by Mina Beckett from the July 1, 2024 issue
Tagline: After a year had gone by, Sophia was stunned to see Jake at the town's Fourth of July event...but the duo picked up right where they left off.
Off the Cuff Literally As I Read Observations: This story is excelling at describing the setting. From the sights, sounds, smells the author depicted, I feel like I'm right there experiencing it all.
Ah, Jake Parker...the one who got away. He's obviously strong, judging from the effortless way he's carrying the crates of refreshments.
I am wondering how old Sophia is.
She's been thinking about him for a year? I can't help but wonder why she hasn't at least gone into his restaurant with a girlfriend to test the waters.
More super amazing description...
As she weaved through the throngs of youngsters, their sticky fingers reachign for sugary treats and running with boundless energy.
That was only one sentence, but it does so much to create atmosphere.
"Jake...do you remember last year after the fireworks? We were cleaning up and we...well, we talked about everything and anything. It was really nice."
Yeah, Sophia! Way to be assertive!
Okay, he cups her jaw. Yeah, this makes me uncomfortable. I would have had him place a hand on her shoulder or just meet her gaze squarely, but it seems that my boundaries for physical touch and intimacy between fictional couples are way more sensitive than many writers' and the editors'. (If you're interested, there's a hierarchy of physical intimacy and here's an article about it.) This isn't the first time a character touches another one in a story and I think it's too much too fast. This might be purposeful. A man cupping a woman's jaw is undoubtedly romantic and intimate, so perhaps this is the intention of Beckett and the editors--to add romance.
As far as writing your own stories, write what you believe your characters would do. Use your own judgment. If you're like me, not so touchy-feely right away, there are plenty of ways to increase romance and dial up the intimacy that don't involve rushing up that hierarchy. You can describe the tone and volume of the voice, have him touch her hand or, as I said before, meet her gaze.
Okay, so it's much later and this happens:
She leaned into him, her head finding a natural resting place on his shoulder as they watched the show.
And his brushes his lips against her hair and they hold hands too. I was fine with all of this because of the time that had passed. They'd spent the entire day together. For me, that's enough time for their relationship to progress to step 8 on the hierarchy.
All in all, this was a fantastic story full of fantastic setting descriptions and a heroine who finds the courage to make the first move.
Photo by Nigel Howe via Flickr CC license.
2 comments:
It was a nice story. I had also wondered why she wouldn't have been able to see him in the past year.
I also wondered why she hadn't seen him in the last year--figured it was an editing or word cutting thing. I did like the story though. I was well written.
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