Tagline: While helping her best friend at the local hardware store's birthday bash, Gloria finds a treasure she never expected...a new chance at love.
Observations: I really liked this story. I thought the author did a wonderful job setting the scene of the hardware store. Just check out this paragraph:
Today, the old hardware store had officially been a fixture in town for 100 years. Beneath a "Happy 100th Birthday" banner swinging from the pressed-tin ceiling, people visited and snatched up Nora's homemade cookies, plucking bargain paintbrushes and putty knives from galvanized washtubs.
See what I mean? You really get a sense of the setting.
I loved this part:
"...I don't think I've seen you in the store before. I'm Michael Bauer by the way. Third-generation owner of this historic hodgepodge."
Gloria laughed and introduced herself. "I'm shocked you don't remember me--I bought a mousetrap here in 1993."
LOL!
It's been a while since I talked about showing versus telling, and there was a perfectly wonderful "telling" paragraph where the author summarizes their conversation. If you're writing a longer piece of fiction, it might be better to actually show this conversation happening in real time, but because these stories are only 800 words, sometimes you need shortcuts like this conversation summary.
Who doesn't love seeing a male character fumble about awkwardly because he's nervous? Not me! I love that and the author does a great job of it here. When I see a guy in this situation, it's adorable and endearing.
Photo by Daniel Bentley via Flickr CC license
4 comments:
This story was priceless, Kate. Love the characters, the setting, the premise. Well written for sure.
Your comments on fitting the story into a smaller word count were great, too.
Great story! Loved it! The characters were perfect.
Thanks for commenting, Pat and Mary Ann!! Much appreciated.
Great story. I agree with you that the description was wonderful.
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