Rx for Love

by Julie Elstner from the April 6, 2015 issue

Tagline
Jess realized that John Garrett might turn out to be just what the doctor ordered!

In a Nutshell
Jess is a reporter for the local paper and she has to do an interview with a doctor before her father's 60th birthday party. Later, she meets the doctor at the party.

Observations
I thought the "pink looks good on you" joke was cute and endearing. I liked the ending a lot and how Dr. John Garrett knows what he wants and isn't shy about letting people know.

However, I thought that the confusion about the name was (sorry!) a little weak. Jess, to me, is a female name. I had to actually think a couple of moments to think of what Jess would be short for if it were a man. Jesse, I guess. Whereas, Jess, in my mind is short for Jessica or Jessie. If you're going to go for the unisex name misunderstanding, then I would choose one  like Chris or Alex.

I also stumbled a bit when she finished the interview and went to get a bottle of champagne. Early in the story there was some concern over her being late to the party because of the interview. But then she takes the time to get the champagne. My thought is, poor planning, Jess. It's your dad's 60th. You shouldn't wait until 20 minutes before the party to think about a gift (if the bubbly was the gift.)

Photo Credit: CDC via Wikimedia Commons

Laughing All the Way

by Shelley Cooper from the March 23, 2015 issue

Tagline
Once just neighbors and friends, Naomi and Jacob now saw each other through the eyes of love...

In a Nutshell
When the mother of the bride cries at the wedding and reception, the father of the groom tries to get her to laugh. As they reminisce about how their son and daughter fell in love, awareness of him flickers in the mom.

Observations
OMG. I totally teared up reading this one and I haven't done that in a long time. It was this line that did it:

"And what did that wonderful girl of yours..." He stopped, took a long breath, then cleared his throat. "What did Janey do when Julian came home from Afghanistan, broken in body and spirit?"

That pause as the dad has to rein in his emotions? And the fact that Julian was a soldier? I was a goner. I'd love to see in the comments below how many of you got misty as well.

While there was a slight info dump via dialogue when the mom answers that question (As you know, Bob...), I just glossed over it, anxious to find out what happened outside of that hospital room.

Then, there's the moment when Naomi realizes. Another big sigh. Cooper captured that moment perfectly. This is something that I sometimes notice is not done enough in Woman's World stories, especially ones that I edit. I know the word count is extremely tight, but if you're going to skimp, the emotional payoff moment is not the place to do it.

Also, notice that there is no black moment. None was needed, which is really interesting to me and worth noting.

Photo credit: Brian Reid via Flickr Creative Commons

Healing Hearts

by Shannon Fay from the March 15, 2015 issue

Tagline
Jamie worked so hard she had not time for love. Fortunately, her BFF was there to set her straight!

In a Nutshell
Jamie's BFF is laid up with a broken leg at the hospital Jamie works at. She's a bit miffed when the friend flirts with the guy she's had her eye on but was too shy to approach. But the friend turns out to be a crafty matchmaker.

Observations
Who among us hasn't longed for someone from afar? That's what makes this type of story so accessible to Woman's World readers. We've all also wished we had a forthcoming friend like Tara who goes that extra mile to help you out.

Characterization - I thought Paul could have used a tiny bit more personality, but maybe there just wasn't room.

Story Structure - The black moment comes at the middle of the story, which sometimes happens in Woman's World stories, as opposed to regular fiction. Perhaps it's the extreme brevity. Who knows? Anyway, it works. When Jamie sees her friend laughing it up with Paul, that's when you think all is lost. Jamie's shyness robbed her of her chance and now she's going to have to suffer through watching her best friend date the man she's had her eye on all this time.

Luckily, the best friend turns out to be a true friend after all and everything works out. I liked how in the end, Paul grew a backbone. Go Paul!

Photo credit: COD Newsroom via Flickr Creative Commons

Shameless Self-Promotion

I know this is a place for Woman's World discussions, but my book is coming out today and I have to shout it everywhere I can!



OUT OF THE GAME is the third book in my hockey romance series from Carina Press. It's very different from my Woman's World stories.

This book has sex.

There are F-bombs aplenty. (They're professional hockey players. They probably came out of the womb cussing.)

Speaking of F-bombs, there are scenes full of what I like to call "man banter," with men just being men, with no filters. These guys love to prank each other and put each other down, like guys are wont to do to show how much they love one another. :)

Here's a short excerpt.

Set up: For the past couple of days, the guys on the team have creating paintings to sell at an auction for charity. Claire has been helping them with the painting part, since they're athletes, not artists...

Hart picked up some more gold paint on his brush. “You know of course that they’re all going to call you Sarge now.”

Claire sighed. “Now you tell me.”

“It’s good,” Hart said. “If you’re going to be a hockey girlfriend, you need a nickname.”

“What is it with hockey players and nicknames?”

“What, does Alex have a nickname for you?” Ford asked.

“Bet he does,” Booth MacDonald said. “Tell us what it is.”

“No. It’s personal.”

“He calls her Cream Puff,” Dev said as he came into the studio.

“Dev, what are you doing here?” Claire asked.

“I wanted to check up on these guys and see how bad they were screwing up.”

“He calls her Cream Puff?” MacDonald asked.

“Yup. Heard him call her that yesterday.”

Claire got a nervous feeling in her stomach. “Come on, guys. How about you forget you ever heard that?”

MacDonald looked at Rutherford. Rutherford looked at Carpenter. Dev shrugged. Claire held her breath.

“Not a chance,” MacDonald said. “In fact, I’m having a vision of the future in which someone—I’m not saying who—finds a cream puff in his helmet.”

“Or his jock,” Rutherford said.

MacDonald pointed his paint brush at Rutherford. “Bingo.”

Claire cursed.

“Welcome to the world of hockey,” Hart said, patting her on the shoulder. 

If this sounds like your thing, grab yourself a copy of OUT OF THE GAME. Or start at the beginning with book one, ON THE SURFACE, which is only $.99 right now on Amazon.

This Is For You

by Karen M. Leet from the March 9, 2015 issue

Tagline
Gareth had met the woman of his dreams that morning. Now, it seemed, he'd let her get away...

In a Nutshell: Gareth gets off the bus before he can get this fascinating woman's name. Because he's a radio DJ, he uses the broadcast to try and find her.

Observations
I loved this story. It started out a tad slow for me. It wasn't until the middle of the story, when Gareth was executing the idea his buddy had, that I got interested. I thought it was funny how so many women called in, claiming to be "the woman on the bus." (And what idiots, because the minute he met them, he'd know she wasn't the right woman. Duh.)

I thought their solution to finding the real woman was very clever and her note was just right.

Because the beginning was a bit slow, I maybe would have liked to see some of the real conversation, or maybe just their goodbye. Or maybe you liked it just fine the way it was.

Photo Credit: Ross Murray vai Flickr Creative Commons

Something Sweet

by April Serock from the March 2, 3015 issue

Tagline
Jaime had worked with Brandon for two years, but somehow she'd never seen him--or the love in his eyes...

In a Nutshell
Jaime and Brandon both wait tables at a pub. She is coming off a bad relationship with a guy who cheated on her. She realizes she needs to date nice guys, not handsome ones, and guess who's the nicest guy she knows?

Observations
First thing, I was excited to see that they weren't waiting tables in a small town cafe. Been there, done that a few times in Woman's World. It's a pub. In New York City, no less!

This was a friends-to-lovers type plot, one that's a favorite among many romance readers. What I wanted to point out was that the high-point of the story where there was the most tension was not an emotional black moment where you worry that they won't get together. Instead, it was Jaime having an epiphany. It's always nice to see one of the main characters growing as a person. You're always rooting for them to figure it out and you feel proud of them when they do.

I liked the romance of the snowfall in the city and that they were going to walk through it and I really liked the last line too. Sometimes it gets a little tedious to get those so carefully contrived last lines, so this one was a pleasant change of pace.

Photo credit: Richard Hurd via Flickr Creative Commons

Forever and For Always

by Shoshana Brown from the February 23, 2015 issue

Tagline

Eric was the love of Sherry's life--and the only one who could calm her pre-wedding fears!

In a Nutshell

Sherry is having second thoughts because she gave Eric an ultimatum. He reassures her he truly does want to marry her.

Observations
This is the first time I've seen a story about pre-wedding jitters. At the risk of repeating myself, I thought it was a novel idea for a story. I liked Eric a lot. He seemed like a great guy. Danni, the maid of honor, was terrific too.

Reading this story reminds me that one way to "attack" a story about an already-established couple is to identify a crisis moment or a problem like this and then get them past it, together. These types of stories are usually about the woman being afraid of something that has to do with their relationship. During the course of the story she is reassured. Sometimes it's a friend who helps her along. Sometimes she figures it out on her own. Sometimes, as in this story, the man reassures her. It's a nice option to consider if you're tired of writing first meet stories.

Photo credit: Suzie2q via Flickr Creative Commons

Crashing into Love

by Carol E. Ayer from the February 16, 2015 issue

Tagline
When friends asked Laura and Brad how they met, they both had to laugh...

In a Nutshell
When Laura forgets to set the parking brake on her car while getting the mail, the car rolls down and crashes into her garage door. As her landlords assure her their insurance will cover it, their son makes an impression. Three weeks later, the son repeats the crash.

Observations
Only in a Woman's World story would landlords not be upset about a smashed garage door. LOL

This story had a good hook.

All I can say in my defense is that it had been a rough week.

I immediately want to know what is she defending herself against and what made it such a rough week.

I found nothing in particular to remark upon in the middle of the story, but I really loved the last line of the story about the flat driveway.

Photo credit: Alisa Cooper via Flickr Creative Commons

For You

by April Serock from the February 9, 2015 issue

Tagline
The wind blew and the snowflakes flew, but for Veroni
ca and Jon, Valentine's Day was bringing a warming trend...

In a Nutshell
Veronica works the reception desk for a big building and likes to cook up stories about who is behind all the flower deliveries that arrive for Valentine's Day. The delivery guy is enchanted.

Observations
I thought this was a fresh idea for a story, but I found Veronica a little too...I don't know, bland.

Because Jon kept returning, I figured, after the first bouquet, the flowers were from him because he was trying to find out what Veronica liked. After all, why wouldn't the shop he worked for deliver all the flowers to that building at one time?

The ending was sort of a miss for me as well. However, I liked that Jon actually verbally asked her out, instead of writing it on the card, which is what I would have expected. But I think that card was a missed opportunity. "For you" seemed unimaginative.

Photo credit: Natalia Wilson via Creative Commons Flickr

Back on Track

by Debra McNally from the February 2, 2015 issue

Tagline
After her divorce, Jenny fell into a comfortable but lonely routine. That changed when she met Mac...

In a Nutshell
Determined to get more exercise, Jenny meets a man at the gym.

Observations
This story is so special to me because it's one I helped the author with. And here it is! This is so exciting. After I went over the story line by line, Debra revised her story and sold it. AWESOME.

Jenny is the perfect Woman's World heroine--her divorce was a bit of a hurdle, but full of optimism, she's ready to move on with her life.

If you look closely, you'll see a gray moment when they go to their separate locker rooms. Because Mac is trying new gyms, you figure Jenny missed her chance and probably won't see him again. But, Mac comes back, of course, because he's intrigued with Jenny.

Then just as you think things are going to go well, she notices his "World's Best Grandpa" T-shirt. Damn. Black moment. He's married!

Oh, no he isn't! He's actually a widower. Whew. That was close.

The only oddity was that the entire story was present tense, except for the end, where it went past tense. It didn't bother me, but I did notice it.

So, congratulations, Debra! I'm so thrilled I was able to help you sell a story.

Photo credit: By aewolf from Denver (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Sleepless in Cincinnati

by Shelley Cooper from the January 26, 2015 issue

Tagline
Thoughts of Dan were keeping Isabelle up at night. Turns out, Dan was struggling with insomnia too!

In a Nutshell
Isabelle and Don are best friends. They kissed once, but chalked it up to having both been recently dumped. Now that he gets a job offer that will take him far away, it looks bad, but Dan kisses her just to make sure and it's wonderful.

Observations
This is a friends to lovers story that pushes the norms a little in that the "meet cute" happens before the story even starts. We join their romance in progress instead of jumping in just prior to the meeting.

Also, there is a pretty hefty black moment in which Isabelle thinks Dan will be lost to her forever because he's going to take this amazing job. We see black moments, but they're not usually as intense as this. And this is tied to the fact that a majority of stories do show the first meet, so there isn't as much on the line.

I wanted to point out a couple of really romantic moments that gave me that warm happy feeling inside, and I think this is a real accomplishment for a Woman's World story, mostly because we only have 800 words to do this.

Moment One: When he hauls her into his arms and kisses her. OMG. I could SO picture this in my head. It was like something out of a movie. Sure, it was a little cliche, but it totally worked for me. Inside, I was like, "You go, Dan. Kiss the hell out of her!"

Moment Two: When he tells her she's his dream. Big Sigh. That sentence preceding it really sets it up, too. His gaze softens. Yowsa. That prepares the reader in such a subtle but important way.

I wish the author had milked that moment a tiny bit more instead of moving on so quickly to him suggesting he pick her up at seven and I thought the ending was a little lacking as well. With all the emotions she evoked in me, I was a little disappointed that all Isabelle seemed to get was a good night's sleep.

Still, fantastic story!

Take Two!

by Tanya Michna from the January 12, 2015 issue

Tagline
Melanie's first date with Jason Hargrove had been a disaster. Was there any point in giving it a second try?

In a Nutshell
Their first date sucked. They meet again in the office building where she works. He has a new job in that very same building. (What are the odds? LOL) He apologizes for being unsociable, but he'd just lost his job.

Observations
I thought this story was the perfect example of what you should be shooting for in a Woman's World romance. Parts of it were very Woman's World familiar, but there was a twist. That's really sort of the key--giving them the same thing, but different.

This was a blind date story (with a light dash of man-to-the-rescue), except the blind date happened in the past. Notice the flipped-on-its-ear story structure in which we get a lengthy flashback, told, not shown.

I have to admit, I was very curious to find out what happened during that disastrous date, and when I found out why he was so unsociable, I really felt for the guy.

Also, I've talked before about bookending your story with something at the beginning that you echo at the end. Usually it's the title. (This topic comes up in the Basics Class.) Here, it was her dislike of Thursdays.

Beginning: Thursdays were Melanie's least favorite day.

End: Perhaps Thursdays weren't so bad after all!

The First Kiss

by Karen M. Leet from the January 4, 2015 issue

Tagline
Min's plans for a quiet New Year's Eve at home went up in smoke when she met her new neighbor, Joe!

In a Nutshell
The fire alarm goes off in Min's apartment. The building evacuates. One of her cats tries to get away and a new (of course!) neighbor captures it. They go out for coffee...until midnight.

Observations
This story encompassed a lot in 800 words and it's because of an almost ping-pong game of show and tell. Telling is a great way to fast forward the action so you can show the important parts, real time. Let me break down the story for you.

Tell: We get the backstory on Min. She's worked all day and is looking forward to a quiet NYE at home. She's single.

Show: A brief flashback scene with a co-worker shows she is a little tired of waiting for Mr. Right.

Tell: We transition to after dinner She's watched a movie and...

Show: The fire alarm goes off. This is a long scene that shows the evacuation, the almost disaster of the indoor cat running off, and Joe, the neighbor coming to the rescue. They meet and smile at each other.

Tell: There is a paragraph describing how they talk and laugh as the mystery of the fire is solved.

Show: We see Joe ask her out for coffee.

Tell: Transition paragraph that gets the cats back inside. Another paragraph summarizing two cups off coffee and a lot of conversation.

Show: We jump back into the present very briefly. Joe tells her he feels like he's known her forever and that she's easy to talk to.

Tell: Transition again to cover a third cup of coffee and the close approach of midnight.

Show: Boom, back in the present. Min alerts Joe to the time. They share a moment. Gazes meet. Hands touch. Lips brush against each other! Ta da!

So, we actually "live through" a lot of time passing through  the use of those transitions and those little bursts of "telling." Keep this in mind when you write your next story. It's not the only way to pace the story, but it is a good one.

Photo credit: By Nevit Dilmen (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Sweet Tooth

by Terry O'Brien from the January 19, 2015 issue

Tagline
Natalie's life became a lot sweeter once Henry came back to town...

In a Nutshell
Natalie owns a chocolate and ice cream shop. An old flame walks in looking for a birthday gift for his sister. He confesses he had feelings for her back in high school.

Observations
This story is a textbook Old Flame story, like I describe in one of my "advanced" writing for Woman's World classes. I think the allure of these stories is that we all have memories of someone whom we admired from afar and it's fun to imagine that they had feelings for us too, but were too shy to say anything. It's sort of Cinderella retroactive in that of all the girls in high school, he noticed her. She stood out from the crowd. It also appeals because usually the guy thinks she was out of his league, and who among us wouldn't like to be considered out of someone's league?

I found myself hoping Henry was getting something for his sister besides truffles.

I enjoyed the marriage proposal "epilogue" at the end, but notice how our point of view drifts in and out. At the beginning, we are firmly in the narrator's pov, looking down upon Natalie's life. Then, we get much closer until we're inside Natalie's head, finding his dimples familiar and getting embarrassed about her babbling on. Near the end, we zoom out again for the last paragraph. It makes it feel a little like we've been sitting listening to a story, doesn't it?

Photo credit: By FASTILY (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Best Christmas Gift

by Kate Willoughby from the December 29, 2014 issue

Tagline
Tracy had been keeping a secret. On Christmas morning, she shared her news--and her joy--with her husband...

Before, when it was my story, I showed the story in its original form, the way I submitted it, but with the edits that Johnene did. Personally, I always found it interesting to see the changes. However, it was pointed out to me that the new contract prohibits publication, except by Bauer Publishing.

My apologies.

Photo credit: By User:hmbascom (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

A Helping Hand

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the December 22, 2014 issue

Tagline
Alison needed help decorating her tree this year. Fortunately, her handsome neighbor was happy to oblige...

In a Nutshell
Alison broke her arm and is trying to decorate her house for the holidays. To her great surprise, the EMT who helped her shows up to shovel her walk.

Observations
You know, maybe Johnene was putting all those neighbor stories in the magazine to throw us off and make us nod our heads knowingly when we read this story, only to have our expectations turned on their ear. I don't know if that was your experience, but it sure was mine.

I thought for sure that the guy shoveling the walk was her neighbor, but when it turned out to be the EMT, I was like AWESOME. Then, when he was the neighbor, I was totally fine with that. Griffith had already surprised me, so the "tired" neighbor scenario didn't bother me at all. I really loved that as the EMT who treated her, it was logical and very plausible that he would know she was incapacitated. (When I thought the mystery shoveler was the neighbor, I predicted that he'd observed her wearing the cast and surmised she needed help.)

I loved the humor.

"I'd been wondering who Mrs. Morgan had rented her house out to when she moved to Florida. After last night's snow, I thought maybe you'd need a hand. Pun intended."

Ha!

I also smiled when she realized his house was the one with the inflated snowman family in front. That's the type of guy I want for my heroines. Someone who has a sense of fun and who isn't afraid to throw himself into the holidays. You see a guy like this in the story and you automatically hope the heroine hits it off with him. (Unless the author didn't do justice to the female protagonist, which makes the reader not really care as much.)

One last thing. I thought I'd point out some of the tried and true Woman's World themes that are in this story.

• Man to the rescue
• Neighbor love interest
• New to the neighborhood because of a job

Terrific story!

A Romantic Comedy

by Mary Ann Joyce from the December 15, 2014 issue

Tagline
Jess and Mat might joke around a lot, but their mutual attraction was no act!

In a Nutshell
Jess's sister strong arms her into volunteering to build sets for the community theatre. The other set builder is a hunk. They hit it off.

Observations
I know when I read Mary Ann Joyce wrote the story that it's going to be a great one, and I wasn't disappointed.

I was smiling throughout this story. I loved the comparison of Jess's break-up to a bad haircut. Awesome. I loved the banter between the sisters. I LOVE a man in a tool belt. So, thanks Mary Ann for that awesome image. I was cracking up at their playacting--get it? Playacting?

As for a teaching tip, notice how there is a good passage of time that happens in this story. There are four--count 'em, four time transitions.

1. She tells her sister she's not a theatre person and then "So Saturday, we went to the theatre..."
2.  "Before long everyone was joking..."
3. "Over lunch one day..."
4. "The next night..."

In my opinion, this passage of time reinforces the feeling that a reader might have that the couple has a good chance of ending up happy with each other. It helps the reader feel like they got a lot more than 800 words.

On a sidenote, this wasn't a holiday story at all. I wonder if that was a choice Johnene made, to give people a break from holiday themed stuff, or if she didn't get enough good submissions of holiday stories. Something to keep in mind. It might behoove people to write some holiday stories now, while you're in a holiday mood and the holiday ideas are bopping around in your head, and submit, because it seems as if the mail room at Woman's World is moving more slowly than it used to.

Photo credit: By Baytownbert (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Welcome to the Neighborhood!

by Anna Jo Christopher from the December 8, 2014 issue

Tagline
Penny hadn't even met the new guy on the street, but that didn't stop her neighbors from making plans...

In a Nutshell
The ladies of the homeowners association where Penny lives tries to set her up with the man who just moved in.

Observations
I don't recall reading a group matchmaker story before--at least not recently. That was a twist on the trope, but other than that, this was an average story. Neither the characters nor their conversation was particularly engaging, but I really liked the ending line.

I may never know which matchmaking board member stuck the flyer in Drew's door, but it doesn't matter--at our next meeting, I'm voting to re-elect all of them!

Tall Tale

by Mary Haupt from the December 1, 2014 issue

Tagline
Angie and Luke's first date led to a sweet love story!

In a Nutshell
Angie is tall and was looking for a tall man, but literally bumps into a shorter guy who turns out to be perfect for her.

Observations
I adored this story. It felt like a much longer story than normal. We started out with Angie's childhood as a tall girl. We get a little bit about her current situation with her matchmaking friend. We see her go on a less than wonderful date with a tall Mr. Wrong. Then we see her go on another date with Mr. Short-but-Right and see them have a very sweet moment together after the date is over. That is a lot to pack into 800 words!

I loved the moment at the end when Luke proves himself by asking if she'd consider dating "someone like him." My heart just melted. I'm like, "Dude, you are ADORABLE. I want to take you home myself." I loved Angie's reply to him as well. It was perfect for the woman we'd come to know via the rest of the story. She had a lot of personality and self-confidence. Great characterization by Haupt.  Great story, period.

Photo credit: Jake Wasdin via Wikimedia Commons

Mr. Romance

by Le Ann Dowd from the November 24, 2014 issue

Tagline

Dannie and Shane had met one Thanksgiving and fallen in love. Could another couple have the same luck?

In a Nutshell
Dannie and Shane are newlyweds. Shane's dad is a widower. Shane wants to fix him up with the new neighbor and Dannie doesn't.

Observations

All in all, this was a good story. I liked the freshness of a male first-person POV. I really liked the idea of two "victims" of a fix-up were paying it forward. What a cute and original idea. However, I did have a little criticism.

Sometimes writers, usually beginners, feel they have to get creative with dialogue attributions. They are usually afraid that "said" is boring and repetitive, therefore they pepper their writing with synonyms. (Disclaimer: I have no idea if Dowd is new to writing. I don't even know if she was the one getting attributively creative.) However, using these types of attributions too much can feel strange to readers.

"That's me," I teased. "Just call me Mr. Romance."

"Really, Shane? A fix-up?" Dannie chided. "Has that ever worked for anyone we kmow?"

"It's kind of last minute," Dannie fretted. "She probably has plans."

If this were my story, I would not have used "teased." If we use "said" instead of "teased," we still get the humor. Better yet, delete the first part and make it say "Just call me Mr. Romance." "Tease" isn't the right word to use here anyway. Who is he teasing? If anyone, he's teasing himself. As the narrator of the story, why would he point out that he's teasing himself?

I would have gotten rid of "fretted" as well. If you read the dialogue without it, you still get the feeling she's fretting by virtue of her words...

"It's kind of last minute," Dannie said. "She probably has plans."

Out of the three of them, I'd have kept "chided." That puts a nuance on what she said that wouldn't otherwise be apparent.

So, to reiterate, never feel weird about using said over and over, unless it's already clear who's talking and it's unnecessary to point it out at all. Readers are used to "said" and don't even notice it. "Saids" just fade into the background.

One last small point--I understood that she didn't want to make French toast because there was so much cooking ahead. Hey, I totally identify with that predicament! However, at the end of the story, after they decide to invite the neighbor, she decides to make it after all. I didn't understand what made her change her mind. Maybe one of you can enlighten me. :)

Photo credit: Chef Sean Christopher (Directly from the Author) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons