Finding Love at 30,000 Feet

by Shelley Cooper from the January 13, 2020 issue

Tagline

Elise has officially sworn off men and dead-end dating...until a handsome guy sits next to her on a flight and sends her heart soaring to new heights!

Observations

This story had it all--a yummy hero, a jaded but still open heroine, lots of humor, and a bit of writing I'll touch on later that was pure genius.

I loved this line. I loved the humor of it and all the alliteration, too!

After a string of dating disasters, I was more tempted to escape to a nunnery than I was to go on one more dinner date.

I also loved this funny line:

In truth, the only signs I planned on looking for were the ones pointing the way to my gate.

But here's a real teaching moment. 

Then I saw him for the first time.

This sentence doesn't seem like much, but it's totally amazing and here's why. It softens the implausibility that, after seeing him in the TSA line, they'd end up sitting next to each other on the same plane. Let's be honest. Coincidences abound in Woman's World stories and personally, I think it's part of the magazine's charm. Yes, they're crazy and probably would never happen, but they're still fun. 

So, using "the first time I saw him," construct tells the reader that she's going to see him again and for some reason, this "warning" makes it easier to believe. It's similar to when a mystery writer plants a piece of evidence early in the story. She even goes a little farther in this sentence:

The third time I saw him, he was sitting--you guessed it--in the window seat of my assigned row.

"You guessed it." Genius. This phrase openly acknowledges and embraces the fact that the reader has already predicted the coincidence. So don't be afraid to include a coincidence in your story. Woman's World readers love them, especially when they're as well written as this one.

I literally laughed out loud at this:

Up close, he smelled divine, like soap and, incredibly, oatmeal cookies. I reburied my nose in my book and tried not to inhale.

And rest of the flight was absolutely charming! I know I'm not the only one who swoons over those videos of dads dressed up like ballerinas and dancing with their daughters, or participating in her tea party, or trick or treating in a matching princess costume. So it was super easy to fall for this guy who submits to a little girl's makeover.

This was just a perfect story!

Photo by Phillip Capper via Flickr CC license

Countdown to True Love

by Heidi Rice from the January 6, 2020 issue

Tagline: When a blackout hits on New Year's Eve, Ariana is determined not to miss the fireworks ringing in 2020...and stumbles across a fresh chance at love.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Ari's sister is such a bitch! If I were her, I'd avoid all calls from her. I'm so lucky that my sister is an angel.

Ooh, what an interesting job--apartment sitter in NYC.

LOL. Mr. Hot Bod.

Wait a second. I totally missed the part where the blackout happened and I had to go back and reread. Am I the only one? When I went back to reread, it's clear when it happens, but in the moment, I completely passed it by. It's entirely possible that the fault is mine, but honestly, I think there could have been a little more description there. For instance, here's a sentence in the story.

Ariana blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness.

Just adding the word "sudden" would have helped.

It's bad luck to miss fireworks on New Year's Eve in NYC? You learn something new everyday.

I'm not sure why she's in danger of breaking her neck because a fire escape is literally designed to save people.

Whoa. We're in the guy's pov now? Okay, this is very unusual in a Woman's World story and it's done a little abruptly, IMHO.

I'm also finding it odd that he photographs the models in his apartment. Most photographers have a studio and as a model, I wouldn't feel safe going to his place for the shoot.

All right, I did like the story in the end, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't find a few things that bugged me. LOL

Photo by oopsart via Flickr CC license

A Prince for Christmas

by Patricia Gaddis from the December 30, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Elizabeth Blake jokingly asks Santa to bring her a prince, she never expects that her Christmas wish for love may actually come true.

Observations: I'm so excited to be critiquing a story by Patricia, who has edited many of my own stories. Sometimes a good editor is not a good writer, but Patricia is both. This will be a stream-of-consciousness analysis.

The first paragraph really does a nice job of setting the tone and describing the setting. Reading it, you can almost feel that snowflake melting on your tongue.

I liked this bit:

"Better call her dad," Heather advises. "They're divorced...like us."

That the little daughter includes herself in the divorce was poignant to me. As a child of divorced parents, I can assure you the kids are just as deeply involved in the divorce as the parents.

Oh, they moved recently. Hm. Away from the dad?

Ah...Heather says she wants a daddy for Christmas, so maybe the dad is out of the picture somehow. Either way, it's probably best to explain these kinds of things so the reader isn't pulled out of the story, wondering.

Oooh, he's a fireman? Yes, please!

That was a charming story. Well done, Patricia.

Photo by Alistair Young via Flickr CC license

A Storm in a Snow Globe

by Kate Pearce from the December 23, 2019 issue

Tagline: Furious and stressed, Sally Hayes is set on giving her husband, Tom, the silent treatment...until he melts her heart and shows her what matters most.

Observations: I loved this story! It was so different, and that's probably because we see so few "marriage on the rocks" stories. Although, this marriage isn't really on the rocks. I think having the son wanting to join the military was a smart move, as an author because Woman's World definitely supports the military.

Announcement: I'm going to be adjusting my blog posts and only blogging when I think there's a teachable moment in the story. I don't think there's any point to posting when I have nothing to say about the story except that I liked it. :)

Photo by Peter Corbett via Flickr CC license