by Krista Weidner from the June 24, 2013 issueTagline: This time, it was the firefighter who needed help--and Kendyl was more than happy to come to his rescue...
In a Nutshell: Kendyl is volunteering at the blood drive as a "walker." A firefighter she's supposed to be walking to the snack table faints and she helps him back onto the cot. They hit it off.
Observations: I really liked this story a lot, but then again, I have a thing for firefighters. When they come into my store, I go all weak-kneed.
This was one of those stories that was so smoothly written, I have trouble finding the good things to point out, because they all meld together so seamlessly. I saw nothing "bad" at all.
Oh, wait, maybe the last paragraph.
"Very funny," Sam said, taking the napkin, grabbing a donut, and heading toward the door.
I thought that seemed like it could be sarcastic. Of course, we know the hero likes her and is giving a compliment, but it comes across as slightly matter-of-fact.
Other than that, it's very easy to see why Johnene bought this one.
Photo by Charleston's TheDigitel
22 comments:
I agree 100%, Kate. Thanks to Mary Ann I read this one yesterday and wondered what your review would say. I'm so glad you liked it, too.
Very nicely done! I just wish there was some way to end these without the "dinner invitation." Which I'm often guilty of myself . . .
Chris, at least it didn't end with "and they both laughed." ;-)
Good point, Betsi, I really would have gone bonkers then.
Actually, does anyone really like to go out to dinner with someone you don't know? I mean, there you are, chained to a small table and even the food may be challenging. I was looking at some of my rejected WW stories and they do have various endings--unexpectedly sharing piece of cake, young son determined to convince dad that this is the girl for him, girl saying "What took you so long?"--well, you had to be there.
I think one reason Kate's blog is so successful, and she has sold so many stories to WW, is because she has nailed the Woman's World formula. That usually means, let's have dinner and get to know each other. To break the mold is to live dangerously. Would you agree?
As I said in my workshop, I think it's more of a recipe than a formula. I think endings are particularly challenging. I usually have a hard time with them. However, Mary Jo, you DID break the mold. I will never forget the shock I felt when I read your story about the nurse getting the tattoo. I'd never in a hundred years have thought WW would have a tattooed heroine. So, mold breaking does occur. You have to just keep trying. And don't put too much stock in your submissions. You have to be able to shrug off the rejections. :)
I agree with Kate. You've sold twice, Mary Jo, and you can do it again. Most multi-pubbed WW writers have had slumps. I keep at it because I still enjoy writing the stories, and it's not as frustrating as writing a NOVEL and having it rejected.
I think Johnene is open to other kinds of endings, but it's hard to figure out where to go after the "cute meet." I get the impression that in the real world a lot of people skip dinner and go right to bed these days, but can you imagine that happening in WW?? We were shocked by a nurse with a tattoo!
Thank you, ladies, for the pep talk. Actually, I did sell my first novel, but not the second, third or fourth. Do you see a pattern here?
I know, Kate, but I hate to leave some of those cute stories moldering on the shelf.
It may be time to start writing longer, and I can hardly wait to get into the "foreign" market. Have any of the US WW writers had success there?
I sell my rejected stories elsewhere, if I can. I had a rejected story that I thought of as my 'cow' story. I got the idea when a truck carrying cattle had an accident and the police had to herd the cows off the road. My title "Roundup Time." A few weeks after I got the rejection, WW published a 'traffic' story where the hero and heroine met while stopped in summer traffic and then went out to dinner because they had to cancel their other plans. A light bulb when off when I realized my story was rejected because it was a 'traffic' story, not a 'cow' story. The writing I think was about the same quality, but the other story was 'cuter,' and I think WW wants cuter.
I ended up rewriting it with a longer word count, placing it in a location here in my state, and selling it to a local market that publishes once a year. I loved the story and it got published.
The pay was small...but I got to see a story I loved in print.
I've also sold a few of my rejects to anthologies. Again, I added to the word count and changed a few things to make them a perfect fit. The anthologies pay royalties, so every so often I get a small check. But again, the story got published.
Pat, I love the sound of your cow story. That's right up my street. And reworking your rejected pieces to try elsewhere is exactly what I have been banging on about all this time. Whether it's a small press mag or an international glossy, the markets are there. The one thing I have been impressed by with all the stories that have been sent to me by WW writers is the quality of the writing. The content may need fleshing out a bit before submitting to a wider market, but the ideas and ability can't be faulted.
Thanks, Chris. If you want to read it, here's the link
http://www.princetoninfo.com/index.php?option=com_us1more&Itemid=6&key=07-27-11marinelli
Kate, I also wanted to say that I loved this story and I agree it flows wonderfully. Firemen are brave but nothing stops needle reaction or blood loss for some people. You couldn't help but love the hero.
I guess this type of story is why I read WW romances and want to write them.
I can't believe WW turned that story down, Pat. I loved it for its good humour, warmth, and an endearing hero. It's very visual - I could SEE those cows ambling about on the carriageway and peering in the car. Johnene missed a trick there.
Why not build it a little and give Fast Fiction a go? 900 words is their shortest word count, but you could even extend it beyond that and take it to their next category, 1,200. The fact that it's been published before won't matter, as long as you say so in your email.
Pat, you must know that your story was not a romance in the WW style. They simply do not publish a good story like that. It is just a shame that the US does not have a home for such writing as yours. The Saturday Evening Post is holding a short fiction contest until July. The stories that won previously were in the literary style. I suggest you look into it and submit something you have written. You could very well be a winner--with national exposure.
Pat, I too loved your cow story. It was something different. Johnene is always saying she's looking for something different and here it is and she passed...arrrrghhh.
There was nothing wrong with that story and everything right. He was adorable. I liked the fact that she out ranked him and that's why he didn't ask her out.
Mary Jo...when you say the cow story was not a romance in the WW style I'm not sure what you mean. It was well written, it was boy gets girl....?? I'm really interested in your thoughts here.
Thanks, ladies for you kind comments.
You all have to understand that WW had a 'traffic' story what was better at the time I submitted that story. Truthfully until there was a discussion here on Kate's blog about traffic stories, I never thought of it as anything other than a 'cow' story. And that was not the exact version that I submitted to them. Most of my rejections were because they had a story with the same topic or same characters at the same time. All my submissions but two have made it to the top. All those were there for six months or more.
Chris, I will check out Fast Fiction for it. I don't have a problem making it longer.
I've also considered putting together a book of short stories with all my WW rejections and a few other stories I've written that don't fit WW at all.
Oh, Pat, I loved the "cow story." I don't see any reason it couldn't have worked for WW, and it's hard for me to believe that J passed on it because there was a "better" traffic story. And as you said, this wasn't even really a traffic story. The only thing I would question is the sexy innuendo at the end, but that's the kind of think J would have just lightened up if she'd bought it.
I can see this as the beginning of a romance novel -- although the 2 characters would have to start out hating each other for some reason!
Thanks, Betsi, that was added for this market, as was local setting, and not in the original WW submission. I added 140 words to the WW submission. Doubt I could make a novel but I could probably make it a novella. LOL
It is hard to understand why synchronicity sinks so many stories when WW will go for a whole stream of romances with the same background--florist shops, dogs, matchmakers, etc. The sameness of them is what makes most fade from memory. Pat, I don't think any of us are going to forget your story. It is a gem and certainly could be expanded further.
Thanks, Mary Jo
Pat,
I lurk on this site every week. I love WW stories and hope to get one published someday. I loved your story "Roundup Time". It was fabulous. WW passed on a great story.
Debbie
Thanks, Debbie. I wish you the best with your submissions.
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