Cup of Love! by Rosemary Hayes

May 30, 2016 issue

Tagline: Nikki liked the coffee messages Ethan set to her...but would he ever ask her out?

Observations: Well now. I happen to be a barista with ten years experience, so the coffee shop details were particularly interesting to me. (The photo used in the magazine isn't true latte art. It looks like someone shook cinnamon onto the drink using a template.)

I liked, but didn't love, this story. I think I've seen this plot before: a character is stood up for a blind date at a dining establishment, and the owner or employee notices and commiserates, and they end up together. In fact, I kept thinking I'd actually read this story before.

My gripes...

There were more exclamation points than I like. (Sometimes if you add too many exclamation points to a man's conversation, it makes him seem a little silly, maybe even effeminate.) I counted nine and if it had been my story, I don't think any of them needed to be there. If in doubt, leave it out.

It's not "coffee art," it's "latte art." You can't make art in a cup of coffee because there's no foam. And you don't usually see words because the art is created by pouring the foam and sometimes using a tool like a toothpick to add detail. But this is not something your average coffee drinker would know.

I felt frustrated by the convenient interruptions by Ethan's somewhat incompetent employees and then his vacation on top of that...but I liked the ending a lot. It had that cheery optimism and was very believable.

Photo credit: Kenny Louie via Flickr Creative Commons

The Parking Spot by Kay Layton Sisk

May 23, 2016 issue

Tagline: Patience never dreamed she would meet a special someone at her daughter's softball game!

Observations: Unfortunately, this story didn't grab me. I didn't feel the connection between Patience and Ben was convincing. Perhaps it's because I've been in that situation where you're really wanting a spot and someone zips in and rudely takes it. That is some serious anger and frustration. Maybe Patience is a better person than I am, because I would have a very hard time forgiving that person. And Patience is peeved for quite a while, right up until he says his daughter is on the same team and then she gets kind of femininely flustered.

I thought his leaning close--because there was so much noise from the home run--was odd, especially considering what he said...

"Lisbeth told me her new friend's dad had died of cancer. Your husband?" he asked.

I nodded. "Heidi has a bit of the tell-all in her."

He laughed. "So does Lisbeth. I doubt there are any secrets between them by now."

That's kind of a personal question and an odd circumstance in which to ask it. Why not wait until you don't have to talk into her ear? Also, his laugher seems impolite. I would like to have seen him utter some sort of condolence or recognition of that horrible circumstance. That would have gone a long way toward me believing that these people have a chance at love.

And then, it's "break time" and the two girls come over to their parents. (I'm not a big baseball fan, but as far as I know there aren't any breaks during which the girls could leave the game, so maybe the game was over?) Anyway, the girls have come over and they all make plans to have pizza together and Patience's spirits soar. Again, I found this odd. She didn't like the guy at the beginning and not enough happened in the interim to convince me her tune had been changed to this degree.

However--and I haven't had to say this in a long time--my opinion is just that. Woman's World obviously thought enough of it to publish it and I am admittedly a very picky reader.

Photo credit: slgckgc via Flickr Creative Commons License

Kiss The Cook! by Amy Michaels

Tagline: Sophie wasn't passionate about cooking until she got together with a chef!

Observations: I loved this story, partly because I LOVE TO COOK. I loved the authenticity. Michaels certainly knows how to cook, or she did a great job of convincing me.

I did wonder about a grocery store allowing a chef to come promote his restaurant, but I suspended my disbelief.

I thought the way Michaels arranged for Greg to help her with dinner was very natural, and like I said before, it was totally correct for the chef to disdain the dried herbs in favor of fresh ones, although it might be hard to find fresh bay leaves.

I disagree about cake being more trouble than creme brulee, but there's a much bigger wow factor with creme brulee and they did have five hours, so there'd be plenty of time.

I thought the ending was terrific and with just the right amount of intimacy--the cheek kiss--for the amount of time they'd spent together and their budding relationship.

Photo by Clotee Allochuku via Flickr Creative Commons

Meeting Dara

May 9, 2016 issue

Tagline: Sam thought it was just another routine work assignment...then he met Dara!

Observations: I decided against showing the edits on this one, mainly because it takes a ton of time and there are several other mark-ups you can look at on other stories of mine.

I read the story again and I loved the ending. However, I have to confess, I didn't write it! Ms. Gaddis had Wyatt blurt that line out about them getting married and the rest of the story after that. So if the ending needs work, Ms. G will work some magic on it. HOWEVER, that doesn't absolve you of trying to write the BEST ENDING you can. Don't write a story with a mediocre ending and just think to yourself, well, the editor will just fix it. Just don't.

Photo credit: Jason Lawrence via Flickr Creative Commons

A Comfy Kind of Love by Nell Musolf

May 2, 2016 issue

Tagline: Beth worried that the magic had gone out of their marriage, but her husband knew better!

Observations: I applaud any writer who can write a Woman's World story about an already-established couple. I've only done it once that I can remember because it's very hard to do.

This story was adorable. The only criticism I had was, what were they thinking only going for pasta once a year? That's INSANE! LOL

Meant To Be by Rosemary Hayes

April 25, 2016 issue

Tagline: Becky believed there was someone out there for her...but she never imagined where she'd meet him!

Observations: I liked this story. That it was centered around Little League is a bit of Americana that is something often welcomed in a Woman's World story. Sometimes reading a Woman's World story is like strolling down Main Street at Disneyland.

This week, I wanted you to notice the transitions--those places where you're fast-forwarding in time to move the story along to the next important part or move from one scene to another. In a Woman's World story, there are no chapter or scene breaks. I learned this the "hard way," when I submitted a story with a double return to indicate a scene break only to find when the published the story, the scene break wasn't there.

To compensate, you have to work a little harder to get the reader from scene to scene.

Hayes transitions three times.

1. We start with two sisters talking. Becky is going to take her nephew to baseball tryouts. Here's that transition:

The weekend dawned with clear skies and a happy ripple of anticipation.

She mentions that it's the weekend right off the bat, establishing that we've jumped forward in time.

2. Becky is in line to register her nephew and notices the hero for a couple of paragraphs. Then we hit transition number two:

It was only when I was sitting in the stands later, watching all the kids being put through tryouts that I heard a voice next to me.

3. Becky and Andrew introduce themselves and talk in the stands and then...

We spent the next three hours watching the boys, getting hot dogs from the food truck, and enjoying a great conversation.

Notice the time words in each transition - "weekend," "later," and "three hours." Also notice in the first two instances, the transition is settling us into the next scene. It's just to get our brains to jump forward. In the third transition, it's different. Instead of instantaneous time travel, we get a summarizing paragraph in which we're told, not shown, what happens. It's still a fast-forward in time, but with information about what happened. Sort of like the difference between being "beamed" from LA to NY in an instant and taking a supersonic jet and being able to see the scenery pass below you really fast.

Transitions are an essential tool if you want to write these super short stories.

Photo credit: Eastlake Times via Flickr Creative Commons License

Music of Hope by Tina Radcliffe

April 18, 2016 issue

Tagline: Josh never thought he would love again...until he met his son's piano teacher!

Observations: There were some aspects of this story that I liked and some that I didn't.

I liked that Josh was a strong enough person to take criticism about his cooking from a child. I liked that he was demonstrably grateful to his mother for helping out. I liked the tie-in between the canned spaghetti that Josh kept serving and the homemade lasagna that Maddy had made.

However, it read as if Josh didn't know his son was taking piano lessons at the beginning of the story. It might be because the son, Jake, had to explain how he'd had two lessons at Gram's house. This lead me to think there was an ex-wife and the dad just wasn't in the loop. However later, I found out that wasn't true. Josh is a widower.

Be careful about how you drop in backstory. Yes, it's great to do it in dialogue sometimes, but not in an "As you know, Bob" way. Some information should already be known to the characters talking and it doesn't make sense for Jake to tell his dad that he's taking piano lessons at Gran's house when his dad should already know this.

To me, Jake's character was hit and miss. Sometimes I really liked him and his dialogue sounded perfect. Other times, he did not sound like a seven-year-old.

I was unsure if Josh and Maddy lived in the same apartment building. Maddy, the piano teacher, just said, "We're in apartment 10, as if Jake knew where she lived. This is a tiny detail, but glitches like this can cause your reader to mentally stumble and take them out of the story. Do that more than once and you risk losing the reader completely.

So, a couple of confusing elements for me made it feel disjointed. Your mileage may vary. :)

Also is anyone else hungry for lasagna? LOL

Photo credit: Mark via Flickr Creative Commons license

Heart's Desire by Shelley Cooper

April 11, 2016 issue

Tagline: When Jill found her heart's passion, love wasn't far behind!

Observations: I really liked this story. I think there were a lot of small details in this story that Woman's World likes. I thought I'd list them. Small things add up.

1. A grandma is mentioned. Family is important.

2. Proving an old saying to be true, especially when a grandma is saying it, is a reliable trope for Woman's World.

3. Jill's sister is a stay-at-home mom. While Woman's World supports many modern beliefs, like women working, etc., they still do value old fashioned ones.

4. Brother is in the Navy, a noble career.

5. Jill's initiative is very important. She's such an upbeat character, you couldn't help but like her. If she's not happy, she doesn't mope around and complain or blame. She gets out there and does something about it. This is KEY.

6. Jill is full of gratitude and she's willing to demonstrate it.

7. Jill has a sense of humor and so does Jack.

8. Cooper adds so much romance by having Jack propose in the coffee shop where they had their first date. Not only that, but Jack thinks of getting her a heart-shaped diamond. Brilliant! (Pun intended.)

9. Cooper also brings the story full circle by quoting the saying again.

Photo credit: Marnee Pearce via the Flickr Creative Commons License

A Cake to Remember by Rosemary Hayes

April 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Megan's cake-decorating lesson proved to be sweeter than she ever imagined!

Observations: Good solid story this week. Nothing that stood out as exceptionally bad or good for me. I will say that there's a Woman's World trope here that we haven't seen too much of lately, which is a role-reversal. Woman's World has a somewhat traditional readership with a, shall we say, expectation for traditional male and female roles. But every once in a while, we see a female in a traditionally male career and vice-versa.

Here we see the hero is a cake decorator, which is kind of adorable. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you won't see a lot of alpha males in Woman's World stories, in fact, quite the opposite. You're going to see more of the guy next door. Keep that in mind when creating the heroes of your own stories.

Also, I know this cake doesn't have roses like mentioned in the story, but I thought it was too beautiful to pass up.

Photo credit: lynngrace23 via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Love In Bloom

March 28, 2016 issue

Tagline: After years of loneliness, Jessie had given up on love--then she met Christopher...

This was my story and I've always enjoyed showing you the before and after so you can see an example of what editors actually do. Words in blue were added by the editor.

You'll see there was quite a bit of work done. I can see that the bit about divorced women was removed, which doesn't surprise me. Why go the "negative" route when it's not necessary? In fact, many of the tweaks were in that vein. It's funny how I preach that in my class, but failed to follow my own suggestion. LOL

You'll also see the story was firmly planted in the April, so that it would connect with the time of year the story was hitting the stands.

At the risk of insulting the editor, I will say the ending didn't sing for me. I prefer it where it's is eagerness and joy that we're left with, instead of her soft reply. I think it's the word "soft" that bothers me. I think if she'd smiled or cocked her head or something, it wouldn't have felt so shy to me. However, in hindsight, I really should have written something in the first place that tied in with the theme of flowers and spring and blooming. Again, this is a tip I give in my class--to really, really work on the endings so that they are superb. I seem to have gotten a little lazy here. LOL

“You can’t believe everything you read have to keep trying,” Allison commented to her co-worker, Jessie, as they made

            Jessie frowned. She and Allison were crafting corsages and boutonnieres for an April wedding. It was prom season and Jessie’s flower shop had been flooded with orders.

            “I know,” Jessie replied. While she didn’t take that article about divorced women as gospel, it certainly had discouraged her.  According to the magazine, divorcees over a certain age had a slim chance of remarrying.

            “All you have to do is try,” Allison said.

            “What do you mean? I’ve been trying. Didn’t I tell you Jessie frowned. The flower arrangements trimmed in delicate ribbons only served to remind her that she was still single.

           "Oh, come on, Allison, do you really think I haven't tried? Have you forgotten about that blind date I had last month?”

            Allison finished tying a ribbon on  the bouquet she was making, then stood up to stretch her legs. made a face. “Month being the operative word…” She trailed off, her attention suddenly drawn to a car pulling up to the store. “I think  "Maybe you should go on the offense. Make a pass at the Harry Potter guy. someone, or at least show him you’re interested. Like the Man Wizard. He’s adorable. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, you know, and he's adorable! Ask him out!. Would you go out with him if he asked you?”

            "I'm so not listening to you," Jessie said, rolling rolled her eyes. Her matchmaking co-worker Allison loved to give nicknames to customers, and one of their most faithful patrons was Christopher customers had the last name of Potter, who often bought flowers for his mother. Allison had observed that w With his dark good looks and bookish eyeglasses, he really resembled Christopher Potter was like a hunky and grown up, hunky Harry Potter.

            Allison continued. “He likes the beach. You both like the beach. He likes to travel and so do you. You both love Thai food... and Monday night football. Need I say more? go on?”

           "That's true," Jessie said. "We do have a lot in common, or so it seems, but  All that was true. She and Christopher had chatted often. They did have a lot in common.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Jessie tucked some hair behind her ear as an older woman got out of her car and approached the shop. “But don’t get any ideas. Christopher is a good customer and I wouldn’t want to lose his business him.”

            “Good customers, you we have. It's a boyfriend you want." a lot of. Boyfriends? Not so much.”

            The April showers had stopped, and the sun was coming out as an elegant-looking woman got out of her car and approached the shop. Just then, the The phone rang and Jessie went to answer it while Allison greeted the customer. 
            “Welcome to Flowers by Jessie," Allison said, ". How can I help you?”

            The woman smiled. “I’d like to send something to my son for his birthday. But do you have something a little more masculine than a bouquet?”

            Allison showed her some of the miniature bonsai trees and the woman loved them.

“I believe this is something my son would like, and I want I’d like this to be delivered to him around six p.m. by Jessie. I’ll even pay extra for that if necessary if I need to, but it needs to be her.” At Allison’s quizzical look, the woman added: conspiratorially, “My son has given buys me flowers every single month, ever since his father my husband passed away, and he’s always talking about his florist, Jessie, and how pretty she is and I thought it would make his day for her to deliver them in person." , as a mother, it was my duty to…”

            A sudden suspicion bloomed in Allison’s mind as she got ready to record the necessary information into the computer. brain. “If I could have your name please?”

            “Deborah Potter. My son is Christopher Potter, and he lives at 105 Oak Lane.”

            “Mrs. Potter!” Allison beamed. “You jJust leave everything to me," she said. "I'm sure you won't be disappointed.”

            A few days later, Jessie pulled up at to Christopher Potter’s house with the bonsai tree on the seat next to her. Allison usually did the afternoon deliveries, but she practically pushed Jessie out the door, saying it was her big chance with Harry Potter. She was more nervous than she had a right to be. Christopher Potter was a sweet guy who obviously loved his mother a lot. He was funny and handsome and single. Whether he was attracted to her remained a question. She told herself to remain professional as she rang the doorbell. This was just an everyday delivery.

            When Christopher opened the door, her heart accelerated.
            "Jessie!" He grinned. "What a nice surprise!" Christopher’s eyes widened in surprise. “Jessie?”

            “Yep. I have a delivery for you.” She held out the bonsai tree his mother had chosen. “Happy birthday," she smiled. "It's from your mom.”

            “You’re kidding. Wow, and it's really great to see you again!" thanks.” 
            Another car drove up and a teenaged boy jumped out as he read the card. A kid got out holding a couple of bags. As he got closer, Jessie got a whiff of something yummy.

“I have an order for Jessie and Christopher," he said. Order for Jessie?”

She and Christopher looked at each other, surprised.

“I’m Jessie," she said.”
"I'm Christopher," he echoed, reaching for his wallet.

The kid handed her the bags "It's from the Thai Kitchen," the boy said, handing her the bags. "Already paid for." one of Jessie’s favorite restaurants. “Here ya go. It’s already paid for,” the kid answered as Jessie glanced at the delivery van where she’d left her purse. “The lady tipped me too.”

The kid turned to go, but Jessie called out, “Do you know who placed the order, by the way?” she asked.

“Allison from the flower shop," the boy called out while rushing back to his car.”

Jessie gasped. She was going to kill Allison.

“Allison from your store?”

“It seems like it.”

Christopher chuckled. “It smells great. I love the Thai Kitchen.”

Jessie shook her head. “You realize what’s going on right?”

His eyes twinkled. “Sure. My Hmmm...my mom and your friend think we need to spend the evening together eating eat Thai food together while and chatting about miniature potted trees.”

She couldn’t help laughing. “I’m really sorry about this," she said. .”

Jessie's heart fluttered as Christopher He gazed down at her with his and she suddenly felt quite small and feminine. He had the most gorgeous brown eyes. and a smile like a warm hug. "I'm not!"

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I’m sure not.”"Then neither am I," she replied softly.

Photo credit: Andreas D. via Creative Commons License

Matching Hearts by Tina Radcliffe

March 21, 2016 issue

Tagline: Casey never dreamed that her baggage would attract the man of her dreams!

Observations: This is a story I wish I'd thought of! I loved the premise. It rings so true, because how many times have we made a mistake at the baggage carousel? I've done it many times, but I've never met a handsome stranger, darn it.

I wanted to talk about coincidences today. Often, we readers are asked to swallow a pretty big coincidence in a Woman's World story. This is a good example. They're both from a small town, but happen to meet at the Boston airport. Not only that, but they have the same luggage and luggage tag. (So I guess that's two coincidences.) It's pretty hard to believe, but Radcliffe used a little trick that I'm going to share with you. (Sorry, Tina.)

She got the characters to admit it was a pretty unbelievable coincidence.

"Nice to meet you. What are the chances we'd meet in the Boston airport, so far from home?"

Casey chuckled. "Especially when we live in such a small town."

See? She acknowledges that it's a big pill to swallow which sort of makes it okay. I'm not saying it's necessary for you to have the characters remark upon a coincidence if you put one into your story, but it can add a hint of credibility.

Photo credit: Rick via Creative Commons license

The Littlest Matchmaker by Joanne Carlton

Tagline: Thanks to three-year-old Leo, Sandra and Doug's future was crayon-bright with possibilities!

Observations: I liked this one. There were quite a few things I wanted to point out.

1. Like so many of the stories recently, there is a lot of focus on one character and how she grows. She's lonely at the beginning of the story, but she doesn't sit at home and mope about it. She goes out to the park. She makes friends in her building and at work and we see her go out of her comfort zone with the volleyball game.

2. Note the black moment occurs and is resolved early on when at first Sandra worries that Leo is Doug's son and that Doug is married.

3. So much time was covered that it felt like a much longer story.

4. There is a good chunk of "telling" in their conversation after the volleyball game. Sometimes this is necessary with Woman's World stories to force scenes to advance a little more quickly than they would have if you'd written them normally. It might have been so that Carlton could fit in the wedding at the end.

"Say hello to Leo for me and tell him I think he's a whiz at colors."

Doug said that he'd been out of town a lot lately, attending two conferences and a seminar. He flashed that lopsided grin, then said, "I hope you don't mind that before I left town, I asked Sam about you."

Sandra didn't admit that she was delighted, but she knew Doug could tell she didn't mind one bit that he'd asked about her. They sat together and talked for the rest of the evening, and on the walk home, Sandra didn't hesitate when Doug asked her out.

See how much happened that was summed up in the narrative? There are two more paragraphs of the wedding. Carlton could easily have expanded the part where he walks her home and asks her out and have the story end there, but instead we saw the wedding.

5. The "I see white," line didn't quite work for me. Yes, brides wear white, but that wasn't quite enough for me to make it sentimental or emotionally fulfilling.  But other than that, great story.

Photo credit: Adam Kaminski

Where the Heart Is by Rosemary Hayes

Tagline: Cassie returned to her old hometown and realized she never wanted to leave it--or the man she'd left behind--again!

Observations: This was an old flame story that had all the elements it should: a character returning home, the aforementioned old flame, a rehashing of their history, and the promise of something more. However, it didn't grab me. Neither of the characters seemed particularly interesting to me.

Photo credit: Jenna Norman

Fair Trade by Marie Savage

From the February, 29, 2016 issue

Tagline: Sara needed Jason's home-repair expertise, and Jason needed decorating advice from Sara. It looked like the beginning of a beautiful romance!

Observations: The one thing that stood out for me with this story is that there were two, what I'm going to call, gender reversals. We have on the one hand Sara, who takes a home repair class--a topic associated with men more than women. On the other hand, we have Jason taking an interior decorating class. What is great about this concept is that we immediately admire the two main characters for stepping out of their comfort zone. Then, because we are focusing more on Sara than on Jason, we also see Sara actively trying out her new skills and succeeding.

I also liked that the story spanned a few weeks and made it more realistic in that it took a little while for the two to get friendly enough to get to the dating stage.

Solid story.

Photo credit: el cajon yacht club

A Knight to Remember by Shelley Cooper

From the February 22, 2016 issue

Tagline: When Olivia was nearly overwhelmed by her friend's three kids, Sir Galahad came to the rescue!

Observations: Another story with a surprise that I didn't see coming, and I'm loving it. In this case, what surprised me was that the hero was her neighbor. It occurs to me that this could easily have not been a surprise. If Cooper had dropped in the info earlier that she had a cute neighbor in the building, we would have had him in the back of our minds and been looking for his reappearance in the story. By not foreshadowing, it comes as a nice surprise.

Also, this story is a great example of character development, such as it is in an 800 word story. Olivia has an opinion of moms with unruly children and comes to realize the job isn't as easy as it looks. By the end of the story we have watched her change her tune, even to the point where she's a little jealous of her friend. That paragraph where she comes to that realization was terrific. It painted a picture and it tugged at our heartstrings at the same time. A paragraph that multi-tasked.

After changing Kyra's diaper in the stroller, I snuggled her close and watched while Jeff pushed the boys on the swings. Maybe it was the happy grin on his face,; maybe it was the pure joy in Asa's and Aaron's laughter; or maybe it was Kyra's heavenly, baby softness; but for the first time ever, I found myself wanting to trade places with Stacey.

There was no black moment, but this story didn't necessarily need it.

Photo credit: Ted Johnson 

Key to Her Heart by Shelley Cooper

Tagline: Brian didn't quite get the school's art project until a beautiful woman revealed its true meaning...

Observations: This story made me a little teary at the end, so obviously I liked it.

I enjoyed the freshness of the male POV, even if the story from the Feb 16 issue is also a male POV. It's rare enough so it's still a nice change.

I loved Brian's reaction when he sees her face.

She whirls to face me. "Oh, you startled me!" My heart's racing too, but for an entirely different reason. Man, oh, man, is she beautiful. And, I'm pretty sure she's not one of my students' parents.

I loved the backstory about her grandparents and her nephew. So creative. And the quick wrap-up is perfect too.

The only minor thing that bothered me was that, like Brian, I didn't see the purpose in the key art project. I wish that had been touched upon. Perhaps the children were reading a story about keys, or the art teacher had talked about some other art project that was contributed to by the public... I don't know. I just know that it sort of bugged me that there didn't appear to be any meaning attached to the keys on the fence, and maybe that's because I used to teach elementary school. I look forward to hearing your opinions in the comments.

February 8, 2016 issue
Photo credit: Taki Steve

The Right Match by Shannon Fay

From the February 15, 2016 issue

**Whoops. I seem to have skipped the Feb. 8 issue. I'll get on it next week.**

Tagline: Jeff thought he was on the right path, but Cupid had another plan!

Observations: Bravo, Ms. Fay for a really different story, and not just because it was from the man's POV. As has happened before, I'm smacking myself in the head for not thinking of a plot involving a date gone wrong which turns into a matchmaker story.

I seriously had no idea how Fay was going to make this story end up happily. The date was so stupendously awkward, but that's what makes it so wonderful when she drops that plot twist on us.

I have nothing else to say about this story. It was fabulous.

Other stories by Shannon Fay

Photo credit: British Mum via Flickr Creative Commons

Brewing up Romance

by T.R. McClure from the February 1, 2016 issue

Tagline: Kara thought she'd have to close her coffee shop...until a handsome customer kept coming back for more!

Observations: As a coffee lover and barista, I liked this story a lot. I liked the spunky heroine. While I thought the name of her cafe could have used some imagination, I admired her on-the-spot promotional idea of sending the muffins with Tom.

There were two things I wanted to point out. I felt the dialogue and interaction between Kara and Tom felt real, especially the part where Tom asks about why her business has slowed down. That scene was described so perfectly, I could really picture it--him pausing and turning after having obviously wrestled with whether or not to ask that personal question. Loved it.

I also liked that bit of humor where Tom is asking her out and flubs it up by asking her to coffee. That made me smile.

Smooth Sledding

by Kady Winter from the January 25, 2016 issue

Tagline: After years of loneliness, Eddie was certain he'd never love again. Then he met Olivia!

Observations: I am SO EXCITED to critique this story, because Kady came to me wanting an edit on her second Woman's World story and so I'm really proud that it sold. To tell the truth, it was already a good story, but with some tweaks it became a story I would have bet a thousand dollars would sell. And it did!

I just read this revised version and Kady did an excellent job with the revamp. I can tell because I got teary at the end of the story. It really tugged at my heartstrings. I really was rooting for Eddie to be happy.

There are many things I loved about this story. There is an Americana feel to it, like we're reading a Norman Rockwell painting, come to life. This giant toboggan sled is something a Southern California born and bred girl like me has no experience with, so I found that terrific. There was that little "old-fashioned" touch of Eddie helping her out of the sled. Loved that.

But mainly, this story is another study in character development. If Kady comes here and sees this, maybe she can help me out here, because I seem to remember suggesting that she make the story be from Eddie's point of view and this really, deservedly, made him the star of the story. I can't find the original story she sent me. My computer ate it, apparently.

I'll give you a run down on how we come to care about Eddie. When we first meet him, he's working hard as a volunteer. Admirable. We immediately find out he's alone now and as we wonder why, we feel for him. Poor guy, right? Then in Act 2, we see he's not all doom and gloom. He is interested in the woman at the post office, but we also witness him struggle to work up the courage to talk to her. We find out why he's alone right now. We see him conquer his fear and his loneliness and make a decision to act and we think, "You go, Eddie!!" And then that "mean" author, makes him fail. Did you feel as disappointed as I did?

So, we move into Act 3. Eddie gets another chance. We're all rooting for him again. "You can do it, Eddie," we're all thinking. We meet Olivia and she's so nice and Eddie is trying so hard. The author creates a little tension as we hope Olivia conquers her own fear and says yes to the sled. We spend a nice amount of time here as they make an emotional connection.

After that, we are in the denouement of the story. It's funny how our experience as readers mirrors that of the characters who are also "coming down" from the thrill of the ride. The last paragraph really tugs the heartstrings. Eddie has come full circle. At the beginning of the story, he's not sure he has the heart to move on with his life, even after three years of mourning. At the end of the story, we see he has a lot of love left inside him.

Photo credit: Erik Hansen via Flickr Creative Commons License

Help?

I have not received the January 25 issue. If anyone can send me a photo of it, I would very much appreciate it. :)

UPDATE: Thank you, Mary Jo, for sending me a scan of the missing story!

Kate's Stories

Here is a list of the stories I've had published by Woman's World. I needed a place to keep track. I might end up posting the stories in their entirety.

2005 

Her Lucky Stars

In His Eyes

Heaven Sent

2006

Again and Forever

Hot Stuff

2007

Sixteen Again

2009

Truth or Dare

2010 

A New Attitude

2012 

The Perfect Storm

2013

Two From Column B

Just One Word

2014

The Best Christmas Gift

2016

Love In Bloom

Meeting Dara

The Happily-Ever-After Kind

by Le Ann Dowd from the January 18, 2016 issue

Tagline: Everyone loves a story with a happy ending...even Uncle Jack!

Observations: I loved this story. I got to the first funny part and laughed. I got to a second place and thought, this is a funny story, but the laughs just kept coming. I also loved the hero Jack. He was confident. He was a great uncle and brother. He had his heart broken, which made me feel bad for him. He was adorably awkward and wryly hilarious.

Some of my favorite Jack lines/thoughts:

I figured I'd catch up on office emails while the kids did...well, whatever kids do at these things.

Besides this childcare thing looked like a slam dunk. By my calculations, one grown man ought to be more than a match for two little kids. How hard could it be? I'd asked myself. Okay, spell it with me: Capital H-A-R-D, exclamation point!

"And I'm single," I blurted, then blushed.

Dowd used first person to get us that much closer to him and it worked very well. By the end of the story, I felt as if we were friends.

This story is a good example of how you can almost create an entire story around one fully developed character, because you notice we don't really get too much about Miss Story Time, Kathleen. We didn't have to. We met and got to know Jack instead. We saw him grow too. He started out, like I said, a bit overconfident and intent on working too much to alleviate his hurt at being left at the altar. By the end of the story, he had a greater understanding about how challenging and tiring it can be to watch over children. He also reached out to Kathleen, apparently ready to put the heartache aside and start again.

Photo credit: Don Shall via Flickr Creative Commons License

Wish Upon a Star

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the December 21, 2015 issue (Sorry about this. I had misplaced this story.)

Tagline: Living far from her family, in a new town, Emilee would celebrate Christmas alone this year. Or so she thought...

Observations: I wasn't bowled over by this story, but I will say that I hold holiday stories to a little bit higher standard. Holiday stories, I feel, should have that extra something that makes us feel warm inside, and I didn't have that feeling at the end of this story.

I thought the fact that she was a daycare worker and he was a high school counselor was cute and I really loved the part where he's holding his crying niece in his arms and all he can say is, "Help." Darling!

However, from then on the story lost a little steam. Emilee's feeling that she was going to have a great holiday came across as unfounded. She helped her cute neighbor settle his niece down and shared hot chocolate with him. I'm not sure how that is any indication her holiday will be a good one.

There was also a bit of a dead-end conversation about skiing...

"Looks like we'll have good ski conditions," Jack said, looking out the window at the snow that had begun to fall. He turned to face her. "Do you ski, Emilee?"

"I love it," she said, pleased to see the smile her words brought to Jack's face.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going."

Huh. Perhaps something more was edited out. With stories this short--and I believe it might say something to this effect in the guidelines--every word must propel the plot forward. The skiing conversation doesn't do anything. I'd rather have seen that part go away and a bit more added to the part where he's inviting her to the open house. Perhaps a small gray moment where she demurs and says she doesn't want to intrude and then Jack says something that makes us all sigh happily.

Photo credit: Foolfillment via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Mom's Online Dating Adventure

by Susan Jaffer from the January 11, 2016 issue

Tagline: Okay, Lori had suggested online dating...but she never imagined her mother would take her advice!

I thought this was a cute story. Considering how popular online dating is, I'm surprised we don't see more stories featuring it.

Positives: I liked seeing the relationship between mother and daughter. I think many of us have experienced a reversal of roles regarding our parents. I'm old enough now so that my mother is looking to me for advice and help and my sister and I have my dad's power of attorney. I saw that reversal to a lesser degree here in this story.

"Seriously, which dating site was it?"

"I'm not going to tell you, Lori, because you'll look up my profile and make fun of it."

This rang so true and real.

I also liked all the reject candidates. That was cute.

Negatives: I was a little confused about Uncle Dan. When his name was first introduced, I got the feeling that he wasn't Lori's blood uncle, but his relationship was still murky until near the end of the story when we find out what the deal is:

"As you pointed out yourself, Lori, he's not actually your uncle," Mom said. "He's an old family friend, like Aunt Bev and Aunt Lindsay. I've known Dan since high school."

This is definitely an "as you know, Bob" paragraph. The mom even says, "As you pointed out yourself." There are defter ways of getting this type of information across. For instance, here is where Uncle Dan is first mentioned:

"Not exactly. Dan--you know, Uncle Dan--overheard our conversation, and he said he could help get me started."

There it is again. It even says "you know." Yes. Lori knows. Which is why it's awkward to put forth the information to the reader like this.

The author could have said something like this instead:

Lori nodded. It amused her that even though Lori was an adult, her mom still felt compelled to call him "Uncle Dan" when he wasn't a relative at all.

We're in Lori's POV. Take advantage of that.

Photo credit: John Ward via Flickr Creative Commons license

A Good Neighbor

by April Knight from the January 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Lindsay liked helping people, so when her neighbor asked for a favor, how could she say no?

Observations: I liked this story. I identified with the heroine, Lindsay, because I used to say yes to all sorts of things and over-commit. Now, I say no and I'm much less stressed. But back to Lindsay.

Writing a character like Lindsay, who is a helpful person, can be tricky. You don't want a doormat character that people roll their eyes at and turns readers off, rather than entice them, but I think Knight did a good job. I felt that Lindsay might have a slight problem, but she hadn't ventured into doormat territory yet.

Giving a character quirks or slight problems to overcome helps the characters seem more real and three-dimensional. In a super short story like the ones in Woman's World, I wouldn't say it's mandatory if only because you have so few words to work with, but in general, rounded characters help the story feel richer.

I laughed a lot reading this story. For instance here:

"You don't have a big, yellow tiger cat?"

"I don't have a cat of any color."

I think it would have been a teensy bit funnier if there had been a beat after the word 'cat.'

"You don't have a big, yellow tiger cat?

"I don't have a cat," Cooper said. "Of any color."

I liked their banter a lot, especially the part where Cooper explains what he's been thinking...

"...the fact is, I've been wanting to ask you out, but I was afraid it might be awkward. If you said no, then I'd be embarrassed. If you said yes and we didn't hit it off, we might start avoiding each other and things would get all weird and uncomfortable. I'd start climbing in and out of my bedroom window to avoid meeting you in the hallway, and you'd start wearing crazy disguises. And then I might have to move, and I haven't even finished unpacking yet."

I always love humor in a Woman's World story.

Photo credit: torbakhopper via the Flickr Creative Commons license