Once upon a Summer

by Julie Brookman from the July 25, 2022 issue

Tagline: When Brooke sees a pair of visitors trooping up to the gates of her petting zoo, she never expects the spark of an old flame to ignite into new love.

SoC Observations: Stream of Consciousness Observations is where I just type my thoughts as I have them while reading the story. If you don't want to see my honest thoughts--positive and negative--stop reading now. No, really. 

1. I like all the info in the first paragraph, but this second sentence is a doozy that maybe should have been broken up. 

These days, it was a win if a handful of people came each day, but even though the park wasn't as busy as it used to be, Brooke put a lot of work into keeping it going...work that, it seemed, would maybe pay off this year, as the zoo's first pair of visitors made their way toward the gates.

2. I am not a particularly skilled business woman, but if she's struggling to keep the place afloat, she should not be giving away free train rides. 

3. Ah, I remember being boy-crazy at 15. 

4. I like the memories they bring up. It makes it seem like it was a really fun summer.

5. Aww, he wrote letters to her but was too nervous to send them. That's sweet but most teens in the early 2000s would never think to write a letter. 

6. I'm finding it a wee bit hard to believe he kept the letters all this time. 

7. I love how she's supposed to check the yes box. Hilariously realistic.

8. Again, my layman business woman brain says, letting someone else drive the train would certainly be counter to any insurance she has for the zoo.

Is it possible that people read this story and had no qualms about it whatsoever? It's not only possible, it's probable. However, it is in my DNA to be detail-oriented. I literally cannot stop my brain from noticing these things and I think it's a good quality for an editor. As a writer, I much prefer to catch these things before readers (or editors) do. 

Photo by Pululante via Flickr Creative Commons License

Love Lost...and Found

 by Mary Ann Joyce from the June 27, 2022 issue

Tagline: When her high school sweetheart makes a sudden reappearance at her friend's scavenger hunt, Carly's summer takes a magical turn.

Observations: Well, I seem to have skipped a couple of issues. LOL Sorry about that. I have a lot going on right now at my real life job and my personal life, plus I just got Covid. <sighs> Again. I had no symptoms the first time it got me. This time, I was not so lucky. 

I thought this story was fun. I love the idea of having a friend who entertains on a regular basis, with themes! She sounds like a fun friend. It makes me wonder if this fictional friend subscribes to Woman's World, because she'd find all the party theme ideas she could ever want there. LOL

I wanted to point out something Joyce did that can help with word count. I've said in my class (click here for more info about it) that if your stories are running too long, one solution is to skimp on physical descriptions. Here, Joyce describes the hero this way:

When we were teens, he was as think as spaghetti, and just my type: cute, in that nerdy way with this black-framed glasses and short hair. Now he's more Clark Kent behind his specs.. He's filled out, his broad chest prominently on display in a blue polo.

Now, that's actually quite a bit of wordage, so maybe that's not the perfect example of brevity I was looking for, but my point--using a famous person as shorthand--will still work. When you identify a well-known person, like Clark Kent, readers will immediately have an image of that person in mind, which means you don't have to go into additional detail. In this example, Joyce does go into further detail, but she's a seasoned pro who has little trouble staying within 800 words.

Photo by Mark Anderson via Flickr Creative Commons License

A Second Chance at Romance

by Mary Ann and Rakel Joyce from the July 11, 2022 issue

Tagline: When her daughter invites her to a poetry reading, Ellie is shocked to find an old flame waiting for her...and a new chance at love.

Observations: Well, of course Mary Ann Joyce (along with Rakel Joyce) has given us a wonderful story. She is such a skilled writer. You can see it just in this one paragraph where she sees her first love again for the first time in 20+ years...

As Hannah stepped into the bookstore for a night of poetry days later, she stopped suddenly. There, sitting at a small table, was Ethan. His black hair had just the right amount of silver flecks. Suddenly, he looked Hannah's way, and behind his dark-rimmed glasses, she could see his expression change. His half-smile and the butterflies that immediately filled her stomach were exactly as she remembered them.

If you look carefully, you'll see a detailed description of our hero, along with a delicious moment of hope, nostalgia and anticipation as he recognizes Hannah. You've got to get your words to work double-duty because you have so few of them to work with. 

This is a perfect second chance story and I encourage you to keep this in a file somewhere for reference.

Photo by David Orban via Flickr Creative Commons License

Love Is in the Air

by Amy Lanier from the June 20, 2022 issue

Tagline: When a stranger shows up to fly in her hot-air balloon, Sophia finds herself floating toward a second shot at love.

Observations: This was a delightfully original story. I've never encountered a hot-air balloon in a Woman's World romance, so that was refreshing. I also loved how Lanier threw some obstacles to love in there that the heroine (and the reader!) thought were insurmountable. 

Photo by Dee and Tula Monstah via Flickr creative commons license.