Turkey Day Setup

by Dorothy Wills-Raftery from the November 21, 2022 issue

Tagline: Single mom Laci isn't interested in her sister's attempts to set her up with friends...that is until she sits next to Brent at Thanksgiving dinner.

Observations: Ms. Wills-Raftery has written such a warm Thanksgivingish (new word, made it up) story. I'm reading it after Thanksgiving but the story is still giving me warm fuzzy feelings from the recent memories. She and I worked on several of her stories in the past and I'm excited to see her stories being published. I can see so many Woman's World elements included that it's easy to see why the editors chose it.

I learned that pie crust can contain eggs. My pie crust recipe doesn't include eggs, so I was skeptical at first, but the good old internet told me that there's more than one way to crust a pie.

I liked the sisters' relationship. My sister and I often cook together for family events. I never tried to set my sister up, though. LOL

I also really enjoyed the epilogue last paragraph. 

However, I spied with my editor's eye, a dangling participle. A dangling participle is a participle or participial phrase, often found at the beginning of a sentence, that  is unintentionally modifying the wrong noun in the sentence. For example: Plunging hundreds of feet into the gorge, we saw Yosemite Falls.

Can you find the dangling participle in this story? I'll post it in the comments.

Photo by Tony Alter via Flickr Creative Commons License

Grateful Hearts

by Denice Stradling from the November 14, 2022 issue

Tagline: Having separated from her husband before Thanksgiving, Justine heads to her friend's house to celebrate...and gets a big surprise.

Observations: A reminder...this blog is my own opinion and is meant to be educational. My goal is to shine a light on things I find in the stories in order to help you read more critically and hopefully improve your own stories. Sometimes the things I find are shining examples, but sometimes I make suggestions about what I think might have made the story better. I am truly sorry if anyone's feelings get hurt, but to be honest, professional authors accept criticism and realize that not everyone will love everything they write. 

In the end, I liked this story, but it took me a while because of a couple of stumbling blocks, probably because my parents got divorced with I was 13 which was devastating. My entire world turned upside down. My family broke apart and my mother moved us all away from my friends. So my reading experience is heavily influenced by my personal history.

When Justine walked in and saw an old flame, I mentally reared back. She's only been separated for a few months. What is she doing? I thought. One thing I teach in my class (see the right menu for info) is to make your characters likable. In that moment, I did not like Justine. Was she going to respond flirtatiously to this old flame in front of her daughter? I hoped not.

Eventually, it became clear that Ed was Teddy and I was reeled back in...but not completely. If this story had come to me for an edit, I would have suggested the reveal occur the moment Justine walked in the door. That way, we readers would have felt hope at that moment, not confusion about Justine's rebounding so quickly. Their entire conversation would have been that much richer because we read it knowing Teddy/Ed was offering an olive branch.

I would have asked the author why Amanda, the daughter, didn't freak out with excitement at the sight of her daddy. If I had been the little girl, my hopes for a reunion would have shot sky high, and if Teddy/Ed was a responsible father, he wouldn't have blindsided Justine in front of her. What if Justine had rejected him? Amanda would have been dealt another harsh emotional blow. 

I would also have asked why the hostess cut their conversation short, because she would have been in on the surprise and I'm sure she was hoping there would be a reconciliation. Give the couple some privacy by perhaps asking Mandy to help them with the wishbone in the kitchen, killing two birds with one stone.

Despite all this criticism, I did enjoy the story. I like the idea of an estranged couple getting back together. I'm extremely happy their relationship looked better at the end of the story, for the sake of the little daughter. 

P.S. The words "mommy" and "daddy" should only be capitalized when used in place of or as a name. When you add a pronoun, like "my," you do not capitalize.

For instance: 

Mommy took me to school. 

I love Daddy.

My mommy took me to school. 

I love my daddy.

Photo by Marco Verch via Flickr Creative Commons License

Better the Second Time

by Marcie McEachern from the November 7, 2022 issue

Tagline: Back in her hometown, Amy enters the fall festival pie contest...but will her maple confection be enough to rekindle an old flame?

Observations: This was a lovely story. I think Ms. McEachern is really hitting her stride with her Woman's World stories. The tale is rich with sensory details and I liked the idea of their having met in a high school culinary class. 

I did question why they were given slices of their own pie at the awards ceremony, but then again, I've never attended a pie contest. Maybe that's the normal routine. :)

I do wish there was an actual recipe, though. A Maple Cream pie sounds delish!

Love at the Last Door

by Jamie A. Richardson from the October 31, 2022 issue

Tagline: Trick-or-treating with her granddaughter, Cathy gets a shock when her old crush opens the door and gives her the sweetest treat of all.

Apology: I'm sorry I've been MIA, but my subscription lapsed without my knowledge! LOL I only just got this Halloween issue. Rest assured, I'm back at my keyboard with my red pen ready.

Observations: This was a darling story that shone a light on the generation gap in regards to communication. I truly enjoyed seeing the granddaughter learn how to trick-or-treat. Adorable! However, I'm old enough to have a granddaughter that age, but writing an actual letter to someone to tell someone I was going out of town is not something I would ever do. Maybe Cathy only said that because she was flustered by John's presence.

Regardless, let's all make an effort to not apply outdated stereotypes to our older characters. For that matter, give some thought to creating any character that is not in your age group. One of my pet peeves is younger characters making cultural references that aren't age appropriate. For instance, a woman in her thirties probably wouldn't be familiar with The Brady Bunch. I'm listening to Stephen King's latest book, Fairy Tale, and the main character makes references to old movies constantly and King explained it by saying the hero's father always watched Turner Movie Classics. Okay, Mr. King, you justified the historic references and I'll give you a pass because you're one of the greatest writers of all time, however, I can see that you fell back on this because you're not up on current/recent pop culture enough to make your hero actually seem like he's 18. He's like a 70 year old in a young body.

Long story short, when creating characters, keep in mind their ages and match their actions, thoughts and references to that age. Do a little research and your character will be the richer and more realistic for it.

Photo by Glen Bowman via Flickr Creative Commons License