"Winter Fun"

by Colette Shannon from the January 10, 2011 issue

Tagline: Holly quickly discovered that she was no skier. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all...

In a Nutshell: Holly is so new to skiing that she hits a tree and gets a separated shoulder. Later, back at the lodge, the ski patrol guy buys her a hot chocolate. They live in the same town, an hour away where his full time job is at the high school teaching math. (He does ski patrol in on weekend mornings in exchange for free skiing in the afternoon.) They have dinner together and then he invites her on a moonlight sleigh ride.

Observations: The story starts in medias res. We don't get the backstory on Holly until after she's returned from the hospital with her shoulder sling. The hero shows up and they talk a little then there's another summarizing paragraph before he asks her out. More summarizing as we hurry on toward the end of dinner. There's a brief "black moment" when he says he's in a hurry and she assumes he wants to take advantage of the full moon and ski, but he actually wants to take her on that moonlight sleigh ride.

One thing I noticed was the story was packed with narrative--much more narrative than dialogue. I didn't notice this until I started analyzing it. (The two friends that Holly rooms with don't even speak a word!) Perhaps that's why, as I read it, it felt as though the story covered a lot more ground. I felt like I'd really spent the day with Holly.

The other thing that I noticed was that, although I wasn't bowled over by the title "Winter Fun," the author did use it to good advantage. In the "woe is me" paragraph, Holly thinks to herself...

So much for winter fun.

Then, at the end, in the "this really turned out to be a great weekend" paragraph, she thinks...

Even with a separated shoulder--I couldn't imagine having more winter fun than this.

As I've mentioned before, this is a simple way to give your story a little circularity and cohesiveness.

"Wish Upon a Star"

by Susan Flett Swiderski from the January 17, 2011 issue

Tagline: Kelly put her whole heart into it, so she wasn't surprised when her biggest wish came true...

In a Nutshell: After wishing on a star, young Kelly sets up a meeting between her father and her teacher. The two adults realize they've been duped, but hit it off anyway. They keep their burgeoning relatonship a secret from the little girl, but when the school year ends, they tell her they want to get married.

Observations: Matchmaker stories are common within the pages of Woman's World magazine. This time, the matchmaker is only six years old! I've tried subterfuge stories before, but never with much success. (In fact, one story I sent that was rejected, involved a daughter setting up her father and her teacher.) However, once in a while you do see a story in which someone tricks a character into something. I had thought that Woman's World frowned on children doing so, but here's proof that they don't.

Notice that this story changes points of view. We start out in Kelly's pov. Then when the adults meet, we switch to the dad's. Later when the secret is about to be revealed, we go back to Kelly's. This is unusual, but well done. Each of these changes had to happen, because Kelly had no way of knowing what went on in the classroom during that after school meeting. And later, the author wanted to bring us full circle to the wishing on a star idea, which meant returning to Kelly. This was a tricky thing to do and Swiderski nailed it.

On a side note, I loved the idea that little Kelly didn't blindly trust to the whims of the wish, but knew that she needed to take action herself in order to get the ball rolling. What a wise little girl!

"A Lover's Moon" and Catching Up

I'm trying to catch up a little by posting two story analyses this week. :)

by April Knight from the January 2, 2011 issue

Tagline: Rebecca was certain that her dreams of moonlit romance would never come true...

In A Nutshell: Rebecca has done everything she could to make herself attractive and available, but has had no luck finding a man. One bad day, she gets a black eye from a wayward cupboard door and has a root canal that has her cheek looking like she just lost a prize fight. But at the grocery store, a thoughtful man strikes up a conversation and even buys her soup to cheer her up.

Observations: This story, like so many Woman's World romance tales, give the reader hope that something like this could actually happen to them. A woman meets a man in a grocery store. And he's a thoughtful man at that! This is the type of "fantasy" that Woman's World readers and editors like. I'm sure many of them like to imagine being swept off their feet by a millionaire ex-SEAL with a tender side, too, but the type of guys in Woman's World stories are not bigger than life. They are life, at least, more believably real life.

"A Christmas Miracle"

by Mary L. Briggs from the December 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: It had to be more than coincidence that brought the two strangers together again on Christmas Eve...

In a Nutshell: Rebecca gets a Christmas card in the mail that belongs to someone else, but she's late for work so can't deal with it. When her car won't start, a handsome stranger helps her out, but she fails to get his name. Later, she hand delivers the card in an attempt to pay it forward, it turns out the card recipient is also her handsome stranger.

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story, and this is only my opinion. I should post a disclaimer that says that--that no matter what my thoughts are on a Woman's World story, clearly the editors liked the story enough to publish it, so anything I say here should be taken with a grain of salt.

Anyway, my first reaction was to the fact that her car doesn't start. This is becoming a bit of a cliche in Woman's World stories, but I was willing to let it go. Car trouble is a common enough occurence.

My next reaction was amusement at the stranger's remarks regarding her recalcitrant car:

"I'm not giving up yet. Let's see if we can coax a little holiday spirit out of it."

I liked the hero. He was witty and kind.

After that, the author brought back the mis-delivered Christmas card that I'd actually forgotten about. That was a nice surprise. I like not being able to predict what's going to happen too easily. But when the big coincidence was revealed--that the card just happened to be intended for the same man that helped her with her car--I'm afraid I shook my head in disbelief. Perhaps, as the tagline suggests, there was supposed to be more than coincidence at work, but I had a hard time swallowing it. For the record, I think coincidence is a good tool for Woman's World romance writers, but I'd be careful when trying to stretch the readers' willingness to believe too far.

Missing Issue

I seem to have misplaced my December 20 issue, so I can't analyze the story here. If I find it amidst the post-holiday mid-re-organizing frenzy that is my house right now, I'll post it. :) Sorry!

"A Match Made in Winter"

by Tina Radcliffe from the December 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lacey's neighbor had good intentions, but her matchmaking instincts were way off--most of the time...

In a Nutshell: Lacey regularly shovels snow from her elderly neighbor's walkway. The neighbor, Mrs. B. wants to set Lacey up with her nephew (?), but her last attempt was a fail. The next day, Lacey finds her own walkway has already been cleared. The culprit, said nephew, reports his aunt ordered him to do it and to ask her to dinner that night, but when Lacey shows up she finds that Mrs. B. stood them up. They end up liking each other.

Observations: This is a cute story with a nice winter feel to it, perfect for an issue that comes out between Christmas and New Year's. So, keep that in mind for future submissions. Woman's World gets inundated with holiday stories, so it might be prudent to aim for pre- or post-holiday issues.

I talked about showing and telling last week, and I noticed this story also has a very short telling paragraph:

They laughed and talked as they ate, then cleared the table and washed the dishes together.

That one sentence summarizes the events during a time period and even hints that they made a connection, however, this time the connection is only enough to lead to hot chocolate, not a long term relationship, a more believable scenario, in my opinion.

"The Gift of Love"

by Dana Stephens from the December 13, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: A man skids into a ditch during a snow storm. Molly offers to let him call a tow truck from her house. While they wait, he helps her finish painting the room she was working on. They get to know each other over the next few weeks. Then, for Christmas he gives her an ornament to mark their first Christmas together as a sign that he is serious about her.

Observations: This first meet story had a fantastic concept in that ornament. What a darling idea. Unfortunately, when I got to the point where her eyes filled with tears, I just didn't feel the sentiment myself. That is what makes these stories so difficult to write, especially when you condense their emotional development into a sentence like this:

Molly learned that Ian was an EMT at the local hospital, and over the coming weeks, he came by on his days off until the dining room and living room were finished.

In order to pull off the Happily Ever After you need to show the hero and heroine falling for each other. It's tempting to let it happen off stage, but the fun part about reading romance is living vicariously through the characters. To me, when you "tell" (as in show vs. tell), you summarize events that are too tedious to describe in full detail. The "telling" sentence I quoted above could still work fine in a Woman's World story, BUT in order for it to work, you have to "show" the connection occuring somewhere else in the story, and I didn't see it. :(

"Breakfast with Santa"

by Elizabeth Palmer from the December 6, 2010 issue

Tagline: Connie hadn't expected Santa to ask what she wanted for Christmas!

In a Nutshell: Connie takes her niece Hannah to her company "Breakfast with Santa." The niece tells Santa that Connie needs a husband. Santa, who is really Rob from accounting, is happy to hear that and might be willing to fill the position.

Observations: This story delighted me. It started when I saw that Rob was from accounting. It seems that the accounting department is so ubiquitous in Woman's World stories. Perhaps because if you try to think of any other types of departments, there aren't that many to choose from!

I liked the reply that Connie gave to her sister when asked if Rob resembles Santa...

"His eyes sort of twinkle."

That set the reader up for the line later that I LOVED. Rob finds out that Connie is not Hannah's mother, but her aunt...

Rob turned up the twinkle.

I also laughed out loud when Connie is flustered when Rob/Santa talks to her instead of Hannah...

Hannah gaped at me. "Santa is talking to you!" she hissed.

I can just picture the little girl's shock and subdued outrage that Connie might be ignoring Santa.

Lastly, I thought I'd point out that this is actually a matchmaker story with a twist. Santa is acting as matchmaker on his own behalf. That just goes to show you that you can always find a new way to present a cliche plot.

"Must Love Dogs"

by Sally Treadwell from the November 29, 2010 issue

Sally requested that I not post the analysis of her story. Sorry, everyone.

"The Food of Love"

by K.C. Laine from the November 22, 2010 issue

Tagline: Bonnie didn't realize that she had, long ago, found the way into Richard's heart!

In a Nutshell: Bonnie sells baked goods at the weekly farmer's market. When her brochures get swept away by the wind, Richard gathers them up. He also is impressed with her pot pies and buys several. He comes back the next week with a wooden box he made for her to keep her brochures in. They make a date to cook together.

Observations: Well, I thought I was going insane. I started reading this story and thought, "I've analyzed this before." So, I checked the list of my previous posts for the title, "The Food of Love." No luck. I checked the list of authors. No K.C. Laine listed. I check the date of the magazine, thinking I dug it out of the magazine rack and didn't realize it was from 2009. Nope. Current date. Then, I realize!

I had critiqued this story for the author before she submitted it. DOH. She had told me it had sold. I even saw people on the WWWriters loop praising it. Did I make the connection? No. LOL. (I try not to read those comments because I don't want them to color my opinion of the story before I review it on the blog.)

Sorry, Karen! Didn't they choose a yummy picture of a pot pie?

Anyway, back to the analysis.

I like the quirkiness of the heroine, with her pink wig and vintage glasses. Her costume boosts her sales and shows her to be a savvy business woman, which I admire.

Last week the author foreshadowed a box of truffles as being the heroine's favorite. This week, it's not an object, but a skill that's foreshadowed. Richard says, "Who always gave this woodshop nerd the time of day," which establishes his facility with wood. That paves the way for the special box he makes for her, again showing he's thoughtful and observant, traits all women want in their mates.

Come to think of it, Laine actually sets up a joke in the middle of the story, too. Bonnie recalls Richard burning the meatloaf in home ec class. Later when Bonnie suggests they cook dinner together for old time's sake, he says, "Just as long as it's not meatloaf."

This type of thing pulls your story together. It's how you can "weave" a plot in 800 words and make it seem tight.

"Sweet on You"

by Charlotte More from the November 15, 2010 issue

Tagline: Molly's chocolate shop kept her busy, but not so busy that she'd stopped hoping for Mr. Right...

In A Nutshell: Chocolate shop owner Molly falls for her regular customer, a man who faithfully buys candy for his grandma every Friday afternoon. One day he buys a special box of expensive truffles and has them gift wrapped. Molly assumes he's got a new girlfriend. Turns out he surprises her outside the shop after she closes, gives her the truffles, and asks her out for dinner.

Teaching Points: This is a (pun intended) sweet story and pretty formulaic, which is not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as how the editors liked it enough to publish it.

Girl meets Boy. Girl assumes he has a girlfriend. Girl is proved wrong--she's the girl he wants.

The trick with writing these stories is figuring out

1) ...what the Boy does to make the Girl think he's attached. Often it's him getting or picking out a gift. Sometimes the Girl sees him from a distance with another girl.

2a) ...who the gift is really for. Usually it's a female relative. Could be a co-worker who is sick or something. OR

2b) ...why he was with that woman. Often it's work related, but it doesn't have to be. Any innocent, plausible reason will do.

3) ...how the Boy reveals that he is really interested in the Girl.

Also, you'll notice that More foreshadows The Gift in the beginning of the story... Molly comments that the special truffles are her favorite. That way, at the end when Seth gives her the box of special truffles, he is shown to be thoughtful and observant, and Molly is touched.

"The Fortune Teller"

by Janice Curran from the November 8, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: To help his best friend in his marriage proposal, Alex is subbing for the fortuneteller who cancelled. When the bride to be's friend enters the tent to "test his powers," they hit it off.

I've seen fortune teller stories before. I've even seen substitute fortune teller stories before! This was the cutest I've seen yet, mainly because of the banter between the main characters.

My Favorite Part: Alex is telling Marcia's future and predicting romance for her. He says her man will take her to a movie and Marcia says, "A chick flick."

Alex's quick reply is, "The crystal ball tells me the first movie you'll see together will be a chick flick. The second will be an action film." LMAO!!!

"Halloween Magic"

by Lisa Weaver from the November 1, 2010 issue

Tagline: Officer Phillips was expecting some ghoulish encounters on Halloween, but the pretty witch took him by surprise!

In A Nutshell: Officer Phillips helps Emily get the neighbor's cat out of the tree. Afterward, he's called back again to Emily's, but not because of any real mischief. The neighbor is playing matchmaker. Emily and the policeman make a date for dinner.

Observations: This story is first person, present tense, which I always have to get used to.

A lot happens in this story, so much that I wondered how the author fit it all in. The hero and heroine interact quite a bit, which is terrific, but I found it a little choppy in the middle.

"Can you both stay for some hot cider?"


I radio headquarters to let them know I'm taking a break, then head inside, where the talk turns to superstitions.


"My grandmother believed that if you gazed into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you'd see the reflection of your future spouse," Mrs. Jenkins says, peering over her mug of cider at Emily and me.


I'm due back on patrol, so I extend my thanks and leave.

This scene is so short that it can't be anything other than foreshadowing. It's so obvious that they're going to see each other's reflection later because there isn't much of an attempt to disguise this smoking gun with a little more conversation or internal thought. In my opinion, this could have been done a little more smoothly.

Also, because it is midnight when they look at each other in the mirror, I wonder how long did they sit and chat over cider? What time was it when he rescued the cat, because midnight is pretty darn late for both trick or treaters and/or matchmaking/false alarm attempts by elderly neighbors.

"Meant To Be"

by Susan C. Hall from the October 25, 2010 issue

Tagline: Was it coincidence that brought Morgan and Tim together? Or was it something called destiny?

In A Nutshell: After exchanging glances with a man in the doctor's office, Morgan keeps seeing him around town. On the fourth instance, she finally introduces herself.

Observations: This was the coincidence plot pushed to its ultimate. The heroine accidentally runs into the hero four times. On top of that, they both end up being teachers. To me, this seemed heavy handed. I would never have submitted a story with this many coincidences in it, even if I acknowledged this with the title and the characters' conversations. However, clearly the editors liked it.

This just goes to prove that this business is very subjective. :)

"The Art of Love"

by Mary Ann Joyce from the October 18, 2010 issue

In a Nutshell: Ben's 12 year old son, Cooper, loves his new art teacher, Miss Penney. At the art show, Ben, who has been a widow for four years, hits it off with the art teacher.

Observations: I usually tell people to avoid too much sadness in their stories. Woman's World shies away from negativity. Their mission is to lift the spirits. So when I read the following paragraph in this story, I blinked in surprise.

When his wife died four years earlier, Ben had been devastated. If it hadn't been for Cooper, he'd probably never have left the house once he got home from work. But being a single parent forced him out--and he was glad for that. Cooper grew, time passed. They managed.

I thought, whoa. That's verging on no-no territory. However, if you really look at it, it's just a very factual telling of his history, very succinct and well done.

When I then got to the part where Cooper shows his dad the book he made illustrating a story his late mom had written, I got a little teary. I hadn't seen that coming.

Joyce doesn't let you wallow too long in that moment, though. She snaps you right back into the action as Cooper excitedly calls to Miss Penney, and when Ben invites her to Taco Night at their house, she accepts. So, although the story briefly visited a sad place, most of it was very upbeat and active. Like they say on TV, though, don't attempt this at home. I mean, it's a tricky thing to do and don't be surprised if you try it and get rejected. If I'd written this story, I'd have been completely prepared for rejection.

"A Fresh Coat of Paint"

by Karen Nikula from the October 11, 2010 issue

Tagline: The sweet little old lady next door knew that Sara needed more than home improvements to make a fresh start.

In a Nutshell: After just moving into a new house, Sara gets advice from a neighbor about where to find a good painter. She investigates and hits it off with the painter, who, coincidentally enough, is the neighbor's nephew.

Observations: People tell me all the time about how Woman's World stories often tell more than show, which is the opposite of what longer fiction requires, and they worry that they're compromising their literary integrity by doing that. The truth is, a professional writer, a writer who wants to sell, will write what the publisher and that publication demand. It's difficult to provide a reader with a satisfying, positive romantic experience in 800 words, and no matter how much you might want to channel your inner Hemingway or Steinbeck, the brevity of Woman's World stories won't allow you to. As a result, telling, not showing, will be something you have to give yourself permission to do.

Here's a breakdown of showing vs. telling in this week's story.
This story - The first paragraph summarizes Sara's backstory and a description of her current situation.
A novel would probably have shown Sara moving in, or examining the walls of her new house with distaste, making the decision to repaint.

This story - You get a little "flashback" where Sara remembers meeting Ellie and Ellie giving her Barry's name as a painter.
A novel probably would have shown Sara meeting Ellie.

This story - After Barry and Sara have a very brief conversation about what she does for fun, you get a summary of the rest of their encounter.If you're writing a first meet story, a conversation like this one is about all you can do to show the relationship developing.
A novel would have shown you the entire conversation so you could get a better grip on Sara and Barry's personalities and how they connect. 
In summary, in a Woman's World story, be prepared to tell as much as you show.

"A Change in the Weather"

by Sheila Llanas from the October 4, 2010 issue

Tagline: The thunderstorm took Sandy and Tom by surprise--and so did the romance that followed...

In a Nutshell: Sandy and Tom go out on a first date. Tom is shy and nervous through dinner. The rest of the date is not ideal, and yet they end up getting married one year later.

Observations: The majority of Woman's World stories tell what happens leading up to that first date. This one took up after that first meet and described the date itself instead. What a refreshing change.

Another difference is that the "black moment," when you worry that things aren't going to work out, occurs in the first third of the story, instead of near the end.

She wondered if this would be a typical first date: Tom would drop her off, tell her he'd call. She'd crawl into bed with a good book and never hear from him again.

I thought the bib wedding favor idea was cute, and I always love a wedding epilogue.

However, this story didn't really grab me. I think it's because Tom didn't appeal to me. I think his bumbling was supposed to be endearing, but he came across as a little too unassuming and awkward. Sandy is a better woman than I am, clearly!

Online Class - Register Now!

My online class is starting next week on October 4! I'm excited because I've revamped the schedule in response to feedback from the last time I taught the class. The first four lectures are so info heavy that it made more sense to go more quickly through them and leave more time at the end for the actual writing.

As usual, every student who finishes a story by the end of class is automatically entered to win a free critique of that story, a $40 value. (Wow, I sound like an infomercial.)

For more info, check out the sidebar. To register, click here. See you in class!

"Twenty-four Wedding Gowns"

by April Knight from the September 27, 2010 issue

Tagline: Lily had a big collection of bridal gowns. Now all she needed was one man in a tux...

In A Nutshell: When investigating a possible addition to her wedding gown collection, Lily meets a man who collects antique toys. They click.

Observations: The story opens with a conversation between Lily and her friend. This conversation accomplishes two things: 1) it communicates the backstory--how Lily got started collecting wedding gowns and 2) it introduces the friend so that at the end we can wrap it up with another conversation between the friends, giving the story some circularity.

However, if it had been my story, I'd have opened it with Lily on Jim's doorstep. I'd have inserted the backstory into their conversation instead, thereby giving myself a lot more room to develop their attraction. For the ending I might have had her contemplating Jim looking at her someday in the one gown in her collection that she really loves.

The reason why I would have nixed the friend is because the 800 word count is so restrictive that I feel we should take advantage of as much room as possible to have the hero and heroine interact and get that chemistry going. You'd still have the great appeal of the wedding gown collection idea, but combined with a more satisfying interaction between the two main characters.

However, Johnene, the fiction editor, liked it as is, so take my musings with a grain of salt. :)

"Strangers on a Train"

by Terri Osburn from the September 20, 2010 issue

Tagline: Trisha didn't know she'd swapped phones with Joe--but when she found out, she didn't mind one bit...

In a Nutshell: Trisha discovers she has a stranger's phone when she gets a call from the person who has her phone. While arranging a place to trade phones, they find out they're on the same commuter train.

Observations: This is a cute first meet story. In the first act of the story, we discover along with Trisha that she has the wrong phone.

The second act begins when the phone rings. The two main characters exchange some cute banter about what it's been like with a phone belonging to someone of the opposite sex and arrange to exchange the phones. As often happens in a Woman's World story, the reader is asked to believe in a coincidence--that they happen to be on the same train. When you're writing your own story, don't push this coincidence thing too far. There's only so much a reader is willing to believe.

Act three is when they meet face to face. She feels an immediate attraction to him. There is a brief (as always) and minor climactic moment when he doesn't immediately give her her phone. He wants her to have lunch with him before he'll relinquish it. Of course, she agrees and we end the story on a hopeful note.

My Favorite Part: "Hi, is this Trisha Delisha?"