Observations: I adored this story, mainly because I was scared to death when that kid was about to jump. I sure didn't see that coming and it made my heart race.
I loved his inner thoughts as he hopes Julie is watching him do push ups.
I thought the kid was believable and well depicted and the supportive sister was great too.
My only beef--and it's not huge--is that they called 911. He's got a hurt ankle. She could have driven him. Ambulances are expensive and it wasn't an emergency. But other than that, it was a fantastic story!
Photo credit: Martin Lindstrom via Flickr Creative Commons License
25 comments:
Yes, that little kid about to jump off the deck railing and kill himself was a heart stopper. I'm with you. I wouldn't pay $700 to ride in an ambulance for a sprained ankle. Wonder where that came from.
It was a cute story. Yes, it also struck me as odd that someone would call an ambulance for a sprained ankle. Sprained ankles are a common theme in WW stories, but I don't think they have had an ambulance for it before!
I had to go back and read this story again because of all the comments. It didn't bother me about calling an ambulance because I figured he couldn't walk on the ankle and how was a woman and a kid going to get him up. Perhaps this is because I just had to do this when Hubby went down on the kitchen floor and I couldn't get him up. I called my adult kids and three of us got him in a chair, but then we had to call an ambulance because we couldn't get him to the car.
All in all, I loved this story, although I must say as a Mom, I almost had a heart attack when the kid flew off the wall. Great job, Shelly.
I agree with the ambulance. Not necessary for a sprained ankle. I don't know where my copy of this magazine is at the moment, but if my memory serves me correctly, the female in this story was called Julie and referred to as Jill at one point.Did anybody else notice that? And could someone check if you have it handy? I just wondered how this got past the editor.
Joyce, I did notice that and thought about mentioning it. I had to go back and look a couple times because I was confused. I suppose editors do occasionally miss something like that. I wonder if the author had used the name Jill and changed it to Julie, and this one just got missed in changing it.
Yes, she becomes Jill in the second column. In one of my stories the editor mixed up two names and had a groom asking the maid of honor for a dance rather than the best man, with whom she was developing a romance. So, it may not have been the author's error.
Mistakes do appear in printed stories, so Jill popped up in Julie's place right in the middle of this story. The writer or the editor's fault? I wonder if the problem lies farther down the food chain. Who transposes the manuscript to the printed page? And where does it go from there? How many hands are involved before it appears for the readers' eyes? I am not knowledgeable about the process.
I would think that if the editor receives a copy of a story in Word or some such program, it would appear on her screen as the author sent it, until she types in changes. It's making those changes that create the opportunity for errors. In my story with the wrong name, she changed the sentence (one of those changes that makes you go "Why ever did she do that?"), and in doing so, put down the wrong name. I once gave a protagonist two different names in a school paper, both beginning with "K". It was careless.
Mary Jo is right. The problem does exist farther down the chain. We have a copy desk that sometimes makes mistakes. In this case, the problem was in copy.
Is this Patricia Gaddis? Hi, Patricia.
Ack! In this case, the error is all mine. I changed the name from Jill to Julie because I realized I'd used Jill in a previous story. Obviously, I either missed one change or typed in Jill by mistake. Would you believe I reviewed this story dozens of times before submitting? Of course, I saw the error immediately when I read the printed story. Mea culpa.
As for the ambulance, I have to admit I never gave it a second thought. Having never called one myself, I had no idea they were so expensive. And I tried to convey (obviously not very well ) that they didn't know the extent of his injury.
Thanks, all, for the lovely comments. Writing these stories is such fun!
Shelley
I think these stories are fun, too, and we get paid (when we're lucky). Don't feel bad, I missed that odd name, too, when I read the story. I had to go back and look when I read about it on here. As for the ambulance, I just figured they called it because they didn't know how bad he was hurt.
Hey, Shelley, isn't there a change/replace option in your word processor? Really, it works like magic, and I trust it more than I trust myself to seek and find.
And I hear the news is that the market available to WW writers for the Romance page will be cut by almost a quarter. Move over and make room for Harlequin writers, one week a month. Now, that should be interesting.
What do you mean about the romance page, Mary Jo? I didn't quite understand.
I don't belong to the Yahoo writers' group, so my information is second hand. Maybe someone in the group can explain the situation. I heard only that once a month a Harlequin writer will have the Romance page. So I would say that competition is even greater.
Hello again! Here is the heads up that I posted on Yahoo. A big thanks to Kate for allowing me to jump in on her blog!
From Yahoo Writer's Group--Posted on 8-12-16
In the near future, there will be one short story per. month by a Harlequin author in the romance section of WW. This is part of an advertising campaign for Harlequin to promote their authors. You may have noticed a lot of Harlequin ads in the magazine lately.
Writers, please do not panic! This has been a long time in the making, and we will continue to publish 3 of your romance stories per. month. The mini's will remain the same.
Again, no worries. Nothing else has changed.
Oops! Thanks, Betsi! I didn't see your post before jumping in.
I know this comes as a surprise to our cherished writers, but really, I can't see how it will make a huge difference. Just keep on keepin' on!
Patricia, I'm more than happy to have you come here and chime in on issues. How long is the ad campaign going to go on?
Shelley, it is easy to make those kind of mistakes, and apparently nobody else caught it, either. Always easy to see them when they are in print! It was a good story. Even the ambulance situation not that big a deal.
Patricia, thanks for sharing with us about the situation with the Harlequin writers. Glad we still have a chance to get published, as nobody else publishes those kinds of stories. Do you publish many writers who have not had stories in Woman's World before. I know there is a different email address for the published and unpublished. I have not been published in your magazine although in the past I have had some positive comments on my returned stories. I have not submitted anything in a long time but need to try again! Thanks.
Thanks, Kate! I am not sure how long the Harlequin campaign will last. As for Sandy Smith's question--I always read stories from the slush pile and have discovered several new authors this year. Just keep trying and I will keep reading. :))
Thanks Patricia. I will do that.
Patricia, I'm sending you a story soon. Maybe even two.
Loved the guy, loved the girl, loved the kid, loved the story. Could relate to the jump. My son tried the same Superman stunt when he was five - from the top of a flight of concrete steps. But he didn't ask anyone to catch him. No stitches, sprains, or casts. Just several tubes of Neosporin to heal the scrapes on his beautiful little face. p.s. Love that Patricia is joining these conversations.
Post a Comment