by Tracy Savage Wilson from the June 24, 2019 issueTagline: When a lost dog shows up at Lisa's coffee stand, she goes on a mission to return the pup to his handsome owner...and finds love along the way.
Stream of Consciousness Observations: Right off the bat we get a backstory paragraph, which I've said before is just fine in a Woman's World story. You have such a limited number of words that you must convey information as efficiently as possible. Immediately, we learn she's divorced, going back to school, taking night classes and working.
As a thirteen year barista, I know about regular customers, so this part rings very true. I, too, have people switching it up occasionally.
Oh, she's interested in this particular regular. Heh heh. Once in a while we get some eye candy and the cougar in me growls. LOL
I like how the author used the morning rush as a way to stop the main characters from connecting longer. Putting obstacles in the way of your protagonists is a good way to keep reader interest.
Okay, she just found the dog hanging around the coffee stand after her shift and I'm finding it a little hard to believe. I hope the author convinces me this is plausible later in the story.
"We were at the park when he escaped..." Hm. Yeah, I'm still not buying it. In my experience, dogs who are bonded with their owners don't escape, especially at a park where I'm assuming he was leashed. If the author had said the dog chased a cat and had yanked the leash out of Dave's hand...that would have been a little different.
Ah, coming back to the coffee stand for a biscuit makes a little more sense.
"Of course. It's my favorite part of the day, seeing your beautiful smile every morning," Dave said huskily, taking her hand in his softly.
I am so accustomed to the tone of Woman's World stories that the word "huskily" actually made me rear back and think "ew." I think his statement would appear normal, coming from a regular customer, but if he said it huskily, that goes into creeper territory for me. Then, add the taking of the hand... Yeah, I think he's moving a tad fast.
Photo by Alper Cugun via Flickr cc license
5 comments:
This was a cute story. I did also wonder why the dog was there but the explanation seemed somewhat logical. I agreed that he seemed to be moving a bit fast by taking her hand. I would think he would ask her out first. But I did enjoy the story.
Great story. Loved that she cared enough about her job and her customers to given out dog biscuits which is why I bought that the dog came to her. I also agree the connection at the ending was a little rushed into the romance.
I liked this story, particularly the part about her going back to school after her failed marriage. She mentions being an older student and his classic Studebaker so I'm thinking they're more 50 something than 30 something. And he went to the dog park after coffee instead of his job. So maybe retirement age? Nice to see.
Good shaare
Hi! I'm the author of the piece and enjoyed reading your critique of it. I had to laugh though when I read the paragraph with "Dave said huskily"--that paragraph was written by WW! I would never write that! It wasn't in the work I submitted, and I guess I never read the story when I bought it after it was published. That entire paragraph isn't mine! I'm curious what else they changed...
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