Enchanted! by Elizabeth Palmer

From the October 23, 2017 issue

Tagline: Eric's dating skills were as creaky as the door to a crypt. Would Ella want to go out with him?

Observations: This was a cute story. I thought it was interesting how we are sailing along with the hero and heroine and then we got a flashback. I don't see many flashbacks in Woman's World stories, so it surprised me. But it worked well, giving us a nice little peek into Eric's relationship with his daughter and some backstory (that daughter urged him to start dating.)

I was a little confused why she would of course be dressing as Cinderella and had to go back and reread the entire story to find out why. (Answer: Her name is Ella.) That is probably my mistake, not the author's.

I also liked that it was from Eric's POV. I always like getting into the heads of the men.

Photo credit: Liz West (via Flickr CC license)

Meant To Be! by Rosemary Hayes

from the October 16, 2017 issue

Tagline: Justine thought she had lost herself...until her amazing journey with Dale!

Observations: I haven't done a stream-of-consciousness analysis in awhile, so here goes.

Right off the bat, I love how Hayes gave the heroine a problem that many of us could identify with--empty nest syndrome. Granted, usually we think about this happening when the kids have grown up and flown, but this heroine has joint custody, so it's something she feels on a regular basis.

We get a backstory paragraph early on, which is normal. As I've said before, with only 800 words, we often don't have the time to layer in the backstory.

I wonder who are Katie and Joe? His grown kids?

Ah. I see a possible plot twist. I think Justine is the person Dale wanted to ask but was too nervous because Justine jumps to a conclusion. We'll see if I'm right.

Ah, Katie and Joe are neighbors. I wonder if they're matchmaking... Maybe they know Justine and Dale would be good together.

We get a paragraph of telling, not showing. Contrary to common belief, this is okay in a Woman's World story. You must keep the pacing quick and in 800 words, sometimes you have to summarize events in a transitional paragraph to move the timeline forward. Here, we see Justine and Dale connecting. We see her noticing how handsome he is.

Justine and Dale both agree that "slow and steady wins the race." This shows them connecting. So, my advice is to have a balance of showing and telling.

Another tell/transition paragraph and then a very short scene where they connect more deeply, which is fantastic. She shares something personal and he empathizes. This signals to the reader that they might be really good for each other.

Aha! I was right. Justine was the woman he had his eye on from the very beginning.

Oh, that ending. That is just awesome.

From behind us, I heard Joe and Katie approaching fast. Dale and I ran out of the maze, laughing. As his hand enveloped mine, I knew I wasn't lost anymore.

Photo credit: Joel Kramer (Flicker cc license)

Overdue Romance by Diane Crawford

From the October 2, 2017 issue

Tagline: Could a search for missing books open a new chapter for Jessica and Mike?

Observations: As I read this story, I thought it was a great example of a "girl to the rescue" story in which the hero has a problem and the heroine helps him solve it. What was a little different about this one is that the problem is only partly solved by them working together, then Jessica takes it upon herself to find the remaining two missing books.

Notice the mini black moment when Mike thanks her and leaves? The only thing that is usually there is the heroine wishing she'd have reached out or thinking that this would be the last time she sees him.

We have a coincidence at the gas station, which might seem awfully convenient at first glance, but you know what? It really is a small world and things like that happen. It seemed real to me and the ending sentence was great. The line about starting a new chapter in her life could have been corny but wasn't.

Photo Credit: Bill Smith (Flickr cc license)