by Karen Thurber from the January 10, 2022 issue
Tagline: Caught in her first snowstorm, Sarah is unsure of what to do ,until handsome Ben shows her the ropes...and offers her a new chance at love.
This photo is not Vermont. It's of some kind of Hello Kitty place in Japan, but it looked so wintery and whimsical, I couldn't resist it.
Also, I announced a new thing here on the blog. Check it out here.
Stream of Consciousness Observations:
- So this is a fresh start after a rocky breakup story. Life changing moments are often a good basis for a story because you have a character evoking change in their own life, a very positive thing, something you admire him/her for.
- She's never seen real snow... I can buy that, if she's lived in Florida all her life. However, she just up and moves to Vermont, sight unseen? That is a little cray cray, in my opinion.
- "But something important was missing: love. Not just love, but love with someone thoughtful, fun, handsome...expectations only a fairy godmother could fulfill." Hm. I don't think she's asking for a whole heck of a lot, actually. But all of that is relative. What one person considers fun, another person thinks is torture. But I'm getting super picky here.
- A lost dog--a tried and true Woman's World trope.
- She puts on a jacket, but no snow boots, which I assume she doesn't wear inside the house just chillin'.
- He gives her his gloves as a welcome present. He is thoughtful, I'll give him that, but I'm thinking her hands would be swimming in them... I must be in a mood. I'm definitely over-thinking things.
- Snow angels...another good trope for the magazine.
- The condo complex's power nearly always goes out during a snow storm? Did her real estate agent know/communicate this? I mean, I don't live in Vermont, but how often are there storms? How often would you have to abandon your home and hunker down in the community center?
- I liked the ending, bringing it back to her fairy godmother thoughts.
- Overall, it may have been my mood, but so many things jumped out at me.
Photo by Tomohiro Otake via Flickr Creative Commons License
9 comments:
I agree with a lot of your points, Kate. I wondered why moving to Vermont was on her bucket list, and I wouldn't think it likely the condo would always lose power. I was also wondering about her choice of his name. Ben Folds is a well-known musician and Folds is not a name you hear everyday. I kept picturing the famous Ben Folds. But it was a cute story with the dog.
Wow! I didn't see any of these problems when I read the story.
However, I do live in a state where we worry we will lose powder during a storm (snow, nor'easter, or hurricane). It has happened too often lately. I know too many people who now have generators.
I have many friends whose kids have moved out-of-state for jobs so I figured that's why she moved.
Dated a guy in high school who moved here from Florida which made me understand her not relating to the snow and cold.
I do appreciate you pointing these things out though because it will make me think twice when editing my own stories. These WW stories must appeal to readers all over the US of A.
I also noticed some of those issues but the one that jumped out the most to me was the fact that the neighbor said "a ton of snow is coming" but when she returned home just a few minutes later, the power at her condo was already out - before the storm even hit? That didn't make sense to me.
I enjoy following the reviews on this blog, but have never commented. I’m disappointed to read such a mean-spirited and undeserved review. I loved this story. There’s a difference between analyzing and bashing. Analyzing is intellectual and thoughtful with inspiring insight. Bashing is just taking a cheap shot at someone else’s hard work. I had an English professor who said people who bash, instead of thoughtfully analyze, are just taking out their own misery on others. I’m not sure if you’re a Woman’s World Magazine employee, but this unprofessional post reflects poorly on a magazine that is supposed to promote positivity and cheer on fellow women. The comment about his gloves not fitting her hands isn’t even logical. My boyfriend’s hands are the same size as mine. Maybe you haven’t met diverse-sized people or have an unconscious bias about masculinity? Also, are we so insular that we don’t know about snow storms that knock out power throughout the northeast? Maybe you missed it, but they were catching snowflakes on their tongues and making snow angels, so the storm was underway and outages happen fast. I could go on, but won’t. You should wait until you’re in a better mood the next time you write a review, because this showed a side of you that’s extremely off-putting. It’s a bad look.
Alison, you say you follow this blog, so you should understand what Kate does in analyzing these stories. You should also know she is an experienced writer who has had many stories published in Woman's World. She also teaches classes on how to write for Woman's World. When she reads a story, she is going to find what works and what doesn't in her opinion. I didn't think this review was bashing at all. She said many good things about it. I felt it was very respectful. Woman's World authors are professionals and able to read a critique of their work.
I am grateful that Kate writes this blog.
Well! So many comments. It's a nice surprise.
Pat, not seeing "problems" is something we all do with our writing so it's never a bad idea to get a second or even third pair of eyes on your stories.
Alison, I promise you I'm not writing these analyses with a mean spirit and I state on the home page of the blog that I am not affiliated with the magazine in any way. Regarding the gloves, in retrospect, I agree with you that my assessment was inaccurate. My comment about the power outages was not that they don't happen back east. Obviously they do. My problem was that she bought a condo in a complex where "During heavy storms, the power nearly always went out..." I feel that it's the author's responsibility to weigh the plot elements and make sure they make sense. Is it a great idea to create a reason for Sarah to see Ben again and show him in an heroic light at the same time? Absolutely. Should you do so in a manner that reveals the heroine as a person who makes poor real estate decisions? Personally, I don't think so. Every reader has a different level of plausibility that they require in order to enjoy a work of fiction. Mine is admittedly more sensitive than most.
Sandy, I've never heard of Ben Folds, but I did wonder about the unusual name when I read the story. Also, I deeply appreciate everything you said in your second comment. If there's any profession in which you have to develop a thick skin, it's writing. When you put a creation out in public, you cannot expect everyone to love it. Personally, if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable, I will have a friend read my reviews and tell me if there's one I might want to steer away from, or vice versa--point out the ones that will make me feel good.
I always learn so much from your critiques, Kate. I wouldn't be a published writer without you! I hope you don't change anything about them.
Alison B.
Thank you, Alison B. I'm always extremely proud when those of you who have taken the class or hired me as an editor get published. It's why I do what I do. :)
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