The Sweetest Love of All

 by Marcella Robinson from the September 13, 2021 issue

Tagline: After swooning over ice-cream stand owner Rich all summer, Ellie is sure it will come to nothing...until one fateful cone changes everything.

Observations: In my class, How to Write and Sell Romance to Woman's World Magazine, I give you a bunch of ideas on how to keep your story to 800 words. One of those ideas is to keep physical description of characters to a minimum, but this story had an unusual amount of description--of Ellie, of Rich and of the park itself. (I enjoyed reading those details and the lovely feelings the park description evoked.)

You never want to sacrifice character interaction/connection for the sake of character physical description. It's much more important to show your characters talking, laughing, sharing ice cream, sharing stories, etc. than it is to tell the reader they both have brown hair. However, I didn't see any sacrifices made in this story. There is still plenty of on-the-page interaction. We see them connecting in so many ways...

• the smiles exchanged
• the inside joke about him eating his profits
• the date they make to meet in a week
• his thoughtful observation that she liked sprinkles
• their conversation about their respective businesses
• finally, their hands touching

This last thing--Ellie putting her hand in his--let's look at this more closely. There are 11 stages of physical intimacy. Stage four is hand to hand/arm. Four! (Stage 1 - Eye to body, Stage 2 - Eye to eye, Stage 3 - Voice to voice.) In this excellent article on the subject, they say:

The first three stages could happen quickly, but you don’t want to immediately rush into touching a stranger’s arm, or hand.

You’ll need to continue the conversation, take the time to get to know each other and build up your connection and friendship before you start touching.

Rushing through the steps of physical intimacy can be creepy--in real life and in fiction. Make sure your characters have conversed, gotten to know each other and built up their connection and friendship before they start touching. I'm not talking about catching someone to prevent them from falling, accidentally reaching for the same head of lettuce and that type of thing. I'm talking about intentional touching. Don't rush it or you risk making the reader (or editor) feel uncomfortable.

Photo by Elsie Hui via Flickr Creative Commons License