare play matchmaker, Mom. Promise me.”

The next day, John and I discussed the particulars of our first open house.

“I like to provide some sort of refreshment for the potential buyers, usually donuts and coffee,” he said. “But to tell you the truth, I’m getting tired of the donuts.”

“You know,” I found myself saying, even though I knew Emily might kill me, “my daughter is a caterer and her mini scones and muffins are out of this world and a step above donuts if I do say so myself. She’s just starting out on her own after five years working for someone else, and if she could display some of her brochures, it would be great advertising for her.”

“I think my mouth is watering already,” John said, grinning.

When I called Emily to arrange it, she accused me of going back on my promise, but I insisted I hadn’t. “I swear it was all business. For all he knows, you’re married with six kids and a parakeet,” I said. “Just think of it as networking.”

The day of the open house, John seemed happy with how everything looked and the table I’d set up in the entry. He placed the flyers outlining the features of the house there, along with a stack of his business cards and a sign-in sheet. Em walked in not five minutes later with a big pink pastry box filled with goodies. She looked wonderful in a tasteful business suit. I could tell she’d taken extra care with her appearance.

He greeted her with a wide smile. “Emily, I don’t know if you remember me, but we took English Lit together. John Davis.” They shook hands. “I realized who you were from the family portrait in the living room.”

“Of course I remember you,” she replied smoothly, as if she hadn’t memorized the back of his head eight years ago.

I forced myself to mumble something about making coffee and left the room. It was torture, I tell you, pure torture not to listen in.

They didn’t even notice me when I brought the first pot of coffee to fill the huge dispenser John had brought. I caught snippets of their conversation and it sounded like they were catching up. By the time I poured the second pot in, he was listening to her talk about her catering business, which I took as a good sign. A good husband knows how to listen. Before I could bring out the third pot, Em scurried into the kitchen.

“Mom! You’ll never guess what happened.” Excitement sparkled in her eyes. “John loves my scones so much that he wants me to provide them for all his open houses from now on.”

“Em, that’s wonderful!”

We did end up getting a couple of offers on the house that day, which made my husband happy. He hoped to make a nice profit, but I had my heart set on a new son-in-law. And you know what? A year later, that’s exactly what I got.

...You Lose Some

Just got a rejection in the mail from a story I'd submitted in November, 2011. :(

Looking at my tracking sheet, I only have one story out there with them now. I'd better submit another one!

Does anyone want to read the reject? I'll post it here if there's interest.

My Mighty Influence

I was wondering if my analyses here have any effect on the voting. I noticed I ran hot and cold on the story two weeks ago and this week I really liked the story and the voting seemed to echo that. So I thought I might post the poll for the stories ahead of my posting about it. I'm not sure if it'll prove anything at all, but I thought I'd explain why there will be two polls going on, one for a story that I haven't talked about yet.

How We Met

by Anna Jo Christopher from the February 20, 2012 issue

Tagline: Wes had given up on trying to meet the pretty brunette who'd moved into his building--until a chance encounter changed everything...

In a Nutshell: Wes's co-worker wants to set him up with a new hire at a company party. The new hire ends up being newly engaged. But all is not lost, one of the servers at the party happens to be the woman who just moved into his apartment building and he finds out they have a lot in common.

Observations: This story was twisty turny and I really enjoyed it. I, myself, have been trying to figure out a way to write a story that starts out as one type (like a matchmaker story) and ends up being something else. It adds an element of surprise that is very refreshing and Christopher did it right here.

First, she leads us to believe that Wes is going to end up with his new neighbor. (Why else would she be mentioned, right?) Then she also mentions the new hire at Wes's work. Boom, we immediately think, they'll be one and the same person. But lo, she's not! We get an early black moment when we find out that the new hire just got engaged.

Wes is splashed with wine. If you're like me, you think--oh! it's the neighbor. But it wasn't! Split second later you find out the neighbor is one of the servers at the party. Ah, at last. Now we can settle in and watch the romance happen.

Christopher then shows them making that connection. Wes and Kelly discover they share two passions--Stephen King novels and hiking. Terrific. The hiking was foreshadowed in the beginning of the story when Wes mentions he's "an outdoors blue jeans type of guy." Very tight.

Wes also makes a character arc in that he starts out by telling us he's shy and gets tongue-tied around women and ends up realizing--and we see this realization happen--he can talk to Kelly. He even musters up the courage to ask her out.

There's humor too, in the way Kelly teases Wes at the end about needing directions to her place since he got lost getting to the company party. Cute.

My only gripe would be the bland title. Otherwise, it's so easy to see why they published this one. In the class I'm teaching starting next Monday, I talk about several of the story elements that Christopher has packed in here. It's like this story was written to prove what I'll be talking about in class!

Yippee!!

Guess what I got in the mail today... An acceptance!!! I was flabbergasted because I submitted this story on January 4th. I rarely get rejections that fast, let alone contracts. Not that I'm complaining. Far from it!

I'm sure I frightened my dog with all the whooping and jumping and dancing I just did.

Anyway, this is the first of many for this year. I'm determined to sell to them at least three times in 2012. I am a Story Machine! Watch out!

We Love Chocolate

by Linda Hersey from the February 13, 2012 issue

Tagline: The story of how Mandy and Luke fell in love was a really sweet one.

In a Nutshell: Mandy is an event planner and a chocoholic. At a chocolate fest, she runs into a guy whose office party she just planned. They spend the day together and exchange phone numbers in a cute way at the end.

Observations: My feelings ran hot and cold with this story. There were times when I was frowning and shaking my head and times when I grinned and nodded in appreciation.

Let me first insert my usual disclaimer. This is only my opinion, which in the long run doesn't count for anything when you consider the fact that Woman's World published this story.

Here, Hersey tells me info twice. The ending sentence of the paragraph tried to be cute, but fell short for me because I was like, "I already know you're an event planner." Here are the paragraphs I'm talking about.


    I'm also an event organizer. Sadly, I didn't organize this event, although I sure wish I'd been asked to.
    On opening day, my first stop was the truffles booth. Double-dipped heaven, but the icing on the cake, so to speak, was Luke Munroe, the architect, standing at the nearby eclair display. I'd seen him the other day at the launch of Beddow, Schlare and Thompson's new offices. I'd organized the event. Mandy Anderson: event organizer by profession; chocoholic by inclination.

See what I mean? The first paragraph is, in my opinion, redundant because the subsequent paragraph explains her profession perfectly. If you have a copy of the story, check it out and see if you agree with me. When you're editing your own stories, be wary of repeating info. In a novel, sometimes it's necessary, because if you mention something important in the beginning of the book, by the middle, the reader may have forgotten it, so you give them subtle reminder. But these stories are only 800 words long, so there's no need.

However, this paragraph made me smile.

He looked up and caught me ogling him--or maybe it was the chocolate eclair in his hand that I was ogling.

Cute! But further along, we get:

"Hey--hi!" I managed, giving him a big smile and hoping I didn't have chocolate on my front teeth.

I liked this bit of cute self-doubt, but wondered about chocolate staying solid enough to remain on her teeth, but if she'd just swallowed and then smiled, it was possible. But then later...

Luke laughed, and I noticed a fleck of chocolate on his left incisor. I relaxed. Clearly, I was in the company of a chocolate lover.

Alas, because I my repetition radar was already on, I noticed this chocolate-on-the-teeth idea repeating when I might not have otherwise. Also, I found it very unlikely that after all the talking he does before she notices the fleck, that the fleck would have been there at all. If that bit of chocolate was merely to indicate to Mandy that he was a chocolate lover, she already had evidence. One, he's at the festival. Two, he is holding an eclair, and if he's already taken a bite...there ya go. If it had been my story, I'd have put the chocolate on his upper lip.

After that, I enjoyed everything. I really liked the paragraph summarizing their day.

Brunch was a blast. We talked, we laughed, we ate chocolate. In the course of our conversation, it became clear that Luke was unattached. So naturally, I let slip that I wasn't seeing anyone either.

Cute! I like that Mandy. She's a clever, proactive girl.

Hersey had a terrific black moment...

I was disappointed at the way the day ended, but at least I had my cookie.

And then Hersey ends it with a double surprise ending which I thought was masterful. Luke gives her a cookie before they part...

When I got home, I opened the box, then almost dropped it. There, drizzled on top, in rich Belgian chocolate, was Luke's name and phone number. My heart skipped a beat and a smile spread across my face. Now I didn't feel like I'd made a mistake giving him that fortune cookie with my cellphone number in it!

So, I had some style issues with this story, however I did enjoy it and think that Hersey really did a bang-up job on the second half.

Not Last Place

Well, in that Writing Blogs contest, I made it into the top 75. However, I was nowhere near making it into the top three. There were blogs that had votes in the 5 digits! (Last time I looked I had just under 200.) The one that won first place, it was easy to see why. She holds "secret" agent contests in which anonymous literary agents critique someone's work. Doh. Of course she has a zillion followers. It's a great idea and I congratulate her.

I wonder of Johnene would consent to doing a critique. Or maybe Patricia...

Anyway, I'm still glad I didn't come in dead last. I have the blog badge to prove it. :) It really WAS an honor to be nominated because there must be a LOT of blogs about writing out there and they contacted me. Very cool. :D

Cold Days, Warm Hearts

by Shannon Fay from the January 30, 2012 issue

Tagline: Angela met David--and suddenly winter lost its chill...

In a Nutshell: Angela is dismayed to find that the man she buys her newspaper from every morning has pneumonia. His son, David, works the newsstand in his place. In a kind gesture, she brings him some extra stew and over the next two weeks, they get to know each other better. When the dad finally gets better, Angela and David decide that their daily visits aren't quite enough and agree to go on a real date.

Observations: The thing I noticed about this story was its tight plot. A couple of places, I noticed, did double duty. For example, the section where David talks about the warmer weather in different parts of the country showed his humor and set it up for the last line in the story, Who needed Phoenix to keep warm?

There was also the paragraph where Angela reflected on her own history as a widow and how helpful her friends and neighbors had been. That showed us her backstory and  established a believable motivation for her to share the stew.

Also, note the transitional paragraph that summarized the two week "courtship," that gives the story a meatier feel to it. The passage of time, in my opinion, makes the story feel more substantial than 800 words.

Finally, there was a "black moment" when David tells Angela that his dad is coming back to work. She/we feel a bit of worry because David won't be there every morning like he had been, but of course, everything works out because David is now partners with his dad and will still be able to visit with Angela.

Well done story, nice and tight.

Bringing the Class Up To Date

So it's 2012. Time to look over the original class and make sure everything still applies. I looked at the Bauer Publishing website and updated all my data from there about the audience and circulation. I also got the new editorial schedule, which outlines which issues are devoted to which holidays.

For those of you who are interested in that, go to the Bauer Publishing website, find the info about Woman's World, and look at the Media Kit. It's in there.

I also received some issues out of order, so my analyses will be out of order, too. Sorry about that! I don't know whether to blame the post office or the publishers. Either way, my apologies.

Beginner's Luck

by Jan Drexler from the February 6, 2012 issue

Tagline: Neither Mary nor Bryan could ski...but the both ended up being very glad they'd hit the slopes!

Well, my WW didn't come AGAIN, so while I was at the store I bought a copy, which makes me angry because I have a subscription. At least you all will get a new analysis out of it.

In A Nutshell: Mary's friend talked her into going on a ski trip. She meets a guy in a similar situation. Because they both suck at skiing, they decide to take lessons together. After the vacation is over, they make a date because they (of course) both live in the same city.

Observations: This is a fine example of a first meet story. The hero and heroine meet in a cute way. (He skis out of control into a rack of skis. Trying to help him up, she falls down too.)

Drexler establishes a connection between them. (They decide to take a break from falling and crashing. Over cocoa in the lodge, they discover they live and work in the same city. Their friends, both expert skiers, talked them into the ski trip.)

There is a transition where Drexler summarizes in one paragraph their week together, and then on the last night of the trip, Bryan asks Mary out.

What makes this a bit unusual is there's a kiss at the end! It's very matter-of-fact, but it's there just the same. Viva la romance!

It's an Honor to be Nominated...

I'm excited to announce that this blog has been nominated as a Top Writing Blog! If you think this is a valuable writing blog, please go vote. You can vote as many times as you like.

Click on the button below or on the sidebar. They're alphabetical, so scroll down to the bottom of the list.

Online Colleges

Voting ends February 3, 2012.

Thank you!!

Also, my magazine is late again. I'll post the analysis as soon as I get my issue!

Kiss the Cook

by June Kolligian and Twyla Smith from the January 23, 2012 issue

Tagline: Cindy knocked at the door of a cozy cabin--and found what she hadn't even realized she was looking for...

In a Nutshell: Cindy is on her way to meet friends at their mountain cabin. The GPS tells her she's there, but it's not the right cabin. The resident turns out to be a guy Cindy's friends have wanted to set her up with. They hit it off and find out that those sneaky friends planned the whole thing by giving Cindy the wrong address on purpose.

Observations: I'm going to change things up and do a "stream of consciousness" critique today and jot down my thoughts as I read the story.

Using a GPS makes the story seem current.

I sympathize with Cindy because I am not comfortable driving in snow and now I'm worried about her getting into an accident.

The fact that Cindy's friend has been trying to set her up with Alex takes away the danger of trusting some strange man you've never met. Nicely done.

Ah, it's also a man to the rescue story. Love those.

When she hesitates to go inside Alex's house, I think about Christopher Vogler's book The Writer's Journey when he talks about the hero Resisting the Call to Adventure. It's always interesting to see "rules" that apply to longer fiction also apply to super short stuff.

Hmm. Cooking is my hobby too. I immediately wondered why he wasn't making something more adventurous than stew, roast chicken or wild rice.

Oh ho! A matchmaker story as well. And here I was thinking her GPS was messed up.

The ending was clever, tying in the apron saying and story title.

FYI

I can't see which votes belong to whom, by the way. It's completely anonymous. I can't even go back and see how I voted. LOL

It's Raining Men!

by Jan Romes from the January 2, 2012 issue

Tagline: When Sarah met Jake, the forecast was suddenly sunny and bright--despite the clouds!

In A Nutshell: Sarah is on her way to an interview to be the local weather girl, but an inconsiderate driver splashes muddy water all over her. A stranger who happens to work at the TV station convinces her to go through with the interview anyway. She gets the job and finds that stranger who ends up asking her to lunch.

Observations: I really liked this story, which was a bit different than normal in that it focused mostly on the protagonist, Sarah, and how she finds the courage to interview for that job even though she looks horrible. The romance was kind of like a subplot here. But it worked, mainly, I think, because of this one moment. Sarah has just gotten splashed...


    "Hey," she heard a male voice call out.
    Sarah tucked her damp hair behind her ears and replied with a disheartened, "Hey."
    A blonde (sic) man with concerned blue eyes approached. "I saw what happened," he said. "It was like he did it..." His voice trailed off when they linked gazes. "...on purpose."
    Sarah felt a flutter in her stomach.

There. See what I mean? Couldn't you just picture that pivotal moment when they make that connection? That's romance! Little moment = big impact.

On a side note, that first sentence in the excerpt has a mistake in it. Anyone else notice it?

Missing Issue

So, it's happened again. I didn't receive an issue of WW. If there is someone out there who'd like to email me a copy of the romance story so I can analyze it, I'd be very appreciative. Otherwise, you'll have to wait until I get the next issue.

Edited to add:

It came! It was just very late.

In the words of Emily Litella, "Never mind."

The True Spirit of Christmas

by Sandra Noble from the December 26, 2011 issue

Tagline: Megan thought she was facing a lonely Christmas until a handsome stranger with a generous heart proved her wrong...

In a Nutshell: Megan's daughter goes to spend Christmas with her dad and Megan is feeling lonely. She goes to get her favorite coffee to cheer herself up and the friendly store owner doesn't seem upset to be working Christmas Eve. That's when Megan gets the idea to spread some Christmas cheer to people she knows who are also working. She delivers meals to them, complete with fruitcake, and when revisiting that store owner, garners an invitation to go view the Christmas lights with him.

Observations: What I want you to notice with this story is the theme of good cheer throughout. Megan has good reason to feel down, being all alone on Christmas Eve, and yet...

No, Megan thought. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. 

Megan takes action against the sadness, something Woman's World likes. As I've said before, the entire magazine is devoted to improving women's lives--their health, their outlooks, their pocketbooks, everything, so featuring a heroine who embodies that is a no brainer. (The hero is a positive and caring guy, too.)

I also noticed that this story was light on the romance, heavy on the Christmas spirit, but I suppose that makes sense, considering it's a holiday themed story.

A Gift From Santa

by Marie Anderson from the December 19, 2011 issue

Tagline: Even Santa was surprised by Ed's grandson's unusual--and unusually sweet--Christmas wish...

In a Nutshell: Ed promised his daughter that he'd find out what his grandson, Willy, wants for Christmas. When the kid won't tell, he asks Santa what the boy wished for when he sat on his lap. Santa arranges a meeting after work and it turns out he's a she. Willy wants his widowed grandfather to find a new grandma, so guess who goes out for coffee?

Observations: I was with this story until almost the very end. I was ready for a matchmaker story in which the grandson or the daughter planned something crafty. But then I found out Santa was a woman. I've talked before about telling "one big lie" in a Woman's World story, after which you have to be as realistic as possible, perhaps to keep things balanced. And often in a WW story, the lie is a coincidence. However, in this tale, we are expected to believe that a woman is posing as Santa.

Hmm. Nope. Not buying it. Kids are sharp. I think they'd notice Santa's femininity, even under the costume and beard. Santa may be fat, but I doubt he has man boobs that big.

However, I'll give my usual disclaimer. Obviously, the editors thought the story was just fine--fine enough to publish.

I will add that I really liked the ending where she's named Merry (Meredith). Perhaps it's because of the season, but I didn't find that corny at all.

The Perfect Christmas Tree

by Wendy Hobday Haugh from the December 12, 2011 issue

Tagline: After meeting Zach, Molly had a feeling her Christmas was going to be as perfect as her Christmas tree...

In a Nutshell: Molly, divorced a year, is shopping for a Christmas tree. The tree farm manager, Zach, tries to help her, but the tree she really wants is not on farm property. He volunteers to talk to the person who owns the land and see if they can make a deal. Later, Zach shows up with the tree. Turns out he is the land owner.

Observations: Although I saw the twist a mile away, I still enjoyed this story. I wanted to point out the story starts out in Zach's point of view, which allows us to see how he's attracted to her. (There was one small blip into Molly's POV when she is "Grateful for his help," but it didn't pull me out of the story. I only noticed it afterward when I was studying it.) At the midpoint, we switch to Molly's POV and we then see that she's just as attracted.

I also liked how Haugh deftly handled Zach's honesty. He does tell that little white lie when he says he'll talk to the guy who owns the field (unless he actually went home and talked to himself. LOL) But later...

    Her eyes narrowed as she studied Zach's ruggedly handsome face, soft brown eyes and oddly sheepish expression. 
    "Are you telling the truth, Zach?" she asked.
    "Absolutely," he replied, unflinching. "The tree is a gift."

You can see he feels a little guilty about the white lie, but when he delivers that unflinching reply, I thought to myself--that guy's hero material.

Recipe for Love

by Mary Ann Joyce from the December 5, 2011 issue

Tagline: Lizzy met Cole in her cooking class and it wasn't long before things started heating up--at least for Lizzy...

In A Nutshell: While taking a cooking class, Lizzy falls "in like" with her partner, Cole. After one of their many coffee dates after class, she daringly kisses him. She worries that she went too far, but at the last class she finds out Cole didn't think so at all.

Observations: This story had an unusual structure, but it really worked. Joyce started out with a black moment--the impulsive kiss. There is a rather longish conversation between Lizzy and her friend that takes up the first third of the story, then we backtrack to find out what all lead up to the kiss. By the time Joyce brings you back to the present, you're anxious to find out what Cole thought of the surprise lip lock. (Isn't it funny how, of course, we know that he was fine with it, yet we feel the tension just the same. I guess it just goes to show you how easily we can fool ourselves.) Then, at the end we get another black moment when we fear that Cole isn't showing up for class because he didn't like Lizzy's cooties. Two black moments! Sometimes Woman's World stories don't even have one, but in this story we get a twofer. Awesome.

My Favorite Line: "I wish I were more like you sometimes." Then he gently wiped some chocolate from Lizzy's cheek. "You also wear your fondue well." LOL

A Romantic Appraisal

by Georgie Lee from the November 28, 2011 issue

Tagline: Christina recognized a real treasure when she found one.  Evidently, so did James...

In A Nutshell: The owner of a Victorian store needs an appraisal for a painting. The appraiser is handsome and promises to call her if he finds anything out.  Instead, he shows up at the shop and they decide to go to the Friday Night Flea Market together.

Observations: The only thing that stood out in the story for me was that there was a great deal of interaction between the hero and the heroine. Their conversations take up a good two thirds of the story. I notice that at the end when they decide to go to the flea market together, there is a bit of charming awkwardness which I think helps readers feel like this type of thing can really happen. It's fiction, but it's possible!

"Are you going to the Friday Flea Market?"
"I never miss it," I said. "Do you ever go?"
"Not lately, but I've been thinking that I really miss it."
I gave James an appraising look. Was he blushing?
"Right,"I said. "Time to get going before all the good stuff's gone."
"Do you want some company?"

She hints around and he correctly interprets it which came across to me as realistic.

The only off thing was the whole painting mystery. If they both knew who the painter was, it seemed strange to me that he couldn't find out anything more about it.

A Suitable Suitor

by M.L. Hickerson from the November 21, 2011 issue

Tagline: It took a romantically minded grandmother with a little Internet know-how to match up Gemma with Tom...

In a Nutshell: Jeanne joins an online dating site and arranges a date with a suitable man...for her granddaughter. She meets the guy and explains how she was doing reconnaissance without her granddaughter Gemma's knowledge. Luckily, the guy is a good sport and when Gemma arrives and is let in on the situation, they hit it off.

Observations: Hickerson has done it again. Her stories are always so fresh and new. She put a matchmaker and a blind date story into a can,  shook 'em up real hard, and this is what came out. All these characters feel real to me and I loved grandma's tech savvy. I had no complaints about this story. Zero.

Love in the Mail

by Cora Allen from the November 14, 2011 issue

Tagline: Later, Ben would say that fate had brought them together, but Maggie knew better.

In a Nutshell: Maggie jokes with the mailman about wanting a love letter instead of the plant bulbs she'd ordered. Three days later, she meets the handsome new neighbor who happens to work at the same hospital. He has a letter of hers that the mailman delivered to him by accident. He invites her to dinner on his deck that night.

Observations: There are a lot of story elements that occur over and over in Woman's World romantic fiction. I thought I'd go through this story and highlight the ones I noticed.

1. Clever addition of a character's backstory. Allen slips the fact that he just moved into the neighborhood into the dialogue very naturally.

Ben handed her the letter. "I'm not sure when this was delivered. I've been so busy moving in, I haven't checked my mail the last few days."

2. There are several instances where we see the heroine is attracted to and likes the hero.

--Ben smiled, which made Maggie's heart flutter just the tiniest bit. 

--So he's single? And he cares enough about his parents to move closer to them? Maggie returned his smile.

--An image of Ben, tall and fit-looking, and working in the garden, flashed through her mind.

3. The hero and heroine have a lot in common. They are neighbors. They work at the same hospital. They both love gardening.

4. Both characters discover that neither of them is attached.

"I went back to school after my wife died in a car accident."

And later

"Are you and, um, your husband busy tonight, Maggie?"

She smiled. "I haven't got a husband--and no, I'm not busy tonight."

Finally, best of all, there was a total surprise ending. At least, it was a surprise for me because I completely forgot about the mailman and never NEVER expected him to be a matchmaker. Man, that was great!!! That surprise boosted this story from good to great, in my opinion.

Date Night

by Shoshana Brown from the November 7, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Kelly's carefullly planned evening out with her husband fell through, she learned that real romance is an everyday kind of thing...

In a Nutshell: Kelly had a romantic date planned, but the babysitter gets sick. Her husband orders in and they have a romantic dinner at home. When the baby wakes up, crying, he goes to comfort her, and Kelly realizes a night out pales in comparison with her thoughtful spouse.

Observations: This story was heartwarming, especially if you're a mother and have experienced that golden moment when your husband gets up to take care of the child to let you sleep. It's hard to write these "problem within the marriage" stories because you don't want to paint the characters as too selfish or whiny. Brown did a good job of describing Kelly's disappointment but keeping her likable. These types of stories are few and far between because they're harder to write than first meet stories, but I wish we could see more of them.

On Hold Again

So, the story I submitted and hoped would get into the Valentine's Day issue was returned because Patricia got to it too late. She said to submit it next summer. So, into the vault with it. Damn. I really thought it had a great chance of getting published.

At least Patricia loved it. :)

The Boy Next Door

by Dawn L. Cadwell from the October 31, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kara's mom had never mentioned her new neighbor--and he was definitely something to talk about

In a Nutshell: Kara is looking after her mom's orchids while Mom is on vacation. Tempted by the basketballs her mom pointed out before she left, she attempts a shot in the court her dad built when she was a kid, but the ball ends up in the neighbor's yard. A policeman catches her trespassing. She later finds out that the policeman also is the tenant. He likes to play basketball.

Observations: This story reminds me of one of the reasons why I love Woman's World romance stories. They often feature heroines "of a certain age." This week's story had a heroine who was forty! How awesome is that? I think that just goes to show you the possible demographics of the readership, or perhaps they're just more accepting of enjoying a story that isn't about a perfect young woman like we see so much in the media.

But don't worry. I won't get on my soapbox, even if it is my blog.

I also liked the down-to-earth-edness (<--new word invented by me) of the heroine, Kara. Here's one of the reasons:

Not only had I been trespassing, but what I'd been wearing qualified as a fashion felony.

LOL.

Also, note the ubiquitous Coincidence. Troy, the tenant policeman, happens to like basketball.

The only thing that didn't sit right with me was her taking his arm at the end of the story. I thought that was a little too touchy-feely for having only met him when she was trespassing and then at the end when she finds out he's her neighbor. Also, they're just going to play some hoops in her mom's backyard, not entering a fancy restaurant.

The Blind Date

by Anonymous from the October 24, 2011 issue

Tagline: Abbie was on the lookout for a man with a red carnation in his lapel. When she spotted him, she realized he was no stranger...

In A Nutshell: Abbie has been divorced for a year. Her co-worker has been sending her on blind dates. At a cocktail party, the man in the red carnation she's supposed to meet is none other than her ex-husband. They realize they may have made a mistake in divorcing.

Observations: Reading fiction is a very subjective activity. Each person filters the stories, using their personal history, viewpoints, opinions, etc. But, to coin one of the fiction editor Johnene's favorite phrases, "This story didn't quite work for me." Call me cynical, but I have a hard time believing in divorced pairs reuniting happily. I always doubt that they'll overcome the obstacles that caused their divorce in the first place. Perhaps I might believe if a substantial  amount of time passes between the divorce and the reunion. That way, they might be completely different people. But in this story, only a year passes.

I do want to point out a few things I did like. The fact that the blind date is her ex-husband is a fantastic turning point. I always love when I think I know exactly where the story is headed and then the author laughs maniacally as the story careens off in an entirely different direction.

I liked the humor here:

"Why don't I get us a couple glasses of wine?"

"I'm already wearing mine."

Abbie had accidentally spilled hers when she literally bumped into her ex-husband.

And the ending was poignant and uplifting and had that perfect Woman's World tone.

However, luckily for this anonymous author, I'm not the fiction editor at the magazine, because they liked it enough to publish.

Oof. Again.

Got another rejection from Johnene yesterday. It was for a story that was set at New Year's. Darn. Well, there are still two stories out there she can buy!

Meeting Cute

by Nell Musolf from the October 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Jenny thinks the idea of trying ot meet someone in a cute way is just ridiculous. It really is, isn't it?

In a Nutshell: Lost in thought, Jenny almost steps into a square of wet cement. She overbalances and falls into some flowers instead. The man who poured the cement and owns the flowers takes her out for coffee.

Observations: This story starts out with a sourpuss, who, over the course of the story, turns her attitude around and finds a man. (If only it were that easy!) This is a great example of focusing a story around character growth.

I also wanted to point out Musolf foreshadowed something and followed through with another mention two times.

Foreshadow: Last weekend, while waiting for my tires to be rotated, I picked up a magazine with George Clooney on the cover.

Follow Through: Not too tall and going a little gray, this man would never be mistaken by anyone for George Clooney.

Foreshadow: Karen is a newlywed who thinks everyone should hop on the romance merry-go-round for a nice, long ride.

Follow Through: Enough time for the romance merry-go-round to slow down and let us hop on board.

This type of thing can tighten the weave of your story in a way that most readers won't pick up on.  They'll feel the story is better in some way, but they would never be able to figure out that something subtle like this does the trick.

Happy Endings

by Ellen DePastino from the October 10, 2011 issue

Tagline: A dog named Prince and his very charming owner turned Kate's walk in the park into something special...

In a Nutshell: When widow Kate and her daughter Jenny visit the park, they meet a man and his dog, who performs several tricks for them. Jenny has such a good time they all agree to meet again next week.

Observations: I laughed in a couple of places with this story. First, Jenny is mad about Prince Charming and in the book she and her mom just read, the dark haired prince with the chiseled profile is wearing a red tunic. When they get to the park...

Jenny suddenly stopped. "Mom, look," she said pointing. "It's Prince Charming."

The man was ahead of us on the path, his dog sitting at attention. The man stood, chiseled profile, sunlight gleaming on dark hair, red tunic. Actually, it was a windbreaker. But still.

LMAO.

The other spot I laughed at was here.

"I'm Kate, and I apologize for all the Prince Charming stuff. Jenny is crazy for fairy tales."

"I don't mind being mistaken for Prince Charming. Rumplestiltskin--that would be a problem," he smiled. (sic)

Besides the humor, I noticed a couple of other things. One, as often happens in a Woman's World story, we have a Big Coincidence--something we readers are expected to accept, even though it's highly unlikely. Here, we're supposed to believe that the dog's name just happens to be Prince. I want to go along with it, but I remain skeptical. My ability to suspend disbelief was stretched a little too far.

The other thing I noticed was that the backstory--what Mark and Kate do for a living, his relationship history--is inserted about two thirds in, not at the beginning as is often the case. This backstory also serves as a time transition. After this paragraph, we find ourselves squarely in the third act of the story. With only 800 words, you need to be smart like this so you can pack as much story in as possible.

Lastly, I noticed a missing period at the end of the sixth paragraph. I don't often find typos in the stories, but there's a first time for everything!

Well, dang.

A story I submitted a few months ago came back. :( They'd gotten too many blind date stories.

Back to the drawing board.

Hear ye, hear ye!

Hey, I'm really really excited to announce that I've developed a new class. It's called "Selling to Woman's World Magazine - Beyond the Basics." Ever since I started writing the first lecture, I've been at it non-stop. Just today I finished the first draft, and I think it's awesome. (But I'm biased.)

As soon as I find a venue for it, I'll let everyone know when it will be offered. :)

Must Love Shopping

by Mary Ann Joyce from the October 3, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Tom took his teenage daughter shopping, he expected doom and disaster. Instead, he found love...

In a Nutshell: Tom is a widower and his daughter needs a dress for her first school dance. The shopgirl notices he's at a loss, shoos him over to the TV where he can watch baseball, and helps the daughter pick out a dress. Afterward, Tom muses that his daughter got a dress, and he got a date.

Observations: This is one of those "slice of life" stories. The main character is going about his/her life, and Cupid strikes from out of the blue.

Sometimes your own life is one of the best places to pull stories from. (I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Joyce has a teenager at her house.) One of my most recent Woman's World stories built off a pineapple tasting I attended while on vacation. I transferred that "talk" from a pineapple plantation to a health food store, gave the story a hero who had to start eating healthy or else, and voila!

Anyway, this story was also told from the dad's first person point of view, an unusual choice, but perfect for this story. It helps us feel closer to the poor guy, trapped in a dress shop, unable to escape until his daughter has something to wear to the dance. I got the feeling that he was a real person--not one of those bigger than life characters that we enjoy reading about in novels. And that's what sets Woman's World romance characters apart. They have doubts and often self-esteem worries, but not to the extent that fictional characters usually have. They're more like you and me. So, keep that in mind. :)

Stranger at the Door

by Mary Haupt from the September 19, 2011 issue

Tagline: The thing was, Chelly realized, her dream man had walked through the door and claimed her heart a long time ago...

In A Nutshell: Chelly dreams of a stranger who will walk into the general store she works at and sweep her off her feet. A stranger does come in, but he's rude. Eventually, she realizes that the boy she's known since first grade, who joined the National Guard and recently returned, is her true love.

Observations: I loved this story. Sure, it was your classic "shared past/old flame" plot, but the scope of it felt larger than 800 words. Let's analyze how the author was able to accomplish this.

You may have heard the phrase "show, don't tell." I believe this is because active scenes feel more immediate and as readers, we feel more fully immersed in what is happening. However, Woman's World stories don't leave us the room to show too much. So, telling becomes necessary. Haupt has done a masterful job of telling here, as you'll see.

She starts out describing Chelly's dream of a stranger coming to the store and announcing he was going to "take her away from all this." This is in narrative. We don't actually "see" this happening, like on a stage. We are told this by the narrator. (And this story does seem to be told from an omniscient point of view.)

Tommy, her co-worker, makes a pragmatic comment about that dream, a comment that made me laugh. I liked Tommy right away. This comment does more than make you laugh, though. It transitions the reader to the past where you find out that Tommy and Chelly have known each other since first grade and he's always had a thing for her, but has also always known that Chelly "was looking for something different, something more exciting."

Next, we transition back to the present and get the info about Tommy's choice to move on.

What follows is a middle of the story in which it appears as if Chelly's dream has finally come true. As I mentioned before, up until now the story was all narrative. It's only now that we are shown a scene, described as it happens. A handsome stranger comes into the store, but he's unfriendly and rude. She is disappointed. end of scene.

We switch back to narrative in which we cover a good amount of time, "told,  not shown." Tommy and Chelly exchange some letters, but Tommy eventually stops wriitng.

After that brief "telling," we get to another in-the-moment scene, deftly described by Haupt in a way that I found super romantic.

Then one rainy afternoon, while Chelly was restocking the shelves, someone came through the front door. The man wiped his boots on the mat and turned down the collar of his raincoat.

Tommy.

See what I mean? If this had been a movie, the women in the audience would have been heaving a collective sigh.

They greet each other. Chelly asks why he stopped writing, and Tommy shows how noble he is:

"I figured that if a handsome stranger ever showed up to take you away from all this, I shouldn't stand in your way."

Yup. That's when I decide if Chelly doesn't wake up and smell the coffee, she doesn't deserve him. But, of course, she does. Haupt even neatly recycles the pragmatic comment about the dream here at the end, but it's so subtle, you almost don't notice it.

This, my friends, is how it's done.

(Thanks to Mary Ann, Lorraine, and Deb for helping (or offering) to get me a copy of this story after I'd lost it.)

It's Getting to be a Habit...

Once again, I have a missing issue. This time I actually had the story. I had marked it up with notes and it has disappeared. I am going to look at work this afternoon and see if I left it there. Stay tuned...

Leave It To Lucy

by Mary Ann Joyce from the September 12, 2011 issue

Tagline: After her crushing breakup,  Erin swore she was through with love. Fortunately, her best friend knew better...

In A Nutshell: Erin is coming off a bad breakup. Her friend gives her a job at her vintage clothing store and sets her up with an artist who needs her help. They hit it off.

Observations: Woman's World loves stories that have a sort of updated Normal Rockwellian tone, and I feel that this story delivered that, especially with a vintage clothing store as the setting.

It is your classic matchmaker story but with a little bit more. Even though Joyce didn't spend a lot of time focusing on the heartache Erin must have endured, this felt like a "moving on" story as well because of the ending:

"So, how do you feel about having dinner with me this weekend?" Blake asks, warming up his smile.

"I feel happy," I say. And for the first time in a while, I really am.

And I haven't mentioned black moments in a while, but I noticed that this story doesn't have one. If you are familiar with basic story structure, usually there is a climactic moment, but Woman's World stories often fly in the face of this tradition. Personally, I always try to include a moment where the reader is worried, but the editors don't seem to mind if things sail along without any bumps in the road, to mix metaphors. So, keep that in mind when you're writing your own stories. :)

Price Change

I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm going to be raising the price of my workshop to $25 on November 1, so if you were thinking about taking it, you might want to do it before the price goes up. :)

All On Our Own

by M.L. Hickerson from the September 5, 2011 issue

Tagline: When Julia met Matt, everything fell into place--it just took them both a little while to recognize it.

In A Nutshell: Julia is marking items off her "Twenties List," things she wants to accomplish before she turns thirty. Matt encourages and calms her before she bungee jumps and even promises to help her learn to tango and drive a stick shift. She, in return, teaches him how to make ravioli by hand.

Observations: I thought this idea was fresh and I kick myself that I didn't think of it. I mean, I saw "The Bucket List" movie! Doh! Although I did wonder why someone would want to bungee jump if they were that terrified of it...

What I found more problematic was the fact that because Matt had chaperoned high school dances, of course, he could tango. I'm not sure where in the United States high schoolers tango or even play tango music at their dances, but I found that implausible. However, I managed to forgive that and still enjoy the story.

I liked how Hickerson dropped that mysterious hint about the last goal on Julia's list. When I read "...she realized she'd already mentally crossed off the last goal on her list," I thought, "Hmm, I wonder what it is..." The story moved along right after that to her 30th birthday party, so I didn't "have time" to ponder it. As a result, the ending was great because I hadn't already figured out her last goal was to fall in love.

On a side note, I found it interesting that you don't learn the hero's name until a third of the way through the story. And I didn't quite understand the title of the story. Maybe one of you can explain it's significance to me. :)

Sounds Like Love

by Lisa Weaver from the August 22, 2011 issue

Tagline: Callie never believed the old family legend about the love bells--until they chimed for her...

NOTE: So here's the August 22 issue. Don't know how the August 29 issue could have arrived before this one, but the ways of the post office are a mystery to me.

In A Nutshell: When picking up blueprints for her grandparents' greenhouse, Callie meets a nice man on the elevator. At a family dinner later, it turns out he's the architect of the greenhouse and was invited to dessert.

Observations: In my online class, I give my students a list of common plotlines that I've seen in Woman's World magazine. One of the categories is "Proving a Saying or a Loved One's Advice," and this story loosely qualifies, except it's not a saying, like "Opposites attract..." or advice, like "The way to land a man is to do little things for him." This time it's something that happens to the heroine. In this case, it's hearing bells.

What I thought was cute was the fact that Weaver kept tricking you into thinking Callie has heard the bells. First, it's the man's cellphone. Ah, you think, that's him. But then he and Callie part when the elevator takes him to his floor. Darn.

But you are a savvy reader. You know that it's boy meets girl, boy loses girl, so you keep hoping.

At her grandparents' house, she hears the doorbell when he arrives and you think to yourself, Yes! Also, he brings a set of wind chimes with him, and you think--okay, pow, it's gonna be a double whammy. But then, the chimes don't ring. Finally, they're on a date a few days later and Callie does hear bells--bells that no one hears but her and you get that warm happy feeling that they're going to be walking down the aisle very soon.