Tagline: Leah accepted Larry's dinner invitation before she even knew his name--which, under the circumstances, made perfect sense...
In a Nutshell: Leah and a stranger with a pizza is riding the elevator up to her apartment when it jolts to a stop. Turns out help will be a while before the repair crew can come. The stranger suggests they share the pizza while waiting. They get acquainted and make plans to spend more time together later that night.Observations: I've seen this premise before, but in longer romances. One memorable story involved a woman and a shapeshifter and complete darkness. Obviously, Woman's World stories can be that fantastic (in the original meaning of the word,) but I thought the device was cleverly used.
What happened felt completely plausible with just enough detail to make me believe that Shaffer had experienced this type of thing, or at least knew someone to whom it had happened.
Shaffer also showed them connecting over a common interest--the TV show Law and Order. Personally, I find it more believable that the hero and heroine of a story will actually live happily ever after if they have stuff in common.
29 comments:
Thanks, Kate. This has never happened to me; I thought of it because I live in a building with elevators that break down a lot.
Tamara, I thought this was a very cute story. Hey, why let a hot pizza go to waste, especially when you can make a new friend.
Thanks, Mary Jo. The editorial change I was unhappy about was at the end. In my version, Larry invites her to his place "sometime" for a dinner he will cook, not that very evening. It is unlikely, in my mind, that after they have both worked all day and have eaten pizza, he would feel like cooking dinner that night and eating again. Not sure why that change was necessary anyway.
What a fun story.
Sometimes I think I get over-elaborate with matchmaker setups. But this shows that physical proximity and a shared interest can work -- it's genius!
Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a 2013 full of romance!
Tamara, it's funny because I DID wonder about them eating another dinner after they had the pizza. I went back to the beginning of the story to see if I had misjudged the time when they had the pizza. LOL
Tamara, since it had been awhile, I also went back and read the story over again. There is simply no reason he wouldn't have said, "tomorrow night..." Not many people have plans for a Sunday night anyway. How much dinner does a girl want after eating half a pizza?
Just curious, did you describe him as "handsome" or was that Johnene again? It seems that every bloomin' one of the guys in these romances is handsome. How many men actually are? I usually describe them as "great looking" or some individual variation, which is an entirely different thing. But Johnene changed my fireman to "handsome" anyway. That's why writers should write and editors should not.
Tamara,
I think WW blew it on this one. It should have been either come up to my place to finish the pizza, or let me make dinner another night. I can see why you'd be unhappy about that ending.
I also would never tell a strange man I just met that I lived alone. Not in the world we live in today...
I did notice that the word 'dinner' was used four times in addition to the title. And the word 'arrived' was used twice close together. Did WW do that, also?
I really liked the story. I enjoyed the 1st person for a change. I thought the story moved along well and kept my interest. All in all a good job.
Mary Jo, I gave up on using anything else but handsome. In one of my rather playful stories, I described a guy as "excruciatingly" handsome; that was changed to "very." In this one I noticed she removed my line, when the guy invites her to sit down for pizza, “It’s not the Ritz, but it seems we’re both famished.” She tells him it's the best offer she's had all day. That's gone. There's this toning down in much of the editing that makes my stories a little less lively; I wonder whether the rest of you have noticed it. I guess it's geared for the audience, but I can't imagine that women wouldn't read this stuff if out words were left in.
Make that "our" words.
Tamara,
Yes, I noticed that WW dumbs and dulls the story down. I don't know why fresh writing scares them. Women of today, their readers, are smart and savvy and techy. It seems the mag is pandering to my grandmother and her friends, but even grandma is hip these days. The original words, both yours and mine, were not over the top but were changed for a dimmer version.
But...it's their magazine. lol. And they have been successul for 13 years with 1.6 million subscribers. We have to assume they 'know' something we don't.
Jody, I have a real "thing" about repeating words, I repeated "dinner" three times in addition to the title (their title, which was better than mine, actually). She has him saying, "Okay. Dinner," which makes the fourth. My line there was "Shall we?" and then the sentence about the Ritz that I quoted earlier. The rest is:
"I hesitate a moment, then take a seat on one of the napkins. 'This is actually the best offer I’ve had all day,' I tell him, and, with that, he sits opposite me on the other napkin.
'I hope you like pepperoni.' When I nod, he rubs his hands together. 'Let’s dig in, then, before it gets cold.'"
And, yes, I shuddered at the use of "arrived" twice so close together. I had it only twice -- at the beginning and toward the end. I have to admit, though, that I have him asking her to get together "sometime" twice, and that was my mistake. Don't know how I missed that one.
And, yes, grandmothers are hip these days; I am a great-grandmother, and I would love to spice these stories up a bit.
A good editor should be able to sort out unnecessary repetitions instead of "dumbing down" the story itself.
Please, EVERYONE, write to some of the women's magazines and beg them to start publishing short popular fiction for their readers' entertainment. That Woman's World is the only publisher of the short story "romance" is a crime against the hard-working American woman. She ought to be able to sit down and put her feet up for a few minutes. And we need a few more paying markets for our stories.
Personally, I think that the editing is appropriate for the publication. They obviously have a tone they want and they're not afraid to alter our stories to make it a good fit. The check always smooths any of my feathers that might get ruffled. :)
I agree, Kate, partially. To my mind (& I realize I'm repeating myself here; it's not 'cause I'm old), editing is to correct wrongs and fit text into space -- maybe change a word or phrase here and there to fit the guidelines -- but I just wonder what they're thinking sometimes. Also, Mary Jo, the Smithsonian has discontinued its back page, which was a humorous, current culture-related essay that anyone could submit to. I have expressed my dismay by email. I hate to see markets dry up for nonfiction as well as fiction. I've had some nonfiction published and was paid well. I also suggested on Oprah's website that she provide a space for women to submit essays and pay them a little something, since she is supposedly "for" women. I see no guidelines, so she probably doesn't accept submissions. Family Circle once had a back page essay as well, but that was also discontinued. Does anyone on here write nonfiction? I will email some of the mags about fiction -- on my list of to-dos tonight, Mary Jo.
Kate, I am sure you have a valid point of view about the WW fiction editing, and they do reserve the right in their contracts to rewrite the whole story once they buy it. However, I believe that anyone who has been reading the magazine for years has a pretty good understanding of the WW "tone" and should be able to write a story that meets the magazine's concept. To my mind, that should be what they are buying, not an idea that the editor can play with. I have had experience of different kinds of editors. A few that go slogging through a story, leaving their muddy boot prints over the whole thing, and those who are so sharp and knowledgeable they can enhance the work without leaving a trace of themselves on it.
Getting paid is a major item, though, so we try to press on.
Tamara:
I write nonfiction. I have an idea for an essay, but I don't want to write it until I know there's a market for it. I was thinking of "My Turn" in Newsweek but that's gone now. Do you know of any good publications for personal essays?
Over on the WW Yahoo group, the author of the current mystery commented that they changed the names and genders of her characters, the clue, and added a character and made him the thief! Not THAT'S major editing . . .
Hey, Betsi, don't you wonder how they have time to do all that? Tracie, if you type "Paying Nonfiction Markets" in the browser you'll get a list. My nonfiction was in Chicago Tribune, Today's Chicago Woman (their Viewpoint column, which is gone and which didn't pay), The Pedestal (an online journal that has discontinued nonfiction), and Phobe (a literary journal, also sans payment). I'm dismayed that My Turn is no longer a market; I tried them several times. Not only fiction markets are drying up; nonfiction as well. 699
Hi everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.
The comments about poor editing really struck a chord. I recently had an editor here in the UK change my heroine's drink from hot chocolate to cappuccino, but she failed to spot a second reference later in the story, so the character's coffee ended up morphing back into chocolate halfway through! A minor mistake but I still cringed, knowing anyone reading it would assume the error was mine. A worse clanger happened when an editor in Oz changed the age of one of my characters but failed to spot that he HAD to be the age he was, mid-fifties, in order for the ghost story to work. These days, if a story needs changing before publication, I ask to be allowed to do it myself. Not that they always listen, but you can only ask.
As far as the limited market for stories in the US goes, why not try submitting your work overseas? I know I keep harping on about this but having sold to almost a dozen countries outside the UK I've found it really is worth the effort. A number of our UK mags still take fiction, including Best, Fiction Feast and Woman's Weekly. Stories aimed at older readers might find a home in People's Friend, The Weekly News or Yours. And as I mentioned previously, there's also Fast Fiction and That's Life in Australia, both published by Pacific Magazines. While not every editor accepts email submissions, you can still submit work by post, just remember to include an international postage coupon to cover the cost of their reply.
In America and Canada I submit fiction to Catholic Forester, Mature Years and Horizon (Saley Publications). I think there's also one called The Saturday Evening Post isn't there? I haven't submitted anything to that yet but it's on my to-do list. Even stories that have already sold in America can still be submitted abroad, as long as you own up that it's a previously published piece. Most of the guidelines should be available if you Google the title or publisher and you've nothing to lose by trying.
Happy New Year!
I'm sorry to hear of so many editing mistakes. I sometimes see errors in WW stories. I guess the up-side is that the magazine is only out a week, so the mistake is only in front of the public for a short time. LOL
That's funny, Kate, maybe they flash by and they don't notice... Those errors, Chris, are horrible, and I'm guessing they occurred because of unnecessary changes. I have written down the publications you gave us. I'll look them up. Thanks. Anyone notice the "699" at the end of my last message? Must have been the number on the "pretend you're not a robot" prompt; don't know how it ended up there.:)
Wouldn't you know it - the minute I suggest a title you can submit to, the situation changes. I'm sad to say that Horizon, the Canadian magazine I mentioned from Saley Publications, is no more. Henry, the editor, informed his contributors today that regretfully he has had to cease publication. He will continue to publish his county magazines, so there will still be non-fiction markets there worth exploring, but the fiction element that came with Horizon will be no more. A real shame.
Glad to hear the titles I mentioned are of interest, Tamara. Let me know if you want any more info about their styles or age ranges.
There was also a mag called Pages of Stories which was published by a very approachable lady called Darlene Poier. Sadly, it ceased publication last year, but I understand from Darlene that she is planning a relaunch soon, so I'll keep you posted on that.
I added a link to my Link List for the mystery analyses blog. Just FYI.
Jody, I just checked out the link Kate mentioned above. I think this is another great blog, and from what you have written here before, I understand that you have the credentials for analyzing the WW mysteries. I would have left a comment there, but I don't understand the Profile box. I am just used to leaving my name as here on Kate's blog.
I have had two romances in WW (2012) and have collected about thirty rejections. I don't think my mind can produce a mystery story, but your blog is inspiring, so I may give it a try.
As to the story about the murdered play critic, I did pick up on the teacup clue right away, and so to me the right-handed guy was the obvious murderer. Inventing a mystery story myself, though, is an entirely different matter.
Thanks so much for the new blog.
Hi everyone,
I thought this story was a good read, but I would have liked the "Ritz" dialogue line left in, as I feel it was a really cute line :)
In regards to submissions, I know it can typically take about 4 or 5 months to hear back, but I was wondering, when is the soonest you guys have received an acceptance/contract? And which is the soonest you've received a rejection letter? Hope this question makes sense!
Thanks,
Nicole
Nicole, it was easy to answer this question, since I track my submissions in a spreadsheet. The soonest I've gotten a rejection was 4 weeks. My contracts have ranged from 10 weeks to 7 months.
I got a rejection in two and a half weeks once.
Thanks Betsi and Kate. A seven month wait must have been very painful. Also was surprised about hearing back within 2 1/2 weeks. That seems awfully quick.
Another question (hope you guys aren't getting tired of me) when you address your envelopes do you write/type: Woman's World (or) Woman's World Magazine. Might be a silly question, but thought I would ask to be on the safe side.
Oh, and many congrats to you Kate about your paycheck. That has to be exciting :)
Nicole
I address it Johnene Granger, Fiction Editor. Under that I put Woman's World. :)
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