Tagline: Patience never dreamed she would meet a special someone at her daughter's softball game!Observations: Unfortunately, this story didn't grab me. I didn't feel the connection between Patience and Ben was convincing. Perhaps it's because I've been in that situation where you're really wanting a spot and someone zips in and rudely takes it. That is some serious anger and frustration. Maybe Patience is a better person than I am, because I would have a very hard time forgiving that person. And Patience is peeved for quite a while, right up until he says his daughter is on the same team and then she gets kind of femininely flustered.
I thought his leaning close--because there was so much noise from the home run--was odd, especially considering what he said...
"Lisbeth told me her new friend's dad had died of cancer. Your husband?" he asked.
I nodded. "Heidi has a bit of the tell-all in her."
He laughed. "So does Lisbeth. I doubt there are any secrets between them by now."
That's kind of a personal question and an odd circumstance in which to ask it. Why not wait until you don't have to talk into her ear? Also, his laugher seems impolite. I would like to have seen him utter some sort of condolence or recognition of that horrible circumstance. That would have gone a long way toward me believing that these people have a chance at love.
And then, it's "break time" and the two girls come over to their parents. (I'm not a big baseball fan, but as far as I know there aren't any breaks during which the girls could leave the game, so maybe the game was over?) Anyway, the girls have come over and they all make plans to have pizza together and Patience's spirits soar. Again, I found this odd. She didn't like the guy at the beginning and not enough happened in the interim to convince me her tune had been changed to this degree.
However--and I haven't had to say this in a long time--my opinion is just that. Woman's World obviously thought enough of it to publish it and I am admittedly a very picky reader.
Photo credit: slgckgc via Flickr Creative Commons License
26 comments:
No, Kate, you're right. This story was way out of line from start to finish. I don't know what the author was thinking, but maybe she is not that familiar with WW and its readers. Or with human nature in general. If the editor was that desperate to get something to print, I wish she had grabbed one of my stories instead.
Maybe some of your other readers hold a different opinion. If so, I would like to hear it.
I thought I had read this story, but now not so sure. Your comments don't make it sound like the best Woman's World story. Interesting that it was chosen. Something about it must have struck a chord with someone doing the choosing. But that's the way it goes sometimes. I read a children's magazine I try submitting too and one of the stories in the recent issue wasn't good at all in my opinion. Hard to figure out sometimes.
It may have been the Little League baseball theme that caught the editor's eye. I know when my youngest nephew plays baseball, the whole family turns out to cheer the team on.
Wow, Kate. Your comments really made me think. You have some valid points here, which I agree with, and that I totally missed when reading the story.
I fell into the world of my kids' Little League, but I have had someone take my parking space and have been with Hubby when it happened to him. Trust me when I say we would not have been so forgiving either.
I guess I read this story for a Woman's World reader POV. Needless to say, I am so happy for your comments which made me realize why I would never write a story like this even though I enjoyed it. Perhaps the writer half of my brain and the reader half are worlds apart, must be my east-coast personality. LOL
Thanks for another great post.
I thought the premise of the story was good (although I was jarred by the chuckles around the death of her husband). I thought the title lacked imagination -- an editor's creation perhaps?
Ben's comments and behavior felt insensitive: taking the parking spot, asking private questions, and laughing rather than consoling. He was not a gentleman, let alone hero material for a romantic story.
Weird. The guy seemed like a jerk, not someone I'd ever want to see again. The personal question about her deceased husband, and his laughter, made me cringe. As a long time baseball/sports mom, the "break time" didn't ring true, and honestly, all the parents are very considerate of each other. He strikes me as one of the rare idiot fathers we all talk about in the stands. Stealing someone's parking spot... it would never happen. I've written baseball-themed stories that didn't get picked up. Sigh... my heroes are always kind, caring, and thoughtful... the kind of guy we all want our single friends to meet ... maybe that's my problem.
Maria :(
I'm new to this blog, and love the comments and help. I did not love the story, either. Everyone's insights are so helpful! Love Kate's stories!
I thought the story was cute and didn't deserve being ripped apart. I'm more of a reader than a writer, so maybe I missed something.
Well, if you submit a romance to Woman's World, you might get a rejection, or you might get $800 and a harsh critique. It's the nature of this blog and a trade-off I don't mind. This story has a number of contradictions to what Woman's World purports to accept, so those of us who try to get our stories published can feel frustrated when we follow the guidelines and still get rejections.
Tamara, this story has exceptions to what we've all CONCLUDED WW accepts, but "purports?" Is there anything in it that violates the guidelines or what the editors have actually said they want (or don't want) to see?
Yes, I think so. Jimmy Meiss once told me that she rejected one of my stories because she didn't like the man, that he wasn't so nice and not someone she would want for the female readers of the magazine. It seems to me that one of the major complaints about this story is that the man in question is not so nice.
Okay, Tamara, I concede your point. I doubt the author meant for the hero to come across that way, though. I remember once having a story rejected for that reason, and being surprised because I hadn't realized someone else would "see" the hero so differently.
Two people who commented said they liked the story, and obviously the editors did too. Jimmy Meiss is long gone, so it isn't relevant what she liked or didn't like.
She's gone, but it was she who pointed out this criteria to me, and I imagine that it holds true today. I, too, was surprised that she saw my hero the way she did, and I agree the author of this story probably didn't mean for her hero to come across negatively in the eyes of some readers.
Since the WW guidelines have not changed in several decades, I would expect the previous editorial criteria to hold true today whether it is from Jimmy Meiss or someone else. Actually, I think this little story is a microcosm of the romance novel genre. The hero starts out as a very nasty fellow and then through the heroine's loving influence and his own character development, he turns out to be a charming fellow. Except, it really doesn't work well in 800 words. Just my opinion.
I suppose this does look like I ripped it apart, however, I don't think it was harsh--just straightforward. And believe me, I've been the victim of a hard review recently where the person gave me two stars because of something in the blurb. She didn't even read the book. On top of that, she didn't really explain why she did a *head desk*. Anyway, my point is, when being critical, I try to point out what didn't work for me and I always try to state that obviously the editor and I did not see eye to eye on this one. It happens! :) But as someone pointed out, Kay Sisk got paid. $800 is a nice way to soothe one's feelings. Also, if I have given the impression that I will always have a positive reaction to a Woman's World story, obviously this is not true. And I certinaly don't expect everyone to agree with me. I'm happy to see people's different viewpoints.
Personally, I find the blog a lot more interesting when everyone DOESN'T agree. ;-)
Yes, Kate, I would agree that your critique was straightforward. Just complimenting our stories no matter what would defeat the purpose of you having this blog.
Hey, Kate, I like your new photo. You are looking very cheerful.
Kate, I think you do a very fair job of critiquing the stories. Like you said, all that really matters to the author is that the story was liked by somebody at WW enough to publish it and pay $800 for it. I think anybody who comes on this blog needs to realize that we are writers interested in writing for WW and we are interested in seeing what works and what doesn't when we write stories. I like the comments that are made and I think we all try to be respectful. With this story, I think we are just trying to figure out why this character appears to be so different from what WW has generally accepted. Some stories just garner more comments than others.
Not sure that anyone can critique their own work fairly. There's a fine line between constructive critique and bullying.
I don't think I have seen anything that I would consider bullying in this blog.
Hi Anonymous. I kind of disagree with you about the fine line. It's not that hard to phrase your criticism so it comes across as helpful and not cruel. It takes more effort, but it's not difficult. However, even if you phrase it in the most kind manner possible, everyone has a different level of ability to RECEIVE the criticism. On one side of the spectrum, some people take any comment as an insult to their writing. On the other, there are people who will follow any advice given and end up losing their own voice. You have to find a balance. :)
Anonymous, did you read the mystery blog when it was running? Jody didn't mince words, and she was [delightfully] sarcastic and funny, but she made Kate's comments feel like a ball of cotton. Both work and get the message across; both are helpful. I've learned a lot on both of them.
With WW offering the rare opportunity for us to see our stories in print, it is only right to expect good writing and respect for the magazine's readers. Kate does an excellent job of pointing out what is best and...on occasion...what is worst in the stories that are published. Jody also went to great lengths to educate writers in various facets of the law.
FWIW, I’m the author of The Parking Spot and yes, that was the title I gave it, knowing full well that WW could change it if they wished. This is the fourth of my romances to be published by WW and I continue to be thrilled to see my name at the bottom of the page. Did the editor edit my original? Yes. Did I mind? No. I consider it an opportunity to learn more about what WW is looking for in their romance offerings.
However, I am glad that this has provoked so much comment. May the next one I have published do the same.
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