Tagline: With spring in full bloom, the last thing on backyard gardener Jeannette's mind is love..until handyman Paul shows up and gives her butterflies.Stream of Consciousness Observations:
I get a strong cheerful vibe from Jeannette in the first paragraph. This is very much what the entire publication is about--looking for the positive, enjoying life.
Second paragraph, we get the information that she's an older lady--old enough to have a grandson. It's a good idea to get this across early in the story, because if you wait too long, the reader will already have established an age in her mind and will need to regroup if it doesn't jive with the character's actual age. For instance, let's pretend we didn't know she was older. Let's say we get all the way to the end of the story and find out she's ninety when all along we thought in our heads that she was in her thirties or forties. Suddenly, we're ejected out of the story, which isn't ideal.
LOL at this line:
Worse, she'd been caught babbling to her blossoms.
I love the alliteration there, too.
Okay, I love this part:
...as Paul took a long admiring look at her colorful backyard, Jeanette snuck a long admiring look at Paul.
Super cute, even though there should be commas between long and admiring.
I'm wondering what a whirligig bumblebee is.
Okay, I see now that it's some kind of wind-powered garden device.
I like how the author compares Jeannette to the flying zebra. Very cute.
We get a summary "telling" part where we summarize what happens over a certain time period. I feel this is a handy tool to utilize when you want to transition to the third act, if you're following a three-act structure for your story.
I love Paul's line about not being in high school but how he feels like he is. I find myself wanting to poke Jeannette in the arm and say, "Don't let this one get away."
Oh, a stealthy hand-holding! Okay. It is true that I have had trouble with the characters holding hands in other stories. Sometimes it feels like it happens too fast for two people just having met, but for some reason, it doesn't bother me here. I tried to look back and find the latest story in which the hand-holding bothered me, but I couldn't find it. If someone can point it out to me, I'll be happy to look at both stories to try to figure out what made it okay for me in this story but not in the other.
The ending is just as cheerful as the beginning.
Photo by Mulberry24 via Flickr cc license
4 comments:
Kate, I think the story you are looking for re: the hand holding is Time for "Change" which you posted May 7th.
I loved this story. So fun and cheerful, typical WW. Really loved it.
Ah. Well, I pummeled that story enough, so I'll just leave it be. :)
Kate, I must have read the story the same way you did as my thoughts of what I liked were exactly what you posted. I also think the hand holding worked better in this story. In the previous story, they were immediately holding hands like a long time couple. In this story, it seemed more like a brief touch as he asked her out. It seemed to work. They were a charming couple.
Love this story. It was so happy - all the way through. The 'admiring look' part was clever and I got a kick out of her talking to herself. My mother-in-law used to say talking to yourself is not a problem until you catch yourself turning down the radio so you can hear what you said.
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